Pls Hndle Thx: Party Like It’s 5770
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
Dear ATL,
What are your thoughts on whether I should take off for the Friday of Rosh Hashanah and/or the Monday of Yom Kippur? I probably wouldn’t go to synagogue (yes, I’m Jewish), but I’d like to just take the day off to, ya know, just observe the holiday in my own way. I don’t want to get on anybody’s bad side at my white shoe firm by taking days off, especially since this place has been known to conduct stealth layoffs.
Do They Know It’s Christmastime At All?
Dear Do They Know It’s Christmastime At All,
When it comes to holidays (Jewish, Christian, Baha’i, Wiccan, whatever) you need to do what you feel is meaningful, law firm be damned. Your firm may penalize you for not showing up to work, but since there’s no hell in Judaism, you can rest easy knowing that God won’t.
The corporate slogan of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, is “A sweet New Year.” For some that may mean going to temple for two days and being around family. I know for a fact that God does not want to me to go to temple and run into better looking, more successful people or the guy from my middle school class who invented topical Viagra and now has a license to print money. God wants me to start off the new year right by sleeping in and eating cheese fries. Instead of weeping and fasting on Yom Kippur, the Jewish answer to Lent, God may want you to punish yourself by reading Dan Brown’s new book or going to a Nickelback concert. There’s just no right way to celebrate.
If you choose not to take off, working through the holidays can still be a wonderful and moving tribute to your heritage. As you work through the night drafting disclosure schedules, you will experience firsthand the anguish of your ancestors who were slaves in Egypt building pyramids for the evil tyrant Ramses II.
May the New Year bring jobs for everyone and make us all repulsively rich.
Your friend,
Marin
After the jump, Death Match: Christmas v. Hannukah.
As the Goy in the room, I can promise you that all of your gentile friends and colleagues will be insanely jealous of your ability to these days off. Since you get these two days a year and Christians get everything else, I’d milk it. I’d flaunt the privilege until their little Christian faces glow red like the cheeks on Santa Claus.Don’t just take the day, but constantly remind people that you are taking the day. “Oh, I’d love to help you out on that project, but it’s Yom Kippur — the Jewish Day of atonement. You’ve heard of that right? Yeah, it’s pretty heavy, so I’ll be at the spa that day.” Seriously, if you do that enough you’ll make people so jealous that they’ll forget that the entire calendar is organized around Christian holidays.
Of course, I’m a dick. But screw it. Take what you can when you can. It’ll warm your heart during the winter when everybody else has lush greenery bedecked with baubles and happiness — while your staring at a candelabra and playing with wood.
My cheeks never glow red,
—Black Santa
And getting EIGHT mandatory presents. Suck it, Christmas.
Do you have a question for next week’s Pls Hndle Thx? Send it to advice@abovethelaw.com.
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#1!!
i think plz handle thx is a pretty cool guy. eh is jewish for the lulz and doesnt afraid of anything
1. That was some funnyish stuff, Elie.
2. Take off the holidays. It's really not a big deal, especially if you're in a big city. (Everybody's doing it.)
Moron! There is a hell in Judaism, it's referred to as Gehenom in hebrew.
Moron! There is a hell in Judaism, it's referred to as Gehenom in hebrew.
this is totally racist, but what's a jew?
1) No hell in Judiasm? I guess that's cause in christianity, if you don't accept christ as your lord and savior, then you suffer eternal damnation in hell. Since Jews don't accept christ, they must not believe in hell.
2) yom kippur = jewish answer to lent. Not sure if you're trying to be funny but failing awful or a total retard. Yom kippur is in the old testement, old, as in before the new one that has all that christ stuff.
Nickelback? Seriously?
Why would you take today (Friday) off for an observance that doesn't start until sundown? Skammer.
At Georgetown, you get extra time to prepare for the moot court competition if you're Jewish. It seems reasonable to me. I figure most judges would probably give you an extra couple days to file a motion if you're observing Yom Kippur. Seriously, what the hurry?
4 and 5 - no one who isn't jewish cares. get over it.
4/5: A standard belief in the existence of an actual gehenom is arguable. There aren't any obvious references to hell in the Five Books; rabbis only really began discussing it when their neighbors in the region started talking about salvation v. damnation, a little before the time of Jesus. (The book of Daniel contains the first clearly messianic reference. You might also get a sense of the trend by watching the market scene in The Life of Brian.) Judaism is much more about community and about taking part in mitzvot than it is about being damned (or saved). And if there is a parallel to the Christian vision of hell, it's probably more along the lines of you-don't-get-woken-up-from-the-dead-when-the-messiah-comes than you-are-actively-sent-to-hell.
People should of course be allowed to take off their religious holidays. But this posting is ridiculous. There ARE established ways to celebrate various holidays - some of which, depending on your beliefs - come from God. It's ridiculous and insulting to say you can change that to whatever you like and still claim the mantle of whatever religion you claim to be practicing. A religion isn't a democracy. Take off the day if you want and make it a personal day, but don't say you're celebrating a certain holiday in a way that bears no resemble to it.
13 - Could you lay out how we can determine which religious beliefs are legitimate and which are not? That would be incredibly helpful.
If you take the days off and just futz around because - hey - you're ostensibly Jewish, you are a bad person. I'm sure you take Christmas off, too (I'm sure it's a firm holiday), so it's not like you can claim religious discrimination. And so few Christians take off Good Friday or Easter Monday (not a holiday in our firm), there's no comparison. Take a religious holiday because you're religious.
Observant is one thing. Opportunist is another. Or maybe I'll just take all 28 days of Ramadan + 1 for Eid al-Fatir next year, because - hey - I'm ostensibly Muslim.
Seriously ... what's a jew?
As 7(2) points out (albiet without tact), Yom Kippur being the jewish answer to lent is shoddy reporting.
The first observance of Yom Kippur happened after Moses came down Mount Sinai and dropped the 15, I mean 10 Commandments. Moses died about 1400 BCE.
wut r the five extra commandmentz???
Thank you 13. This is one of my pet peeves as well. You can't identify yourself as a member of a religion if you are simply tailoring that religion's tenants to fit your own needs or preferences. You're not worshiping any g-d in that case; you're just worshipping your own self.
12 is credited
Most corporations work this way. You have a CEO WASP and board of directors WASPs who really can't get enough of golf and yachting.They are the cool guys.
Then you have the Jews who provide the brains of the operation and are willing to work 100 hours a week in the offchance of some sort of promotion.
My question is how do corporations survive high holy days without the talent? does the WASP cancel golf?
19: "Tenets," perhaps? Also, self-worship, or mere self-indulgence?
@17: Nice Mel Brooks reference. +1
This is probably totally racist, but I picture 16 as someone who is not Jewish
18:
See 23,
17
yeah, i got owned.
-18
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TAtRCJIqnk
It's MIRACLE!!!
And it's good to be a Jew.
It's MIRACLE!!
And, it's good to be a Jew.
Not usually a typo pointer-outer, but SERIOUSLY:
"while your staring at a candelabra and playing with wood."
Always amateur hour up in the ATL.
Proskauer offers are going out. Where are the stats?
I echo #31. Let's see how much of a bloodbath it was
30
A proskauer offer = two months of employment. Congratulations.
Answer # 16 follows: Seriously ... what's a jew?
- Your landlord;
- The smarter or funnier or richer kid in your algebra class who did better than you;
- The kid whose mother sewed his name in his underpants at camp;
- The cute girl with the curves but slightly kinky hair who would put out on a date, but just not for you;
- The person who was the buyer on your short sale trade on which you got hosed;
- The lady and her husband down the street whose son is at Harvard and whose daughter just got into Yale;
- If your father is successful: the dude who does his taxes, represents his legal interests or took out his gall bladder. If your father is not successful: none of these people.
Hope that helps jackhole.
Elie--People who graduated from law school cannot possibly get "your" vs. "you're" wrong. If you are going to pretend to make typos to up a post's comment count, at least make them believable.
Every day I work is like Yom Kippur.
"Yom Kippur, the Jewish answer to Lent"
Thank you 7 and 17.
Marin = Fail.
33 - clearly you are MOT
really funny post! good job.
Elie - you FUCKING IDIOT.
the "answer" to 16 is a really funny post. but he forgot some people.
honestly, at a law fim, it taking off for jewish holidays really that uncommon??
18/26:
I assume you are a young gun, so you get a pass.
To everyone - happy new year, may this year be better than the last.
I never knew Mel Brooks could rap:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goJnNGObLRk
At a lot of law firms, all the Jews are gone on Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashana, even if they eat pork lustily while listening to Wagner. The real question is passover, which is more variable.
And FYI, partners Jewish and not will look at you a little funny if you work on Yom Kippur unless your case is being heard the next day, and even then maybe. Meanwhile, I've heard many firms with a large number of Jews (IE every NY firm and most in the northeast and CA) are apparently dead-quiet on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur anyway.
No one seems to have spotted that the real basis for this question is whether taking a holiday off would increase one's chances to be fired, and not whether one is religious. The answer is that it doesn't matter.
Seriously? This is, like, a real post?
Good lord (yes, that is meant to be SARCASM), what the HELL happened to this blog.
Can't take it anymore. Lat, I leave your former Good Works to the fifteen teenage posters who remain your regular commentators and the crappy editorial staff you left behind.
Seriously? This is, like, a real post?
Good lord (yes, that is meant to be SARCASM), what the HELL happened to this blog.
Can't take it anymore. Lat, I leave your former Good Works to the fifteen teenage posters who remain your regular commentators and the crappy editorial staff you left behind.
yeah, yeah, I posted twice. Blame the crappy software on this site.
If you are going to get fired for not working rosh hashana (which is saturday - you could have worked most of today, as long as you were home by sunset) and/or for not working yom kippur, you're going to get fired anyway.
Take the days off.
Nobody should make a big deal about a day off whether its for religious reasons or not. We all have our billable hour stats, and we all accept the fact that we're judged by those stats. If those stats are in line (whether its 1200 hours this year or 2200 in a busy year) then who the fuck cares.
If your name is Shlomo Aaron Yentaberg or Rachel Ester Greenstein- take the days off.
If your name is Hans Shicklegruber, Blake Smith, Bridget O'Connolly, Laquida Shaniqua Jones, or Juan Jesus Huarez - maybe not.
Have I left anyone out?
I know I am going to get blasted for this -- but is there a way to tell if someone is Jewish or not? I don't care one way or the other, but if a guy is hitting on me and maybe I'm interested but it would be go to know where they stand.
51
Turtleneck or no-Turtleneck
52 -- I don't get it? Most guys in my class wear polos.
Not that neck dear...
Take the holidays. In NYC, work is dead.
At least where I work, Jews tend to take both the Jewish and Christian holidays anyway- is this just to tick off the non-Jews? (rhetorical, sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek, whatever, question, natch).
Although, I always observed a heck of a lot more respect for someone taking off Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah or Passover versus Easter or even Christmas, which, being a non-Jew, kinda ticked me off. Never, ever heard of anyone being excused from work on a Sunday- even in the mornings for services- because they are Christian.
Actually, whenever Yom KIppur rolls around, I'm tempted to use work as an excuse to avoid the holy day observance.
Shoot. Nine more days to go.
Such a confusing time of year.
I will still be writing "5769" on my checks for the next
few weeks.
Everybody wins during the Jewish holidays at law firms: Jewish lawyers don't go to work and the rest of us have a slow day because of it (especially litigators b/c the courts operate at greatly-reduced capacity, at least the state courts). I can't imagine taking off Jewish holidays would be an issue at a NYC law firm.
55: C'mon - Christmas rises to the level of a national holiday. It's a little harsh to begrudge non-Christians for not working on a day when few people work in this country, Canada, England, etc.
As to Sunday mornings, you just have to make a stand about that stuff, even if it's unpopular. I don't work on Good Friday and it's not negotiable. I've gotten shit for this, but I'm not about to ignore the day because I'm afraid of getting shit.