Funny Craigslist job listing makes us sad
Apparently, many ATL readers are conducting their job searches via Craigslist, because this posting has appeared in our inbox more frequently than lobster references in the comments.
We’ve already mentioned it in Non-Sequiturs, but we’re returning to it to beg you to stop sending it to us, and to give you the story behind it. For those not in the know, here’s the legal job listing that many a job searcher has stumbled across:
Associate Attorney (Midtown West)
Reply to: job-991754136@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-01-13, 5:41PM ESTFast-paced 20-attorney law firm looking for an eager associate to join our growing practice. We understand that you may be a newly-admitted attorney looking for their first job. We also know that the economy is harsh right now. However, we are willing to give you a chance. Here are the details of this spectacular opportunity:
* Your salary will be $30,000 per year. We understand that this may be on the low end (since you probably are six figures in debt), but we will be able to give you unlimited opportunities for experience and you’ll be making six-figures soon enough. On the other hand, we will bill our clients $300 for every hour of your work; at least you will know your work is valued by us in several ways.
* There is no health insurance, but we have an on-site 2nd year medical student who will abide by the upmost professional standards take care of any illnesses or injuries that occur, both on-site and off-site.
* You will be expected to work 12 hour days, six (6) days of week. You will be afforded 1 week of vacation time, and three (3) sick days. Your vacation time is limited to the months of January and February, as we will need you to be in the office while the partners are taking their time off in the summer. The good news is that you will earn vacation and sick pay as soon as you start. The only holidays that the Firm observes are Christmas and Thanksgiving, but you must work a half-day, as we are a busy and important firm who adheres to our clients’ needs.
* Your bonus, if earned (by billing 2100 hours per year), will consist of a one-year membership to a “food-of-the-mouth” club of your choice. In 2008, every associate took advantage of this valuable program and has benefited greatly for their hard work and dedication.
Please email resume, cover letter, salary history, law school and college transcripts to the address above. We will also need you to take a drug test. All resumes and credentials will be held in strictest confidence
Ridiculous and hilarious, right? Obviously a joke? Well, we talked to the guy behind the ad — a contract attorney who’s looking for a permanent firm job himself — and he says he has received over 100 e-mails, including two from recruiting agencies, in response to his satirical listing.
Find out which recruiting agencies, and the story behind the posting, after the jump.
The job lister is a 30-year-old New York attorney, who has been doing contract work since he graduated from a New England law school in 2005. (For those curious, he makes about $60,000 a year). He’s currently trying to find a permanent job with a firm, and grew frustrated with some of the terrible opportunities he’s come across — e.g., wanted: transactional attorney with 1-3 years of experience, pays $35,000.
To ease the building frustration, he decided to create a funny listing mocking the situation. He even paid $25 to put it up. He received over 100 e-mails in response, some wanting to confirm it was a joke; others saying, “I think this is a joke, but just in case…” and attaching their resumes; as well as 10-15 straight applications, with cover letters and resumes. One resume included a J.D. from U. Penn., claims the lister. (He says he deleted e-mails immediately, and did not retain personal information or salary histories.)
Times are bad, my friends. Two of the e-mails came from recruiting agencies: Strategic Legal Solutions (a serious agency) and Park Placements (we’ve never heard of them, and their website is under construction). The lister posted the e-mails here. We assume they’re just standard form letters that these agencies send out to all job listings on Craigslist, but still…
The contract attorney who posted this expressed sadness about the response. “Applicants need to have faith in themselves. Anyone who went to law school is better than this [fictitious] job.”
Associate Attorney Position (Midtown West) [Craigslist]
Associate Attorney Position UPDATE (Midtown West) [Craigslist]
(82) Comments
Comments
first?
Wait, is this job at Cahill? They're hiring laterals now?
Third!
i wonder if he was offering LOBSTER as a bonus?!
Is Cahill hiring? This morning I heard a rumor there were multiple layoffs at Cahill.
Could someone please clarify?
I assume by the wording of Kash's post that she is aware of the lobster in her ass.
Fa-dingle.
Now he works at Red Lobster.
I can't recall whether I responded to that ad, but it sure looked like a good opportunity.
--Alberto G.
That's sad
KASH -- DO YOU REALIZE HOW HOT YOU ARE???????????????????????????
First to say hooray for me!
11 - even with ME all up in her JUICY INSIDES?!?!??!!
Guys at my high school used to respond to ridiculous "job postings" all the time, it was no big deal.
Dear ATL,
I love xoxo. The inanities posted there tend to be hilarious, in stark contrast to the unfunny idiocies that have come to dominate your site in the last few weeks.
So please yield that space to those who do it well, and treat your site like a grownup by deleting profane and abusive comments, and blocking the IPs of those who persist.
Um, what abusive comments? The only people who could possible get offended by any comments in this post are Kash and Alberto Gonzalez.
Hold on -- Are YOU Alberto Gonzalez? Could you autograph the scar on my cheek where the guard put his cigar out?
what about all the rumors about Willkie layoffs?
Jones Day New York's weekly Thursday cookie break has been cut back to only alternating weeks!
Times are hard folks, but where will this end?! How much can we endure?!
16's comment made me laugh. Thanks 16.
Kash is no dog, but she's not even law school hot
blargh
16: He wasn't trying to put out his cigar, he was trying to insert it in the convenient "winking" holder.
This poster's knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by his zest for kung fu treachery!
Black Dynamite.
Elie,
How about a post on how hard things really are out there. i.e. give job seekers an opportunity to share their experience.
Thanks
- I'm just sayin
23 - That is RACIST.
Do any of you people realize what the QUEERS are doing to our SOIL??
Not sure if this article reflects worse on the current desperation of attorneys or of legal recruiters.
How about doing a post on how law school mislead applicants? When I open US News, I still see TTT's claiming that their average starting salaries are over 100K. Every prospective 1L should read this post.
24 - I agree. It's absolute murder out there for job seekers. You should see the calibre of resumes I get from people just spamming law firms.
28 - what market?
25- google black dynamite and kung fu treachery
28 - NYC. Don't mind my British spelling.
balls
Can anyone explain the Lobster in Kash's ass meme?
I fucked several legal recruiters up the ass when they were competing to place me at a firm, one of them jizzed on my desk while I had his doggie style.
28- No problem I also won;t mind you being a complete douchebag! Cheerio
28 - care to elaborate? Exactly how good are the resumes you're seeing? Are there some resumes that are simply too good to pass on?
As a hopeless job seeker, I would like to know how competitive things are right now. I need some reassurance that I'm not the unhirable idiot my results would indicate.
Can we get a post about the layoffs at Simpson Thacher?
Well. Laid off. Have to leave the country, after having spent years in New York.
What can I do??????
Makes you sad ? There is no room for sentimentality in the law. What we need is a UNION !!!!!!
All associates must gather together ( remember the way you felt in you earlier years, before the loan debt-- it is that spirit you need to recall) to form a unified front, to protect yourselves from the profit mongering pimps that run the whore house firms, where a woman would give her life in consideration of a steady profession.
That steady profession ( the consideration) has been replaced by elimination. Elimination in order to sustain the proliferation of low paid debt holders willing to the same work you did for much, much less.
Rise up my people and bite that hand that took the food from your mouth
This is the type of job that TTT CWT 2006 slut attorney was qualified for. Maybe that's why she started fucking the guy who got her the job at CWT.
What would it take to get the moronic posts such as "Kash has lobster in ass," anything related to booty juice, and the whole "first crew" banned?
25-
You made my night. (Sadly, it doesn't take much these days.)
No mention of doc review in the job posting? What is this, satire amateur hour?
Can someone confirm how long Simpson Thacher gives to laid off associates to find another job?
Well, I started at the DOJ in Washington D.C. in 1062 as a GS 13 making @ $8,000 a year.
Do I feel for these kids? Hell no.
No lawyer with less tha five years exoerience is really worth much; You have to inspect their work with a fine tooth comb and if it is wrong, you, as the partner, bear the responsibility.
I often prefer to just do it myself and not have to waste time teaching some kid how to do it right.
It's about time these kids learned they don't walk on water and aren't worth what they have been getting for at least the first five years. They are just being subsidiized and they need to know it.
No tears comeing form over here.
Well, I started at the DOJ in Washington D.C. in 1062 as a GS 13 making @ $8,000 a year.
Do I feel for these kids? Hell no.
No lawyer with less tha five years exoerience is really worth much; You have to inspect their work with a fine tooth comb and if it is wrong, you, as the partner, bear the responsibility.
I often prefer to just do it myself and not have to waste time teaching some kid how to do it right.
It's about time these kids learned they don't walk on water and aren't worth what they have been getting for at least the first five years. They are just being subsidiized and they need to know it.
No tears comeing form over here.
Well, I started at the DOJ in Washington D.C. in 1062 as a GS 13 making @ $8,000 a year.
Do I feel for these kids? Hell no.
No lawyer with less tha five years exoerience is really worth much; You have to inspect their work with a fine tooth comb and if it is wrong, you, as the partner, bear the responsibility.
I often prefer to just do it myself and not have to waste time teaching some kid how to do it right.
It's about time these kids learned they don't walk on water and aren't worth what they have been getting for at least the first five years. They are just being subsidiized and they need to know it.
No tears comeing form over here.
I hope there's not really a lobster stuck in Kash's ass. That sounds painful...
45- I am less experienced than you are. But I am smart enough to only post once.
(now wait until someone copies this and posts it multiple times to make me look dumb)
47 - 1062 eh? I guess being literally 1000 yrs old makes you a grouchy old fart.
46 began practicing law before the Norman invasion of England. This is a few hundred years before the innovation in Anglo-American law of trial by wager of battle in real estate disputes.
$8,000 in 1962 is equivalent today to $116,000 in terms of nominal GDP per capita. You were a grossly over paid government employee.
45 - 47: "No tears comeing form over here."
Am I correct in assuming that an ass lobster stole your fine-toothed comb, you dildoid?
25- you've piqued my curiosity...what ARE queers doing to our soil?
25-
You know what Stuart? I like you.
Thanks for posting.
A membership to a "food-of-the-mouth" club?
Never heard of something like that.
It was nice when the law school folks were on winter break and the comments were intelligent.
45-47, the normal starting pay as a GS13 in 1062 is $24,000 but since you did every basic task (like posting on ATL) three times they cut you to 1/3 pay.
As an aside, 1062 is the same year that Affligem Abbey, of the Order of St. Benedict, was founded in Affligem, Belgium.
Winston & Strawn layoffs? Anyone?
Haven't heard about any layoffs at Winston. One or two people have been let go. Guess the firm could just be waiting for reviews at the end of the month.
1) The ad is not funny
2) The claim that he received 100 inquiries in response to the ad (all of which he immediately deleted except for a couple of spam from recruiters) smells like parabolizing
3) I bet he is frantically contacting every media outlet in America trying to get 15 minutes of face time to share his experience on camera so that he can write a book or something
4) more editorial cynicism please
Thanks 45-47. I didn't know that DOJ, the dollar, and the "GS" pay scale all pre-dated Anglo-American law. Must have been pretty light work for an attorney then, given that it was all edicts and blood feuds. Sounds like your only job was to answer every question with "whadduya want I should do about it?"
35 and 52 were hilarious. I laughed out loud, and now I feel better. Thanks.
willkie laid off support staff and word processors last week. no attorneys
waterboarding layoffs?
nicely played, 62.
25 Black Dynamite will take care of it!
61=soon-to-be former Cahill grunt. Never mind. No layoffs at Cahill.
You people really think you are so cool. I'm the only lawyer in my family - thank god - and I realize on a daily basis what LOSERS you all are. I'm happy to make big bucks and put up with you all for the time being. I just wish I could read a slightly funny article about a fake Craig's list posting without seeing 68 worthless, sometimes disgusting, and generally stupid comments.
This would never happen at WILDMAN HARROLD
*BUZZZ* Time's up! What do we have for the losers, judge? Well, for our defendants, it's a life time at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And, for defense counsel Kaffee, that's right, it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Columbo School for Women! Thank you for playing "Should we or should we not follow the advice of the galactically stupid!"
69=self loathing. way to hate yourself you fucking loser
I need some clean urine. Who can help?
23 - I like you. You're not like all the other guys here in the trailer park.
23 - I like you. You're not like all the other guys here in the trailer park.
23 - I like you. You're not like all the other guys here in the trailer park.
72 - Oh, I don't hate myself. Its quite the opposite - I'm thrilled that I'm surrounded by NON NY Lawyers so that I retain perspective and continue to have a life. Your language shows just how mature you are. See ya. I can't take this BS anymore...oh, and by the way, its Friday. Better things to worry about.
69/77: It takes an insecure and self-loathing person to come onto a worthless blog to comment about how much better he/she is than everyone else. Get a life idiot.
-Not 72
i guess the upenn state grade figures $30k is enough to cover the small debt from his in-state tuition
52–
The BLS says that $8,000/year in 1962 would be $56,271.52/year nowadays.
79 - When I first got out of law school, I had $900 a month in loan payments and a salary of $36K. My take home was about $1800 / month, so half of it ended up going to loan payments. It's possible to live on that income; you just have to cut some corners.
Another funny (yet sad) legalesque posting: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/mis/1006274596.html
I particularly like this line: "I'm now finishing my degree and heading for law school and success is the only option." Evidently this kid hasn't been reading ATL lately.