eek!

I sent no email at all when I was laid off. Those attorneys and staff with whom I really enjoyed working I told personally. I could care less about the rest.

I was laid off from a biglaw firm in 2002. I didn't send around a goodbye email where I flamed the firm. Rather, at the "partnership review" (I was a 4th year at the time and the firm tried to hide the layoffs by calling them early partnership decisions), when the two top partners told me I had a few months to pack my bags, I ripped into them, and the firm, face to face. The didn't take it well and fought back, which was fine by me. We exchanged insults for about half an hour and I ended it by telling them that they were crappy lawyers and should fire themselves for being unable to bring in enough work (we associates were billing at best 50 hours per month at the time) and then I ordered them to leave my office.

Yeah, what I did was juvenile and the firm definitely tried to get back at me over the years (through badmouthing me to clients, etc.) but even now, seven years later, I look back on that interaction with pride for having said what was on my mind. I wouldn't change a thing that I did and after a bit of unemployment I ended up at a much better firm.

So the moral of my story is that email is for pussies, if you're going to speak out, do it face to face.

I almost wrote one of these scathing e-mails right before leaving BigLaw, but thought better of it. Unless it's really clever, I think you run the chance of sounding shrill and angry, and instead of seeing it as a giant middle finger, people suddenly feel like they're glad you left.

My advice: take the people you don't like out of the "To:" line and say something you can stick by that isn't necessarily loaded, like: "Thanks to those of you who took an active role in my career development." It thanks the proper parties and politely eliminates those that did not.

No reason to write a stupid email to everyone -

the people you are angry with don't really care. That is why you hate them. Once again they will not care about what you have to say and you will just end up where you started - angry and bitter at the choices YOU made.

They treat you like crap, they expect you to hate it, they expect you to leave, they expect you to be angry when you leave - confirming all this in a stupid self absorbed email only confirms that they have been doing a a great job of weeding out the undesirables.

The only time one of these letters is acceptable is when it ends up embarrassing the firm more than it does you.

Say there is a partner who has been making passes out you for 4 years - throw that in. If you have concrete evidence of them and maybe a few others cheating on spouses with employees of the firm even better - also naming names is very important.

There is partner that thinks off color racial jokes are a hoot - throw that in. This has to be really bad and is better if more than one partner is participating. Statements derogatory to women should also be included. Once again its important to name and shame if you want to come out on top.

There is a creepy partner that likes to look through cracks in the stall - throw it in

Firm like to over bill clients and encourages associates to do it too - throw it in.

Things like that will go a long way toward making the people you are angry with pissed (the ultimate goal)

But before doing so - run these statements by an independent (non-associate) person to gauge their reaction. Also you will need at least two really big things to justify the letter, or at least 4 minor anecdotes.

And you tie your leaving to the behavior referenced.

Better to write an email emphasizing how awesome your life is going to be doing whatever it is you're lucky enough to do after leaving the law.

Surprisingly good comments on this thread. Thanks everyone.

Be simple and classy. Say something along the lines of: You have screwed so many young lawyers, you should advertise Starbucks on your taint.

This notion that 'stealth layoffs' are decimating career killers is moronic. Do you really think, when the market for laterals bounces back, that a hiring firm is going to look at an impressive resume and look to ATL to find out if the person's last firm called their layoffs performance based or layoffs? No fucking way. If the person is decent, they'll be considered. If not, not. Thousands have been laid off, and no one cares what it's called. Get over the 'stealth' crap already.

Now, if the layoff leads you to realize that you want nothing more to do with biglaw whatsoever...well that's liberating, not decimating.

Hey, Marin,

You ruin my career, and I'll beat your nasty ass, how bout that, smarty?

Marin should have been EIC

Bravo Marin - proving once and for all that Elie is redundant, irrelevant, and unnecessary.

Sending a "Blaze of Glory" email worked out okay for Shinyung Oh, but I wouldn't do it unless your work has been excellent, and you've been legitimately and unjustly screwed over. The typical associate complaints aren't going to impress anyone, and if that's all you have, you're only going to come across as a whiner.

Sometimes a little understatement goes a long way. (Remember "She's likable enough"?) Say something like, "I had several good experiences at this firm. At this point in my career/life I'm glad to be moving on."
I probably didn't craft this quite right, but you get my idea. Don't be nasty, but don't dole out praise. That will send the message and make you look good.
Finally, people may disagree with me about this, but I think that if you are glad to be moving on, it's OK to say so--as long as you say it properly. Insiders will get the message, but outsiders will just think you are saying, "Be happy for my new opportunity."

Disagree with all of these, particularly if you are leaving to an in house position. If you are going in house, blast them - you are their boss now and you can let them know it. And they deserve it. Try to include embarrassing information in the transmtital naming individual partners detailing their crappy behavior with specifics. You have the initiative so take advantage of it.

14 - agreed.

Take the high road, karma will take care of the rest.

6 and 7 hit it on the head. Don't give the fuckers (yes, fuckers is appropriate in this context) you hate the satisfaction of seeing any misery. Shove your happiness (albeit perhaps not sincere) down their throats. And, if you must be bitter, take them down with you and cc ATL on the way.

Yes, have you thought instead about just kickin' peoples' teeth in?

I mean, if these clowns are as obtuse as you'd have us believe, then an email just won't do. They're not gonna catch your drift until they're spittin' chicklets.

Why do all these things need to be memorialized in an email? Everyone, staff and attorneys alike, already knows that partners are greedy and usually make terrible managers, thus causing low morale.

The rest of it is just whiner fluff.

good thing "elie's" response included a movie reference; it wouldn't have been authentic otherwise.

I actually "Stealth Quit" my old gig with a rotton NY firm by simply (i) cleaning up all of my outstanding matters/giving them to junior/peer associates on a Friday (ii) cleaned out my office over the weekend and (iii) on the following Monday, the first day of my planned vacation, told the head of my group that I was taking some time, and that practicing law just wasn't fun anymore. Note that I already had a new gig in place -- except for two people, nobody actually knew what happened to me -- oh, and yes, I took four or five clients with me. To this day, I still grin thinking about it.

Sorta like dumping an Ex with the "it's not you, it's me" line.

Use doublespeak:

"I could not possibly give higher praise to the people I've worked with, who all have so much potential. I would be lucky to find a nicer place to work."

My firm has taken the necessary precautions to prevent these nuissance "goodbye" emails from reaching other staff members at the firm. Once a decision is made to terminate an associate or employee, their email account is immediately deactivated and if they try sending emails from an ISP provider, our IT staff has ensured that said incoming emails will be filtered into the spam and junk folders. So much for putting out the blaze...

20=shitty biglaw partner who enjoys yelling and grabass occasionally.

Do it to speed of the news flow on this blog, if nothing else. Also, you only live once, go out in a blaze of glory.

Boston females must rectify their explosive sharting asap.

Pls hndle Thx.

LOL. Your reprise of Elie is perfect.

#4 is spot on. E-mail always looks like a passive aggressive pansy way of dealing with things, plus it is permanent and can be forwarded all over the world in seconds. Don't send any kind of "goodbye" e-mail. Either don't say a word to anyone, pack your stuff and go, or let a couple of the assholes at your firm know that you think they're assholes to their faces.

24 - "My firm?" This is getting cute.

Lol, at my last firm I said something akin to:

"I am truly amazed that this firm has very talented lawyers. Some have been great teachers, all have contributed to my legal education. I feel I have learned much about the operations of a large law firm, client relationships and genuine corporate culture.

To all of those who have been such good friends, we will continue to be so, and I hope with work with each other in the future.

Now, I will concentrate on my family, and focus on my responsibilities as a father and husband to those I love most. They will understand the significance of my time with all of you and appreciate all that it has taught me.

As you deserve, I wish you the best.

Regards....

22 - I knew a couple of guys who did that at my old firm. One flat out quit after cashing his paycheck on a Friday and cleared out his office in less than an hour. Another took an extended "paternity leave," came back for a week to wrap up/steal clients, and opened a solo shop the next Monday. Neither one sent an email though.

Go out in a blaze of glory. Latham's managing partners need to be told off.

31 - "As you deserve, I wish you the best."

Hahahahaha. Nice.

6 -- Wow, going nuclear! I like your style, but unless this associate is leaving the practice of law or is moving to a new city to practice law, this course of action could harm his future.

#4 is totally awesome. I would hang out with that guy any day of the week (I assume #4 is a guy, if not, even more impressive)!

@3 - you COULDN'T care less.

If you could care less, then you care.

4 is right. Winnie hate emails only further contribute to the pussification of our society. If you've got something to say, say it face to face.

I don't know where this kid is going, but if anyone is heading in house, send an email mentioning that, saying bye, all sugar and roses. Also, include that you look forward to possibly working with the firm in the future if the company's interest requires such legal help.

Give two weeks notice; only two weeks. Not a day more. Day one: notice. Vacation for 12 of those days. and the last day clean up whatever HR crap you need to do; the firm will not give a shit because they think you will be feeding them work. Ha.

Start new job; dangle work in front of old firm; snap it away because they are way too expensive (and if I wanted to hire Cravath, I would have). Plus, the same assholes spent years making your life shitty. Karma. Rinse. Repeat. Until the end of time. That's how you burn a bridge.

-In House Lady.

I agree you need to air your grievances face to face. When lame ass partners in your group, who haven't been able to staff you on a billable assignment in more than a year, because they have no clients and never did and are openly hoarding their service work from other partners, start talking about other non-present, anonymous partner comments about your lack of substantial experience for your level and eagerness to seek out new challenges blah blah, it might be on the right side of line politely to point out some cold hard facts to their faces.

When I quit a crappy law firm associate job where I worked for an abusive slave driving partner, I too was tempted to write an e-mail on my last day venting my resentments and broadcasting it to the firm, but I am glad I didn't. The momentary satisfaction I would have gotten would have far outweighed the damage to my professional reputation.

I quietly made my reasons for leaving clear to the managing partner in a one on one meeting and handed him a resignation letter which was a one line letter a la Richard Nixon's resignation letter indicating the effective date of my resignation.

My revenge came later when I was in charge of a multimillion dollar legal budget at a company where I was in-house as a GC. The partners at that same firm pitched me relentlessly for business at a resort conference for in-house lawyers, buying me cigars, glasses of fine scotch, all in an attempt to get my business. I behaved like a gentleman, smiled the whole time, took them for every freebie I could, and never gave them a nickel of business and made sure they were blacklisted as an outside firm for the company. Hit em' where it hurts - in the wallet - that's how you get even.

I worked with a guy who typed out all the lyrics to the song "ITS TIME FOR ME TO FLY" and he sent it FIRMWIDE, to everyone

The only thing pepople thought afterward, ws "Thank God that lunatic is gone".

Has it occurred to you that it wasn't the firm that ruined your life, but you who ruined your own life by choosing to stay with them for as long as you did? It's still, in most respects, a free country. Nobody made you work at Big Law. Maybe you should tell yourself off for not taking a nice, safe, boring, 9-4 government job.

No posting of the good bye email from the guy who was leaving the practice to become a trophy husband? "May the smoke from the bridges I burned today be seen far and wide." That was some good prose.

What is with the "real" advice? We just lost a great opportunity to read an epic FU e-mail.

Good rule to live by: If some one wants to do something stupid, encourage it. It is funnier.

I am hoping a certain female Katten NYC Corporate attorney will be writing a farewell email very soon....

I sent out an email when I left in october that was something to the effect of :

Tomorrow is my last day at XXXX. Suffice it to say, it's been fun. I wish you all well.

I want say a very special thank you to my secretary [XX] for consistently excellent work [actually, she kind of sucked, but so what?] and secretary [xx] who sat next to me and often did rush jobs for me far beyond her balliwick.

/etc/

***

I also sent out an email to a job a few times back where I said all the nice things, but also said that it was time to "step off the giant hamster wheel of death" which was juvenile, but fun.

In House Lady, you are living the dream. My hero.

Blazing, are you at BS&F?

http://gawker.com/015403/paul-hastings-gossips-backstabbers-and-napoleonic-personalities

Paul, Hastings, Janofsky, and Walker, LLP lost a lawyer yesterday. He won't be returning, either, after his farewell memo. "In fact," he writes, "I dare say that I would rather be dressed up like a pinata and beaten than remain with this group any longer."

Full memo after the jump.

From: [REDACTED] Sent: Thursday, May 27, 2004 1:11 PM Subject: FW: Goodbye...

As many of you are aware, today is my last day at the firm. It is time for me to move on and I want you to know that I have accepted a position as "Trophy Husband". This decision was quite easy and took little consideration. However, I am confident this new role represents a welcome change in my life and a step up from my current situation. While I have a high degree of personal respect for PHJW as a law firm, and I have made wonderful friendships during my time here, I am no longer comfortable working for a group largely populated by gossips, backstabbers and Napoleonic personalities. In fact, I dare say that I would rather be dressed up like a pinata and beaten than remain with this group any longer. I wish you continued success in your goals to turn vibrant, productive, dedicated associates into an aimless, shambling group of dry, lifeless husks.

May the smoke from any bridges I burn today be seen far and wide.

Respectfully submitted,

[SIGNED]

ps. Achilles absent, was Achilles still. (Homer)

I'd welcome a completely physco e-mail if it meant that some of the douchebags at my "big law" firm were gone!

Cut the dead weightt and send on the "blaze of glory" emails!!

Comment removed by moderator.

Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, tommorw is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Tommorow is my last day."

For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the year and a half, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "mostly satisfactory." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after even a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Caulfield: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Mairead: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Linda: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these "email forwards." I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

And finally, to Kat: you were right - I tested positive. We'll talk later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

I know it's been said -- e.g. 42-- but we should all take a good look at the "they did this to me" schtick. Whether you e-mail or spazz out in person, the victim role doesn't impress the folks who you signed up to be ass-fucked by.
We make ourselves miserable; we can also stop.

PE is a cock-watcher.

54-- sorry, I meant 43

Good Elie impersonation. It's almost like he's funnier when he's gone.

6 is the winner. I need to see one of those.

Does anyone think its a bit naive to be angry with law firm partners "for their greed and mismanagement of the firm, stealth layoffs that decimate careers and reputations, and the low morale fostered by bad leadership"? These are profit-making enterprises, and their goal is to make money, end of story. Sure, one can disagree over whether the best means toward that end is to take the high road and treat employees well - or not. But at the end of day, it is not the goal of large firms to be generous, develop employee's careers, or create good morale. These are not abusive minimum wage employers we are talking about (in whose treatment of their workers there is often much to criticize.) As a prior commenter noted, law firm associates made a deliberate choice to work at law firms as opposed to any other workplace - or hang up their own shingle as we are fully licensed to do. This choice came with salaries that put us in the top 1% of American wage-earners, and gives us health care benefits better than most Americans'. (Those free fancy dinners and taxis home are pretty nice too.) Moreover, we get the malpractice insurance and administrative support we'd have to pay for ourselves if we set up our shops. So let's remember that we have degrees that give us the privilege of picking up and leaving anytime, and we made the choice to be at big firms. Those partners made their own choices, and you don't have to like them or respect them but don't get confused about what you signed up for.

@53,

I'm literally crying.

58. You're right. It's about the money.

Which is why it's insanely stupid for firms to continually trash an associate's reputation and raise questions about their work product. I actually had to change firms for one of our on-going matters because the several associates (I'm talking 20 plus in a two year period) were publicly fired for poor performance. We almost demanded a credit for all of the hours we paid for these associates and partners--if the work wasn't up to snuff, we shouldn't bother paying top dollar for it. But decided shifting firms would be easier (and cheaper).

Stealth layoffs also raised questions about the type of people getting on our matters and potentially mistakes that happened before that we were never told about. Is this a quality firm if they have to fire all of these people? Was it all bullshit? I don't have time to run a law firm and I'm not going to get to the bottom of it, so we hired different counsel.

Because listen. I'm not going to be dragged in front of my boss who will be dragged in front of the board for paying for subpar law firm work. That's what stealth layoffs evince to clients.

And in the event something did go wrong, I need to be able to say "we hired the best." Stealth layoffs that are publicly reported keep me from saying that because my boss and the board know about ATL and can google.

-In House Lady.

(caveat: we ended up hiring one of those stealth associates to work here, so a bit of a win win).

53 is good writing indeed. But what did you expect, a fraternity full of best friends? It's a job.

Thanks, 53.

-6

53 FTW!

You should definitely send a scathing email. Always do what feels right now. You'll just regret it later if you don't.

-BIBs

53 should be posted on the main site. AWESOMENESS.

On a separate note, I don't advocate telling them off in person or in e-mail unless you are going to bring them down with you as 6 said. using that energy makes them win regardless of how awesome the FUs actually are. From their perspective, it's "Can you believe this person has time for this? I must be really special. They probably spent days and nights thinking about me. Makes me feel guud". Seriously.

I LOVE getting these kind of "you'll rue the day you ever let me go" e-mails!

Please don't discourage them.

Some of them are funnier than anything you'll ever pay to see.

41's strategy, going in-house and never sending them business, is an excellent suggestion.

Rogue Associate pointed out that we can comment about partners on www.rateapartner.com.

If your partners padded bills or other fraudulent acts that would be commonly known within the firm, post it.

Be sure to take proper steps to protect your identity and have some fun.

37

+1

Upon leaving, most firms have an exit interview and/or a survey for exiting employees. These are the appropriate places to give constructive criticism. If done correctly, it could actually help the associates you leave behind. Try to have real suggestions for improvement. For example, a "no vacation cancellation policy" or better work assignment feedback.

Grow up. Don't send an email. Wait until the people you don't like leave their office, and then take a dump in their desk drawer. Then go to the next office and pee on the carpet. Then go to the next office and open a can of tuna fish and dump the liquid on the floor. Be creative, you clod. Earlier poster was right that the people you hate won't care about your stupid email. So make them care by f*&#ing with their office. It is much more satisfying.

Do nothing. Seriously. Do nothing. There is zero upside in *any* parting communication: those who know you will think you lack integrity if you send an artificially positive note. The reasons for not going negative have been spelled out above.

And by all means: NO "EXIT INTERVIEW". Nothing, repeat, nothing will be kept "confidential." You are not being paid to be a management consultant. You have a future that will only be degraded (or left neutral at best) from whatever you say.

If the HR department tries to "schedule' your interview because "it's required", put them off saying you're busy, all the way up until you walk out the door on your last day. Smile, be polite, but do not open your mouth, even if it's "constructive feedback."

@davidgreen on Twitter

71, agreed. that's what I did when I quit, particularly on the exit interview. gave no comments whatsoever and actually felt great about leaving them wondering bc they never saw my departure coming.

Goodbye emails should be short and sweet. Three sentences. Include contact info. No Jesus talk. Keep emotions under control. All sincerity should be lukewarm at best.

Your new contact information and, if you're feeling frisky, a passive-aggressive "It's been my pleasure to work with many of you." That's it. It is not worth embarrassing yourself. Simply malign everybody once you're gone - it's a lot more fun. Believe me.

i'm lovin it, 53

53 - that was a BRILLIANT email. Very Clever and funny.

Blaze of glory is only worth it if you air everyone's dirty laundry. All of the partner's affairs, all of the moral lapses, the fact that the firm rewards meritless people. Then you make the firm a pariah, and you become a symbol of honesty.

Sounds like someone in Boston that just announced more layoffs...

My advice is to write the email, wait until several others at your firm have left, and send it to ATL to post. By all means, mention the firm, but don't be specific enough that you can be tracked down.

53 - Bloody Brilliant!!

58 - Okay, fine, but can the hard-nosed "this is a business" law firms then please lay off the "100 Best Places to Work," "Our People Are Our Greatest Strength, etc." marketing/PR BS? They need to quit promoting themselves as benevolence and integrity personified.

I was laid off several months ago (4th year associate, firm admitted layoffs due to economy). I was fortunate enough to get multiple job offers for in house, and accepted a great offer that would have been tempting even if the layoff hadn't happened. I was SO tempted to send a f-u email, at least to a few people. Although I did not do that, I did tell every single partner who showed up to tell me they "want to stay in touch" and "hope that we can work together again in the future" and who then asked for my contact information that I didn't plan to circulate my new contact information, that it would be available on the state supreme court's website when I updated my information (but that I had no desire to be placed on any of the firm's marketing mailing lists), and that if they wanted to keep in touch with me as a person, I would give them my personal email address later. I made it crystal clear that they did not have the ability to lay me off, place my family in financial peril and then benefit from it - EVER. Even if, on the eve of my retirement, I am finally in a position to give my old firm business, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. They will NEVER, EVER benefit from what they have done - and making sure they understood that was worth way more than a f-u email! (It also helps that I am going to a company that the firm has been trying to get as a client for years.)

Leave, not knowingly when people say they will miss you and move on. No venting, no whiny emails, no nothing. You will need another job some day, and you will be surprised how many times you will run across your former employer, people who know your former employer or people who just like to check references.

Even if you hate your old firm, the anger fades. If you are in-house, you may realize there can be value to hiring a firm where you can make sure you get good people on your account for small matters. You can always screw your old firm by (1) listening to their pitches and never sending them any work while constantly leading them on so they think they will get the business or (2) hiring them, grinding them on bills and trying to drive their lawyers completely insane.

Oops, "nod" not "not"...

41 here. Have to disagree with 83. As an in-house it is better to lead the old firm that crapped on you on and take them for whatever free dinners, skybox seats, and drinks that you can get away with while never giving them any business. If you give the old firm business and ride them hard it will only be the associates who suffer. Partners will only write off so much and in the meantime they profit off you while they kick the associates in the teeth. Now if you hate the associates you worked with in the past too, that might be a bit different, but still you are rewarding a place that you hated. As I said, fleece them where you can and spread the word to your fellow GCs (to the extent you can without getting a defamation suit on you) that the firm sucks. Like I said before, hit em' in the wallet, it is the best revenge.

41 here. Have to disagree with 83. As an in-house it is better to lead the old firm that crapped on you on and take them for whatever free dinners, skybox seats, and drinks that you can get away with while never giving them any business. If you give the old firm business and ride them hard it will only be the associates who suffer. Partners will only write off so much and in the meantime they profit off you while they kick the associates in the teeth. Now if you hate the associates you worked with in the past too, that might be a bit different, but still you are rewarding a place that you hated. As I said, fleece them where you can and spread the word to your fellow GCs (to the extent you can without getting a defamation suit on you) that the firm sucks. Like I said before, hit em' in the wallet, it is the best revenge.