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San Francisco School of Law Student Wants Meritocracy, Achieves Possible Mental Meltdown

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 3:01 PM - By Elie Mystal

USF School of Law logo.JPGThe University of San Francisco School of Law decided to have an open competition to choose its student speaker at graduation. A tipster explains that nine students performed speeches and the student body voted on the winner. We understand that a well-liked and well-spoken student won the competition.

As C.J. Cregg once said: “In a democracy, sometimes the other guy wins.”

One of the eight non-winners had an interesting perspective on the loss. The student sent the following email to the San Francisco School of Law student body:

I write to express my extreme frustration and disappointment with the process that was used to choose the graduation speaker. Specifically, I feel strongly that merit should have been taken into account.

The graduation speaker will be perceived by the audience as the valedictorian, which has traditionally been someone at the head of the class. That academic achievement and involvement in the school community were not areas reflected on the evaluation sheet and I suspect that you did not take it into account in making your choice, either. I understand that the quality of the speech and its delivery are to be important factors, however, I am shocked to learn that the person who will represent our class is not the person who was the most involved or the person with the grades- not even by a longshot. I intend to speak to Dean [Redacted] about this so that this mistake does not rob someone deserving of this valued post next year.

I love the smell of crazy bat feces in the morning.

After the jump, we try to decide if the student is having a little joke, or if the student requires immediate medical attention.

If the student is serious, then we need to get them some medical marijuana, stat:

As the ONLY person at our school who has always been at the top of the class, done law review, moot court, tutoring, SBA, student group leadership, and published, I am personally offended that my accomplishments were not taken into account. I have a hard time believing that I was not one of the voters’ top choices. I was there, I heard every speech. The combination of my achievements and my performance at the audition should have more than qualified me to be the graduation speaker.

I cannot keep this to myself because I am offended that intelligent, self-assured individuals such as yourselves who operate in a competitive universe where things such as academics and extra-curriculars matter, did not place a premium on merit.

University of San Francisco officials declined to comment about the student’s concerns. But sources at the school think (hope/pray) that the student was just joking. We certainly hope so too, and the end of the email seems to support the “surely, you can’t be serious” theory:

I understand that other people are upset too, but I write today to express exactly why I am so furious: I deserved to be the graduation speaker. I got up earlier than everyone else every day and I never skipped a class for no reason or showed up without having read. I studied harder. I shared all of my study materials. I got better grades. I was more involved in more things and with more people than any other person at our school. I did everything that I was supposed to do. And I am deeply offended that none of that was taken into account. All of my hard work counted for nothing when it came down to the one honor that should be bestowed on the person who worked harder and was more involved.

I hope that our friendships are strong enough that you will not take what I have said the wrong way. Its not because you didn’t pick me, its because you didn’t take everything into account in choosing what amounts to a valedictorian.

Is this an effective parody, or a total gunner meltdown? Either way, the email took a certain amount of courage that should serve the student well in future, law related endeavors.

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