I hope to be that partner one day.

First!

First

Marin, you rock.

Cool Elie made another movie reference. That was a great substitute for legitimate humor back at my frat house.

Kid's got alligator blood...

Marin is right; Elie, wrong.

Instead of playing for cash, play for billable hours.

Marin, I just laughed my ass off. Mostly because it rings so true. Not sure I'd actually take the boss for everything he's worth, but funny nonetheless.

can i haz regular PE column pleeze? kthxbi.

Years ago I once made a bar bet with a partner over trivia, won, and was paid in cash the next day. Felt fucking awesome, no repurcussions (eventually left firm on my own terms).

As long as you're not a douche about it, go for it, and enjoy modest winnings. But if the stakes get too high (or you gloat, etc.) then there could be trouble. Then again, any chance to get any victory against your tormentors (think the inmates/guards football game in Sleepers) is, at least on some level, worth it for your mental health.

Greatest post ever Marin! BRAVO!

I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!

that was the funniest description i've read in a while..."farts and doesn't apologize"!

i think the associate should take the bitch partner for everything he's got. here is a rule i live by: make your money now, apologize later.

The Sir in "Sir Gaga" was unnecessary; everyone knows that bitch is a hermaphodite

As a junior partner, I say you play, play your best, don't gloat, and you'll have more respect from said junior partner than you had prior to the game.

Marin, don't lie.
If one of these farting, cigar chomping, Johny Walking drinking, loafer wearing, McRich guys offered to buy you those huge diamond earrings you were always talking about, you would jump in to a juicy sweat suit and bring him his Doritos without a second thought.

We all know Marin is describing The Most Interesting Partner In The World.

"Stay self-loathing, my friends"

Why apologize for farting? That's like apologizing for breathing for cryin out loud.

Oh, and I say, take some but not all of his money, flirt with but don't bang his wife, and detatch as much coin as you can from the other rubes at the table.

You may need the money after the next round of stealth-offs.

Don't hold back, smoke that fucker. But definitely don't you dare gloat. And I like the idea about playing for billable hours.

Advice from a lawyer who also plays pretty good poker (and who paid his rent throughout lawschool by taking weekend trips to AC):

Be friendly, talkative, and engaging, but still take their money. Money doesn't matter to them b/c it's pocket change. It's HOW you take it.

If you just sit there hiding behind your sunglasses and beat the crap out of everybody without saying a word, they 'll hate you and remember it forever. If you are amicable and (I assume) intelligent, they won't mind losing to you, b/c at least they are having a good time.

PS any chance I get invited to your game?

This junior partner probably makes plenty of money. It would be quite tacky for the partner to invite people to his house (presumably associates that make far less than him) and play poker with the expectation that those invited will purposefully fold and give him money for nothing. Such would essentially amount to asking people to pay for "face time" with him. That being said, play hard and be humble.

hilarious by marin

I'll give you three to one odds...

23, and we've never heard of partners being tacky, right?

This column is the best thing ATL has going. This was a great read. Spot on.

And, many of you fit into this description and don't even know it.

Just be sure to splash your chips.

Actually, I bet this guy isn't nearly as good as he thinks he is, and will end up pissing away what little of his salary he has left.

I don't know how, but I'm gonna get ya.

Junior partners don't get to attend partnership meetings. I.e. he doesn't get to vote, so take his fucking money if he can't play cards.

Junior partners don't get to attend partnership meetings. I.e. he doesn't get to vote, so take his fucking money if he can't play cards.

Hes probably playing like 20 dollar buyins or something. Nothing to get terribly worked up over. But you should study up on bill fillmaff to learn the real poker secrets.

32 -- EXACTLY what I think. This is all nonesense as friendly games rarely pass the $100 buy-in level and nobody gives a shit if they lose $100. Drink something top shelf and smoke a couple of good cigars and relax. If you somehow come away with a couple of bills, enjoy it and offer to let them win their money back next time.

27 - Shut up and bring me my Dorito's!

Marin's whole post is a single sentence. Kudos.

Marin - your description of Scarsdale is more like Roslyn...Scarsdale wives opt for Akris and Badgley Mischka, not Juicy. And yes, even in this economy.

Gaga should be sure to take his wife to the party and let everyone at the table have a turn pounding her in the ass. What a totally dumbass associate.

best marin post ever

Nobody pads around the house in Badgley Mischka, 36--know whereof you speak.

30/31 is right. Elie is wrong -- this guy ain't your boss!

+ 1 to the Marin fan club.

30/31 is right. Elie is wrong -- this guy ain't your boss!
______________________________________________

So why waste your precious free time at his suburban dump at all?

In my experience, partners play poker about the same way as they fuck.

Lots of big talk beforehand, then a hilarious display of incompetence, followed by prolonged sulking and passive-aggressiveness.

Easy money.

At least, that's how it goes down at Thompson Hine.

play to win, but don't expect to get paid. I have a friend who's still waiting from summer 2006 ...

FYI for those of you that don't know her personally--Marin is really good at sex.

45 - Don't talk about my girlfriend

Marin's post was easily the best thing ever on this website.

22 is right on: Elie is dead wrong

Just don't bang his wife and you're good

play to win but be humble. don't drink too much. don't make a big fuss if they cheat you out of a few bucks when you cash in your chips. bring a good bottle of liquor.

Agreed, great post Marin.

Why is someone so self-proclaimed as "very good" at poker showing his hand to the world? My advice - go and learn your lesson. One or two of them will probably take you to school. Do you remember what it is like to learn something rather than think you know everything? Maybe a bit of humility will enter your little world, you sad little person. By the way Marin, poker is played in places other than Vegas and New York.

Welcome back RA

Well you can intentionally lose and be your junior partner's little bitch, or you can actually have some self worth and try and win.

Seriously though, if I knew someone was intentionally losing to me, especially someone I am in charge of, I would instantly lose all respect for them.

Some advice - Mr. Gaga - the persona of the "junior partner" at work may be very different at home. The fact that you refer to him by his place in the firm (rather than life) as "junior" also reveals that you have mental issues that can be exploited at the table.

This is all bullshit.

Here is how you gauge the scene:

1. Are they only playing texas hold-em? Or are they playing Hold-em and other 7/5-stud variations where dealer calls game?

2. Blinds or Ante?

3. Cash or tournament? If it's cash, you're in the right crowd, play tight cards; if it's tournament - beware, dump early and leave.

4. When someone wins a good hand on the cards or through a good bet, does the loser say "good pull" or "good bet"?

Being invited to a card game by anyone means they don't think you are a douchebag and think you might be cool. No one wants to sit around with their friends playing cards with someone they don't like. There are tons of cash games in any major metro where people can go to play competitve cards. This guy could be cool, Marin be damned.

That being said - don't slam anyone at the table hard. For example, don't check-raise. If you start dumping hands, everyone will likely know (if not, someone in the know will tell them) and you'll look like you're sucking up which is actually worse than slamming everyone.

Just play tight cards, be yourself, and have fun. If you have to leave early in a cash game and you're up, annouce your departure at least 6 hands in advance and dump some money in the pot on at least 3 of them - if not a little into all. Play like gentleman - it ain't the world series. But there is nothing wrong with leaving up.

You all sound like douches.

Seriously - you're not being invited to the card game to see if you're a spineless sycophant. You're being invited to see if you really are a good guy. Play hard, win as much as you can, and be cool about it. They'll respect you for that. They won't respect you for kissing up.

Elie bad, Marin good!

Oh--what is this post about again?

beat this beeeeeaaaaaatch down!!!!! if your work is any good, this douche has absolutely nooooo control over what happens to you at the firm, unless of course he reviews your work, in which case you may have to do some cya and perhaps cc the billing partner on any work you send this guy so the billing partner knows what your work's really like come compensation setting time.

When I was an SA I bet a senior associate that his college football team would fail to cover - $50 on each game for the whole season. He wound up owing me $400. I got the offer, went to the firm, and he never paid me.

THAT is what firm lawyers are about.

"Or, you could take the punk for his home, assets and entire equity stake in the firm,"

I don't think non-licensed attorney's can hold an equity stake in the firm. violates the aba ethics rule on sharing fees with a non-att'y, right?

My name is "Johnnie."

Thanks,

J. Walker

43 = anonfag

Guys at my fraternity used to chomp on cigars while talking about Per Se, Vegas, and golf all the time, it was no big deal.

I wonder if the douchey loafter-wearing junior partner invited female associates too?

60, sadly, welching is the way of the world.

65 --- boy i hope not.

Marin, please teach Roxana how to write. Thank you.

Elie have you ever even played poker with the boys?

Anyone who's competitive doesn't want someone to throw the game they want to win because they're better than the person they're playing and they appreciate getting beat by someone better.

43 So which did you do? Play poker or fuck a partner at Thompson Hine?

-55

You are a dork. Why even play if you are not going to check raise?

55- level?

marin, well fucking said! i was doing karate kicks by the time i finished

a) love the descriptsh an b) won a bunch of money as a summer associate off partners in a poker game. feel better and better about it every day as a real associate

55-

You are a jerkoff. Reading your post made me think "if i met this know-it-all in real life I would punch him in the face."

What's wrong with wears Prada loafers without socks?

Well done Marin. For a second I thought maybe you were just bitter - until I realized you were actually dead on the money. Kudos to you.

Say you have swine flu and stay home. The safest bet.

Before you pull 10 large out of your sock at the poker table and maul said partner please keep in mind that in most firms any partner can prevent almost any associate from being offered a partnership.

79 is absolutely right. Don't go to a partner's house with ten thousand dollars in your pocket, because it makes a bad impression.

That is one of the funniest posts I have seen on this blog in a long time. Hats off

Upon losing your first hand, take off an item of clothing. Upon each subsequent losing hand, continue taking off more clothing until someone asks what you are doing. Then reply, I thought we were playing strip poker?

70 - whose to say I haven't done both? Or, perhaps I've just heard the hilarious water cooler stories... hard to say (though, when it comes to partners in the bedroom, I suppose "hard" wouldn't really be the word to use...)

I never ever post on this thing b/c 89% of you are idiot law students and I'm busy practicing law but this was the fucking mack post of all time. Hilarious....

I disagree that french cuffs fit in with the rest of the douche-y junior partner behavior so well described. I grant you that frat boy douche extraordinaire GWB took to the french cuffs when he took the White House but I actually view that as the one tasteful and sophisticated choice he made in his 8 years in office.

Otherwise, another reminder that Marin is far and away the best writer and humorist on ATL. To think her EIC candidacy was sunk by a bunch of conspiracy-theory morons. Look where that got us.

The associate should offer to pound the junior partner in the ass, then see if he likes it. If so, then let him lick off his dick.

Jesus. The pathetic life a pathetic big law firm partner. Pathetic. Thank god I got out of that shit hole rat race before it was too late. That lifestyle sounds fairly accurate for a young d-bag partner, and it just plain sucks. What a great achievement for those senior associates who busted my balls less than ten years back. Those guys are such whores in what they need to do to afford their shitty prada shoes and cheese ball wives. For the last 4 years, those losers constantly slut themselves out to me on a near daily basis. I wouldn't trade my law firm experience for anything (especially in today's climate), but I'm glad I didn't stick around to achieve that sad level of success. Plus, I don't want to pay their ridiculous work for commodity type work product - so they better get ready to downgrade to a Jeep Liberty or some other piece of shit SUV.

-Buy Side Guy

Marin's description of the junior partner sounds like what all my friends and I aspire to be.

Hey, wait a second, I think I met that junior partner, over and over, and over .... and over again.

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Take 37 to the party so he can have his own secret wish fulfilled.

tickle his a$$l0bst3r

nice 1 sentence response Marin. :)

nice 1 sentence response Marin. :)