SECOND BITCHES

This is my last visit to this site. ATL continues to root for a worsening economy and more layoffs to ensure heavy traffic to the site, e.g., "which we don't think is recovering yet, despite all the "green shoots" talk." Does ATL remember how bad the economy was last winter? Yeah, the economy has not "recovered," but it is recovering. Law firms are still cautious, but the panic is past. This site was once informative, useful, and sometimes even humorous. Now, scaring people seems to be the only goal.

Um, I don't think S&C lawyers need to be worried about the competition. The S&C gays are so much hotter than the competition. I mean, have you seen the Cravath and Davis gays? They aren't getting elected Spring Fling Queen anytime soon. I know that's mean, but whatever.

4 - The Davis Polk boys are v. hot:

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/07/davis_polk_website_makeover.php

Cravath is giving out STEALTH PINK SLIPS

Latham gave me a layoff notice at the end of my interview

3 - Keep burying your head in the sand.

We have not seen the end of the recession yet.

3 - if you were running this site, who would you pander to - big law firms or law students. It is in abovethelaw's interest to promote fear for two reasons: 1) it sells; 2) firms can use it to cut salaries and positions.

Wake up. Ain't no law students advertising on this website. Only businesses. (No law student would have balls that big anyway - there would be a non-stop commentary flow of that law students inadequacies.)

P.S. I'd like to Sullivan & Cromwell all over her face.

Pens with built-in post-it dispensers are cool.

I still have my McDermott cell phone charger, which they gave to people whether they interviewed or not last year. Maybe they shouldn't have spent so much money on them, although WLRK's was nicer.

Of course there was a lot of "interviewing" at the Lavender law conference. Those were GAYS, sweetheart; they were trying to pick each other up. Employment, but only of the one-night-stand variety, was on EVERYONE'S mind.

11 - A cellphone charger? Sweet. That would actually be useful (unlike 90 percent of law firm swag).

The best law firm swag this year?

A JOB OFFER. That's your "swag."

Best Stuff I Got Last Year:

1) Mcdermott - Real Nalgene Bottle.

2) Mayer Brown - Airplane liquids travel containers with case

3) Skadden - leather binder of some sort

Worst Stuff:

1) Latham 32MB thumb drive. How old was this thing? You can get 1GB drives for $4 nowadays. The thing then promptly burned out when I plugged it into my computer (luckily it didn't take my mother board with it!)

2) Holland and Knight - Crazy Gumby character with a clock for the face. But the clock was burned out with no discernible way to change the battery. Also, its arm fell off after I moved it a couple times.

14: no firm gives job offers at 2L interviews.

I recall as far back as the early '90s, entry level associates would receive an engraved Mont Blanc, a Movado desk clock or Tiffany's engraved card holder with matching pen. These gifts when purchased in bulk were not very expensive. Nevertheless, times are tough nowadays and the current generation of associates do not deserve to be wooed. In fact, associates should be thankful that we don't force them to bring toilet paper or paper cups from home. That is all.

"Swag"? This article on a publically available website does a discredit to our profession. Clearly some of you are believing your own (bad) press. Ours is a noble profession, not a mercenary one. I urge those of you who think otherwise to become plumbers.

Hey PE, only 9 comments so far today. Get a life sicko.

Lat, thanks for making me feel even worse about not attending Lavender Law. Dang it. Crashing in someone else's hotel room AND swag? I missed way too much.

I remember PE when he and his pathetic firm came into Sterling & Cooper looking for us to help them woo clients. We politely informed them that we don't do subway ads for PI firms and gave them a referral to an ad firm in Queens.

They must be doing well, though. Our TV department tells me that they bought a lot of ads on the Jerry Springer show.

I still have my Latham flash drive. It's a useful "there but for the grace of God" reminder.

Hey, I have to respond to commenter #4. I was at Lavender Law and I thought the lawyer representing the Cravath table was pretty damn cute. I sat down to talk to him and give him my resume and I was thinking to myself "hmmmm, I wonder if all finance lawyers are this hot." Okay, I know that is rather unprofessional to say but since the dude is getting dissed, I might as well speak up.

I was given a flaming bag of dog feces from Stroock Stroock & Lavan.

I am 71 year old Philipino lady and David Lat's mom. I make good rice cake soup for him. David should date nice Flip girl, no date man.

25 -

Glad to see you made it through the tsunami alright.

If you all didn't grab a mug with the firm logo on it on your way out the door, you left money on the table.

And, the prize should go to Mayer Brown, which gave out boxes of Godiva chocolates. Or, at least they should have.

there is a tsunami warning on the west coast... not funny.

25- let your shtick go quietly into the night like Dad Emeritus, Acelabob, Rich Fat Partner, and other such failures.

Burr Reid & Dunn, an estate planning boutique in Midtown, gave out medical emergency transponders. If your career has fallen and can't get up, you hit the button and soon emergency personnel will be on scene.

This Post is addressed to commenter No. 19:

I can assure you that if you were ever lucky enough to be interviewed by my firm you would not use "sicko" in any description thereof.

Not that you would ever have a chance at an interview with us, though. We do not interview people who graduate from non-preeminent, non-peer law schools.

The stuff I've gotten this year has been pure junk. The local Goodwill store will have a nice selection of firm branded crap this year.

I'm with 3.

25 - I'm a fan. Looking forward to seeing what you come up with.

# 7 - Hilarious. If it wasn't so plausible.

Partner, baby, when are you coming back over to the condo? And also, when are you leaving that dumpy non-preeminent non-peer cottage cheese-shaped woman you still call a wife?

Don't want to burst your bubble, Lat, but Sullivan had those chocolates last year too.

When I was a bit younger I used to give all the young men who summered at the firm a small gift at the end of the summer. They were always very eager and appreciative. This generation of summer associates is too lazy and listless to warrant my efforts.

I recall the year Sullivan & Cromwell gave out bonsai trees.

The managing partner meant to give out 18 foot tall pine trees, you know, to be green. But in a fit of confusion, when he drew a picture for the firm's gift coordinator of what he had in mind, he wrote 18" instead of 18'.

Log story made short: everybody wound up getting trees that were in danger of being trod upon by midgets.

We were forgiving of this mix up. It wasn't really our job to be as confused as the managing partner, now, was it?

23, who was the cute Cravath partner. I thought they just came in all shades of ugly but rich?

25 - nice start. keep it up.
26 - excellent reply.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
AmLaw Summer Associate rankings are out--should be a bit more reliable than what NALP/Vault/Career Services are saying. I hear there was a lot of movement. Post?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If I had been given a Bonzai tree I would have accepted an offer at S&C over the firm I ended up choosing. This is a serious comment, I am that materialistic/stupid to make a choice based upon a plant.

I also would have attended NYU if their colors were powder blue...

is gibson still giving out the pen that shines the gibson dunn logo out the back of it?

This Post is addressed to commenter No. 38:

I believe you meant to write, "package," but instead wrote, "gift." Either that or "at the" instead of, "in their." I understand that it's not easy to correct your mistakes on your Sholes and Glidden, but your incoming summers should know what they're getting themselves into (or who's trying to get into them).

Lavender Law = amyl nitrate poppers w/ the law firm logo

Is it just me or has this blog shifted from being an attorney blog to a law student blog? My senior associate colleagues don't come here anymore, maybe with good reason b/c it seems it's largely irrelevant to them.

you can get a job for being gay now?

Chuck'd Really thanks for all these cool updates.

Chris
Best Penny Stocks

We need to bomb bonsai trees back to the stoneage!

-DOJ Secure

14: SWAG = Stuff We All Get.

Clearly, there will be no BIGLAW job offer SWAG this year...

Best firm swag was from Choate Hall & Stewart in Boston for summer 2008. They gave out 8 GB iPod VIDEO nanos at the offer dinner. At the offer dinner! You didn't even have to accept.

David Saint Hubbins = Worst ATL Character

EVER

My favorite swag from Lav Law was honestly the coffee traveler mug from Steptoe & Johnson. I mean I would have preferred a job frankly, but the coffee mug has come in handy. I'm also a pen whore so I I love all of the free pens. Seyfarth & Shaw had a nice highlighter in the gift bag that looked like a gigantic tampon (fitting I suppose). Out of the pens, I say Carter Ledyard & Milburn had the nicest ones with maybe Goodwin Procter a close second.

My firm is the winner! It gave out offers.

what the hell is swag? you clearly mean "law firm schwag."

Goodwin gives out softballs with their name on it to UVa students

This is fairly disgusting.

No doubt, Lat maintains a keen interest in the trinkets that law firms dole out at recruiting time. But I find this article particularly untimely, given that most law students are struggling to find good jobs, and many practicing attorneys are struggling just to keep the jobs they have.

No, my firm was never big on meaningless gifts at recruiting time. They didn't give out chocolates, or ipods, or bonsai trees. They didn't send me some ridiculous "care package" during exams. And I heard from them all of once during the year that I was clerking. They did, however, give me a job, give me insanely difficult and interesting work to do from day one; treat me with respect; and pay me sick amounts of money.

And for the record, the firm's decision not to give out bullshit trinkets has nothing to do with its bottom line. We're loaded, have always given full offers, and have never undertaken layoffs.

I think back to law school, and I recall some of my peers who were actually swayed by things like which firm had the better slate of summer activities, or which firm had the nicest hospitality sweet at OCI.

Three years out, and they've quickly learned that all that glitters is not...

Latham gave me career herpes

53,

You bloody wanker. ATL is so lucky to have in David and myself two real visionaries, poets like Shelley and Byron. So many of the ATL posters have a creative growth rate that cannot even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry.

Nigel

60Ni(ne)gel:

You took the words right outta my gob.

I think we stand out on this blog like two brilliant preserved moose.

David

58 for comment of the year. Seriously.

#40,

He seemed pretty young to be a partner and I doubt a partner would be at an event like this.

56 - Look it up in the dictionary:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/swag

Or Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swag