That one was actually funny. And it's nice to know you're paying attention to our suggestions for you to begin your career as a craigslist hooker. :)

This should be a TV show.

Number of time laid: 0.

You should definitely pimp-out the cats. Freeloaders!!!

Tricks turned on 5th avenue: Too many to count.

#4 = Best ATL comment ever.

3=racist

Comment removed by moderator.

Number of times I ask myself "why do I still bother reading Above The Law?": 627

#1 has no taste in reading material. That was awesome! NO, I'm not Roxana, asshats!

Percentage of D-bags on ATL: 100.

11=roxana

13=roxana

14=roxana

Different and mildly entertaining.

15=racist

Why are none of the actual interviews ever blogged about?

Percentage of this post that was lifted straight from Bridget Jones' diary: 100

this is good and better than that sweet hot love garbage column

kind of funny, but got boring fast

16 = Roxana

Times I've thrown up in my mouth reading this crap: 4
Passive -aggressive defenses of writing style: 3
Spellings errors: 37
Times "hang up shingle" used: 438
Times concept dismissed: 438
Interested men: 0
Interesting stories: 0
Interested readers: 0

20 = Roxana

Give me Deirdre Dare at Allen & Overy Moscow - now she was a hoot.

23=bitter

Comment removed by moderator.

26 = Roxana

Seriously, what is your deal with NYC? I've lived in several American cities, and have spent time in NYC, and cannot figure out why leaving NYC is even an issue. I'm not putting down the city at all, but you're kind of mental if living in NYC is so important that you'll be an unemployed bum before trying someplace new. If your family/close friends are on the east coast, there's a number of cool places to live besides NYC. It's hard for me to sympathize or identify with Roxana when she is so superficially childish about living in NYC.

27 = Roxana

I think this column should be called 'Notes from the Assline'.

See what I did there, I took out 'Bread' and replaced it with 'Ass'.

Textbook. Comedy gold.

Comment removed by moderator.

29=Arnold Schwartzanager

This is all sorts of FAIL.

Interesting that Roxana did not include on her list how many hours she has spent writing "Notes from the Breadline." Has she concluded, like many of the commentators, that it is a huge waste of time and is not helping her find gainful employment?

Chances that the comments are more entertaining than the blog post: 100%
Chances that the comments on this site will ever be more entertaining than a story again: 2%
Odds that 33 = Maria Shriver: 1%

Best part of this feature is the comments it inspires.

What are the odds that the man from Tallahassee will set her straight?

36=Anderson Cooper

38 = Kevin Tighe

Another great one, Roxana.

31, 23, 19, 1--you can go back to reading Juggs Magazine. Please do so with a dictionary handy to define the long words.

Yes, we understand you have been laid off, but just laid? 0?

41=Roxana's mom

29 = Cory Booker

38 = Benjamin Linus

Number of hours wasted writing this blog when you could have been gainfully employed as a phone sex operator: 384

This column was okay in the beginning, but after last weeks unapologetic navel gazing and this week's phone-in, I guess it's over.

Not that I should be surprised. I was unemployed for a few months before I found a new job. And it was pretty boring. Frustrating, yes. And sure, we all are capable of indulging in the kind of existential pondering that Roxanna seems to believe she invented. But in the end, it's just boring.

Who could have guessed that a column going into every detail of a boring situation would be, say, boring?

As a former BigLaw layoff, I suggest you stop on searching for attorney positions and start looking for non-attorney positions.

43 = Roxana's ex.

43 = Roxana's ex.

Rox - You need to get out and get a rich bf to mooch off of for the time being. Plus, at least you'll be having regular sex!

this feature is *almost* as bad as the wedding one. both are inane

Estimated number of jobs applied for: 50

Estimated number of responses received to job inquiries: 4

Estimated number of responses received to job inquiries not from recruiters: 0

Roxanna, where the hell did you find 266 jobs? You had a 3-month head start on me, but otherwise I can't figure it out. I'd move to Nashville right now for a job.

Do you know people are dying in Iran? Your "problems" are nothing and we don't care.

Number of Donuts Elie has eaten this morning: 11

54=the deposed Shah of Iran

Comment removed by moderator.

38 = John Locke's dad?

This is the absolute worst, dumbest, and idiotic recurring feature on ATL, and that is saying something given how stupid the wedding thing is.
Both cause me to instantly click off the site. I am making an exception just to make this comment, and then I am gone yet again. And what a joke that Elie is plugging the awful column on facebook. Good work, Roxana/Elie.

Lat, do you even read this site anymore? Exercise some quality control once and awhile for the love of god!!!!

- Gallion

57 = Fail

I'm starting to think this girl is seriously crazy. She has some fantasy of being a big shot corporate attorney living in New York...stop playing dress-up little girl and wake up. They don't need you or your J.D. in New York. Do you need to contact another 256 employers to figure that out? Instead of fulfilling your Ally McBeal fantasy life, how about moving somewhere where you have a job. And maybe even a job that you care about. You know, something that you feel is somehow a contribution towards some part of the world. If you can get this far out of your warped psycho big firm/big city mentality, MAYBE you will find a guy who finds you interesting. Right now, you are not interesting.

57=Hitler

61 = Ed McMahon

57=Hitler

Love it
CATS: Told the two cats to get jobs three years ago- Each now owes $3, 492 before interest and rug replacement.
SEARCHING? Got a JD? --Hit the colleges and universities- look for one year, non-tenure track teaching gigs-- Look inside and outside of law.-- Poli sci, sociology, public policy, urban studies. You know the list. The academics in these departments love lawyers willing to teach especially if they have practiced. Offer to teach research and writing courses. Look for a spot on a research project. Now is the time when some of these departments start to come up short for staffing faculty for the fall semester. Note that people leaving to move up to more prestigious institutions will announce in June and July. They may even announce as late as August!. Its a process that cycles people upward through institutions and you might be able to beat out graduate students who have either not completed yet, and/or who have no work experience. Opportunities will be at the less prestigious schools-- sometimes at the schools with the worse reputations in terms of student capacity. (Be patient, be kind, and put a smile on your face). . Don't take the usual adjunct deal (payment by the course, we’ll hire you for one course) . You’ve got to eat and pay rent, and keep your internet going. (Remember you will still be searching for that Big Law opportunity) But be willing to move wherever!! Giving you a one-year full-time appointment the university/college will still save money. But remember with academia you have to demand (within the scale of their entry-level full-time salaries) to be paid, or they think you a just in for “the cause” . You can do it – sell that JD, sell that “I know the inside”!. Mine their webs (like a Coal Miner), work your contacts (remember that old professor and that departmental SECRETARY). Stop by for a visit, they might know who's looking—or at least they know who knows. You might have to do a little hanging out on campus, that’s because it might take a face to face to get the info you need.
You might not land at a prestigious institution, but even these places will help you rebuild, show you some respect and gratitude and maybe even open up some new options. For now, they can certainly help you to avoid residence in a tent city.

You'll earn more per hour as a Craigslist hooker than you'll ever earn as a lawyer.

Roxana, you are the worst person ever.

65 - best post on ATL I've ever seen

68 - Maybe, but that's far too ambitious for the set who is used to receiving 2 headhunter calls per day. We'll just keep applying to the same lawjobs and craigslist lawyer postings as everyone else, thank you.

Here's a thought, maybe show up somewhere to hand-deliver your stuff rather than just sending an email or completing an online form?

Here's a thought - stop writing this moronic crap

the cat barfing thing, its an omen.

Roxana:

I have no idea whether you'll find a job soon, ever, before hell freezes over. But you're a wonderful writer.

Suggestion from a similarly almost-unemployed lawyer: have you thought about the possibilities of playing poker for a living? If you're smart, which you obviously are, and can count, you're most of the way there. The 20-somethings and retirees at the Atlantic City casinos have money for the taking!

Steve

Where did Roxana go to law school? College?

This post is ridiculous...Have you considered that your shitty, whiny, self entitled attitude on full display in a widely read legal blog is a contributing factor to your continued unemployment?

76=me

noose = legendary

73 is looking for a date.

63 = Dirty

Roxana, don't let the haters get you down. This was new and different and clever. I enjoyed it.

I think Roxana should troll around her apartment with her camera and take pictures of her cats. She can either sell them off as LOLCATS or as Kitty Porn. Those damn cats need to pull their share once in a while!

Best note from the breadline yet. It's funny.

one of the few things worth reading on this blog these days.

80 - 83: I agree with all of you.

(And no, I am not Roxana. Or her mother.)

THANKS bob dell and dave gordon

84=Roxana's Uncle Mort

Good job, as usual. Another thought for you to consider: If you went to college or graduate school outside of NYC, contact career counseling and/or alumni group at those schools and see if they need a part-time person to assist them in nyc with their long term marketing/contact goals. Good luck.

This column's great because it motivates me to work harder so as not to get laid off. You're doing the Lord's work, Roxana St. Whatever!

9, 27, 32 = Moderator

Number of times tea bagged by T.J. and his "roommates" - four

Number of unnecessary adverbs used - 14387890890

Number of e-mails urging friends to post positive comments - 132

Number of hours combatting evil ATL commenters - 74

Number of times smelling her own funk with pinky finger - 14

I like this column.

I used to be sympathetic, but over 250 jobs applied for without a single hit? Perseverance is one thing, but you are like a retard trying to win a tennis match against a wall.

Roxanna,
Do you get paid by ATL to write this column? Cuz if you do, good job on pimping your skillz to get paid doing SOMETHING. Maybe you should post about about how to get a side blogging gig.
Also, it really is time you started looking for ways to get paid doing something other than biglaw in NY. Writing, teaching, pouring coffee, whatever. I mean, seriously. How many times does Homer have to electrocute himself before realizing that it's not a real doughnut?

Roxanna, Seriously, where did you go to law school?

Maybe your cats wouldn't throw up if you stopped showing them your column.

You should network. Applying to jobs over the internet isn't working out for you.

boring as usual. props for the iron & wine reference, though.

I hear that the Dharma Initiative and Ann Arbor are both hiring.

Be sure to tell the interviewer what lies in the shadow of the statue.

90= overuse of "Number"

92: haaaa!

All the rest of you: Seriously, you whine every week about how Roxana uses 50 words when 2 would do. At least this time, it was short. Mercifully short.

I am the author's mother. I am proud of my baby.

This list is HILARIOUS, Roxy Roxy. You provide your mama so much joy, little girl.

I will try to get your father to add a few bucks to the check next month. Get a haircut and remember even when things look down...showers are important, honey.

80, 82, 83, 91 = Roxana

101 = Roxy's dog

With 3 stalls open - why do you always choose the middle one, Roxana?

With 3 stalls open - why do you always choose the middle one, Roxana?

Is this what happens if you got your biglaw job by just showing up at an OCI interview for a summer associateship when you were a 2L?

I guess since you never had to actually look for a job, you lack a competent grasp of the basics of meaningful job searching, which in this economy really just means "networking," i.e. the only way you're going to find a job.

It's pretty basic.

You talk to people you know who might be able to help you, and you talk to people they know who might be able to help you. And you find people you didn't already know who might be able to help you.

It's how the world turns.

And, yes, it's a tough market. But there are jobs out there. Just let me assure you here and now that none of them are going to show up on monster.com, or through these recruiters.

those are depressing statistics. she should have a job by now. what's wrong w/ her? Did she go to a shitty law school?

You are correct 106. When students get their hand held through every single job seeking endeavor they've every had, the end result is people like Roxanna who don't know their asshole from a hole in the ground when it comes to actually finding work.

Probably the same reason she got canned. At most firms, there is stuff to do if you are willing to look for it. If you just sit around waiting for work, you'll be one of the first to go.

Percentage of commenters who are complete idiots: 99.

109 = Roxana

109 = Roxana

Initially this column was interesting to read. Now I regret the .1 I wasted reading such unimaginative material. If you are unemployed, is this really the best you can come up with?????

This column is epic flame. Has she ever explained how she was a BIGLAW associate for so long yet couldn't manage to save ANY money. Mooching off of her friends for dinner? She must have cleared a million easy during at her tenure at the firm. MUST be flame.

113 - Completely agree. This is clearly all fantasy. What will be epic is if she's actually still employed, but capitalizing off the stories of those really laid off. This is so typical of the blog era - someone thinks they can write columns in secret, be "discovered" and then out themselves to fanfare. Sorry, Roxanne (or whatever you're real name is, most likely a guy), but you're not that talented.

101=best comment thus far

Where DID YOU go to Law School? Seriously, you need to tell us, or you are going to lose your readers interest.
We need more backstory here to go with the current cute despair. We want to have empathy for you but you need to help us with that, with some honest backstory.

112 = Tobias Bluth

I have had it with all the losers ragging on this poor woman.

As far as I am concerned, we are all cowards. It's easy to take shots at someone from the comfort of an anonymous internet post.

You don't like it? Why don't YOU write a column baring your soul? Oh that's right, you can't---you feckless baby. The best you can do is grunt out some half-baked rape joke. Idiot

Look sometimes I want to scream at her and say "Get off your ass and work in a hot dog stand or something" but the truth is, she's shown us that she IS trying. You clowns should try to think about what that means.

She's a sensitive and thoughtful person who was blown off-course after years of hard work. Yes asshats, being a privileged lawyer working at a firm IS hard work.

Spending sleepless nights studying through high school, college and finally law school and slaving away as an associate requires just as much sacrifice as someone who lays down brick for a living. If you resent how much money such people can make by dint of having a fancy piece of paper, then I invite you sample the 22 plus years of sweat it takes to get there. Nothing comes for free.

You work your whole life, believing that you were climbing a ladder, only to have it crash down and reveal that it was just an endless turning wheel :/

When you work that hard and sacrifice that much, it's damn painful to have that taken away from you through the whims of some imaginary market place (im talking to you, hypersaturated CDS credit market)

Sigh*

But like my Pop tells me, if you were worth anything, any of the work you put in then you just have to find a way to dust yourself off and do something with your expensive brain.

I know you can

God bless you Roxana. Keep going and don't look back.

116 - I agree. No one comes to this site to read this column, at best we skim it b/c we're bored and then look to the comments for real comic relief. I also have been suspecting that this is all made-up. It reads like bland fiction.

How is it possible for any former biglaw attorney to have only $1,223 in her checking account even after 6 months of unemployment? How much were you saving when you had a job? What exactly were you spending your money on?

I'm out 2 years, worked 1 year at a tiny firm, am almost done with my second year at a mid-size firm, and have saved at least $40k (not including retirement funds). I have student loans, car payments, and rent.

You white people...

Roxanne,

Do you attribute the lack of interest to a general downturn in the labor market, or do you think that law firms just care less about "diversity" these days.

Why *did* you become a lawyer?

With crap like this, it's no wonder she's unemployable--if it's even real. Ever since she described her memory of BigLaw life as "carefree," I've been highly suspicious.

Fail.

With crap like this, it's no wonder she's unemployable--if it's even real. Ever since she described her memory of BigLaw life as "carefree," I've been highly suspicious.

Fail.

90 - TITCR/FTW!!!

-90's Uncle Mort

I've got my swimsuit. And my flippie floppies.

120 - given your end comment, why are you so lazy and still readily accepting the idea idea that your modern generation has been oppressed? Have I missed something?

120 - given your end comment, why are you so lazy and still readily accepting the idea idea that your modern generation has been oppressed? Have I missed something?

#118, I share your feelings and like what you said. I think we all feel for her, and want something to break for her and since it's not, we can't stand it and blame her, when she is doing all she can. She's a good writer, that's for sure.

127 - interesting, though I'm not sure about your racial overtones. From what I've been reading over the weeks, I think that Roxana is American black. Figure that into your discussion.

maybe if you lose some weight you might actually get a job. sure you don't think it matters, but when you sit down in the interview chair, and the chairs cries out in pain, you're not going to get the job. less knitting, more purging.

Are you kidding me? You've only applied for 266 jobs? In six MONTHS? I was unemployed for nearly as long, and applied for well over 2000. Of those, I had 48 interviews, and finally got a job (nothing wrong with me, it's the economy, stupid). Yeah, it's not doing something legal, but at least I'm employed and not on public assistance. Sounds like you need to go a lot further before you learn what the "breadline" really is.

132 - where in the world are you finding 2000 job openings right now? are you sending your resume and a form cover letter to any law firm in any city you can find? if so, 90% of those are a waste of your time and internet bandwidth. how about maybe focusing, crafting on-point cover letters/emails, and trying to backdoor/network your way in?

133 - I'm not limiting myself to just legal jobs. I have a mortgage to pay and I'm not interested in being on unemployment to do so. I didn't send out a single form cover letter, and I applied exclusively in Minnesota.