Associate Advice, pls hndle thx

Pls Hndle Thx: Not Fade Away

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Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

ATL –

Last summer as 1L I tried out one of those quaint “secondary-markets” that I felt I’d be better suited for down the line. I really loved my work last summer in the boonies, but I’m not spending anytime this summer at my 1L employer – I’m summering at a big firm in NY. I’d like to keep up the good relations and stay on their radar in case I want to go back there. How should I do that?

Love’s Labour’s Lost

Dear Love’s Labour’s Lost,

It’s easy for summer associates (or former summer associates) to stand out to firms, but usually not in a good way. The two most memorable characters from my summer class did things such as a) buy cigars and top shelf liquor for a private poker night in an NYU dorm and then submit the $300+ receipt for reimbursement and b) ask a senior partner how he managed to score such a “hot wife.” This was in 2004, so naturally they both received offers. Making yourself desirable to your former firm is like Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes trying to seduce her husband while wrapped in Saran Wrap. Difficult, but not impossible.

One way to gain attention for yourself is to Facebook friend the partners at your former firm. They’ll love clicking through your craaaazy Halloween pics when you were dressed as Mystery (SO original) and they’ll appreciate knowing when you get In a Relationship. While you’re waiting for them to confirm your friend request, why not re-gift them with whatever swag you get from your NY firm this summer? Only the most ungrateful trolls would not appreciate a Shecky’s Nightlife Guide or a JP Morgan Corporate Challenge race t-shirt in size XXL. That you should also send the firm a scented copy of your resume and an 8 x 10 glossy of yourself, signed “Best Wishes” goes without saying.

In the opening montage of America’s Next Top Model, Tyra Banks asks, “Do you want to be on top?” and then the words “Fierce beauty, fabulous strut, fresh personality” roll across the screen. I’ve found that career-wise, that mantra has taken me places I didn’t think possible. Namely, my parents’ basement. Once you harness your ferocity and freshness you will remain on your ex-firm’s radar. All you’ve got to do is open your Tyra Mail.

Your friend,

Sponsored

Marin

After the jump, Elie can get you a good deal on watches.

If you can pull this off, it would be pretty awesome. You are basically trying to get two offers in a market where some people cannot get one. Are you Susan Boyle? But hey, maybe you can make this work.

The most important thing is that you need to make the boondocks firm think you are having a fabulous and successful time in the “big city.” This will make you more desirable to the smaller firm. But you have to express to them that you long for the simpler values of fresh air and a land bereft of minorities.

Contact your old firm early and often. But phrase every communication in the form of a question. “My NEW YORK CITY firm has ‘a guy’ that can get you cocaine and good deals on watches. But he kind of creeps me out. There’s nobody like that at [Podunk & Nowhere]?” Or: “A senior associate here has an office assistant in charge of suckling her baby. She says she wants to make partner. Female partners at [Flyover, Truckstop & America] are allowed to keep their wombs?”

You’ll look like you can totally hack it in New York, but you don’t buy into the New York system. That is secondary market gold.

Snagging the offer in New York is a little easier. Just bill baby, bill. And don’t sleep. Or breast feed.

Hope this helps,

The Chameleon.

If Elie’s advice sounds familiar, that’s because he’s suggesting that you use the Mystery Method on firms. Unfortunately, you can’t neg your old firm senseless while D.H.V. spiking your NY firm and expect a kiss close or even kino escalation. Firms just don’t react to reverse psychology.

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