[Ed. Note: The following piece was authored by "The Legal Tease" of Sweet Hot Justice fame. You can check out all of Legal Tease's other musings from Sweet Hot Justice here.]
My first intervention went down pretty much exactly like the ones you see on TV. Well, except that there were no cameras. Or tears. Or therapists. And it took place in a shoebox office in a law firm instead of, say, in my living room, surrounded by friends and family. Still, the core elements were the same: I had a serious issue and it needed addressing. No, I wasn’t a junkie, or an alcoholic, or addicted to fetish porn. My issue was far more dangerous. More destructive. More worthy, apparently, of the powers that be at the firm stepping in to make sure the situation didn’t get further out of control.
The issue? My billable hours were too high.
It was a couple of years ago, when it was actually possible to have billable hours, no less ones that were too high. The day started like any other: sitting at my desk on three hours’ sleep, mourning my former life as a person who…had a life, and wading through diligence for a massive public company merger that had consumed every billable, no less waking, hour of my life since I’d started working at the firm a few months back. I heard a knock on my door and looked up to see Bess, a senior associate I’d never met, smiling at my door.
“Hey there!” she chirped. “How’s it going?”
I looked down at the heaps of SEC filings covering every inch of my desk. How does it look like it’s going?
She kept smiling. “Sooo, gotta sec?”
No. “Sure.”
“Great! I figured we could just go grab a coffee and talk for a bit.” Oh, Jesus Christ. What the hell is this about? I don’t have time for this.
Turns out, that was the whole point.
Having a life, after the jump.
Bess was a member of the committee at my firm responsible for monitoring associates’ hours, advancement and so-called happiness. She’d been dispatched to talk to me about my billable hours because they were apparently higher than anyone else’s in my class and it was the firm’s policy to “touch base” with anyone whose hours fell outside of the billable Bell curve–on either end. Go know. The firm thought “it was great” that I was billing so much, but wanted to check in and make sure that I wasn’t in danger of burning out, i.e. they were concerned that I was going to have a breakdown, quit, and show up in the office one day with a sawed-off shotgun, or worse, sue them.
After making a 20-minute Starbucks loop where Bess explained the hypothetical importance of drawing boundaries and made sure to ask if anyone had “forced” me to keep such a high pace–Of course not! That string of hundred-hour weeks was absolutely, hands-down 100% my own choice. Sleep, sex, sanity? Pass!–she sat me down and gave me the firm-sanctioned recommendation for how to handle too much stress.
“You know,” she lowered her voice, almost conspiratorially, “if you’ve been working nonstop and maybe you haven’t slept, or maybe you’re, you know, about to lose it, you can always just–”
I actually leaned forward, waiting to hear the obvious: take a nap, take a shower, take a personal day. What I didn’t expect was what came out of her mouth next.
And then “the economy” happened. Read the end of the story at Sweet Hot Justice.
MILBANK ROCKS!!!
Why can’t you just post the full story here? Lame…
This story is lame anyway.
I’m having trouble fathoming the business relationship that led to these stupid half-posts designed to lead traffic away from ATL.
What about the Cahill layoffs?
Not badly written, but the way the end is structured means this is basically just an ad for another blog. Which is ridiculous. Why bother posting ANY part of the story here? Why not just put a bit banner for the blog in place of a story?
I actually think Sweet Hot Justice is a good writer; her blog is much more interesting that what ATL has become
The only reason this story was interesting is b/c I just snorted a rail in the bath room and everything is interesting right now, at least for another 25 minutes.
Ooo! Ooo! I can’t WAIT to find out what happens next!
I like her pieces. Well-told anecdotes about seemingly-routine biglaw moments, but moments that define the lifestyle.
More like the billables were beyond the usual fraudulent time sheets the firm can typically milk from its clients.
Thats ok, I’m used to balls flying at my head.
I would like to give Kash’s ASSLOBSTER my sweet hot & sour justice.
TL; DR
Is it me or does Benjami Button look like an aborted fetus that can talk?
I’m just saying.
I like being linked to Sweet Hot Justice when there is something interesting to read. The “whore flowers” post was amazing… This wasn’t as funny, but not bad.
This is the type of crap story you’s expect to see written by Tikon Ohlam on DovBear. Self-important, “me me me”, with a fake cliffhanger. Stupid.
Boring. This associate should be happy that her firm is checking in on her when her billables are so high. If she had any courage/spine she would tell someone she is swamped and find a way to offload some of that work (at least 20 hrs of it). Instead, she does the work and then whines about it. Typical big law associate masochist. Don’t whine if you secretly love putting in the time.
I can’t belive Hurley turned himself in to the police!
Coke on a Thursday.
Its GULC on your Secretary Thursday!
Nothing happens to people who write blogs like that except that they get a nice big cut when they get fired from their firms when partners find out.
Good stuff. Keep it coming.
19 — Hurley is such a good guy. The look on Ben’s face when Hurley was getting handcuffed was priceless.
Where are the sex and drugs?
Someone post a spoiler here. I’m guessing she was told to quit.
20 – thanks for making an appearance. we should hang out on a wednesday.
Whether or not Legal Tease is a good writer or writes about interesting topics (I think that she is and she does, but that’s beside the point.), she sounds like someone who has actually spent some time working in a large law firm and understands them a little bit. That’s refreshing given the lack of informed (about BigLaw) writers on this blog lately. Kash is great generally but is not a lawyer and has only seen law firms from the staff side. Marin amuses the hell out of me but generally writes about soft topics (and also wasn’t around a law firm very long). Elie, unfortunately, seems to have left Debevoise (which is not really that representative of large law firms anyway) pretty early, and also doesn’t really seem very intellectually curious about these issue. So I welcome this Legal Tease, and I hope to soon hear the rest of the story about some senior associate she didn’t know offering her oral sex or wherever this is going to lead, even if I think that it, like the rest of her stories, is mostly fake.
speaking of spoilers, some of us were too busy working last night to watch LOST, so please don’t talk about the damn show or at least indicate there’s a spoiler coming!
SPOILER ALERT
The stupid advice was to go take a walk around the block. Then the economy tanked and her hours dried up and she had another meeting as to why her hours were so low–this time with no starbucks. the end.
I like Legal Tease. Maybe we need another ATL Idol competition, just her and Elie.
Thanks, 29. I knew it was going to be like law firm life – lots of build up at the front, weak ass wimper and much disappointment at the end.
This is awful! Boring, sad and self conscious. Zzzzz. Legal Tease? Seriously?
This is awful! Boring, sad and self conscious. Zzzzz. Legal Tease? Seriously?
This is awful! Boring, sad and self conscious. Zzzzz. Legal Tease? Seriously?
This is awful! Boring, sad and self conscious. Zzzzz. Legal Tease? Seriously?
Thurs on a Cokeday.
By the way, MysTTTal, the customary practice for closing comments to a particular post is to replace the comment box with a notice that says, “comments are closed.”
You’re a weenie.