Is this going to be another of thos Hopw Winters things? Will she get laid at the unemployment office?

Roxana Roxanadanna

Roxana St. Thomas is Hope Winters' porn name. We know it's not Elie's because she spelled "Thomas" right.

Uh-oh, something tells me the moderators should have disabled the comments for this one...

Are Elie and I the only ones turned on by jelly donuts?

BILLY MAYS here letting Roxana know she can be my sexy personal assistant for the high salary of $6/hr.

Awful. Her big termination scene better be show-stoppingly entertaining.

I think this new feature sounds promising. I have a job (for now), but I wonder what it would be like to be jobless.

Good luck, Roxana.

too wordy. overly dramatic. not funny.

I like this. Continue it please.

This is already better written than anything Hope Winters turned out.....

I am offended by black and white pictures. Please moderate.

Professional Attorney, Esq

Write an article on what it would be like to not work at a V10. I would imagine it would be worse than getting fired.

not washing your hair and not changing out of your gym outfit? pull yourself together.

"The knowledge that your head might be on the chopping block protects you from pure, unadulterated shock, but it doesn't spare you from the stunned realization that you've finally been fed into the wood chipper."

Nailed it. Exactly how it felt...although I slept really well that night.

Now...not so much....

Never forget - the entitlement philosophy of law graduates caused the salary wars which led to this meltdown.

Roxana gets points for the "Talking Heads" reference:

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself-well... how did I get here?

Letting the days go by
Let the water hold me down....

I like this. Continue it please.

Somebody call the waaaaaaaaambulance so the don't-care-amedics can help this whiner out.

Snooze. You sure do know how to hire 'em, ATL! Keep it up!

So far, so good. I'm willing to read the next few installments.

Solid writing. I like this passage:

"If depicted in a movie, it should have happened over the course of a montage, in which scenes involving a giant beach ball would give way to a long view of people diving into the leaf pile, wearing mufflers, and then pulling the Christmas tree home in lightly falling snow."

your name sounds like a porn star, but i like the post.

nice work.

........infinite crickets.......

boring and not funny

Why should it be funny? She just lost her job....

Yes. Waiting for Thursday.

14 has no friends and is socially awkward. Call it an educated guess.

Guys at my high school used to buy gas at the height of the summer price explosion all the time. It was no big deal.

"...fed into the wood chipper."

Fargo?

approve.

Losing your job sucks yes, but we don't need to here this woman's woe-is-me I'm too depressed to shower story. This is a website for legal tips and gossip. People will stop visiting if this site turns into a creative writing drag.

This is relevant to my interests.

nice...looking forward to the next installment...

I like the diversity of content on ATL: some news, some gossip, some opinion, some humor, some literary stuff (like this).

If you don't like these posts, just skip them whenever you see the breadline graphic.

This is promising.

the hyperbole and drama from laid of NYC lawyers is ridiculous. If the bitch was really in need of going to the breadline, what the hell is she doing blogging?

I too, just lost my job, and I'm really looking forward to the future installments. It's a tough world out there, and it can feel pretty lonely when you're unemployed. Thanks for posting this.

awful, almost as bad as idiot commenters such as 18 (hey moron, everyone else got it, we just dont' state the obvious).

anyway, how bad can her life be if she still has a gym membership. when she's soliciting other hobos to trip and fall so they can team up for a SWeet settlement from some bodega owner, THEN this will be an interesting read. Until then spare me scenes that sound no worse than the usual chick breakup e.g. no showering and couch-dwelling, not leaving the house.. the only thing missing is a pint of ben and jerry's.

Good read, I'm excited for what's to come next!

41, let me guess, as a kid you loved Roadrunner cartoons and the endings surprised you every time!

quit the gym. go running.

Actually, it sounds like she keeps a car in NYC. That sounds like more of an unnecessary expense than a gym membership.

Unlike the Hope Winters crap, I wasn't turned off in the middle of the first sentence. However, I agree the story better get compelling, fast. Otherwise it's another self-indulgent gripefest.

Why couldn't ATL hire Shinyung Oh? Damn now *there* was a story...

As a fellow laid-off BigLawyer, I like this. It makes me feel good about showering more than one-in-three days.

And Roxana is a man, baby. Bet my tax return on it (since that's my only income).

Is ATL paying the author by the word? It already seems too stretched out.

This > everything else lately on ATL

I could care less about Elie's humorless attempts at self-deprication.

ATL should involve the following (in this order of importance)

Layoff News
Bonus News
Freeze News
In-office Scandal News (hookers are always a ++)
THIS
Anything dealing with Law Schools (hookers that are doing their teachers a++)

That is all

Thanks Roxy - Now I am unemployed AND have the chorus of a Talking Heads song on repeat in my noggin.

quit the gym. go running.

Lamentations about i-Phones? Worrying about the Wood Chipper?

Seeing that the Obama Administration is interested in imposing conscription (military slavery) on the masses, I vote to send Roxxana St. Thomas to walk point in the Sunni Triangle, or better yet latrine duty in Wasiristan.

would it really hurt them to include some actual substance in the first installment? this situation should be a MATERIAL MILL, instead the author is hoarding entertainment like a senior associate hoarding hours at the firm she just got laid off from.

Roxy, you need to delivery the goods in each and every post. don't save that "great story" for next time. Give us a great story THIS time and ALSo promise a good one for next time.

One more column this bad and you = non-epic fail (an epic fail would at least be some sort of accomplishment... a non-spectacular fail is the worst kind).

Economy fail.
Employment fail.
Mental health fail.

What happens if you stop paying student loans?

A gym membership is not a luxury; it's a necessity.

One way for Roxana to get out of her plight is to find a rich husband to rescue her. That won't happen if she looks like crap.

Seriously, I like this! I was laid off so I can relate. I have since found employment...but certainly was not showering before then.

Vince Offer here saying:

"You're gonna spend 20 dollars a month on paper towels anyway, you're throwing your money away."

This is just an intro post to let people know about the feature. I would expect the Thursday column to be more "substantive."

55 - Where / how did you find your new job?

Can you give those of us who haven't found new positions some guidance about where to look?

57 why not deliver from day ONE! this wasn't even a good teaser...

BIlly Mays here letting you know that the ShamWow guy is an enormous pussy.

I don't want to make light of Roxanna's troubles but she needs to watch the mixed metaphors. Is there even a head to have on the chopping block if you've been fed into a wood chipper?

55- How long did it take for you to find a new job?

Let me guess: Next installment involves her eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream, then ahving her friends come over to help do the dishes, following by a finger-snapping and singing session.

Idiot

58- I got it through an inside connection, nothing else panned out before then. Sorry. You should talk to everyone you know...(not that you haven't already tried that)

55

62- It took me two months.

Vince Offer here saying that I'm gonna get medieval on Billy Mays with an Awesome Auger.

who the hell spends $20 a month on paper towels anyway? seriously?

Billy Mays here saying that I'm going postal on Vince Offer with a Samurai Shark.

Comment removed by moderator.

Well written

She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly...

To those asking about how to find another job after getting "reassigned outside the firm": The first guy I called was counsel for a co-defendant on a case I was working on. Just up and said I'm looking to make a move, you guys hiring? 2 interviews later, landed the gig.

This is way better than previous fictionalizations posted on this site. Way way way better. So some constructive criticism. Too wordy by far and a bit reptitive. For example: "And I haven't washed my hair since whatever day was three days ago, which I couldn't tell you the name of." What do the last 8 words add? Similarly, too many examples in the first two paragraphs. Choose. You can evoke *better* with fewer, I promise.
Next, this was really boring. You need some narrative structure. For example, you could have spliced the introspection with flash backs to the firing. Think about your narrative structure. Four lengthey pargraphs in which nothing happens isn't going to work. But please do keep trying.

For what it's worth, I have been through this before, in the dot com crash earlier this decade. If you find yourself out of work, here are two tips:
1) Keep a regular schedule and shower and change clothes, etc. Be at your computer by 9 or 10 o'clock each morning networking and looking for work. It actually helps.
2) Enjoy your time as best you can. Something will work out and you will be able to look back on this time fondly. You have a lot of time now - use it. Even if money is tight, there is a lot that you can do now that you could not do while putting in associate hours at a firm. Go to museums, read fiction, get back in shape, etc.

I welcome your immature responses...

I like it. Don't let the idiots get you down.

This is good, keep posting. And 67, I, too, spend at least $20 per month on paper towels, mainly due to cat vomit.

74 is a doody-head.

/immature response

What a self-absorbed windbag. Try to think outside of your narrow-minded existence. Waaaaaa - I don't have a job, but I can still afford a gym membership and own a car in NYC. What's that? You still have food to eat, while other people actually have to worry where their next meal comes from. You're pathetic.

Regular towels (or rags) are cheaper and probably less environmentally destructive. They aren't that hard to wash, even with cat vomit. Not judging. Just throwing that out there as an option.

73, your post was very wordy and boring, but please do keep trying.

Funny thing about weekends when your unemployed...they don't mean quite so much

This is a great idea for a feature. All you Elie haters: enough already. He's running this blog and it appears is beginning to hit his stride. Keep it up, ATL!

Vince Offer here saying good thing I got that health insurance endorsed by Billy Mays.

I agree with 74. I was unemployed for a few months at the beginning of 2008. It's important to spend time every day at the computer looking for work and especially networking, which pays off but takes some time. Also, it's hard to enjoy your time off, but if you're spending an appropriate amount of time looking for work, you shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying your free hours. Something will come up eventually, and you won't have this kind of free time again.

79, we used to use rags and such for the cat vomit as well, but in my part of the country water conservation is a more pressing need than tree conservation, so we'll continue with the paper towels.

Ron Popeil here saying I was selling useless junk back when Billy Mays and Vince Offer were still playing Hopscotch on the playground.

Touche, 83.

She should just begin drinking excessively. She'll be dead in no time.

During the FIRST Depression--not that CRAP we have now--our grandfathers carried their valuables in their ASSES.

good piece.

80, you are right. I repeated an entire sentence. I am very sorry about that. I will pay more attention in the future. I am also very sorry to have bored you. Have a nice day.

Amsing enough.

And should my turn come one day, maybe even useful wrt what to expect.

73--lengthey? Really?

Getting laid off was the best thing that ever happened to me. I got into porn. You may know me by my stage name, Dick Nuttall.

93, yes, I quickly jotted off a few thoughts in a blog comment section, and I mistyped a word and repeated a whole sentence. Jeez. How will I ever forgive myself? What's your point? Why should it offend you so that I offered some (I hoped) constructive criticism of the post? I think the author could be a decent writer. Meanwhile, I will contine to make loads of careless typos in blog comments.

Is this fiction? Why do we need fiction when there are actual laid-off lawyers out there?

Snoresville. Lots of words without saying much.

The drama is way over the top, as previous commenters said. Gym membership, apartment, car, savings, 401(k).... Are you f-ng kidding me? Putting "breadline" in the title is insulting to those who actually experienced it. Make your pseudonym Lazy-ana St. Entitlement.

86 wins the internet - everyone else, thanks for playing

It's not fiction. See the editor's note:

"Some details have been changed to protect the author's identity (and job prospects) -- she's still searching for work, as will be covered in future columns -- but her story is true in its essentials."

Good grief, this was a good post and sadly topical. The amount of hate on this site these days is depressing.

100: Not to nitpick. But something that is only "true in its essentials" is probably fiction. A roman a clef, or fictionalization, or "based on true events."

Agree with 74 and 84. I was unemployed for a few months during Summer 2008 and used the opportunity to relax, hit the beach and have fun while still pursuing a variety of leads. I would recommend making a list of every person you know with some level of influence (e.g. a well-connected uncle, a former professor, a college buddy) and then working every angle possible as you move down that list. This is what will get you a job- not grades or experience. You need an angle and you need some luck. Think outside the box and the job will come.

Nicely done. The profession would be in much better shape if we all wrote so well.

Nicely done. The profession would be in much better shape if we all wrote so well.

Michael Ray here sayin he know how it feel to get fired, so he want to hear what the sister is sayin. But what this 'Outlook' ?

They say, "we go play ball there."

So I go play ball there. Weren't so hard...

BIlly Mays here to announce that I have just accepted Michael Ray's proposal for me to endorse the crack rock!

102, good point. In other words, she was laid off. Everything else is fiction.

No, I don't read it that way at all. It sounds to me like it's about 80 percent true (but with her name fictionalized and her law firm not identified, and maybe a few things exaggerated for dramatic effect).

Of course, if it's not sufficiently factual for you, then you are free not to read it.

this posting sounds like "Then We Came to the End."

109: i.e., based-on-a-true-story?

That was really poorly written. There must be better laid off attorneys you guys could recruit.

You must be a REAL loser if you would rather go back to law school than high school. High school was more fun and less work. You also had your entire future ahead of you. In law school, you are pretty much locked in to a boring and possibly dead-end career.

Plus, you read so much as a lawyer that your face actually starts to sag.

I've always wondered why people value excessive money over health, and then I slap myself in the head for actually doing it myself. I woke up after a couple of years and realized that I had lost my true identity. Now I'm looking to get out.

Does anyone else here think that law sucks the life out of you?

How about the partners? Was it worth it? How is life just as a partner, regardless of the work it took to get to that level? You still have high billable hour requirements, so it can't be that great. But let me know.

BigLarry here to say - "How quickly things change..." is the story of my life. For me, it all started because I have wide stance. My tip to you Roxana - just bring your stance in a bit, and all will work out...

do you people buy daily passes to the gym or something? obviously she bought the membership BEFORE getting fired and (here comes a huge surprise for you retards) it's not refundable.

i really liked this post. it's well written and discusses a topic many (most?) of us find very relevant.

Good idea to have a column that gives us a window into what it's like for those who have been laid off. Bit melodramatic though, which is turning some people off. Hope the future posts provide more substantive material while still maintaining the writer's personal style.

I think most people probably find being laid off a pretty dramatic occurrence. Hence the writing style.

Good idea for a feature. Am looking forward to more regular columns like this.

Ps. While we are on the topic of regular ATL features: Also like the advice column feature, but think it would be more helpful as a real advice column, rather than trying to be funny (has the potential to generate some good discussions if it would cut out the snark). And, long live LEWW and LOLcats!

Layoffs are depressing. This site is depressing.

Wow, everyone is in for a real adjustment IMHO. Lawyer Depression. 1976! T10LS students driving cabs. Starting salary first years: 13,000. Pay extra for paper towels.

http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Laid-Off-Workers-Gobble-Up-NYC-Taxi-Jobs.html

Wow, great column...Expresses the agony of being laid off pretty well. You might think about integrating something to do with traveling to job interviews, even in other cities (as I've done).

I like this. I think it's easy for people who have not been laid off to call it dramatic or irrelevant. As someone who was recently laid off and could relate completely to the blog, I found it funny and comforting. I really have forgotten what day it is, practically become nocturnal, barely change my clothes and shower much less frequently than I did while I was working.

With that said, I agree with those of you who said it was long winded. I think the blog would have been better with just the first and last paragraph. Short and sweet.

Looking forward to more...