Summer Associates

Welcome to Linklaters!

By  
on

Earlier today, we welcomed summer associates to Above the Law. It looks like Linklaters had the same idea. Here is today’s welcome memo from the firm.

We offer some more “frequently asked questions” after the jump.


We were surprised that Linklaters treated such serious issues as layoffs and the long term viability of the New York office in the breezy format of an FAQ. But as long as we’re here, what other questions might summer associates reasonably ask of their new employer? Here are the fictional questions we came up with that any summer at any firm would like to know. Please add your own in the comments:
Q: What the hell do you mean by “as of right now, there are no plans for additional layoffs?”
A: Do you know when the market will recover? No? Okay. Why don’t you pour yourself a warm glass of shut the hell up then?
Q: In the past, the summer program has been a lavish experience replete with expensive lunches and gaudy events. Is that going to be the case this year?
A: It depends. What are your thoughts on gruel?
Q: Should I openly sabotage my fellow summers in order to increase my chances of getting an offer?
A: If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’.
Q: If the current culture of the firm was any character from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, which character would the firm be, and which character would I be.
A: We’re Hatchet Harry, you guys are Soap.
Q: Models and bottles?
A: Bread and water
Q: Is there a six figure salary waiting for me on the other side of this?
A: You should have learned, to play the guitar. You should have learned, to play them drums.
Q: I just said a friendly “hello” to a first year associate I saw in the hallway. Now he’s screaming at me and has a very scary look in his eyes. What did I do wrong?
A: Important safety tip guys, do not talk to first year associates. Do not indicate that you are a new summer associate in any way if you are around them.
Q: Is it acceptable for summers to date more senior attorneys or even partners?
A: Nice try. This summer, putting out will not guarantee you an offer. Sorry.
Q: What kind of substantive work will I be getting to distinguish myself this summer?
A: Many of our junior partners are looking for low cost landscaping alternatives.
Q: Seriously, is everything going to be okay?
A: …

Sponsored

Topics