Biglaw Perk Watch: Clifford Chance’s Lingerie Allowance?
Like most days, I started my morning with a Red Bull and the best morning man in the business, Pat Kiernan. Everything was proceeding normally, until I received this tip in the ATL inbox:
Women lawyers at City firm Clifford Chance have been given a £90 lingerie allowance.
Now, as you can well imagine, I don’t normally “spring” into anything — much less action. But within nanoseconds of receiving this information, I fired off a flurry of emails.
It turns out that the story comes from the Guardian - U.K. Here are some additional details about this (lacy?) fringe benefit:
Women lawyers at top City firm Clifford Chance are bucking the trend for reduced expenses now that their £90 lingerie-and-blouse allowance, if they work later than 11pm, has been reinstated. Inevitably dubbed the “90 nicker knicker allowance”, this may or may not be the most reliable indicator yet that the credit crunch is over. (Business is apparently so hectic that the firm has also installed sleeping pods.)
If you “work” later than 11 o’clock, you get to buy new panties? Why didn’t I think of that? More importantly, why didn’t Ben Franklin think of that and put it in the Constitution?
After consulting colleagues in London, a spokesperson for Clifford Chance in New York got back to me about bringing this commitment to sensual excellence to America. Sadly, it turns out that what sounds like one of the greatest Biglaw perks ever is in fact just a pedestrian acknowledgment of basic hygiene.
The Clifford Chance knicker allowance applies to both men and women. But the perk is not there so hardworking attorneys can go out and get themselves something “nice,” to be enjoyed in the company of a spouse or significant other after a long day at the office.
Rather, it’s just part of the firm’s general reimbursement of expenses its attorneys incur when working a surprise all-nighter away from home. Explains the spokesperson:
If an attorney is working hard and working late — perhaps at a client’s office that is miles away from their home — then the firm will reimburse them for a hotel room. If they need a shower or a shave or, yes, a new pair of “knickers,” the firm will pay for that. Frankly we think it’s what any good firm or company would do.”
Leave it to lawyers to take the fun out of everything.
Is putting in for a new pair of underwear an implicit admission that your old pair is, er, less-than-pristine? Would you really submit a reimbursement form with “Silk briefs: Saks Fifth Avenue” as the entry?
Would you wear a bra with your firm’s logo emblazoned on the cups? If so, would that make you more or less prestigious? (And if you’re not DD, does that make you TTT?)
I can’t wait until this recession is over and perk watch comes back as a regular feature.
£90 briefs fit for a brief [The Guardian]
Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of Biglaw perks
(76) Comments
Comments
'ello govn'r!
nonstory. Elie's attempted "jokes" only make it worse.
Elie, do you get a royalty each time this is played? http://eliemystttalspeaks.ytmnd.com/
Would have been better if Kash had written this. The image of a giant ElieWALRUS in panties is too much, especially around lunch time.
could Clifford Chance possibly give a more non-sexy answer? jeezus
Two observations:
1) Red Bull is for wimps. Real men that walk tall prefer to drink Spike. A caveat for those who are weak (that would be 99.9% of you): If you try Spike, you do so at your own risk. Two Spikes in a day may lead to cardiac arrest.
2) I am against a clothing allowance. It establishes that there is a "written" uniform in the profession. Obviously someone at CC gets his/her rocks off by seeing what kind of lingerie their attorneys purchase (when reviewing receipts for reimbursement). On an aside, the women at Rick's Cabaret tell me they spend thousands of dollars in outfits for work. Do female attorneys really want to have another thing in common with strippers?
2 - Actually this post is pretty good and funny. Definitely above average.
Only gaudy bimbos purchase lingerie that is worth less than $200. I won't even entertain the idea of a tarriance with a woman if she hasn't verified for me via pixting that she dons Luxxa or attire from a peer lingerie designer.
Elie - The guy in the Saks briefs ad is pretty hot. Did Lat help you find that one?
watch the moron miss the meaning of 6 and 8.
Does this mean that Partner Emeritus can get reimbused for all of the women's panties that he buys for his own personal use when he goes to Rick's Back Door Cabaret ?
Maybe he can put more "tough love" into the panties and not have to carry them into the office -eeeewww!
Step 1 - institute knicker reimbursement policy
Step 2 - collect used knickers as proof of expense and sell to Partner Emeritus
Step 3 - Profit!
PE, real men drink black coffee, as many cups as are needed. Spike sounds like a drink you and your friends enjoy at one of your all-night rave parties.
In the old days at the white shoe firms, when you pulled an all-nighter at the printer (do any of you even know what that means?) you got to run out to Brooks Brothers and pick up a new white shirt (not blue, and don't even think about stripes) in the morning.
14 - "At the printer" = billing for non-legal work, yes?
Frankly, any good firm or company wouldn't need to have a clean underwear policy in place to compensate for the numerous (over)nights it expects its employees to be working.
the Saks undies model is totally Lat's type
Keep fucking that chicken!
I came
Elie is so unfunny.
I love big ( . )( . )
16 FTW
15 -- "At the printer" = billing 12 hours for about 6 hours of actual work -- the rest of the time spent eating, drinking, playing pool, watching TV, etc. while waiting for the next set of proofs to come out.
#15 - "At the printer" = billing for non-legal work, such as playing pool and watching TV, while waiting for th printers to turn pages. If you are too young to remeber the joys of slugging a 200 page prpspective, or reading the numbers in 10 pages of deck pages in a RMBS prospectus, you really didn't miss much.
Does anyone remember coming out onto Park Avenue South after a night at Packard Press and finding hookers sittingon the hoods of the town cars - and asking "hey mister, want a date?" Good times indeed. And you kiddies wonder how printers in their late 40s and up spent their days as associates.
Elie sports a DD, er, F. Always an F. Epic F.
This comment is addressed to post no. 14.
Your post brought back memories of the practice you mentioned, which was normally followed by a quick breakfast at the Yale Club (only a hop away from Brooks Brothers at the time). Times have changed. I never would have thought I would look down on Brooks Brothers but I think the only thing I have from them is an umbrella.
Commando adventure day for the win!
First sentence is awkward and awful - didn't you go to HLS?! You can't compare the act of drinking a red bull with a day. It should be "Like I DO most days, I started..."
I'm not a writing nazi, but if I can't even get past the first line, what hope do I have of finding an interesting article?
We will be addressing the knickers policy in the Americas region shortly.
28 - that's just ridiculous. The first line is fine. In fact, some would consider "Like I do most days" to be wordy.
English major
so elie rubs one out to pat kiernan every morning?
30 = english major from a TTT online community college
Are you kidding? MLB DC won't even give us twenty-five bucks for dinner and a cab.
How very saucy. www.goodsharks.com
I agree with 30... nothing grammatically wrong with the first clause of the first sentence. It was a little awkward to say that he starts his day with a "morning man," though. Sounds more like the way Lat would start his day.
The gents at Skadden DC don't need any lingerie allowance, for they are supplied communal gym shirts, shorts, and, yes, jock straps (yuck!) for their workouts in the office gym. I suppose one could *borrow* a jock strap for the day after an all-nighter.
English nazi's shut the hell up. This post was entertaining. It's a blog, not a thesis. And it's written fine. Get over it.
has anyone heard that paul weiss is actually considering going to 175 in NY?
In the good ole old days of the practice of law, which I was lucky enough to participate in right as things were changing, a night at the printer meant that Rocky (we always used Bowne) would bring in steaks and cuban cigars and, if the client was so inclined, female entertaintainment was arranged for all who desired. And there was plenty of booze and smokes of all nature (cigarettes, cigars and pipes, not weed). Ah, the good old days...
my firm does condom allowances, it's not a big deal.
I start each day with a "morning man"
In the old days I didn't live in a van down by the river.
Why is Mrs. Partner Emeritus giving me that look? Where are her knickers, and why is she holding the jar of peanut butter?
PE- It is very out-of-character for you to advocate drinking a 21st century energy drink. It is times like this when I begin to wonder if you are real or just a character made up by third year law student with average grades at a top-40 law school who got shut out of OCI but understands that a big firm job is not all that it is cracked up to be.
Please, disavow the energy drinks and give me a reason to believe.
I buy my secretary new knickers every time I pound her in the ass
45 - out of kindness or necessity??
CORNELL FRAT STUD
COULD WE PLEASE AVOID DISTRACTIONS LIKE LINGERIE AND FOCUS OUR FULL ATTENTION ON THE PLIGHT OF THE MAYER BROWN SUMMERS WHOM HAVE NOT RECEIVED OFFERS? A FIRM OF THIS OPULENT MAGNITUDE CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO TOY WITH LIVES AND DREAMS WITH SUCH CALLOUS INDIFFERENCE.
Hey 14 -
Thanks for bringing back memories of the good old days. Nothing like having steak and sundae brought in at the printer. How times have changed.
This is hilarious. Nice work Elie. (and no, I'm not Elie).
PE please explain your disaffection for Brooks Brothers. I realize Brooks is not a substitute for a top Armani suit but I believe their line is worthy of respect. Personally, I prefer Ralph Lauren Purple Label over all but I'd like to hear your comments as well.
47, please do something to your posts so that I can distinguish them from all the other posts for each article. thanks
47, I hope these rants of yours get you outed and no offered. You're one tiny asshole in a world of large assholes. An entire blog should not be devoted to your tiny, tiny violin. There is other news in the world.
Elie gotta give you credit for "if you're not DD then are you TTT"
And yes.
48,
Actually, I was at the printer during the summer(NYC), and they ordered steak and lobsters for dinner. We also had a free flow of cocktails. The good old days are not all gone. =)
Elie, how much do you spend a year on DD Playtex bras for your moobs?
Elie, how much do you spend a year on DD Playtex bras for your moobs?
47, lingerie allowance > Mayer Brown and the life and dreams of its summers. Seriously, if your only dream is to work at MB, you deserve to be no-offered.
5- "No sex please, we're British"
PE shops at Wal-Mart
This comment is addressed to post no. 44.
One can of Spike contains a healthy dosage of Yohimbe, which is a West African bark extract that can turn an older man like me into a tiger in the bedroom. You stand corrected.
6/26/60 - you break character when you opt for an energy drink over black coffee (as 13 correctly notes).
It shows that you're probably 24-years old - and more importantly - a total douche bag.
46 - necessity.
Great post.
I need some new panties. I just misjudged a fart. And my current panties are a thong. Get a picture of that in your head.
Skadden's communal jock straps must be a firm-wide perk. They have them in Chicago too. And some of the partners actually use them! I heard a funny story about a summer associate who was in the gym changing room, when the managing partner came in, sat down on the bench next to him, and asked the summer associate to hand him a jock strap, LOL.
But I'm sure the jock strap manufacturers are thrilled -- who else was gonna buy all those leftover size extra-smalls?
50,
I'm with you as far as Brooks goes. No wrinkle shirts are amazing, yet I feel like they are slowly giving me cancer. Sigh.
This was actually a pretty good article.
Funny post!
Brooks Bros non-iron and JosABank traveler's shirts are all a good attorney needs.
65 - must be firm wide. When I worked in Skadden LA, I would don the shorts and shirt to workout, but I just could not do the jock strap. Maybe it's a generational thing.
Gives new meaning to the phrase "Magic Circle" firm. Never met anyone from CC who wasn't a total wanker. Look that one up, Yanks!
PE please address Brooks Brothers comment.
69, never mention Jos A Bank again if you have any respect for yourself.
T10 MBA STUD
Is it me, or did Parter Emeritus admit he is a "tiger" when he is banging Rick (from Rick's Cabaret) in the ass?
You nasty Motherf*ck^r!
15, 23, 24, etc.
Sure, you got to piss off 6 of the 12 hours in the printer, but remember: for the other 6 you were demoted from lawyer to scriviner.
Girls throw their panties at me onstage all the time. It's because I wear very tight trousers and it looks like I've got an armadillo down there.
69 - JosBanks is for suckahs. Just like Brooklyn.