Letter from London: Why Do You Hate Us?
Ed. note: The legal world is much bigger than New York, or Washington, or even the United States. Welcome to Letter from London, a weekly dispatch from the other side of the pond. Our U.K. correspondent, Isaac Smith, will expose ATL readers to the latest goings-on in the London legal world. You can reach Isaac by email, at isaacsmithlondon@googlemail.com.
On his recent trip to the US, Prime Minister Brown presented President Obama with an ornamental pen holder, carved from the timbers of the Victorian anti-slave ship HMS Gannet.
In return, Obama gave Brown some DVDs — which, it was revealed on Wednesday, don’t work in UK DVD players.
Why humiliate us like this?
Maybe Obama was angry at the UK because London-based firm Clifford Chance laid off 35 business support staff from its New York and DC offices at the end of last year. But news of that only emerged last week — after Obama purchased the DVDs.
Perhaps Obama has a thing against the British. We do, after all, “sound gay and smell like Indian food” — as one poster on last Monday’s column observed. But your new president doesn’t seem the sort of chap to be burdened by petty prejudices — aside from, of course, his hatred of the disabled.
Or could it be that Obama is pissed off that he had to meet Brown instead of Tony Blair? Yeah, that makes sense. Americans f**king love Tony Blair.
Something you might not know about Tony Blair, after the jump.
You need to know something: Tony Blair is a fake. That “man of the people” act he pulls is as authentic as a flute playing prince riding around London on a horse. It’s for the tourists.
Blair used to be a courtroom lawyer — or, as we say, a barrister. You know, the ones that wear wigs. Apparently, he wasn’t all that great at it. People say that his wife, Cherie Booth, who is also a barrister, is much better. Last week, she was hired by two pension funds to sue the Royal Bank of Scotland for the “massive losses” incurred when it was bailed out and its share price collapsed. The case could prove embarrassing for the government, which has been strongly criticised for its lax regulation of banks — that’s the government which was headed up by Tony B for most of the past decade.
In other news
Mayer Brown has launched its second redundancy consultation — which could lead to the loss of 55 jobs (up to 23 associates and 32 support staff) in London.
“Bloody consultations,” sighed my friend who works at the London office of a similarly afflicted US firm as he reflected on the news while carving an ornamental pen holder for his American boss. “All this criteria that you’re ranked on, it takes weeks. And the atmosphere is horrible — I wish they’d just get it over with like they do in the States.”
It doesn’t help that the criteria often includes things like number of days taken off sick, which just seems to piss people off. Still, at least most of the big firms are paying a respectable amount to those who lose their jobs — with senior associates at Allen & Overy said to be getting up to £85,000 under recently announced terms.
A couple more things
A massive explosion at a UK oil refinery in 2005 — believed to be the largest explosion in peacetime Europe — boiled down to a fight between several law firms, which was decided on Friday. Herbert Smith won.
Meanwhile, fired A&O associate turned sex columnist Deidre Dare wrote a ‘Post card from… Moscow’ for The Lawyer magazine: “[Russia is] so exciting that it is almost indescribable,” she explained, giving renewed weight to the old saying that an ex-Big Law lawyer with a talent for self-promotion doth not necessarily a good writer make.
Elsewhere on our green and pleasant island…
Milton Keynes is a “new city” near London built in the 1960s that manages to combine the worst elements of the US and the UK. Think faceless malls peopled by yellow-teethed cynics with a lingering imperialistic sense of superiority.
Which isn’t to make light of the fact that last Tuesday law firm Denton Wilde Sapte confirmed it would be laying off 76 people (including around 37 associates) from its London and — here’s the link — Milton Keynes offices.
What have we learned?
When it comes to losing your job, sometimes it’s better just to be given the bullet straight away (not literally, you understand — which isn’t to say I don’t solemnly respect that being allowed to shoot people rests at the heart of your national identity).
Quote of the week
Cherie Booth on the Royal Bank of Scotland case: “Most of the problems that have brought the bank to its knees have originated and have been concealed in its US operations.”
OK, so we made a few mistakes, but it was you bastards who really got us into this recession shit.
Kind regards,
Isaac
Earlier: Prior installments of Letter from London (scroll down)
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Isaac Smith is ATL’s London columnist. You can reach him by email at isaacsmithlondon@googlemail.com.
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Comments
FIRST to say WHO CARES ABOUT LONDON.
Go fuck yourself, London.
UK = TTT
I have a theory on why Obama did this, but it's rather intricate anfd will probably go over the heads of most ATL readers:
Obama is a fucking amateur, thoroughly overwhelmed by his new job.
How can this be "the inaugural installment" when the first one of these appeared last week on Monday, March 16, 2009?
This is lame. I'm a US lawyer living and working in London and I think this is lame.
What's next? "Posts from Pyongyang: law practice in the other Korea."
Genuinely one of the worst written blogs about anything, anywhere, ever. Utter drivel.
Can't believe ATL has stooped so low. At least get somone who can a)write, b) make it funny and c)get some knowledge on the local legal scene.
Love,
Embarrassed to be a Brit writer
Next: Notes from Inside: A Column by Marc Drier
awful writing
Is it true that Skadden-London is staffing up on the litigation side to go toe-to-toe with The Magic Circle firms?
Amen to #4. Amazing that an editor-in-chiedl of the Harvard Law Review either (a) thinks that the rest of the world uses the same tv specs we do in the US or (b) has staff with the same lack of knowdlege or (c) both. Where was the Head of Prorocal, who should know these things? Sorry, I forgot, she is aperson of color, a long term friend of Michelle, and may never have been outside of the continental United States.
What's next - a mariachi band when the Presiden tof Mexico vistis?
Amateur night in the White House - for another 46 months.
Time for a regime change.
maybe it was payback for that weird, rambling, multi-page, race-obsessed "memo" about obama that your ambassador in dc sent out @ the height of the election ...
4 - Clearly you haven't heard the new President speak. He is both intelligent and articulate which makes him, if anything, over-qualified for the job.
Didn't the Obamas also give Brown's kids a model of Air Force One from the White House gift store? I don't even think it came with a Harrison Ford action figure.
The poster @12 demonstrates that it is difficult to type with knuckles.
I like that the soul support for the writer's assertion that Tony Blair is a bad lawyer is that his wife is a better lawyer. Because, you know, any male lawyer has to be pretty bad if his wife is better.
At least when President Bush offended Europeans, it was on purpose.
Diplomacy fail.
I actually thought this piece was really, really funny, and I don't have any particular interest in the London legal market. Surprised at the negative comments above? Maybe Americans not getting the British sense of humor?
Nothing, but nothing was worse than Cheney showing up looking like he was shoveling his damn driveway at the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz.
haha, I mean "sole" support
-14
@16 - "Soul support?" Is that James Brown, Aretha Franklin, or Stevie Wonder?
Does Isaac know Lord Steven Regal?
Exactly how does a "redundancy consultation" work?
It sounds like one of the Bob's asks, "So, Joe, you're fucking screwed, but, since we have you here, is there anyone else you think we ought to fire today?"
Skadden is closing its Manchester offices 04/09. My condolences everyone.
Mitch Cumstein.
12 -
Obama simply misunderestimated how TTT the Uk is. I would bet $1,000,000 that the White House has DVD players capable of playing DVDs from any region of the world (technology that comes standard on any laptop computer for that matter). Can you fault Obama for thinking that the leader of Great Britain would have the most basic technological prowess required to play a US dvd? besides, if he wanted UK-friendly DVDs the only option is probably a poor-quality pirate bought on the streets of Souf London.
What eurotrash
21- No man, it's Soul Patrol....Taylor Hicks
12,
So I guess George H. Bush is the only qualified candidate for office?
You need to be president to qualify for the presidency?
You're an idiot.
@16: You should try out for the Spelling Bee
This was a useless and poorly written post. Cancel the Letter from London series please.
Blah, blah, blah--beat it, limey.
28, no but you do need to have been born a US citizen.
We hate you because of this post.
http://i44.tinypic.com/6ozr82.jpg
WTF is "Prorocal"? Sounds like it's something for constipation.
Nice job. Maybe Elie could be your apprentice for a few months. Ignore the yahoos, droolers and pimps. We breed them over here as a safe form of a loyal opposition. When they o.d. they usually don't take out anyone but themselves. It's a very green that way. All we need now is a solar powered crematorium.
Dear Eurotrash,
It's not that we hate you...or that we are arrogant. It is simply that by all objective measure, we are better than you.
Just like TX is better than NY.
I for one, oppose violence and do not advocate killing partners who strung 1st years along for over a year just to axe them after several months.
However, someone posted the comment below in the weekend thread, and I think he or she raises some interesting points. The topic is vigilante justice towards partners. Discuss.
"113 et seq. - I sure hope so. I, for one, would like to come right out and advocate violence against the partners who fired first years so that they could keep their 4th homes.
Our society really needs some good old fashioned vigilantism to keep those on the top tier of the income spectrum in line. Since it has now become de rigueur for people in positions of wealth and power in our society to abuse it and steal even more, and the government, rather than stopping these people, even a little, encourages it because those are the same people who fund campaigns (see, e.g., appt. of Thomas Donilon as Deputy National Security Adviser notwithstanding having led the attempt to cover up large scale Fannie Mae accounting fraud), one of the few things that might help is if some of the responsible people are slaughtered in their homes and offices by the people they've hurt. The Wall St. executives collecting seven and eight figure bonuses from taxpayer money after running their own companies and our entire economy into the ground should be murdered. They deserve no less. The rich partners rescinding offers they made to graduating law students, having people give up other opportunities which have now passed - murdered. No one is going to stop them from abusing their power unless YOU DO. In the words of an inspired ATL poet, Kill The Partners."
22 - Well played. I'm always down for any reference to the former WCW Television Title holder.
TEA AND CRUMPETS REMAIN
Wait, what's an anti-slave ship? A ship that sailed around and sunk slave ships? Seems like that's just as bad as transporting slaves.
Maybe Barack Obama did not want to be reminded that he is of direct African descent (not from former African slaves), which means that people like him were responsible for capturing and selling the slaves in the first place.
It's the same reasoning on how all white people are responsible for slavery.
Poorly written. Too long. Don't care about London's legal market, I'm not in it.
Haven't any AMERICAN attorneys been fired en masse today?
Where's Tyrone Johnson and his Reggae band from the MoFo thread?
That was a catchy tune he sang: "We're gonna kill the partners but pay my severance first"
I oppose violence in all forms, but enjoy the song.
Obama must feel pretty good about himself. He's living in the best government owned housing the US can offer. He's the envy of all the blacks in the projects.
Yeah, I'm sure that Obama's group just didn't realize that the UK government probably only authorized buying Region 2 DVD players, which only play Region 2 DVDs, which you can't get in the US.
You know people, there are more American lawyers working in London than in most cities in Texas. And most of them are a lot smarter.
3500 sq meter house, wife, land rover.
That's right.
47- I remember going to a client's NC office to investigate a potential white collar matter where the little middle manager bragged about having 2 SUV's, 2 dogs and a wife. Thought it was pathetic then and think it's pathetic now.
This column is awesome. Don't let the haters get you down, Isaac.
Anyone got Deidre's number?
48 - You are either a meta-troll, or the dumbest person to read this site today. Thx.
51, He is probably a UPenn State grad. Those North-PA wannabes never get it the first time.
4500 sq ft, 3 wives and a Honda that runs on green jello, bitches!
Johnny from Utah
Obama: "I apologize -- I really don't have anything against retards."
"Look, I don't have anything against retards. I just mean that they tend to be less coordinated and therefore knock down fewer pins."
- BHO
I guess I'll ask again, and hope I don't get banned this time:
Why is it okay to make racist comments on this board about everyone except Jews and Asians?
56, Are you offended by the term "Limey"?
( I know, I know - you say something bad about Barack, you have to be a racist-ass cracker).
Why would you name a planned community for a 17th century poet and an economist? How about Donne Friedman?
Milton Friedman being already taken.
Your a bloody twat mate
Your a bloody twat mate
60-61 - Poofter Baggies Supporter
@56 Come to Dealbreaker...we hate on everybody. This blog sucks Jewish-Asian (cheap-small) dick
boo-fucking-hoo
Despite having no interest in the London legal market, I found the column entertaining. If anything, its interesting to see a Londoner's view of America's beloved Obama. To all the negative commentators - what's wrong with a diversity of viewpoints? No need to get your panties in a bunch because someone made a slightly derogatory comment about Obama.
I am a US lawyer at a US firm in London. This post is one of the most worthless I have ever read on ATL.
At least they fixed the error with the link to the Dwleidre Dare rubbish from the original so that it now (1) works and (2) no longer reveals that "Isaac" works at an outfit called Darkstar Capital.
We hate you because you are nothing but white trash. The guy who wrote this twaddle probably wears cincinatti bow-ties to the office.
Wow..some people rarely have a hard-on for black people. Doesn't that shit get tiring?
Nice post. It's good to see the Spy magazine Naked City style alive and well.
Bow TTTies rock
Idiots all. You have too much time on your hands. Not a lawyer at all and even I thought it was poor.