Basically, the only thing keeping me alive right now is the intense, burning hatred I feel towards the partners at my old firm.

-suicidal laid off 1st year

THE SHIP BE SINKING! SIDLEY AUSTIN JUST PUSHED BACK START DATES TO NOVEMBER 2 OR 16 AFTER OFFERING SEPTEMBER AND OCTOBER START DATES JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO!!

GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!!!!!!

In fact, a postage stamp is legal tender. A bus driver would have to accept that as currency.

The CollegeHumor links are priceless (view both sequentially).

Yummy, hairstylists and lawyers taste good. I haven't had my ration today.

These are my non-sequiturs of the day:

1) If you were recently terminated, take the severance pay with a smile. You are fortunate to get a severance as this was a rare benefit 40 years ago.

2) Sign the release and be realistic. You will unlikely prevail in any litigation taken against your former employer. Your employment was at will, meaning you can be terminated at our will. In this case, the bad economy is a just cause for workforce reduction, just in case you were wondering. For you third year law students, detrimental reliance only works for intellectually challenged plaintiffs. Again, in case you were curious.

3) Do not sue or bad mouth your former employer. If you do this, you will ruin your career forever. Years ago, an associate threatened to sue the firm when he was terminated for underperforming. He threatened to expose the skeletons of a particular partner. Within 15 minutes, I had contacted every legal recruiter in the tri-state area and told them not to assist the disgruntled associate in future placement. I warned each recruiter that if I found out the associate was placed at another firm with their assistance, we would no longer do business with them. Think about it. Most recruiters earn six figures with us during the year in placement commissions. Do you think they will forfeit that type of money to assist in placing a defective associate? Remember, you sue or badmouth and you will be blacklisted in the legal community.

3) Hang a shingle. Take the severance money and start your own practice (our release contains a covenant not to compete in Manhattan) in the outer boroughs or in Long Island. You may actually enjoy preparing wills and representing folks in traffic court. It is definitely less stressful.

4) Finally, live within your means. If you want to drive a Mercedes Benz, I recommend you purchase a Smartcar for $12,000.00. It is made by Mercedes Benz so you can still show off to stroke your ego. I hear there are places in Manhattan where you can rent a prestigious address. You can show your friends and family that you have an impressive Upper East Side mailing address and still live in Rego Park on the cheap.

You are welcome for the advice.

1/2: A friend of mine had an intense burning once after getting laid. I understand some antibiotics cured it right up.

But seriously, take solace in the fact that your partners thought that you were at least mediocre -- i.e., good enough to be maintained as a marginal player before the economy tanked. There are plenty of performance terminations that are worse off than you are.

funny. though pompous, Partner Emeritus' advice is not bad.

Haven't been here in a few months. Who is this partner emeritus? is he for real?

Partner Emeritus:

re #2: that's illegal (antitrust violation)
re #3: covenants to not compete are unenforceable as against public policy (for attorneys)

Your advice is poor.

I meant to say:
#3 (a) -- calling the recruiters and telling them you won't work with them if they help the ex-employee is illegal
#3(b) -- non-competes are unenforceable as applied to lawyers.

Also, 3 comes after 2 and before 4, but only once.

This comment is addressed to post no. 11.

You represent what is wrong with today's generation. All text book knowledge and no life experience. Do you think an unemployed associate has the financial war chest to litigate these issues in Court? There is no anti-trust violation. We are not forcing terminated associates to sign the release. They are free to tear the release in half and reject the severance. Let's be practical. Only an independently wealthy associate (I have never encountered one in over 40 years of practice) will turn down a severance of $40,000.00 and embrace to live on a weekly $405.00 unemployment benefit check. If the terminated associate wants to litigate these issues to prove your point correct, then I wish him/her luck doing it on a $405.00 weekly check. And I also wish the terminated associate in finding a pro bono attorney or private attorney who will take such a case on a contingency retainer. I stand by my original words of advice.

Addendum to post no. 13.

Re: recruiters

Do you really think a legal recruiter will testify in Court or deposition whether such a call was ever made? That would be tantamount to a real estate appraiser testifying in open court that he overspeculated on the value of the property in every appraisal ever submitted to the HUD in order to garner more business from a banker or real estate brokerage firm.

Have to side with PE, here...11 is an idiot. As PE points out, "illegal" and "unenforceable" are only concepts that exist if you can actually get past a BIGLAW's well-funded 12(b)(6).

15: 11 is sort of an idiot, but not for the reason you state. The conduct described in the first paragraph #3 has nothing to do with antitrust.

I can't speak to New York, but in my midwestern state there's an ethics rule explicitly prohibiting noncompetes in law firms.

as pompus as s/he makes it sound, as a former legal recruiter we got calls like that. And yes, we listened. 33% of 1st year salary was our commission... whether we placed anyone or not actually. So fuck yes we would blackball someone if/when our sugar daddy told us to. Not that I would say that as anyone but 'guest' on a law blog

college humor prank = hilarious

To 3: Get out at Sidley? Or Law in general? Because that's pretty dumb advice... "Quit your job while you still can!! The breadline is bangin'!"

Regarding the Blackball issue: as a partner in employment law, I find this reprehensible behavior which I would advise ALL of my clients to avoid at any cost. The results of litgation in states including NY have favored the employee rather than employer. (It does take deep pockets.)

As for specific advice to attorneys, "blackballing" violates the rules of ethics of many states, is a violation of most firms' internal policies, and also represents a COI with recruiting firms.

That said, the post is correct that in most jurisdictions attorneys are employees at will and can be dismissed at will. TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN.

Regarding the College Humor: Fantastic.