Penn Law’s ‘Underground’ Student Newspaper
When faced with a struggling and a declining job market, I’m sure there are some Penn Law students that have some time on their hands.
Which is great news for us! And pretty good news for the general UPenn Law community. It looks like an unknown number of students have started a comedy publication. A tipster reports:
So we came into school yesterday, and every available surface was covered in copies of these…. Hearing law students laughing was a nice change. It seems the student names are all fake, but the professors are real.
The stories seem pretty real too:
Check out the full paper by following the link below.
(121) Comments
Comments
First to say Penn St. sucks!
It's like The Onion only just about law student stuff and not funny.
i thought it was pretty funny. but the ultimate question is this: what does JoePa say?
At least Joe Pa isn't being laid off...yet.
totally ripping off the onion and doing a bad job at it, as 2 points out.
you'd think that upenn state students would be more creative than that...
@1 UPenn does not equal Penn State, but thanks for trying.
@2 and @5 - not funny? I'd like to see you do better.
6
You tell them. UPenn St >> UPenn.
6 - UPenn = Penn State = State Pen
Haha. I found it quite funny actually, but my sense of humour is definitely not an index.
6 = penn state troll. don't be angry dude, you got in-state tuition at a highly ranked law school.
6,7 = author of the paper and clearly doesn't get it, but thanks for trying.
Thats was awful.
How'd UPenn State do on signing day today?
UPenn State did slightly better than this paper did recruiting funny writers.
YOU STUPID FUCKS. STOP MAKING FUN OF MY SCHOOL.
IT'S UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA, OR UPENN.
IT'S NOT UPENN STATE OR PENN STATE. JUST STOP, YOU ASSHOLES.
Hey 17 - Why don't you take a crack at humor and make us all enjoy a hearty laugh, assclown. I bet you're an absolute killjoy at parties.
FUCK YOU. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I MADE FUN OF YOUR SCHOOL? YOU WOULDN'T. SO DON'T DO IT TO US.
16 - you're right its not UPenn state its State Penn due to the fact that they rape you on tuition and give you a sub par legal education. I'd rather go to a second tier law school than UPenn State. I think that's the general consensus. So calm down, relax and think about the institutions you should have gone to instead of that community college you call a law school.
19 = TTT WHO CAN'T GET A JOB FOR HIS OR HER LIFE. HAVE FUN ON THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE, SUCKER.
sorta funny but not "ha ha" funny
19 - If I couldn't get a job for my life then I would be, by definition, a UPenn State graduate. Unfortunately, I am still gainfully employed. I am merely pointing out the fact that you went to an inferior law school which is looked upon as the "community colleges" of law schools by anyone who is keeping count. I know it hurts, stop thinking about it, take 2 Advil and the headache will end.
yours truly,
Harvard Grad
I found it funny. You guys suck.
Did this originate on the Philly or Carlisle Campus?
I can't believe that's the best fake news someone could come up with at UPenn State Law. Their football team almost went undefeated this year, their hospitality program is tops in the nation, and this is the best they can do?
Terrible.
I never find myself saying this but nice story ATL
I don't get the cartoon.
There's no such thing as "ripping off The Onion." The Onion is a fake newspaper. Fake newspapers have existed for as long as... wait, when was the New York Times founded?
Elie, you use the word comedy rather loosely.
16, 18, 20- I know caps lock is fun to use and all, but please try and tone it down. This reflects poorly on you, UPenn State, and xoxo, where you no doubt spend most of your time.
22, I AM SORRY THAT YOU ARE A VERY BITTER PERSON. YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY ALSO INSECURE AS DEMONSTRATED BY YOUR NEED TO MAKE FUN OF OTHERS' LAW SCHOOLS.
QUITE HILARIOUS, AND QUITE OBVIOUS THAT YOU WERE ONE OF THE SUCKERS THAT GOT "LAID OFF" FOR PERFORMANCE REASONS.
HA HA, SLEEP WELL, FRIEND!
That was just terrible. ATL sunk to a new low in posting that crap.
That was just terrible. ATL sunk to a new low in posting that crap.
31- You should probably not take things so seriously, and try to be less of an @sshole. That UPenn State law degree won't do you any good if you have an aneurysm every time someone makes a joke at your expense.
This is definitely newsworthy. Its not all that funny but I have to be honest - it's better than I think what you'd get from any other state school's law students.
34, I AM SORRY THAT YOU HAVE THIN SKIN AND GOT THE SHIT CAN FROM YOUR FIRM! I HEAR UNEMPLOYMENT PAYS UP TO $400 PER WEEK. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
31, 36 is this guy:
http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2008-07-23-McCain6.jpg
+ maybe upenn st kids have more time on their hands because they already got summer jobs nailed.
- is this funnier to penn students? inside jokes that make it funnier?
general comment - I bet most of the TTT posters on this board tear down upennst creativity cuz they've got none at their schools (doesn't apply to Hahvuud)
37, YES THAT IS ME! PLEASE TAKE THAT PICTURE OUT OF YOUR WALLET. THANKS.
Guys, lay off. They are obviously not a terrible school - they are doing better at placing in biglaw than DePaul, Rutgers-Camden, or any of their other peer schools. They are on the rise.
40, I AM SORRY THAT YOU GO TO THE UNIVERSITY OF ANTARCTICA LAW SCHOOL. I HEAR THEY PLACE WELL, DOWN DEEP IN THE ARCTIC OCEAN. GOOD LUCK WITH OCI.
God, I hated Penn.
42, WE HATE YOU TOO, SUCKER.
Hey 43 what's your problem? Are you still ticked off about the Rose Bowl?
41 - that was the worst comeback I've ever heard. So bad, in fact, that I think you are trolling UPenn St. by pretending to go there and acting like a jackass. Let's face it - UPenn State will be a top 50 law school in 15 years. They will certainly surpass U Pittsburgh in the next few years. They are on the rise. You heard it here first.
Please don't feed the UPenn St trolls
No, I really hated it. And all-caps guy, while also funny in his own way, embodies the school's inferiority complex.
Maybe Penn State Philly students should take a lesson in humor from their legendary football coach, JoPa. He's a funny dude. Once he crapped his pants during a football game and had to run to the locker room. True story. So unbecoming an Ivy League football coach. But whatever. Penn State Philly still has tons of Ivy League prestige.
43 - YES. THAT WAS NO ROSE BOWL.
45 - WE ARE ALREADY THE TOP. SORRY THAT YOU ARE JEALOUS AND CAN'T FIND A JOB FOR YOUR LIFE. HOWEVER, LUCKY FOR YOU, I HEARD THAT YOUR MOM WAS HIRING.
HA HA HA.
I AM THE ALL-CAPS GUY. I ACTUALLY DON'T GO TO UPENN STATE. I GO TO HLS. I'M JUST HAVING SOME FUN HERE. IT'S FUNNY HOW EVERYONE ASSOCIATED THIS PERSONALITY WITH THE PENN.
50 - even assuming you are the all-caps guy, which i doubt, of course we'd associate that personality with upenn st: all-caps guy said "We hate you too" meaning he was at Upenn st. i would have thought someone who went to hls would be able to figure that one out.
Comedy like this is why they call it "Happy Valley".
Are these only being handed on at the Carlisle campus? I haven't seen any here in State College...
STOP MAKING FUN OF MY SCHOOL. YOU ALL SUCK. GET A LIFE.
STOP MAKING FUN OF MY SCHOOL. YOU ALL SUCK. GET A LIFE. COME HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN, WIMP.
COME TO UPENN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!
COME TO UPENN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!
COME TO UPENN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!
COME TO UPENN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!
COME TO UPENN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!
COME TO UPENN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!
HEY, HARVARD PEOPLE:
I LIKE HOW YOUR POSTER BOY CLAUDIO GOT ARRESTED. HA HA HA HA.
SHOT DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!
All caps upenn state defender with a short fuse is one of the best new flamers I've seen here in a long time. Well done.
I'M GONNA BE A PERSONAL INJURY ATTORNEY AND MAKE MILLIONS LIKE JOHN EDWARDS!!!!!!
Wow...I love people on this board--a bunch of anonymous posters who have nothing better to do than bash others. Funny. Don't be jealous that Penn is a better school than your TTT. All my good friends are working V5 this summer simply because UPenn places just as well--if not better--than a majority of the T14.
Pathetic. Further, the laymen thinks Penn State is a great school, and most outside of the applicable areas don't even the damn difference between Cornell, Columbia, Columbia, and NYU. The only schools that have the legit "wow" factor to the laymen is Harvard and Yale. Get used to it, tools.
Wow...I love people on this board--a bunch of anonymous posters who have nothing better to do than bash others. Funny. Don't be jealous that Penn is a better school than your TTT. All my good friends are working V5 this summer simply because UPenn places just as well--if not better--than a majority of the T14.
Pathetic. Further, the layman thinks Penn State is a great school, and most outside of the applicable areas don't even the damn difference between Cornell, Columbia, Columbia, and NYU. The only schools that have the legit "wow" factor to the laymen is Harvard and Yale. Get used to it, tools.
I GO TO PRINCETON LAW SCHOOL AND WILL BE WORKING AT HELLER EHRMAN NEXT FALL. TAKE THAT, YOU ARROGANT BASTARD!
everyone: stop using capital letters- he draws his power from them
60, YOU FORGOT STANFORD. DO YOUR HOMEWORK BEFORE POSTING NEXT TIME. YOU ARE A MALPRACTICE LAWSUIT JUST *ITCHING* TO HAPPEN, MY FRIEND.
60---please don't attempt to rationalize with these insults for human beings. I traced 64's computer; it was sent from a terminal at Thomas Cooley Law School.
As a Penn student, I have to say it's rather embarrassing that this made ATL -- it's not funny. Some of the concepts were great ("2L mistakes LL.M for Asian Friend") but the writers clearly forgot that successful satire draws heavily upon wit, which must be sustained throughout an article and not contained solely within the title.
54, 55, 56. Fine, where and when?
65, HAVE YOU SEEN OUR RANKINGS? WE ARE RANKED #12 IN THE NATION, UP FROM #16 LAST YEAR. NEXT YEAR, WE WILL BE #8.
http://www.cooley.edu/rankings/overall2008.htm
60, that is actually a good point. I bet the average person on the street thinks Penn State is a better school than most of the Ivies...
68...haha Will have to admit...I cracked up at that one.
67, COME HERE ON FRIDAY AT 7:30 PM. YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOUR ASS *KICKED* FROM HERE ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE WORLD, YOU STUPID PUNK.
61- That you even felt the need to respond to jokes that people posted on here is sad. That you used "all my good friends are working V5 this summer" is pathetic, and speaks volumes to your d-baggery
72, NO. *YOU* ARE THE DOUCHEBAG. *YOU* ARE THE SAD ONE. *YOU* ARE THE LOSER.
NOW GO CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP, STUPID FUCKER.
67 Here? where? The Goat? The Clock? Bump, where you probably hang out?
71 Here? where? The Goat? The Clock? Bump, where you probably hang out?
74, 7:30 PM AT THE GOAT. YOU WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHO I AM. I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU. PREPARE TO GET YOUR ASS WHUPPED, PUNK.
YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU CAME. YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU INSULTED ME.
YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU TURNED ON YOUR COMPUTER TONIGHT.
72...apparently you are a fucking retard that does not understand a flame. Dumbass.
OKAY EVERYONE. I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK. IT WAS FUN. SEE YA NEXT TIME.
Penn has more NCAA National Championships than Penn State
Not sure if this person works for you, but Howard Wu is identified in the "Properties" metadata when you open the PDF file. Unless you intended to out your source, or perhaps Mr. Wu is the creator of the Goat, you should delete the metadata before you post stuff.
I know, I know, guys in my law school used to flunk electronic evidence issues and it was no big deal.
52... is that a compliment or an insult?
I think the metadata would explain who made the PDF, not who made the paper, since it looks like a scan.
agreed. it looks scanned. gotta b the scanner
Interesting-
http://admissions.psu.edu/life/clubs/
Look at the author of the quote from this upenn state webpage.
The only reason it's the Underground Newspaper is because Penn State students are Morlocks.
TITCR
They should stick to Big Ten football; their team is better than their humor.
Very ballsy move on the part of Cooley Law. US News ranks them tier 4 so they just invent their own new rankings and magically have themselves at top 12.
Any prospective student who would fall for such disparate rankings deserves to live in Michigan.
84 - You win. Conclusive proof that UPenn=PSU.
60, 61 - so what is the damn difference between Columbia and Columbia to a non-"laymen"? I've always wondered that.
I've never posted before, but just thought I'd chime in to say that there are a lot of inside jokes in it, and as a Penn Law alum, it is pretty amusing.
This is one of the better comment threads in a while, and it's all attributable to ALL CAPS UPenn St. guy. I'm sure he's fake, or maybe he's real, who gives a shit. A UPenn Stater always brings out the funny in everyone else.
P.S. Is the UPenn St. guy really McCain? He says "my friend" an awful lot.
89, Don't be jealous because the layman thinks that Penn State is better than Columbia.
What is Columbian College?
Get this from the introductory note to the Cooley rankings:
"Imagine that college football teams are ranked each year by the quality of the freshman recruits and the pre-season polls of the press and the coaches. Games don’t count, only what people expect, based upon the potential of the high school players and the pre-season assessment of two groups with some involvement in football."
Not so hard to imagine after 2008, is it?
A Utah Ute fan
Love the reference to creators of Proactiv Solution -- Dr. Katie Rodan and Dr. Kathy Fields.
All caps guy,
A friend of mine went to Penn State law in Philly. He was a reasonably smart guy. And I'm sure he wasn't the only smart guy there. No need to be insecure.
Dude, I didn't know Penn State had an underground paper!
Can you believe Jin is still alive on LOST! What a turn of events! I bet he would agree UPenn State is a terrible terrible law school as well.
I was stoked when I got into Columbia, until I learned it was in Harlem, and not Bogata like I thought.
I thought cocaine was grown in Columbia? Wait, it isn't grown there--just sold at every corner.
I CAN'T BELIEVE KATRINA THE "BIKINI GIRL" DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE NEXT ROUND IN AMERICAN IDOL.
WHY THOMAS M. COOLEY LAW SCHOOL IS RANKED #12 IN THE NATION:
The English nobility and the Indian caste system represent outdated notions of entitlement and reflect the evils of cultural discrimination. Indeed, Americans overthrew their former government largely because of the abuses of the self-perpetuating nobility that reserved for itself the privileges of participation in the English political and social systems. And Americans have replaced the caste system with equal protection under law. Americans inherently reject elitism and discrimination in favor of opportunity.
Except in education, where elitism still dominates.
Law schools allow themselves to be victimized by a pecking order based on elitism, which values scholarship over teaching, legal theory over practice preparation, faculty prerogatives over student services, and exclusion over access. How many law review articles are published in elite law reviews is more important to the faculty than how many students they help to learn the law and how many good lawyers they produce. Protecting faculty governance, academic freedom, and tenure is more important than working with student groups, assisting students with problems, and providing community service. And how many students are not admitted is more important than how well those who are admitted are taught the law and how to practice it.
Rankings produced by US News perpetuate the elitism rampant in the legal education culture. US News has created a four-tier caste system that even its victims use as a frame of reference. Elitism in its most insidious form is found in the so-called reputation survey of law schools among academics and “hiring partners,” most of whom are graduates of the elite schools and recognize only elite schools as worthy.
Among the suggestions to counter the pernicious influence of US News was one that proposed creating competing ranking systems, so that US News would become just one of many ranking systems. Indeed, one notion was that the data displayed in the ABA’s Official Guide to ABA-Approved Law Schools be made accessible on a Web site that allowed a visitor to compare law schools according to any combination of the data the ABA already reports in on-line format.
We, of course, wholeheartedly agree with that suggestion, because it is precisely what we have been doing for several years and do again in this tenth edition of Judging the Law Schools using the data from the 2009 Official Guide. Six years ago, we put that information on Cooley’s Web site. Anyone wishing to do what these deans suggested can simply go to www.cooley.edu, and click on “Rankings.” There the visitor can compare schools by state, by individual schools, or by any combination of 32 factors, all taken directly from the ABA’s consumer information publication and presented by the ABA as important to students in making their law school selection.
We again offer some observations. Our rankings are subjective in that we assign value to each factor, such as ranking bigger libraries as better than smaller libraries. And we give each of the 32 factors equal weight, a decision intended to reduce the impact of any single factor on the overall rankings, which is the fundamental flaw in US News. Unfortunately, some bloggers have taken to demeaning our approach, offering criticisms that make it clear that they have read none of the explanatory material we offer and making comments that reinforce their commitment to elitism.
We do agree with US News in offering one caution. The data taken from the ABA reports is used by the ABA as submitted by the schools; no audits are performed by the ABA, and the schools are not held accountable for inaccuracies in the reports, which seem to be increasing.
Also, the ABA refuses to make public other data that it collects that would be exceptionally helpful to the public, consumers, and potential applicants. The need for confidentiality of this data is, at best, questionable, particularly since much of it is public information already, very little of it is proprietary, and some of it is information that was once released by the ABA as consumer information, but was eliminated from the public reports due to purported limited space in its publication. That hardly means the information about how large each school’s facilities are or how many hours of reference service each school provides could not be put on the ABA Web site for public viewing.
With the growth of the internet, search engines, and blogs, we continue to hope that the days of US News dominance are drawing to a close. We hope that Judging the Law Schools reduces the influence of the US News rankings, as well as the tendency toward elitism in legal education that the US News perpetuates. So long as the US News dominates the ratings, the use of the LSAT will continue to be a major roadblock to those whose dream is to have the opportunity to study law, particularly among some minority groups whose LSAT scores continue to be unaccountably lower than others. Sadly, so long as elitism dominates legal education, the US News in turn will reinforce elitism.
The Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching recently released its report entitled “Educating Lawyers,” which concluded that the elite schools may have things wrong in preparing their graduates for the profession of law. Coupled with the American Bar Foundation reports on dissatisfaction among both elite firms and the graduates of the elite schools from which they hire, the premise that law school quality rests primarily on reputation has been seriously undermined. The self-perpetuating caste system should be replaced with an objective view that considers opportunity and academic rigor to be positives, that treats exclusion as a negative, and that values the production of good lawyers over the production of legal theorists.
Want to start your own law school?
Check out "Starting a Law School," written by the founder of Cooley Law!
http://www.cooley.edu/overview/brennan_booklet.pdf
On August 31, 1983 [COOLEY LAW SCHOOL] received
another ponderous epistle from Jim White, this one
announcing that we would in fact, be subjected to a
Rule Four hearing [ACTION TO REMOVE COOLEY'S
ABA ACCREDITATION] to take place either on
October 21, 1983 or November 11, 1983 before Dean
Peter Winograd of the University of New Mexico Law
School.
Winograd was a certified elitist; Brown University A.B.,
Harvard University J.D., and an L.L.M. from New York
University. He had been an Assistant Dean at both NYU
and Georgetown Law Schools. He was also thoroughly
credentialed as a member of the legal educational
establishment, through his involvement in the Law
School Admissions Council, The Association of
American Law Schools, The American Law Institute
and most extensively the American Bar Association’s
Section of Legal Education and Admissions to the Bar.
In short, Peter Winograd could not be expected to look
very kindly on a non-university law school, teaching
practical legal scholarship to a student body made up
of a cross section of average college graduates.
UPenn St to #4 in upcoming US News rankings. Cooley #3.
NEWS FLASH:
It's better to teach STATE CIVIL PROCEDURE than federal procedure in law school.
Here's why:
Among the more interesting comments were several made byProfessor Harold Levinson. He felt that
“too much stuff” was being taught at Cooley. By ‘stuff’ he meant to tell us that we were requiring our
students to learn too many details. He cited one instance in which the minimum age of a United States
Senator as provided in the U.S. constitution was asked on an examination.
Professor Levinson thought such things were trivial; that such minutia can be learned by students in a
commercial bar review course; that law school should concern itself with larger, more theoretical
matters. He regarded what we were doing as the ‘trivia’ approach to legal education.
He went on to say that there is no need to teach the details of Civil Procedure in law school. This
information, he insisted can be learned by reading the court rules. Levinson claimed that there was
too much emphasis on Michigan law. Course syllabi were too long, in his opinion, and our faculty
and students work too hard on the details. “Knowing the stuff,” he repeated, is not a function of
law school.
Roger Jacobs, the Notre Dame law librarian, echoed Levinson’s views. He felt that out-of-state
students would be bored with the details of Michigan procedure and that teaching Michigan law and
Michigan court rules was a misplaced effort.
Cooley’s guru of civil procedure, Professor Roger Needham, favored me with his reaction to their
opinions. “Obviously, they are grossly ignorant about procedure,” he wrote in a November 21st
memo, which continued:
“I could give a long answer, in which I would point out that one cannot understand ‘procedure’
without being able to function within a system of procedure; and the various reasons why Federal
Procedure does not provide an appropriate model. But I prefer the short answer, a substitute for my
right arm extended, fist out, and middle finger erect:
A. “I know more about legal education than any of these gentlemen, having survived in a more
selective and demanding market. [Continuing legal education.]
B. I know more about Civil Procedure than all of them put together.
C. I rejoice in tenure and academic freedom. Therefore:
D. I propose to continue to teach civil procedure with reference to the Michigan rules then
current, until such time as I begin to take “Legal Educators” seriously — whereon I will consent
to being led away, quietly, to a home.”
Assistants on my coashing staff used to talk with Joe Pa all about his glory days at UPenn State. It was no big deal.
Assistants on my coaching staff used to talk with Joe Pa all about his glory days at UPenn State. It was no big deal.
The linked article was retarded, but some of the others were quite funny.
Elie, how does a struggling and declining job market affect the time people have in school? wouldnt they have less time if they had to still be looking for jobs?
Is this supposed to be funny? Not at all.
Au contraire. It is funny - nothing like a good UPennState thread!
You guys make me proud - a U Penn Law grad (top tier law firm).
For me, it was a toss up whether to go to Cooley or Yale Law School. Since Cooley told me that they were only 2 spots lower in the rankings, I decided Cooley.
Is this supposed to be really good? It is.
Comment thread>>>>>>>>>>UPenn State's underground paper
this was great, i thought it was really funny. i feel a little sad for the losers that refuse to be impressed with anything original - but not that sad. it must have been great to see this plastered all over school.
Wow, a student at Penn decides to write a satirical article. Maybe he should've gone to Chicago, where the Law School runs a satirical newspaper every single quarter.
guess what everybody. average out the USNWR professional school rankings at "Upenn state" and it is officially the #3 institution of professional education in the country. its also the OLDEST university in the country, founded by none other than ben franklin himself. people that cant get past the fact that it has "university of" in its name just demonstrate their own stupidity. see you in the v5 next year, errr... well... probably not. Ill see me there though
prestige.
how bout-- suck it?
119 is a typical state school douche.
The correlation between people who found goat's milk funny and those who make JoePa/Penn St. jokes is astoundingly high
give me a break, a thread picked at random from autoadmit will be funnier