Associate Advice, Biglaw, Layoffs, Wall Street

The Depression Is So Freaking Depressing (Part I)

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So…. Here’s The Thing….

It’s kind of like what Collective Soul said a decade ago, when things were just fantastic:

Are these times contagious?

I’m never been this bored before.

Is this the prize I’ve waited for?

These days, it seems like all my friends are depressed on account of the Depression. (Or the “recession,” for those ostriches who choose to bury their heads in the sand.) It certainly doesn’t help that CNN keeps slapping Obama into FDR’s car or that every reporter declares 600,000 jobs were lost today or the “Dow hasn’t dipped this low since 1929.” Good lord. No wonder no one is spending. I’ve stopped reading the papers. It’s all just widespread panic. Pretty soon they’ll be bringing polio back, too.

And the law firms. Wow. Who ever would have thought those blue-blooded Ivy Leaguers who were doing filings and writing law review articles about all those “complex financial instruments” would now be unemployed? And each day there are more and more layoffs. Where are the acquisitions? And where are freaking derivatives? I mean you always need lawyers, right? And what: associates doing paralegal work? They don’t know how to shepardize, much less tab and hole-punch briefing books. Geez.

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The Depression takes its toll, after the jump.


As a result of the Depression, even the most spoiled of my spoiled brat friends are eating out less, drinking at home more (drinking alone has always been in; many of us prefer it), and even buying fewer clothes. Except, of course, my friend George, a government worker who’s still buying $300 jeans and who just purchased a BMW. But I suppose the government — the last bubble left in America – is a good place to be right now. And as a virtual communist, George always has believed there should be more government, not less. He’s hoping Obama brings back the old school Civilian Conservation Corps so he can work outside tending to the national parks. An added bonus: during his lunch hour, he can get a workout in: do push-ups and sit-ups in the grassy knoll. He’s all about the new New Deal. In fact, he’s so into Obama and this new administration that he wants me to “cohost” an inaugural brunch with him. As if. I cater not cook. I’m not cooking eggs for anyone — and certainly not because some man (black or white) got elected president.

As far as the Depression is concerned, I really have no advice to offer my friends. But I must say I’m actually kind of glad the chirpy people are starting to see the dark side. I couldn’t bear another year of watching them hand-hold, convertible-drive, and beach-home purchase.

I’ve always been the eternal pessimist, but lately I find that I’m actually more optimistic than most about where we are. I believe in the power of government (at times) to do good things and actually help people. I also believe that the haves will always take care of the have-nots (that’s what my libertarian-upset-with-the tax-code father always told me), and that people will come together to help others — donating a toy to a church, a can of soup to a food bank, what have you. And as John McCain would say, “I believe in America.” Well, I too believe in America. I mean if we don’t get our shit together, what is going to happen to the Japanese, Korean and French? We kind of have no choice.

The economy, like my life, is just a series of highs and lows. Of course I miss the 90’s. I always say that. The 90’s were good times. Echo and the Bunnymen, Hillary healthcare, your first Palm Pilot, the startups and of course, Kurt and Courtney. I mean we didn’t even know how good we were feeling. But for every up, there has to be a down.

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And 2008, a total crap year, has taught us not to take all those parties/dinners/jeans/dresses/tickets/cocktails/cars for granted. You can’t take your job for granted anymore. You can’t even take your life for granted — more people are broke, and as such, crime goes up. So maybe now we’ll all be a little bit more grateful and a little less shallow. I know…. being deep can be kind of boring. The shallow people do have great parties and way better cocktails. It is a drag to analyze life; it is much easier to just keep going on autopilot.

[Check back tomorrow for Hope’s plan of action.]

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