Pls Hndle Thx: World Wide Web of Addiction

[Ed Note: Do you have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com]

Dear ATL,

I have a soft addiction to Facebook, Gmail and online dating sites. My firm doesn’t block the sites and I can’t help spending hours a day procrastinating on them. I wanted to ask the IT department to block these sites, but I’m afraid of being the girl who blocked J-date. Do you think I should do it?

Unplugged

Dear Unplugged,

We all learned about the “tragedy of the commons” in property class: the phenomenon whereby people acting selfishly destroys a common resource, like a public park or the ATL comment threads.

In asking IT to block Facebook, Gmail and Jdate, you’re inherently being selfish. In doing so, you alert IT and ultimately the partnership to the notion that other associates may also be wasting time on the internet. The firm may then block these sites on a firm-wide basis, essentially punishing those associates who check their online dating profile no more than twice an hour and who dutifully set their Gchat status to “busy/you may be interrupting.” The catastrophe that would ensue from complete blockage would likely be on par with the cursed day that Friendster accidentally revealed whose profiles people had been checking. Not pretty.

Firms may not realize until it’s too late that they’re cutting too wide a swath by getting rid of social networking sites. Take away Facebook, and how will people know if someone from middle school is now In a Relationship or ate Thai food for lunch? We won’t. Without this critical information, lawyers simply cannot do their jobs effectively. Might as well cancel Lexis and look for the latest legal developments in the crusty Pacific Reporter 2d. In fact, while we’re at it, why not toss computers altogether and go back to drafting motions through cave paintings.

So before you run down to IT and tell them to shut off the internet, why don’t you stop thinking about yourself for once and consider your co-workers. They use the internet too.

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Your friend,

Marin

What kind of petty, addled, William Hawthorne-esque, freedom hating world do you live in, Unplugged? Just because you can’t handle something, you want to prevent others from having it? Marin is absolutely right about this – you can’t hide in a cave because you are afraid of the bright, shining sun.

If you insist on acting like a caveman, be prepared to be treated like one should you go through with your Luddite plan. I’m talking clubs and large rocks from your fellow associates.

You’ve been warned,

Guurk

Well folks, it appears that Elie is flagrantly flouting the AGREED UPON Pls Hndle Thx format. But two can play at this game, and as such I refuse to tender my usual insult/wry retort. Now who’s suffering.

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