Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
ATL -
What, the hell, am I supposed to do [as a recently laid off associate] when I am NOT looking for a job? Bottom line, getting rejected only takes up so much of my day. What kinds of things should I be doing with the rest of it. You know, when is it okay for me to start drinking (noon, two, sundown)? And what kind of cheap alcohol should I be looking at now that I can’t afford top-shelf? Any good T.V. shows I should be catching up on (I’m done with Law & Order. D-U-N!) How often should I expect my still employed friends to come out and drink with me (I know 7 days a week isn’t the right answer … what about six?)
Welcome to the Jungle
Dear Welcome to the Jungle,
Luckily you’ve come to the right source – between Elie and I, we’ve got years of unemployment under our belts. It takes some adjusting, but after those first two weeks of joblessness are over and you’re tired of cursing the day you were born, it’s time to get up off the couch, wipe off the Sour Patch Kids dust, and get moving.
Congratulations – it sounds like you’re over the self-loathing part and are already job hunting. As you correctly pointed out – this takes up very little of the day as a) there are few jobs to be had and b) you might as well be sending your resume into outer space because nobody’s getting back to you anyway. That’s why, if you don’t have a job, your job is to be in the best damn shape of your life. It’s simple survival of the fittest – if you lose your craft, you must rely on your plumage to survive. My mom once said, “if you can’t play the sport, look good on the court,” and though she was referring to a particular outfit she bought for step class in the hopes of impressing her instructor Alfonso, it does help to look good when you feel like your life is falling apart. One’s psyche is not benefited by spending days pounding Klondike bars and Bailey’s Irish Cream while watching repeats of The Amazing Race on Hulu from bed on one’s laptop. A very close friend of mine can attest to this.
In terms of what tv to watch, I strenuously recommend a strict diet of reality TV only. The Bachelor, What Not to Wear, Intervention, Sober House, The Biggest Loser, Tool Academy – these shows were designed to make you feel better about yourself. You may be unemployed, but at least you’re not groveling for roses, wearing hideous clothes, a heroin addict, a recovering heroin addict, morbidly obese or a douchebag with unsightly tribal tattoos, respectively. I draw the line at Dancing with the Stars, however. I may be unemployed but I still have my dignity.
My advice: work out, apply to jobs, be proactive, attend to your pet, learn to cook, write your book, complain to friends, clean your apartment. Make sure that your affairs are in order so that when a job or a very rich man or woman comes your way, you are in the best position to pounce. If you build it, they will come.
Your friend,
Marin
Elie sets adrift on memory bliss after the jump.
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay”