Associate Advice, B for Beauty, Health Care / Medicine, pls hndle thx

Pls Hndle Thx: Too Sexy for My Law Firm

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Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

ATL,
I was wondering whether I should get/admit to getting plastic surgery.
My issue is that if I was in L.A., I would have done it already, but Chi-town is different, and I want my co-workers to take me seriously notwithstanding the potential surgery.
Sincerely,
Too Sexy for My Face

Dear Too Sexy for My Face,
At approximately 8:43 a.m. on November 1, 2001, in an office on Central Park South, Dr. Michael Evan Sachs punched me in the nose with his scalpel. Five days after his precision beating, I removed the bandages to reveal a magnificent elf shoe perched in the middle of my face. Going into the surgery, I hoped that a new nose would solve all my problems. Needless to say, I was not disappointed.
There’s nothing inherently shameful about plastic surgery; some of us were simply born monsters and require surgery to address the situation. The only shameful thing about the whole ordeal is hatching some ludicrous story to explain away your new feature(s) or banking on the fact that your colleagues aren’t observant people and don’t live for this sort of shit. If you show up at work with two Christmas hams stuffed in your shirt or half of your nose hacked off and still pale despite your “Costa Rica trip,” your colleagues will notice, mainly because they aren’t morons. And because they’re tactful professionals, they won’t confront you about it, they’ll just tear you to shreds behind your back. Keeping quiet about it doesn’t make you look discreet, it makes you seem ashamed. If you remove the shame from the equation, the vicious gossip loses its sting. There’s not really anything further for people to discuss about your surgery if you’ve already told them everything yourself.
Stop being corny and worried about whether your colleagues will think you’re vain. Of course you’re vain if you’re getting cosmetic surgery, and there is no sense in wasting time or energy disabusing yourself or coworkers of the truth. Be true to yourself, even the plastic parts.
Your friend,
Marin
Elie objectifies us all, after the jump.

I’m not going to pass judgment on a person who wants a little cosmetic enhancement. It’s not for me, but I can see both sides. Judging people based on how they look, or how they come to looking like they do, is just not my thing.
But it is “the thing” for a lot of your colleagues. Expect to be judged, harshly, by your female colleagues. And while you are at it, expect to be not taken quite as seriously by your male colleagues who see your surgical choices as tacit consent to objectification. And really, your male colleagues have just been waiting for a reason to objectify you anyway. The people you work with will not take you as seriously after the surgery. Of course, if “colleagues” means “potential future employers after I get laid off” to you, well, then there’s no reason for them to know, is there?
That said, f*** ’em. Seriously. It’s your body, your life, who gives a crap what other people think. I can tell you from (ahem) experience that not caring what other people think about your appearance is one of the most liberating clubs in my bag.
My only advice is that you should try a new wardrobe first. People underestimate how much the suit makes the man, or woman as the case may be.
Golf Claps,
Carson Kressley

As long as an associate with breast implants is not greeting clients in pleather bikinis or doing doc review in a “Sexy Bitch” t-shirt, she’s not objectifying herself and nobody else should objectify her, either. If someone looks like he’s been chewing on tin foil, does it really make him a vain, vapid sex object if he fixes his mangled teeth with veneers?
People change their appearance for any number of reasons and unless someone tells you his or her exact reasons for surgery, you can’t know for sure whether an associate got breast implants, for example, to moonlight as a stripper or to assuage serious insecurities. Mocking associates for getting plastic surgery sounds like jealousy in disguise, Elie. And in the words of the late great Sophia Petrillo, “Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you in anything backless.”
P.S. If you’re persuaded by Marin and interested in exploring possible plastic surgery, go see Lat’s parents (and ask for the discount for Above the Law readers).
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

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