First - Suck It!

Consider it sucked.

can't get to the site, get ready for denial of service complaints...

Oh Jesus, who gives a crap about this sort of post?

Slow.News.Day.

Body shots = always a bad idea!

You want to water down the reality of someone's appearance as much as possible for coporate shots. Black and white, gause, blurring, and glowing all work well. Showing the size of an employees' thighs or gut is not a good idea. fox rothschild has head-to-toe shots on their web site. it's just weird.

The fashion police need to assemble a SWAT team and raid this non-peer firm immediately. Do these folks make paltry wages that force them to shop at Jos. A Banks or the Burlington Coat Factory? The sad part about these distasteful photo spreads is that with all that air brushing, there is not one attorney that is easy on the eyes.

OH NICE . . . ATLers shut down their site . . . I guess

Yeah, it looks like Ballard Spahr's website couldn't handle the traffic generated by ATL.....

4 - It's not ATL's fault that Ballard has inadequate servers.

I sit at a desk for 9 f*&#'in hours a day. Biglaw has turned me into a +25 lb. version of the real me. First they want to rob me of the will to live, then they want to rob me of my digity. Screw that.

Aaaaaaaaaand, we have successfully crashed their website.

When I first saw "body shots," I thought of actual, you know, body shots. Off the body of a Biglaw attorney. Then I threw up in my mouth a little. I'm glad to learn it's just photographs.

Take a spin through the profiles on this firm website while you're waiting. You will not be disappointed. http://www.coxsmith.com/

@PE

Only teenage girls and fucking D*bags judge people based upon where they choose to shop.

haha

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JeffreyCGifford

"hi" -- "i can explain" -- "calm down"

16, have you ever visited this website before? PE is a schtick created by someone with a lot of time on their hands. He places an overlong, condescending, and facetious comment on every entry. Inevitably, someone on every comment board takes him seriously and looks like an idiot.

9 - Your use of the phrase "fashion police" combined with your reference to some new age energy drink (a number of posts ago) leads me to pinpoint your age at right around 24-26. Am I in the right ballpark there, Spanky?

Fashion police? Who are you, Ellen Degeneres?

17 - I lolled.

@18

Maybe I enjoy kicking anthills

nice pun: body shots.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/WToddThetford

"Really? Those are the facts?" -- "What are we going to do?" -- "I might be reaching here, but I think you're hosed."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JudsonWoodJr

". . ." - - ". . . " -- "What? No, I wasn't sleeping! Do go on."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MJermaineWatson

"What, bitch? -- "Ima cast a spell on your ass" -- "Ha, just foolin'"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/ScottBBankler

"I'm a shareholder" -- "That means I crack the whip on juniors" -- "Any questions?"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/WilliamJMcDonoughJr

"Le Tigre" -- "Blue Steel" -- "Magnum"

God that's awful.

It's a good think Katten doesn't have a website change on the horizon.

Katten Corporate Pussy Pass Associate's profile would have a head shot and a close up of her performing fellatio on a fellow associate as a "thank you" to him.

Hahaha, those Cox Smith ones are great. The one linked to in comment 24 is my favorite. Those are humiliating.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MarkEAndrews

"I don't think I quite understand; you want 'that' in the picture too?", "I'd say it's probably about this big", "Ya, it helped me get married"

@24 Comment of the year! Can't...stop....laughing.

Poor guy. If you graduated law school in 1958, you should be exempt from taking a firm photo. Really, at that age, are you going to get any new clients? You're likely to croak just before the big merger goes through!

Hahahaaa! The CoxSmith ones are way funnier than Ballard Spahr (and CS also apparently has vastly superior servers).

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/ReneDRuiz

"Why, thank you. I put this tie/jacket combo together myself",
"I get that all the time. Really, I'm totally straight",
"Ok, I'm totally gay"

Dear Firm,

If your going to take photos today please put me on notice.

K Thx.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/ThomasRice

"Ok, first I look deep into her soul"

"Then I bust out a rap slash love sonet, if you will"

"Often, I find myself following up with Styx's 'Mr. Roboto'"

This "shareholder" looks like she will karate chop your ass to the ground in her second picture and then crouch over you and take a dump on your carcass in picture three.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/DiannMBartek

These Cox Smith photos are ridiculous. Are they lawyers or actors? And Comment 24 is HILARIOUSLY spot on!

Well, one thing about the choice of yellow for the partners is that in Imperial China it was the color reserved for the emperor, so that's kinda interesting.

In Roman times, purple was reserved for people of the highest rank, but if it were a really dark purple, the print wouldn't show up, and if it were a light purple people might get the wrong impression.

Of all the pictures shown, I thought the Of Counsel was the best dressed and most polished looking.

Most of the photos gave me the impression that there is no good place to shop in Philly, or no one was given advance notice that they were going to have a pretty important photo taken that day.

I was a little surprised that one woman showed up twice, billed first as a man, and then as a woman, but I see that Ballard Spahr prides itself on diversity, so OK.

Probably the woman who didn't have the full body shot was spared because her legs were out of focus, or the photographer accidentally cut her off at the ankles or something.

I thought the Cox Smith photos had a lot more flavor to them. Maybe Annie Liebowitz took those...

the ballard site be kind of hokey and what are they really doing to be up on the health care initiatives - i call their bluff - they have never been, nor will they be an insider DC firm.

Such a BS firm

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/DeborahDWilliamson

"I'm taking the Activia 2-week challenge!"
"Have you seen that funny SNL skit about Activia?"
"It's true."

Can anyone access the site of Caulken Boles LLP?

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/ReaganKWinslow

"I'm totally doing my secretary"
"whoa, whoa, just kidding"
"he's actually doing me"

Biggest problem is that the lighting is just hideous, resulting in completely unattractive photos. At least the Cox pictures are better lit.

15, thank you for the Cox link. That is hilariously awesome and has dispelled my rage at the Ballad Spahr site being down.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MJermaineWatson

west side!

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JBurlesonSmith

"I look sexy if you see me from my right profile...
or left. Hell I even look sexy with my Truman Capote designer frames from the 1940s."

This post is addressed to commenters Nos. 16 and 19.

My posting on this board is aimed to enlighten the masses. I often use humor to point out the errors of non-preeminent, non-peer firms.

There is no requirment that you take my advice. If you wish to dress like these slobs, by all means go ahead. But rest assured you will never find a job with a preeminent/ peer firm dressed like that.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/AAJackRossIV

"I came here to study the great american art of muff diving"
"I wanted to, how is it? park the porpoise?"
"You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah!"

@47,

The guy is sexy because he is Trustee EMERITUS.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/CMichaelMontgomery

"I gotta go"
"Can we take a break please"
"No really, I really gotta go"

this post = EPIC FAIL.

52- I agree, but the comments regarding the Cox Smith photos more than compensate. Those are hilarious!

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/EverettNew

"Nice to meet you too."
"What? Am I gay?....that's ridiculous!"
"Wait a minute there was this one time....."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/AAJackRossIV

"Yeah I banged her."
"Her butt was this big."
"Ok, haha, you got me, her butt was actually this big."

A FLASH intro?? This is supposed to be their new and improved website. Big surprise that they're hosting on inadequate servers, to boot.

A FLASH intro?? This is supposed to be their new and improved website. Big surprise that they're hosting on inadequate servers, to boot.

Ha, ha, ha, haaa! I could read these things all night. Their biggest mistake is not realizing that comedy works in threes. They're just asking for it.

Picture One: Oh noes, I crapped on myself again.
Picture Two: Ahh, I just dropped a double deuce.
Picture Three: I am constipated and I can't get up.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/PatrickHSwearingen

Picture One: Oh noes, I crapped on myself again.
Picture Two: Ahh, I just dropped a double deuce.
Picture Three: I am constipated and I can't get up.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/PatrickHSwearingen

you want real story of a body shot, you should ask what went down at one of weil's summer events a few years back

#25 is a real coxsmith.

hahaha... this is hysterical!! I've gone through some 20 profiles laughing my ass off!

Wait a minute. Darth? Really? DARTH? WTF???
http://www.ballardspahr.com/people/attorneys/newmandarth.aspx

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/BarclayJWong

"The lighting makes me look Filipino."
"Yeah, can we get that thing back on?"
"Do I look Korean again?"

51 gave me a nice laugh.....seriously, what's the guy supposed to be explaining?

There is a better way to do "body shots." Ballard Spahr, take a hint from this:

http://www.bsfllp.com/lawyers/data/1516

Wow! Roughly 98% of the females at that firm are double-baggers.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JonCWood

"You've got one chance to get this goddamned waste of time right."
"CHEESE!"
"Did you take the fucking picture?"

Looks like some Cox Smith no summer no-offer has some Cox up his arse

Looks like some Cox Smith summer no-offer has some Cox up his arse

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/WRogerWilson

"This is the first time I've smiled in years."
"I heard that. Did you say something about my head?"
"Was that you? I have the power to make your life as miserable as mine."

Is it true that the founding partner of Cox Smith was Richard Cox? Can you imagine calling your lawyer's office and saying "I need Dick Cox now!"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JanaSWhitworth

"This angle makes me look like a man in drag."
"This angle makes me look like a chick."
"Seriously, is no one going to tell me my necklace clasp is showing?"

http://www.ballardspahr.com/people/attorneys/simmonswilliam.aspx

"Do you like my frosted tips? What about my frosted brows?"

#65 - f***ing hilarious.

I'd like to Ballard Spahr all over her face.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/DavidBWest

"You're shooting from the waste up, right?"
"You can see I only have one hand."
"Can you believe I used to have three?"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/DanGWebsterIII

"I'm a shareholder."
"It's funny because I can barely hold onto anything anymore."
"Oop... I think I just lost hold of my bowels."

http://www.ballardspahr.com/people/attorneys/maydavid.aspx

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/LewisTTarverJr

"I wear a bow tie because I'm a fan of Justice Stevens."
"Most people don't get it, though."
"They think I look like Ginsburg."

36 = AMAZING!!! I'm literally laughing out loud, well done

I think Marc J. Weinstein is actually a pretty cute guy.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/BenFFosterJr

"What? I don't have a swollen left eye."
"I tell you I wear the pants in my marriage."
"And if my wife ever gets out of line I jab her with my right."

Where is the picture of Katten TTT pussy pass associate performing oral on a Partner?

well done everyone...they deserved this

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JamesMTruss

"The beard hides my double chin."
"Yeaahh, I'm planning on starting a diet."
"Oooh... Is that lasagne?"

36 = AMAZING!!! I'm literally laughing out loud, well done

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JohnDFisch

Picture 1) "What the fuck are you looking at?"
Picture 2) "Psyche, I am just kidding."
Picture 3) "I became of Counsel to the firm when I was this tall."

Whoa, hey, 48/PE:

I'm not saying I don't "get" what you're doing. I do. You're the best Commenter since Nervous 1L.

I'm just saying that the jargon you use in your posts smacks of someone who was raised on Power Rangers.

-19

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/RichardEGoldsmith

Picture 1: "Who the fuck said you can call me Dick?"
Picture 2: "I am a shareholder goddamit, show some respect or I will show you my pimp hand strong bitch."
Picture3: "Hahaha, I really had you going there, you should have seen the look on your face. Did you pee on yourself?"

81 : ) Funny stuff.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/CecilSchenker

"Secretaries were so easy back in the good old days."
"Now they just file harassment suits against me."
"I'd bend 'em over my desk like this, give 'em the ol' Schenker schmeckel."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/EzraAJohnson

"I am not a douchebag."
"You are a douchebag."
"He is a douchebag."

24, 25, 34.
Those are the best. I have not laughed as hard as I did after I read 24 and 25 consecutively in a really long time.
24 really should be nominated for comment of the year.

92,

Thanks.

- 81, 65, 93 et. al.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/RBradleyOxford

"In my past life my name was Mr. Belding and I was a high school principal. I used to be harrassed by a kid named Zach Morris so I went to law school, became a shareholder at the Cox firm and now I harrass young and old associates."

Add 93 to my list. Those four are the best.
-95

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/AmyMStewart

"With a name like 'Amy Stewart' and a look like the lesbian neighbor on 'Married with Children,' most people consider me white."

"But hoowd up, gurl. I was Black Collegian Academic All Amurrican."

"I know, right? Can you believe they bought it?"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JBurlesonSmith

"I am 100 you motherfuckas!"

So awkward. I genuinely feel sorry for every person who "won" a link to their attorney bio page.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/PatrickHSwearingen

"I'm dead."
"Wait, I'm not dead yet. I'm Abe Vigoda."
"Shit, I'm dead."

One Hundred and FIRST!!!

Truly, the CoxSmith comments redeemed this post. Ballard Spahr's website is utterly annoying, with its stupid yellow scheme that some marketing consultant sold them. He's probably laughing his ass off at his salesmanship skills. He probably used powerful adjectives to describe what yellow conveyed. Really, the firm looks like it's into watersports.

Oh. I took waaaay too long to claim my 101st spot. Damn.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/PatrickHSwearingen

Damn you, Burleson!!!

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/PatrickHSwearingen

"I've got a sekret yooouuu don't know...."
"I'm only fowr years owld!"
"I give you pouty lips!"

That's crazy that three of us went after ol' man Swearingen at the same time.... ?

Kash needs a body shot for ATL. Actually, scratch that, I have seen her body. The head shot works better for her.

Comment removed by moderator.

I typically never read ATL comments because they are snarky and entitled, but these are HILARIOUS. Kudos 25, 36 & 93

I typically never read ATL comments because they are snarky and entitled, but these are HILARIOUS. Kudos 24, 25, 36 & 93

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JamesBSmithJr

"I'm rich."

"Do I ever swim in my money? Hmm, I never thought of that."

"I'm gonna try it tonight!"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/DavidHORoth

"Umm.. Okay: My name is David H. O. Roth, I am a sagittarius, and..."
"... aahh... what?..."
"Seriously...? This isn't where I shoot my video for eHarmony?"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/KathyLPoppitt

"If I were King of the Forest"
"Not queen, not duke, not prince."
"My regal robes of the forest, would be satin, not cotton, not chintz."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/KarenMNeeley

"Tee Hee"
"Did I ever do what? Oh, of course not."
"Ok, ok . There was that one time with FDR and Eleanor"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MarissaDHelm

"Why did I join the Cox firm? Well let's just say I like them in all shapes, sizes...and colors too."

It's unfortunate that none of you seem to be taking this seriously. It's a bad sign for lawyers when we're selling our time, our talent, and now, apparently, whatever dignity the profession has left. The full length photos are ridiculous and disgusting. That poor woman that has the "same photo twice" as you put it is probably just overweight and the firm wants to hide the fact. Ballard Spahr could stand out from the crowd without hanging it all out for everyone to see.

117 - You are surprised about a lack of dignity in the world of big law? Most lawyers at the big firms are amoral conformists. Their only guiding principle is greed.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/KatherinePatton

"I've really got to toot."
"Ohh... op... there it gOoes!"
"I am innocent."

This comment is addressed to post no. 117.

I echo your sentiments and wonder what kind of administrator or marketing director came up with the "brilliant" idea to humiliate those attorneys from the non-peer firm of Ballard Spahr. With respect to the CoxSmith website, what kind of cretin would snap and post three pictures showing partners in an undignified and inhumane manner? These marketing geniuses are paid too much to come up with these dung filled ideas. I have no respect for any associate that agreed to subject themselves to the degradation evinced in these photographs. I know it's a job but where is your dignity lad?

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/DerrickAPizarro

"This is the pose I used in my high school yearbook."
"This is the pose I used in my middle school yearbook."
"Really, I'm just a douche."

Lighten up Francis/117

PE is right on. Any firm that would listen to some liberal arts, square-rimmed, 20-something, overpaid marketing "coordinator" deserves the ridicule.

My recent favs are 102 and 119

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/TobinEOlson

"Diversity is very important in a law firm.'
"WESSST SiDE!!"
"Ha, just fuckin' kidding!"

I wonder if the use of full length photos coupled with close-up face shots is a way to discriminate by discouragement - older people with lots of wrinkles, heavy or very petitie people, disabled people who may not want their cane, wheelchair, or hearing aid to be first thing others see, people who have visible scars from accidents, etc. Knowing this type of photo is coming your way would perhaps be a reason to not work at this firm.

In the case of the CoxSmith website, I am particularly disturbed by this profile:

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MJermaineWatson

I am sure that the mentally challenged person that took Mr. Watson's pictures instructed him to flash urban gang signs which only fuels a negative stereotype towards African Americans. Mr. Watson, why did you cave in and feed to the stereotype? I would have had more respect for you had you just flipped the bird at the photographer just like Tapac Shakur or the Ole dirty bastard would have done.

123 - that was good

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MichaelTLennane

You better hurry this shit up because I'm getting hungry....
What a fat guy can't get hungry...
You get one more and then I'm going to eat you

126 --

Thanks. I've got to get some sleep now, but there are plenty of worthwhile candidates left.

-- 123, 119, 99, 81, 65, 93 et. al.

This post is addressed to post no. 112 and 113. Your attempt at humerous commentary on these pictures has failed. Not even the attractive appearance of the pictured associates can redeem your posting. Try to stop thinking with your trousers and instead use your humorous wit - if you have any, that is.

I apologize to Tupac Shakur and Ol Dirty Bastard fans. I have those two rappers on the brain since I was listening to them on my Ipod Touch while I was working out this evening. My favorite tracks from these artists are the following:

1) "Here come the Judge" -Ol Dirty Bastard

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-9LCGJ52j8

2) "Only God can Judge me"-Tupac Shakur

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=padvnsLUhUM

You see Mr. Mystal, I can appreciate African American culture and performing arts.

Actually (real) PE that was pretty funny (considering your life is a complete waste of time).

In follow up to my post no. 125, gang-signs aside, I can only imagine what's happening outside of the borders of the photographs. What else, if anything, is Mr. Watson wearing? What muscles must he have all over his body?

Darn. The firm already took down some of the shots. Sensitive.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/KristinMLimehouse

"I am always professional despite rumors to the contrary."
"Certain people with inferiority complexes just like to hurt others."
"Like that fucking slut bag, right there."

Don't mess with Texas. Where are all the 3500 sq. ft. people?

This post is addressed to commenter No. 133:

Yes indeed. It is unbelievable that a firm wouldn't realize that it is opening itself up to ridicule with such ridiculous photos. But what else can you expect from a non-preeminent, non-peer establishment?

My recent ruminations about tupac got me thinking again about the gang wars of those late years. I, for one, strongly believed that Biggy Smalls was the true preeminent-peer rapper of his time. Shnizzle.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/WilliamFrankCarroll

"Bill, push slowly Bill; you can get this one out without shitting"

"Oh, you taste that cameraman? Trust me, I can deliver those all day"

"I hate to do this, but can you run and grab me a little bit of TP?"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MarkJBarrera

"I always seem like such a team player."
"But secretly, I plan to take over the firm! Mwa ha ha!"
"Wait, the mic was still on? Please don't make me do doc review! I was just kidding!"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/WilliamMFisher

"So Cindy, I bet it's not everyday that you take pictures of guys as doable as me"

"Come on; that line is worth at least a hug"

"Ok, seriously, I'm not above paying"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/QuinnDBaker

"Guess which hand I've got a second beard in?"

"You think it's the left hand?"

"Awww, not the left hand."

116 - Win.

CoxSmith - is that like a Coxman?

The entire Coxwebsite demands a Caption Contest!!!

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MatthewGCole

"You know what they say."

"Everything's bigger in Texas, right?"

"Well, turns out I know of one exception."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/WilliamMGerhardtIII

"Why this haircut? Well it worked for Lyle Lovett right? I mean he landed Julia Roberts in her prime. If this lawyer thing doesn't work out for me I can take my hair to Hollywood and audition to replace Heath Ledger as the next Joker."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MatthewLaneCrowell

"I never learned how to clap in law school."

"See it starts out fine."

"But I can never quite finish right!"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MatthewLaneCrowell

"I never learned how to clap in law school."

"See it starts out fine."

"But I can never quite finish right!"

23-27 for the win. Great end to my Yom Kippur.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JeffreyCBizon

"Okay, fine. Rocks Paper Scissors over whether I have to work past midnight."

"Here goes ... scissors."

"Whaddaya mean -- Partner beats Scissors?"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JamieMRose

"Turn my head to the left?"

"Wait, wait, almost got it..."

"There we go."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JohnCNorman

"Gonna do a magic trick. Ready?

"Boom!"

"Ha, you totally thought I got smaller."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/ReneFMcElhaney

"Oh, so we're also doing fun poses?"

"You want me to try something sports-related?"

"Well I dunno if they're gonna recognize the Heisman trophy..."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MaryMPotter

"It's raining in the office."

"It's raining in the office."

"Ooooh, and there goes a tornado."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JCalebRackley

"So then, my buddy Oak says..."

"Wait, you don't believe I'm actually a tree-lawyer who talks with other trees?"

"Check it. Maple."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/EllenBMitchell

"So you know that giant cookie Bob bought for lunch?"

"Well, what if, hypothetically, I were to have eaten it?"

"You wouldn't tell him, would you?"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/CoraCMcGowan

"So you know how I said my parents never let me see Barney the Dinosaur live in concert when I was little?"

"Well, my BFF Kate and I got front-row seats to last night's show, and..."

"He was stu-u-u-pendous!"

My inner animal lover would like to give 119's pussy cat a taste of cream.

I like this Cox/Smith photo presentation. Unlike those other Firms with boring photo presentation of their attorneys, this one is new and uncoventional. But Ballard and Spahr is bad taste. Go get another web designer Ballard and Spahr.

waste of time, those photos were barely funny at all

for more entertaining shots, please see: www.wiersholm.no. it's probably ok in norway, though, since all the lawyers are hot.

The website is unimpressive. It looks really sterile, like some kind of government database. The white background is boring. It looks like a webpage from the late 90s.

Where is Ballird Spare located?

funniest post and thread ever

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/SoledadMValenciano

"My genuine smile." -- "I once caught a fish this big." -- "Exaggerate? Me? Heh, well, maybe a few times..."

It should cost clients north of $400 an hour to see me full-body.

they should do those NFL video clips where the players just sit there blinking as they are announced.

163 --Those NFL things creep me out. Why is there video if they don't move?

"Do these folks make paltry wages that force them to shop at Jos. A Banks or the Burlington Coat Factory? The sad part about these distasteful photo spreads is that with all that air brushing, there is not one attorney that is easy on the eyes."

1) My guess is they have student loans upwards of $175,000 not including interest. Those monthly payments are likely a minimum of $2,000 per month.
2) To piggyback on my first reply, your comments about their appearances - both suits and looks - are incredibly superficial and shallow. I hope to God you are not a partner anywhere, because you're a disgrace to my profession, which is supposed to value intelligence and intellectual success above physical appearance.

These are likely very nice people, put in an awkward position (literally) by their firm, and we are ridiculing them.

We're all going to hell.

do any xoxo old timers remember the firm that was #1 in ZOMBIE LAW?

That's a really questionable move by Ballard Spahr. Its ... not humane to make people have full body pictures on the firm's website. I'm sure its embarrassing for lots of the attorneys who are in less than ideal shape. I feel sorry for those people.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/ZacheryZAnnable

or

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60og9gwKh1o

Thanks to whoever posted that Norway firm! Wow! Never seen that many hot female lawyers - anywhere, much less in one firm.

Hottest: Siri, and Wenche (yes, Wench!)

Personal Favorite: Marian Bang (for obvious reasons)

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/MJermaineWatson

"I wish Simon would just shut up sometimes" . . . "Hey dog, I gotta problem with that look". . . ."Paula just farted. . . it is so cute when she does that"

lol 152, along with others mentioned

- 17

165- You are an idiot. I get all my suits from Joseph A Banks and I was laughing at #8. It was the first PE comment that I laughed at in a while.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/AmyKMiller

As Marketing Director these photos were my idea . . . if any of the attorneys objected, I threatened them with my scissors . . . check out all the hits we're getting - I am an evil genius . . .

oh boy

that is embarrasing

I wonder if they would allow you to draw a picture of yourself instead? A nice stick figure would be better than most of those pictures.

The really sad thing is that the firm wasted time and money on that. Whose idea was that? I think it is better to leave a little mystery as to what your lawyer looks like

CS for the win. I wouldn't work there simply for the embarrassment factor of those ridiculous action photos.

Sad to say but I can't wait for someone from Cox Smith to get wind of these comments and entertain us all with a rebuttal.

Jesus. Lawyers are ugly f'ing people.

I didn't think it was possible, but Cox has succeeded in making lawyers look even more ridiculous. Gracias.

Let's make book on how long before this frm's website gets a full 'body' makeover - and reverts to head shots. Funny as hell, but I doubt that clients will be impressed.

The only people laughing harder than us about the cox/ballard spahr websites are the photographers and the marketing people that got paid to humiliate these poor souls.

LOL @ 69... :)

A redesigned website and some "full body shots" for this firm won't fool clients. Clients are complaining and this kind of marketing/PR nonsense won't help at all.

Sorry guys. THE JIG IS UP!

A redesigned website and some "full body shots" for this firm won't fool clients. Clients are complaining and this kind of marketing/PR nonsense won't help at all.

Sorry guys. THE JIG IS UP!

Silly. But better question to explore is why law firms list such effusive bios and pics for anyone other than the firm leadership. No other business does this.

they need to hire (a) a stylist to develop their overall look; (b) a wardrobe consultant to procure the appropriate attire, (c) a make-up artist to properly do their makeup (especially the male partners!), (d) a hair stylist to fix those bad cuts (well, for those w/ hair ...), (e) a lighting person to properly light these folks, (f) location specialist to find a proper venue to shoot, (g) a better photographer, and (h) a proper post-production facility. in other words, if you're gonna do a modeling shoot ... hire models.

they need to hire (a) a stylist to develop their overall look; (b) a wardrobe consultant to procure the appropriate attire, (c) a make-up artist to properly do their makeup (especially the male partners!), (d) a hair stylist to fix those bad cuts (well, for those w/ hair ...), (e) a lighting person to properly light these folks, (f) location specialist to find a proper venue to shoot, (g) a better photographer, and (h) a proper post-production facility. in other words, if you're gonna do a modeling shoot ... hire models.

Whoever came up with this "bright idea" at Ballard should be fired- I scanned the website and just about everyone looks like an average person uncomfortably trying to pretend that he or she is in a fashion magazine. It's just awkward and pathetic- not what you want a client or potential client to see.

I'm sure these "photographs" were not free, and world-wide the firm probably lost a lot of billing time for them- so this was just a big waste.

As a client of Ballard Spahr, I can say that 188 is exactly right. It's an embarassment to the many good lawyers who are still there. The business cards are even worse - tacky and unprofessional. A great deal of time and money was spent "rebranding" the firm that is going to be passed through to clients like me. This firm lays off lawyers, increases rates and then spends money on this?

69 literally made me laugh out loud.

-24

http://web.archive.org/web/20060901171717/www.jmls.edu/directory/kamp_allen.shtml

191, holy shit! I loved that guy in "Little Monsters."

http://www.amazon.com/Little-Monsters-Full-Screen-Savage/dp/B0001AW14C

Fuck me, this is the funniest ATL comments thread in months. And it has to be said, 49 made me laugh so hard I had to walk away from my desk to get my shit together. "Park the dolphin", damn, that's awesome.

"Park the porpoise", you moron. Get it right.

"You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah!" was the funniest part of that post, too, so you're wrong on everything.

love that scene in vw

"the moment i spotted you i knew we'd be making sweet love tonight"

"some other time maybe?"

"you KNOW you can't handle this!!"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/RobertWNelson

Ouch. This website overhaul isn't going to help Ballard at all. Word on the streets of Philadelphia is that many Ballard clients are complaining, just like at most other big law bureaucracies.

This is the best response Ballard can come up with? Really?

Who did they hire to design the new site? J. Crew?

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/DerrickAPizarro

"I smiled at her across the bar like this."

"She had a huuuggee a$$$$$$$"

"whatever, she sat on my lap, and I liked it"

I think the battle is between 24 and 25. I call 24 for the win.

Conceding the overall victory to 24, but 69 is very good also.

--25

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/LeslieSaraHyman

"Is my neckline too low?"
"You like it too low?"
"Slow down, cowboy."

I have to laugh everytime I hear someone fire criticism at a law firm for straying away from the norm. A few years ago, all navigation had to be at the top of the page. The use of Flash/animation was strictly forbidden. Users only want to see content, nothing else! I'm glad there are law firms who are brave enough to pave the way for other law firm websites. Kudos to Ballard Spahr! By the way, HRO is another law firm with body shots.

Frankly, I'm tired of seeing yearbook photos of attorneys. Half of them haven't been updated in over 20 years. At least with these modern shots, I know my attorney has a pulse.

These website photos were a ridiculously bad idea, and most of the lawyers forced to have these photos taken probably were upset about them. I'd just like to point out that while a lot of the comments seem funny, some of them are just so mean that it really makes me sad for the people who will be reading them about themselves. ATL is great, but a lot of its readers are a bunch of assholes.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/STylerPeace

"I'm an avid gun collector"

"I own four"

"Actually five ... if you count this sweet one I just made with my left hand"

first thought, wtf.
second thought, was this a punishment?

first thought, wtf.
second thought, was this a punishment?

Whoever is writing these comments about the Cox Smith pictures has a wicked sense of humor.

first thought, wtf.
second thought, was this a punishment?
final thought, was eharmony somehow responsible for this?

Thanks, 208. I wrote the 12 good ones.

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/EverettNew
"i write the family guy'
"what, you think the show started to suck?"
"up yours"

203 - Paving the way for law firm websites? Seriously? Different does not necessarily mean innovative. Are you one the the people responsible for this disaster?

kudos to 17, who started it all. 24 wins for me. This thread almost makes up for months of reading annoying/depressing/racist/elitist/gay/boring comments on here

Wow. And I thought all the rude, classless folks with empty skulls were tuckered out from this summer's town hall meetings. Turns out they have re-mobilized a contingent to post vicious comments on ATL about perfect strangers!

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/AMichaelFerrill

"The marketing people want me to get pictures for what? Tell them to fuck off."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/NatalieLHall

"I wasn't sure whom to vote for in last year's Democratic primary."

"My suit was telling me to pick Hillary."

"But my hand gesture insisted on Obama!"

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JCalebRackley

"I'm good enough."

"I'm smart enough."

"And doggone it, people LIKE me."

http://www.coxsmith.com/People/JCalebRackley

"I'm good enough."

"I'm smart enough."

"And doggone it, people LIKE me."

214, that was a good show, but WHAT do Balki and Cousin Larry have to do with this?

http://altechllc.com/serendipity/uploads/perfect-strangers.jpg

While it seems a bit excessive on Ballard Spahr's side to post their employees pictures, god knows the head shot would be more than enough, your comments though entertaining are hurting people's feelings. As the author pointed out, these people did not enjoy being photographed in the first place, it is unlikely they are enjoying this outbreak of public scolding and criticism. And where does everyone get time to gossip? Get a life.

Thanks for making me laugh my morning away. These comments are hilarious!

#212 - No, I'm not affiliated with their firm. However, most of what we see around us today started when someone decided to do something differently. You may not like the idea now, but I bet in a couple years, you're going to see many more law firm websites with non-traditional attorney photos. Hopefully, the poses will be better.

Ballard should also check the pics on the link. One is upside down.

I think the anonymous woman who left comment #83 should email Marc Weinstein directly.

Only imagine, that other philly firms omit entirely the photos of their most hideous, obese associates! it's true-look at all those associates without photos and look on the web for a photo of that person and you will be horrified.