god bless america

Respone

first

most people just never show up. at least he was polite enough to respond.

so what happened to him?

Best way to get out of jury duty is to do a Borat. Defecate in a bag and take it with you to the jury room. You will be removed, I guarantee it.

thank god he responed in such a hilarious fashion

"Count the wrinkles on my dog's balls..."

I guess Montana is more boring than I thought.

That won't work in California. You will still get called in to talk to the judge.

Elie, a lot of people feel that way, and some even live in...gasp!...New York and California. You know, the only states libs give two shits about (except during national elections, when Ohio and Florida are important).

Yes, the affidavit was funny. Your political bullshit is not. Keep it off the blog.

The limerick posters are the best thing to happen to above the law since the advent of the interwebs. Keep cumming in my mouth fellas.

PE

John McCain's running mate in 2012.

Why do idiots come on here and say "first." YOU HAVE NO LIFE. JUMP OFF A CLIFF.

@10- You mean the judge will call you in to talk about shit?

Pwnage!

Don’t misunderestimate Elie Mystal.
His typos aren’t typos at all.
They just show how he loves
To troll from above,
So the joke in the end’s on y’all.

This only makes me more desirous to return to the Rocky Mountain West. Yes, we have our own time zone, and it's neither Pacific nor the Midwest.

This is weird. This guy didn't neuter his dog? That's just socially irresponsible.

First!

Sarah Palin's running mate in 2012

Thanks, Elie, for sharing this man's "respone" with all of us. I know you are severely keyboard-challenged, but aren't you supposed to be an editor?? Your repeated typos are really annoying to read and undermine the reputation of your "reporting."

Thanks, Elie, for sharing this man's "respone" with all of us. I know you are severely keyboard-challenged, but aren't you supposed to be an editor?? Your repeated typos are really annoying to read and undermine the reputation of your "reporting."

Thanks, Elie, for sharing this man's "respone" with all of us. I know you are severely keyboard-challenged, but aren't you supposed to be an editor?? Your repeated typos are really annoying to read and undermine the reputation of your "reporting."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? "RESPONE"?

elie, why are you not bagging groceries.

Pretty good limerick by 17.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? "RESPONE"?

this just ruined my day, fucking asshole.

Thanks, Elie, for sharing this man's "respone" with all of us. I know you are severely keyboard-challenged, but aren't you supposed to be an editor?? Your repeated typos are really annoying to read and undermine the reputation of your "reporting."

Thanks, Elie, for sharing this man's "respone" with all of us. I know you are severely keyboard-challenged, but aren't you supposed to be an editor?? Your repeated typos are really annoying to read and undermine the reputation of your "reporting."

If the Clerk's office showed this to my judge, she'd haul the guy in so fast his dog's balls would spin. Then he'd get to see the INSIDE of the justice system. Goddamn shirker. Let's see how your family and job do while you're in the clink for 90 days for contempt you selfish dog's c*cksucker (and see if your employer still loves a shirking convict when you get out). Nobody else has a job and family?

Hold him in contempt. Jail him for the time the jury would serve. Erik Anthony Slye, who apparently can barely write his own name, IS NOT ABOVE THE LAW!

The limerick posters are the best thing to happen to above the law since the advent of the interwebs. Keep cumming in my mouth fellas.

PE

That won't work in California. You will still get called in to talk to the judge.

30, disgruntled state court clerk FTW.

I love America.

I hope this dude can find time in his busy schedule to spend a few days in jail for contempt.

People in Montana are all stupid, drive pick up trucks, and I bet none of them belong to PETA, ACLU, or any other non-profit. I bet there are like, zero art galleries and alternative poetry slams in that that state. Aaaaand, they're MOSTLY WHITE!!! What a backwards state.

I'm off to a Japanese-Uzbeki fushion lunch.

-Lib D-Bag

THIS THREAD IS USELESS WITHOUT PICS.

I live in New York and I have been a life-long resident of the Northeast, but I am really tired of people bashing states that aren't on the coasts. People on the coasts love to portray those from the Midwest, South, and Mountain West as ignorant hillbillies, but the most provincial people I have ever met are in New York and Los Angeles. I am tired of the elitism, Elie. I know plenty of people in Montana who can spell "response".

fuckin a, ellie. where's the hat-tip to the smoking gun where we can find the backstory? (spoiler alert: he got out of jury duty)

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0430091jury1.html

"This is why we need states like Montana. It's important for these people to have someplace where they can go, breed, and keep America just a little bit closer to the edge."

That was actually funny. And true. The haters on here need to relax...or get laid. Or both!

Wow, I really love America

would you WANT this guy on a jury?

"This is why we need states like Montana. It's important for these people to have someplace where they can go, breed, and keep America just a little bit closer to the edge."

Yeah! Because NY never bred any crackpots!

The summons said "Come and report,
You have jury duty in court."
But the man had a thirst,
For Rex's testicle-purse,
Oh, how he loved his canine cohort!
- Another Trite Limerickist

Sorry 11 and 37.

It's quite clear that New York and California are the only states that matter and that their residents are the only people that matter and that their attorneys belong to the only firms that matter.

On a good day, you can include the District of Columbia on that list as well.

30 (and others), Do you really think that this obviously heart-felt affidavit, explaining legitimate reasons for being unavailable for jury duty, would serve as grounds for contempt of court? I don't think you understand the very limited contempt power. All the judges I know would be grateful for (and amused by) this man's candor.

Would this be posted on here if it turned out the writer is black?
But since it's Montana, we're 92% sure he's a silly white redneck, and it's always ok to make fun of the illiteracy of white people.

Yes We Can!

Wow, pretty irritable, isn't he? And what's with his dogs balls? I had no idea my dog's balls were wrinkled, as I never bothered to look.

17 - very good. A schtick that's actually funny!

34 - you definitely nailed it. 30, get a life.

Only someone from Montana would go tea-bagging with his dog.

47 - Who have you worked for? Every judge I've met when clerking at SDNY took the concept of civic duty very seriously (willfully working as a judge for crap pay, anyone?) and would find this response incredibly offensive and selfish.

And that's not a shot against the Midwest or a kudos to New York. I've met a number of Virginia judges as well, who were even bigger hardasses.

48 - I agree with your sentiment, but I don't think he's illiterate. I can't spot any outright ridiculous spelling mistakes in his reply. This is more than I can say for the usual post by the Harvard-educated EIC of this blog. And the EIC has the benefit of spell check.

I am pounding my secretary in the ass while I comment on this blog.

Multitasking, bitches!

Hear my out for a second here. If this guy, say, registered to vote, knowing that doing so would make him eligible for jury service, couldn't the government sue for specific performance based on promissory estoppel?

I mean, the government reasonably relied on this guy's implied promise that he'd serve on a jury.

Retired partner here: Before I quite the rat race, I probably tried at least 120 jury trials to verdict. Most of them were during the first decade of my practice. Over the years, clients started letting us try fewer and fewer cases, until it got to the point that I was only doing mock trials. Anyway, I've met many potential jurors like this ball licker from Montana. Believe me, you don't ever want to try a case with a guy like this hidding on your jury, because there's no telling what he might do. And yes, almost every judge I've ever known would put this guy in jail for having written something like this, even judges in Montana.

Retired partner here: Before I quite the rat race, I probably tried at least 120 jury trials to verdict. Most of them were during the first decade of my practice. Over the years, clients started letting us try fewer and fewer cases, until it got to the point that I was only doing mock trials. Anyway, I've met many potential jurors like this ball licker from Montana. Believe me, you don't ever want to try a case with a guy like this hidding on your jury, because there's no telling what he might do. And yes, almost every judge I've ever known would put this guy in jail for having written something like this, even judges in Montana.

I like the potential juror that showed up for duty in her Star Trek uniform.

55- You are a super-adorable 1L.

Good luck on finals.

53, to be fair, the guy doesn't properly use possessive apostrophes, but that still makes him look like an English-language Einstein compared to Mystal.
HLS affirmative action you can believe in.

"Anyway, I've met many potential jurors like this ball licker from Montana."

that just tickles me for some reason

This guy for Pres.

51, 47 here. All the judges I know (I'm a clerk) take civic duty very seriously as well. The candid Montana juror clearly takes it seriously as well; he seriously objects to participating. I'm not being flip about that. We have an absolute right to be honest about the government's insistence on our participation in the justice system. I agree that this guy is incredibly offensive. But the tone of the affidavit in no way invokes the court's contempt power. As others have suggested, the appropriate response from the court would be: "Thank you for your candor. It saved us a great deal of trouble."

So was he arrested and held in contempt?

Hear my out for a second here. If this guy, say, registered to vote, knowing that doing so would make him eligible for jury service, couldn't the government sue for specific performance based on promissory estoppel?

I mean, the government reasonably relied on this guy's implied promise that he'd serve on a jury.

We need to see a picture of his dog's balls, AND WE NEED TO SEE IT NOW!

Response to Jury Duty Request

Today, I received in the mail
A summons (or else what? jail?)
But I've told you before
Your "justice" is lore
Your notices are EPIC FAIL.

I will not come be a juror,
Your requests just stir up my furor.
It's a big waste of time -
I'm sure he committed the crime -
Though he'll tell you his heart can't be purer.

Now what I'd rather do instead
Is proceed to give my dog head.
Well maybe not quite.....
But I'd stay up all night
Studying his balls in my bed.

by: The Limericker

59 fell for it hook, line, and sinker. That is why these Section 90 posts continue to REMAIN awesome.

63 - highly doubtful you are a clerk. ANY judge would hold this guy in contempt. Why? Because very few of us want to serve on a jury, and if we could get away with writing notes like this to the court, it would undermine the jury system. How do I know this? Because my judge says this all the time!

- real district clerk.

69, explain to me how writing a note to the court could undermine the jury system? It's failing to serve on a jury that creates grounds for contempt, not writing notes.

62 - he can't be elected for a third term. Sorry, he will have to remain on the ranch.

I lived out west for a while and a lot of people out there really are like this guy. Picture lots of wide open spaces with lots of opportunities to fall off the grid. In a bout of desperation/insanity, I even dated a guy (okay, he was cute) who hadn't paid taxes in years and who had all sorts of opinions about what's wrong with this country. Oh, and he was a Republican parading around as an independent. Ha!! God bless the under-educated and narrow-minded who have a vote. And thank God I came to my senses and moved back to the East Coast.

Elie -- next time you pilfer something from another blog, perhaps you should give them a HT. See holytaco.com's post from two hours before ATL's. Now even juvenile dick joke blogs are getting the jump on this place.

Elie -- next time you pilfer something from another blog, perhaps you should give them a HT. See holytaco.com's post from two hours before ATL's. Now even juvenile dick joke blogs are getting the jump on this place.

I would hate to be the jury (or chair) that Elie sits on.

I got out of being picked for a jury once by telling them I was an experimental research physicist (which is true), and told them to call me Dr. instead of Mr. (which I never do normally). I then answered the questions very quickly and as tersely as possible, and looked extremely annoyed (which I was after sitting on a bench for six hours).

The old joke among scientists is that if you tell them you have a Ph.D., you'll automatically be disqualified for being too smart.

I'd hate to be the jury (or chair) that Elie sits on.

Go head and laugh at the guy but he's got 23, 217 sq ft. and probly a Lex too.

http://www.trulia.com/homes/Montana/Belgrade/sold/20076679-56-Tulip-Ave-Belgrade-MT-59714-SMT

47: I haven't come in contact with a single judge who would be amused by this. I showed up for jury duty in criminal court in Brooklyn and the judge there did not suffer such nonsense gladly. She made even those with bona fide excuses sit for the entire day.

72: They are a little lawless out there, aren't they? God, I hate people who think they don't benefit at all from the legal system and that they are above it.

And this dude clearly didn't have some lofty objection to jury service - he opened his affidavit with stating that he can't take time off of work and then segued into his lame "don't tread on me" screed.

"The old joke among scientists is that if you tell them you have a Ph.D., you'll automatically be disqualified for being too smart."

It's more like you'll be disqualified for being fucking insufferable.

70 - he refused to report for jury service.

Yes, he can raise an undue hardship request after he reports, but unless Montana is a unique district, undue hardship is not an "exemption" from reporting (like being too old, or too young, or in the military). In federal court, the judge decides whether the juror is truly burdened... thus, the system would be undermined if the juror himself could decide whether he is truly burdened. Just think through that scenario - ridiculous, huh?

- 69

78, awesome. Doubt he has a lexis, but I bet he's got a snowmobile trailer, atv's and a boatload of consumer debt.

80 - that's the point

47, 52 here. Fair enough. Each judge is different. I was not the person who wrote about contempt, but I think this guy would certainly be spoken to in chambers. Might not be excessive enough for a contempt order, but it's certainly disrespectful.

This is a side note, but thank you for the respectful response. I miss the days when ATL commenters had intelligent and civilized debates on here.

that's legendary

+1 to 80

Nicely played

I imagine Restatement 90 will be a centerpiece in his argument.

37, marry me.

Wonder if he meant to write "dog's" or "dogs'" when referring the balls he would count. I think that makes a difference.

If it's a criminal case, a contract case, a case involving civil rights, etc, jury duty =mandatory. But civil cases should be classified so there's a distinct category for douchebaggish slip and falls and other assorted annoying plaintiff lawyer cases. Jury duty in that category =not mandatory. Why should anyone have to waste their day watching the civil plaintiff and defense bars waive their dicks at each other? I'm with the canine ball wrinkle counter guy.

88 - 37 here. Just to be clear, you do realize that was sarcasm right? Cause some above I don't think have.

- Lib D-Bag

Did he work at Latham? He's probably worried he'll get laid off.

elie, you jerk, montana is a blue state now.

lol @ 91 not realizing 88 was sarcastic while chewing 88 out for not sensing sarcasm.

I'm liking the limerick trend.

did anyone else google map his address just for kicks?

ty, 95.

- The Lim Ricker (fka the Limericker, but no one was getting the joke)

In Texas, we throw idiots like this in jail.

you people make my ass twitch

you people make my ass twitch

72~

Come to CA and marry me... please.

I would rather count the wrinkles on my dog's balls than read another one of Elie's boring, poorly-crafted posts. Leave Montana alone!

Doesn't Partner Emeritus have some old war stories of trials of yore?

On a serious note: dog's balls can be really wrinkly.

72 - Feel free to never return. We won't miss you. God bless America.

better yet, zillow his address: http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/56-Tulip-Ave-Belgrade-MT-59714/74918116_zpid/

Wasn't this a scene in a River Runs Through It?

"Of course, now I am too old to be much of a fisherman, and now of course I usually fish the big waters alone, although some friends think I shouldn't. But I just tell them to go count the wrinkles on their dog's balls. Like many fly fishermen in western Montana where the summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing until the cool of the evening. Then in the Arctic half-light of the canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise.

This guy should be put in jail for the duration of the trial he would have been a juror on.

78,
I like that you searched this. Unfortunately, your results are quite inaccurate:

http://www.zillow.com/homes/map/56-Tulip-Avenue,-Belgrade-MT-59714_rb/

Doesn't even compare to my 3500 sq ft wife and lexis.

Want out of jury duty?

www.liquidass.com

It always works for me. I like to dab a little behind the ears.

This man does not like court room halls
Maybe he rather prefers local town malls
His excuse although funny
Will prevent him from the sunny-
-side of his dogs wrinkly old balls

You should poste the version that includes the notarization.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0430091jury1.html

109 - My search was accurate - my quote was to lot size. Your research skills are "quite inaccurate".

As many others in my situation, I am capable of and willing to perform my civic duty.
I am a college graduate, intelligent and informed. I am employed, own property, and pay my taxes.
An old felony conviction excuses, well actually excludes, me from jury service. The court still sends frequent jury duty notices, but apparently, my gardening activities of the past render me unfit to serve.
Who would you rather have on your jury? An educated former grower of exotic plants or someone who would rather examine a canine scrotum than serve the justice system.

I love Montana and this guy is my new personal hero.

its your civic duty. get out of this country if you don't want to be judged by your peers. wait till he needs a jury to decide how much damages he gets after a car runs him over. wait till he needs this "justice" system. it's not perfect but its the only system we have. what an assh***. I find that so offensive. what, does he not vote either? I'd like to see him get schooled by a judge, bc I've seen judges school these dumb asses who "hate" jury duty.

This image is now on Failblog. Vote to get it on page 1: http://failblog.org/vote/

Come protest Latham tomorrow. Bring a rat.

Thank you 113, but I prefer it my way.

Besides that's why I pay someone else to do my research for me.

113, Its commendable that you inferentially hold your research ability in such high regard.

Hey, all you lawyers who want to jail this guy--watch it! This is why you have to cower behind metal detectors to do your work now. In these times, you not only face job security, but the ropes and pitchforks of the commoners.
Well, the Indo-European root word for attorney means "to twist and turn", which is what you lawyers are doing right now.

Jury = 12 people too stupid or too twisted to get out of jury duty.

walk into any NYC court room (err scratch that, any court) and tell me honestly that it's a "jury of your peers"

Why does your dog still have balls? That's so socially irresponsible. I mean, yeah, fuck the "justice" system and play hooky when it comes to jury duty. But a dog with balls? that's so unamerican.

www.laidoffdiary.wordpress.com

FIRST

LOL at 121 sayin we should be scared b/c the "Indo-European Root Word" for lawyer is...whatever. Yep, good thing I'm doing doc review and drafting "behind a metal detector". Douchebag.

Comments like 121 really make me wonder what nutcase illiterates read and comment on this blog. Okay, practically all the comments make me wonder that. But seriously, creepy to think how many dolts on here have absolutely no connection to the legal community. Why would you read this blog? Even lawyers aren't particularly interested in posts about layoffs and Elie's infantile fascination with boobies.

Oh we LOVE Montana and the right to free speech and the right to misspell words! AND we do have art galleries AND we love our animals. But, please, continue to generalize the Midwest and Northwest American people....it's your right...and then just stay where you are.....

The cultural trope of "jury duty is to be avoided" is the root cause of everything that is wrong in America today.

It's why criminals go free, innocents are jailed, and why roughly 90% of billable hours are billed.

Maybe if he had something to do with the justice system, he would have more reason to believe in it.

I just love the comments. The guy is an idiot redneck, he is from Montana so he must be an idiot, he wrote a slightly off color note describing his disdain for the legal system and he is not from New York City or California so he is a worthless individual.......

He stated quite clearly that he did not believe he could take off from work ("I CANNOT take of from work. I'm not putting my family's well being at stake..."). Why is it that this individuals reaction to being called for jury duty is so far out of the realm of legitimate, other than the fact that he is from Montana? Do any of you believe that if Barack Obama received a summons for jury duty that he would not get out of it because of work priorities?

Do any of you law students or second year associates truly believe that you would not try to get out of jury duty if finals were about to begin or you had a trial about to start? How many of you added up your hours last month and came up with a shade over 100? What if that number was zero for a couple of months because you were doing your civic duty and partaking in a couple of months of jury duty? Do you think your firm would hesitate to dump you for "performance" reasons in the next round of layoffs? Your managing partner would laugh at the notion that you should get a pass because you were doing your civic duty! You were not resourceful enough to get out of jury duty so that you could keep your hours up. You're FIRED!

This guy may be on the verge of losing his job. The economy is terrible and he may fear that his job would be in jeopardy if he had to spend a week or two on jury duty. Just because there are rules protecting employees from retaliation for taking part in jury duty does not mean that he would not lose his job for other stated reasons.

It is easy to judge others, until you have walked in their shoes.......

"I would rather count the wrinkles on my dog balls" comment was classic!

Let's just look at the crime rates in Montana compared to those in the big urban coastal areas and talk about where the real lawlessness is taking place.

130 - so the economy is bad therefore anyone with a job should get out of jury service? Idiot.

@131,

Yes, comparing crime rates in urban areas to those in the uninhabited rural wilderness is a practical exercise.

I bet there's even less crime at the bottom of the ocean!

132:

The guy may be in serious jeopardy of losing his job. Is your job very secure or do you fear the layoff hatchet? If you billed 100 hours last month or 250 hours I think your outlook would be different as to whether you would feel your job was secure if you went off to jury duty for a couple of months.

This guy has more information than you do or I as to his own personal circumstances, don't you think?

I would defer to his own understanding of his current situation over yours. If I were the judge, I would call him in and question him. If he has a truly legitimate economic excuse such as a handicapped child at home, wife with cancer or some other extenuation circumstance I would probably cut him some slack.

Apparently, you on the other hand would rather see this guy in the poor house, lose his home and have his family die around him rather than show some compassion if required. So who is the idiot now, idiot?

130

Unfortunately,. the guys right.

He may not have phrased to eloquently, but our justice system does suck...no doubt about it - it flat doesn't work nor does it find justice. It doesn't seek the truth which is what it should do.

Political expediency and legal technicalities have ruined our courts and they are nothing the normal American would ever want to experience.

Defense attorneys are the slime of the earth.

He's right, some people don't have jobs that will let them off work to do jury duty. Instead they will get fired. So if everyone finds jury duty so important (which it is, not saying its not, I am a lawyer after all) then the government should correct this and make it a crime to fire someone for doing their required civic duty and serving on a jury. Case closed. Otherwise let him off jury duty so he can support his family, whatever his views are on the system its America and we can have those views.