PANIC!!!!

how is this news? i swear to god this site is going down the tubes...

Heard that Gibson WISHES it was swine flu that was going around....

3 - Are you an idiot???

3 figured he better join the army before he got drafted. After being told there was no more draft, he replied, "There was one."

They probably introduced it to generate more reasons to no-offer the summers.

I thought that the swine flu also spread to McDermott's Chicago office but then I realized that McDermott is just a really unhealthy firm.

Well now we know who’s not getting an offer in that office.

Looks to me like stealth layoffs are a thing of the past at Mayer Brown…I’ll give them points for creativity when it comes to increasing associate attrition.

Indeed, 7. This could be firm strategy: you don't have to no-offer your summers (and thus take a reputational hit) if they're all dead...

We know that swine flu can claim lives. Apparently, it can now kill careers. Can you say no offer by default?

3 = moron. This story is HUGE.......

Okay. Say I survived my performance review and still am an associate. Say I was lucky enough to be given an assignment by a partner. Say I am working on it. (All these are improbable.) And then say there is a deadline, arbitrary or real. Then I feel sick. I am going to take a week off? Are you kidding?!! In today's market?

Nope, I'd better be rushed to the emergency room (preferably during work hours) first! No way I'm taking even a day off.

Then, if I am rushed to the emergency room, in my next performance review, I will be terminated for having missed my hours.

Get real. Nobody cares about our health except family and friends.

3 is a flame. The idiots are those who take the bait.

They should leave one associate alive at the end of the summer so they can boast a "100% offer rate!"

HOLY CRAP.....

14 - Stop. Think. Take a breath. Just because you don't come in to the office for a week doesn't mean you don't work at all. I don't know of any firm that doesn't have remote access. A few hours missed for going to the doctor won't kill your year; you work from home for the rest of the quarantine.

Officer Mayer: I heard that the summer had said he'd get sick and die when pigs fly.

Horatio: Well maybe.... (puts on sunglasses) swine flu.

YEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

For a non-peer firm, I have to tip my hat to MB. Their plan is pure genius. If they quarantine enough summer associates, they will be in a position to justify no offers (e.g., lack of billable hours and work product to critique) to just about everyone. Whoever came up with this idea at MB deserves a bump up in pay.

Is a biohazard suit casual or business casual?

--MB third year

I hope none of the tipsters were Summers, because if they were, they probably sent the memo from work. Rule number 1, people.

I wouldn't be surprised if there's a rash of Swine Flu in the summer associate ranks in all large law firms across the US this summer.

21:

Congratulations. You have been added to the Comment of the Year candidates.

Everyone

So .. MB should address the larger issue of summer associates fornicating with pigs.

I'm 98.4% sure that is how the CDC said this flu is transferred.

This is very bad news. Expect cases of swine flu to pop up at major firms around the country.

We are all completely f**ked....

I got herpes using the urinal at that office.

Man, what the fuck has happened to biglaw. Seriously. what the fuck?

Note how you're all missing the point: It's after 6pm and the post is authored by Kash and Lat. Where's Elie? On the train back to Amityville. As always, he's out the door by 5:15.

No, expect swine flu to force a few law schools to cancel classes this fall as kids migrate back to their school towns.

Ironically, the poor economy will probably help slow the spread of swine flu, since it should be depressing mobility. Imagine how many college and graduate students would be jetting all over the country for summer internships if we were in a booming economy.

Mayer Brown gives me that burning sensation

Has anyone contracted other, sexually transmitted diseases in the toilets at MB Chicago?

I love how maybe-infected are directed to consult a supervisor (or Director of Administration) and, as a throwaway, a doctor (preferably a doc-in-a-box who has hours after 9:00).

43rd donut for MysTTTal today

just when you thought working at Mayer Brown couldn't get better....

18, sure I can work from home. Unless I am really sick and can't get out of bed-- another bad idea. At my firm, at least, no matter how bored we are, face time is very, very important.

Signed 14

Mayer is strict about face time. Good luck to anyone who gets sick.

If the swine flu makes you look like a pig, then it has hit the female summers at my firm hard.

I got swine flu from a tractor.

"Mayer is strict about face time. Good luck to anyone who gets sick."

That's really dumb.

Do you think the firm is going to be more pissed off by someone who stays home a few days or some idiot who comes in sick and infects other people on her floor?

Has this firm conducted layoffs?

I don't know if Michelle Obama has the flu, but she sure is a pig.

[BAR EXAM QUESTION UNRELATED TO ANYTHING] [don't hate- i put it in non-sequiturs first but nobody's looking at that shit now that there's piggyflu at mayer]

does anyone know how raw scores transfer to scaled scores? would a raw score ever get scaled down? is 60% right enough to move on from my mbe crim study? if you help out, you're beautiful.

Swine flu AND global warming? How will we EVER survive!!???!!??

Fortunately, all else is peaceful in the world, the economy is booming, and our leaders in Washington are BRILLIANT.

Unemployed lawyers, worry no more! With the coming draft, you will soon be FULLY EMPLOYED in and around the Korean Peninsula.

Know where they don't have swine flu? Afghanistan! Hope all you little draftees enjoy it over there.

"I Voted for Obama and All I Got Was Swine Flu"

i'd gladly get swine flu if it would get me paid sick leave from biglaw. bring it.

41, really. What planet are you on? Nobody cares if you are sick. They care about your due diligence. Partners probably never see you-- especially if you are not busy and are only there for face time-- and the other associates on any case/transaction will hate you for loafing if they have to work longer hours.

You had better be taken out by EMS and be ready to get back the afternoon or evening you are released, preferably with your wrist band still intact.

Still this will be held against you.

Remember, all of your colleagues will be working through their illnesses for face time. Including, of counsel and partners.

Hey 44: more mbe questions, less ATL. If you're scrabbling for enough points to pass, you won't find them here. Get outlining.

Phase 1: Quadruple the annual budget deficit.
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Profit.

You do realize what's coming, don't you? Or are you still in deep, deep denial?

52 - are you suggesting that Obama will start a war so that he can feed lucrative contracts to his criminally incompetent cronies, who, in turn, will fill his coffers once he leaves office?

That sounds far fetched. Who would do that?

Unemployed? Get used to it.

53 = kool aid drinker who will believe anything he hears on Comedy Central.

Poor, poor dumbocrats -- they lied, cheated, and propagandized their way into total power, only to quickly demonstrate to a new generation of Americans that liberals are incompetent, corrupt, toxic hacks. Great Job!

Today I read an interesting article that will impact a lot of young attorneys and law students with massive student loan debt. Imagine obtaining a job where the perks include free meals, student loan forgiveness, clothing allowance, free board, comprehensive medical care coverage (including vision and dental), free transportation, free healthclub membership, etc. Well President Obama, the man most of you young impressionable louts voted for, is engineering an international conflict with a country neighboring old mother Russia. The draft is coming. Will you be ready? Can you stand the confines of a foxhole over an office? Will you get used to the smell of napalm in the morning? Will you surmount the crippling illnesses of agent orange, gulf war syndrome, post traumatic stress, etc.? To borrow the terms of our august leader, "Yes (you) can!"

Mayer Brown should close the entire office for a week. If they leave it open, they could be exposing themselves to lawsuits.

30 has a point. Elie doesn't post that much anymore and Lat has posted a lot recently.

Is Elie on his way out the door??

58 - Elie's too fat to get through the door.

Boom, roasted.

44 -- Raw scores are always scaled up. The lower the score the more scaling.

As for your 60% question, that depends on what questions you're doing. 60% on PMBR hard questions then you're doing fine. On Barbri questions you should be hitting 80% with 10% incorrect because of poor barbri wording.

Also, if you fail the bar relying on my advice, I expressly disclaim any promissory estoppel, It is a common claim, and I don't want to expose myself to liability.

10,

Hahaha. First Jack Bauer post that made me laugh. Nicely done.

"Mayer is strict about face time."

This will be hilarious when three gunners and two of the bigger a-hole "face time" partners finish the summer six feet under.

Swne flu in Chicago? Someone must have fucked Mrs. O'Leary's pig.

57- You are correct. The memo draws the parameters of what MB is willing to do about the sick. The sick summer gets the rest of the week off as well as his/her officemate(s). Everyone else must come to work. The office mate who sat next to the sick summer? He/she can stay home for the rest of the week. But if you are someone whom the sickie sneezed and slobbered over, like his/her secretary? Get your ass to work.

PS - how nice to give the rest of the week off. It's almost over, assclown. Anyhow, if one non-service partner gets this virus, the memo will be revised pronto and the office will be cleared out. Pussies.

I'm Chuck Bass! I love purple!

In funnier news:

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/05/defective_sexy_sailboat_motion.php

20 years of high taxes, out of control spending, and open borders have turned California into a bankrupt shithole.

Liberals now are gleefully hellbent on doing the same thing to the United States.

Thus proving once again that liberalism is a mental disorder.

Step 1: Promise fiscal responsibility.
Step 2: Immediately piss all our money away.
Step 3: Print more money and piss all that away.
Step 4: Announce "We're out of money."
Step 5: Circulate incoherent talking points about how "It's all George Bush's fault."
Step 6: ?

wah wah wah! Socialism! I have no ideas so imma go jack off to my Rush Limbaugh poster now.

Why oh why do I never get laid?

4,

What does your comment mean?

56 - the ONLY time you have been near a naked woman is when you came out of your mother. Think about that and why that is.

Right, conservatives have no ideas for fixing the economy -- like tried and true ideas such as cutting spending and lowering taxes to foster economic growth -- no ideas at all.

You tiresome, lying, liberal hacks. You would detonate a nuclear device in the U.S. if you thought you could blame it on Bush. Enjoy the next decade of economic misery that YOU are causing with your HISTORIC STUPIDITY.

Maybe this is Part 2 of the Mayer Brown "restructuring":

http://amlawdaily.typepad.com/amlawdaily/2009/05/mayer-brown-new.html

41, you must be a law student. "The firm" is not some omnipotent entity that fairly balances whether it was in the firm's best interests for the sick associate to stay home. Come review time, the associate who skipped out on projects and deadlines or who just didn't show up for work isn't reviewed by a collective that appreciates the associate's consideration for the greater good. The associate will be reviewed by specific partners who had expectations that weren't met. The expectation at Mayer is that associates put in their face time. The excuses for not doing so are never valued.

Should MB attorneys wear masks in the office?

Substance of liberal comments: "you're gay" and "you never get laid."

Brilliant. Brilliant liberal arguments.

Try actually DEFENDING what Obama is doing. Oh wait, you have no idea what he is doing. You live in a factless liberal echo chamber of hate, lies, and propaganda. But, no matter. Darwinism will take care of you.

I like the graphic for this post.

I thought I had swine flu, but it was just quasi-syphillis I caught from a Nixon Peabody summer

Effective tomorrow, anyone at the firm showing symptoms of the swine flu (e.g., coughing, watery eyes, sneezing, nasal drip, etc.) will be forced to self quarantine at home for at least a week. Any associate or staff member wishing to return to the firm needs to obtain clearance from the firm's designated physician. Pay will be docked for summer associates who miss work due to the quarantine. I encourage other peer and non-peer firms to adopt this policy for the safety and well being of the healthy workforce.

NY to 190.... face masks!

This is change we can believe in!!!

This is so two weeks ago

44,

Sixty percent won't do it. Try for eighty

The economy (and both the federal and state governments) will totally collapse within 6 months

i just bought 20 packs of top ramen for 1 dollars. is this how people stay off welfare?

you can live for a week on two bucks if all you eat is top ramen..

although i think the amount of sodium per serving is going to raise my blood pressure to the breaking point.

85, don't worry. The Chosen "One" is cooking up a healthcare plan that should treat your high blood pressure. I wonder if anyone will be left to pay for it since tax receipts were down 34% in April and the wealthy will be fleeing in a massive exodus once Obama presents the tab in a form of a huge tax increase.

85 - try little ceasers pizza. 5 dollars for a large carrys u the week!

http://www.lvrj.com/news/46074037.html

Man on trial for 57 counts of fraud for paying his employees with gold

PE,

Please identify those firms you refer to as "peer firms."

Just curious what some dipshit third tier toilet law school flunkee thinks are the firms he wished didn't guffaw at his application for an unpaid summer internship.

OBAMA'S WAY-TOO-NOSY SURVEY

Recently nearly 3 million Americans were sent the American Community Survey. An annual supplement to the decennial Census, the 28-page survey pursues obnoxious nanny-state details such as whether your home has a flush toilet, what kind of fuel you use for heat and how much you spend on everything from electricity and flood insurance to your mortgage and property taxes.

Then come the really nosy questions, ranging from your college major and your health insurance to how you spend each day at the office. The survey even asks what time you leave for work, down to the hour and minute.

It also asks whether, "because of a physical, mental or emotional condition," you have difficulty "concentrating, remembering or making decisions," "walking or climbing stairs," "doing errands alone such as visiting a doctor's office or shopping" or "dressing or bathing."

So much for keeping government out of the bedroom. The survey also demands your current marital status; whether you've been married, widowed or divorced in the last 12 months, and how many times you've been married. If you're a woman between the ages of 15 and 50, you must also answer whether you've given birth in the last 12 months. The Census Bureau says this "measure of fertility" is used to "carry out various programs required by statute, including . . . conducting research for voluntary family planning programs." What was that about a "woman's right to privacy"?

It's tempting to toss the survey in the circular file, but recipients are required by law to respond. According to the Census Web site, the fine for nonparticipation can be as much as $5,000, and filing false information can pack a $500 punch.

no one has given me a reason why this is news, yet.

- 3

Mayer Brown finally figured out how to downsize without having to worry about a firm memo being leaked to ATL.

I knew that Mayer Brown was a TTT, but does the fact that the firm is a breeding ground for swine flu mean that it is a festering TTT in decline?

"On Sunday, a 22-year-old man -- roughly the age of an average summer associate, maybe a bit younger -- died of swine flu."

Utterly tasteless. Even below the usual ATL standard.

89 - PE here, Phuc Yu. A 'Peer Firm" is basically all of the firms you were to stupid to land OCI's with.

You are a true Dong Phan.

94 - chillax hippie.

Yikes. I'm supposed to go over there for a deposition next month. I think I'm going to offer to host it over here.

Calm down, people. We are not talking ebola here.

Read the CDC website: "It is expected that most people will recover without needing medical care."

this is one way to get rid of associates instead of firing them

Partner Emeritus/56:

"Well President Obama, the man most of you young impressionable louts voted for, is engineering an international conflict with a country neighboring old mother Russia."

Which country would that be? North Korea? You're lucky that Russia shares 15 miles of border with DPRK (probably not common knowledge); otherwise, you look like a buffoon.

Mayer Brown to Tamiflu!

Comment removed by moderator.

Mayer Brown to H1N1!

Why are they reserving the blood test for old people when old people aren't dying from swine flu, in part because they're old enough to have antibodies to the prior H1N1 flus that circulated long ago? And besides, someone in their 20s has more earning potential than an old person anyway. With social security ready to go bankrupt, do we really want to keep old people hanging on at the expense of young people?

Swine Flu is not Kosher.

His name is Robert Paulson.

Comment removed by moderator.

Swine flu as the ultimate stealth layoff tactic? Partners with immunity introduce the virus to thin out the associates who generally lack immunity? Added bonus: No Severance!

104 - Agree. Swine flu is ineffective against those 60+. I don't think there's been a single severe hospitalization or death in that age group.

Great. Now I can expect getting swine flu from the summer associates in addition to crappy work product.

Nice job, 90. I read that WSJ article. It's titled "Uncle Sam's Way Too Nosy Survey," not OBAMA'S. Oh, and community surveys has been going out as a supplement to the census for decades. Nice try though. Pathetic.

Is this the result of AFFIRMATIVE ACTION?

Ok, I am not usually in favor of moderation for comment threads, but can we please do something about these idiot political trolls who throw their shit all over the walls of every single thread, no matter how unrelated? What the hell does your crippling fear of socialism and powerful black men have to do with swine flu at MB? These people are worse than the ass pounding people and Partner E combined. Get rid of them.

Best SA scandal:

A. Bruised Booze Cruiser
B. Skadden Cristal Boy
C. Katten Kreep
D. Aqua Girl
E. "Typhoid Mayer" Brown

113 - got any links to those stories? Besides Aqua girl. I've read that one.

112, you just don't understand.

112 hates free speech (except his/her own) and can't defend Obama's patently idiotic policies, so instinctively resorts to race baiting. TYPICAL LIBERAL.

exactly 116. I wish we had ellected Bush for a third time!!!! at least he believed in G-d and would have let G-d figure out this whole econnomy!!!!!

What's wrong with the political trolls? I am still waiting for a liberal to explain how Obama's plan is good for the country. Especially since the US now owns upwards of 70% of GM as of this morning with the UAW owning 15-20%.

Name one thing the government does better than the private sector? If you can't do that, then you realize why Obama's economic policies are scary.

The political trolls belong on a different blog, one devoted to politics.

114 - They're all in the summer associate category. Just go back to last summer. Lots of good ones.

@119: U.S. Military. Police. Fire Dept.

Also, see entire western world (outside U.S.) with socialized healthcare vastly superior to the U.S. private system, as evidenced by greater life expectancy...all while maintaining equal biomedical innovation to that of the U.S.

You lost.

119 is an ex-iBanker who still thinks deregulation is a good idea.

119 - make a low-interest student loan.

Not to be out done, I heard Kirklamd is handing out small pox blankets to associates. Sure beats paying severance for stealth lay-offs.

119: Certainly not electricity! The private sector is great at that, especially with some deregulation thrown in for good measure!

This always leaves me in amazement:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/06/02/eveningnews/main620795.shtml

This is not surprising, the horse is out of the barn here in Chicago. We have the most HiNi cases in the country. Over 1,000 REPORTED cases and as of an hour ago 3 deaths. Hospitals are suggesting you just stay home and tough it out! Unless your near death and turning blue then you can go in the hospital. But don't take public transportation. Take a cab and infect one person instead of a hundred. Most of people will get HiNi. The bright side is, maybe we'll get some antibodies for the next mutated, more viral strain due out next fall. Good luck everyone.

Captain Trips is here.

Rumor is that body bag manufacturers have suddenly experienced a boom of orders in the last few weeks. I think that "they" think that it will come back with a vengeance this fall.

I think I'll stay away from Las Vegas and wait for dreams from an old black woman.

SA's sharing an office? That sucks.

SA's sharing an office? That sucks.

122 - average life expectancy for humans is fairly high if you take out the illegals, spics, nigs that bring it down. i'll keep my hmo, thanks

122 - average life expectancy for humans is fairly high if you take out the illegals, spics, nigs that bring it down. i'll keep my hmo, thanks. i won't pay for a nig to live!

How did a twelve year old boy make his way onto this site?

Moderator, please remove the previous two comments. They are disgusting - I don't care if that's supposed to be a joke or not.

I wish the political trolls would find a relevant thread too. But whatever - I am sure they have no othey way to express their opinions because no one else wants to listen to them. And let's face it - most of the posts on this site are pretty stupid anyway.

How did a twelve year old boy make his way onto this site?

Moderator, please remove the previous two comments. They are disgusting - I don't care if that's supposed to be a joke or not.

I wish the political trolls would find a relevant thread too. But whatever - I am sure they have no othey way to express their opinions because no one else wants to listen to them. And let's face it - most of the posts on this site are pretty stupid anyway.