Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
ATL -
My fiancée submitted our upcoming wedding announcement to the NY Times. I’m an attorney, she’s not. In your opinion, what makes a good wedding announcement? How can we improve our chances of appearing in LEWW [Legal Eagle Wedding Watch]?
NY Times Wedding Announcement Douchebag
Dear NY Times Wedding Announcement Douchebag,
Much like the Sports section, the Weddings section isn’t going to publish minor league games. The NY Times Wedding pages are only for the MVPs of society: condescending-looking jerks that went to good schools, have famous/rich parents, work for the press or make compensation involving profit sharing. Nobody submits their wedding announcement to the NY Times to share their “moving” love story with the world. If you actually make it in, you’re there to brag, hard. The formula is simple: the more odious your credentials, the better your announcement.
Does your mom sit on the board of Sloan-Kettering? Absolute genius. Is your fiancée a descendant of Frederick Law Olmstead, landscape architect of Central Park? Gold! Even better if you met at the London School of Economics for some bogus degree and Judge Jed Rakoff of S.D.N.Y., for whom you clerk, officiated at the wedding. For good measure, throw in a fourth paragraph about how you met during your Junior year abroad in Cologne. If this all sounds like you, die congratulations: you will have achieved the highest levels of despicableness and, incidentally, the Platonic ideal of wedding announcements.
Assuming neither you nor your fiancée went to a completely embarrassing school like Fairfax U. or Hamilton and that you’re an associate at a respectable firm, you can seal the deal for LEWW by setting up an offensive wedding registry. For avoidance of doubt, melon ballers, gravy boats, CRYSTAL CANDY DISHES and anything from Restoration Hardware is offensive, the reasoning being that you’ve spent the first 25+ years of your life without a goddamn melon baller and there’s no reason you have to have one now just because you’re getting married. The rest of us don’t have melon ballers and we’re doing JUST FINE.
If you need me, I’ll be watching Men in Trees reruns and killing myself.
Your friend,
Marin
After the jump, a guest appearance from LEWW.
Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx: The Wedding Braggers”
My friends, we have a trend. Bryan Cave has become the third firm we know of to offer its incoming associates money to simply go away instead of starting at the firm.
Tipsters report that the firm is offering some associates $70,000 to “walk away” instead of showing up for work. That’s the carrot. This tipster reports the stick:
[A Bryan Cave letter] stated that they are unable to guarantee a start date at this time .. The letter [also] said was that they are unsure if they will need any first year associates before 2011. Shady, shady, shady…
Stroock — the first firm to offer incoming associates go away money — offered $75,000. Pillsbury offered $60,000. So Bryan Cave is keeping up with the market for these kinds of things.
After the jump, a reader poll, and Bryan Cave’s strategy for incoming associates.
Continue reading “Bryan Cave Offers Incoming Associates ‘Go Away’ Money”
The executive director of Sheppard Mullin sent out an email to the Los Angeles office yesterday with the following subject: “Copycat Urinater.” Here’s an excerpt:
A few weeks ago, someone urinated on the floor and two of the toilet seats in women’s room on the 43rd Floor. I reviewed the security tapes and interviewed those entering the restroom over the two hour stretch preceding the first report of the incident. Unfortunately, each person interviewed recalled seeing the mess but simply elected to use a clean toilet and did not report what they had seen. This is not the first time something like this has happened in a Sheppard Mullin women’s room. We had similar problem on the 41st Floor some time ago. Due to the vigilance of the ladies on 41, the perpetrator was identified and corrective active taken. That person is no longer with the Firm.
Nationwide Layoff Watch: Toilet seat sprayers at Sheppard Mullin.
Sheppard executive director Robert Zuber is third in command, according to this firm facts page. Apparently, potty puddle investigations fall within an ED’s job responsibilities.
More discussion, plus the full email from Zuber, after the jump.
Continue reading “Sheppard Mullin Potty Puddle Watch: Make sure to wipe the seat, ladies.”
Does your alma mater contribute to the social good? Or is it just another soul-sucking institution, hell-bent on training young people to do evil things like “make money” or become lawyers?
Well, Washington Monthly has released its annual rankings of colleges and universities. But the magazine ranks the schools by their “contributions to society.” Here is the magazine’s methodology, from Tax Prof Blog:
Community Service (33.3%)
* % of Alumni in Peace Corps
* % of Students in Army/Navy ROTC
* % of Work-Study Grants Spent on Community Service Projects
Research (33.3%)
* Research Expenditures
* % of Students Earning Ph.Ds
* Number of Science & Engineering Ph.Ds Awarded
* % of Faculty Receiving Prestigious Awards
* % of Faculty in National Academies
Social Mobility (33.3%)
* % of Students Receiving Pell Grants
* Actual Graduation Rate v. Predicted Graduation Rate
Oh dear. Where to begin? First off, the community service metric is FUBAR. The army counts; but students who become, say, firefighters, are left out? Meanwhile, surely not all research expenditures contribute to society. And if all research does, then schools should get credit for graduates who go on to work for Merck.
It would physically hurt my brain to break down the myriad problems with their “social mobility” metric.
But … whatever, their bleeding hearts are in the right place. Check out the top ten and the bottom ten universities, after the jump.
Continue reading “‘Contributions to Society’ University Rankings”
Ed. note: Welcome to the latest installment of “Notes from the Breadline,” a column by a laid-off lawyer in New York. Prior columns are collected here. You can reach Roxana St. Thomas by email (at roxanastthomas@gmail.com), follow her on Twitter, or find her on Facebook.
One evening after work, or at least the hours during which most people engage in employment-related activities, Lat and I sit in his office, contemplating an evening stroll. The office has the deserted feel that settles over most workplaces as the summer winds down, and I find myself waiting for a tumbleweed to blow by, rattling gently past the empty desks and rustling the leaves of the donut plant, which droop with late-season crullers. At some point, when we weren’t looking, August slipped away and turned to September, announcing its presence with cold evenings that jolted us from our summer reverie. Fall, I think, is like a cruel gym teacher, snapping our unguarded bums with a wet towel.
“How did this happen?” I wail plaintively, shivering. “I want a few more months of sunshine and warm weather.”
Lat strokes his chin thoughtfully. “Well,” he says absentmindedly, “I guess it has something to do with the tilting of the earth on its axis, relative to the sun. But I was an English major, so I’m just guessing.”
We spend a few minutes lamenting the advent of fall. No more seminude Hollister hotties, I remind Lat. No more flip-flops, he counters. Though the loss of these small luxuries is predictable, it is no less painful. We sigh glumly.
The end of summer is always wistful, like the day after Christmas or first love. One moment the world glitters with warmth and possibility, and even the air around you seems kinder. But when you look again, these pieces of ephemera — drooping stands of tinsel, the giddy thrill recorded in your diary — stare back, nothing more than frail relics of passing brightness. The most radiant instants slip away too fast, laying bare the impermanence of magic.
Usually, however, the sadness of summer’s end is offset by the renewed energy of fall. Fall is when things begin again: vacation ends, judges return from their summer travels, and cases resume. People have purpose! Having rested and loafed, they are ready to face the tasks at hand with renewed vigor, attired in new clothes. Perhaps this is why, this year, summer’s passing seems even crueler. This year, I have nothing to go back to.
Continue reading “Notes from the Breadline: We’re All in this Thing Together (Walking the Line Between Faith and Fear) (Part I)”
Documentarian Michael Moore would have us believe that everyone in the Great White North is friendly and loving, leave their doors unlocked, and have no need for guns. Well, there are definitely some crazy, violent types residing in Canada. Like the Greyhound bus killer. And Ontario’s former attorney general.
Michael Bryant, a Harvard LLM graduate and youngest AG in Ontario’s history, had a minor collision with a 33-year-old bike courier, who then made the unwise decision to grab onto Bryant’s Saab. From the New York Times:
[P]olice received reports of a Saab convertible racing past the fashionable shops of Bloor Street with a man clinging to its side. Two construction workers doing repairs along the road told CTV, a Canadian television network, that the car accelerated, its tires squealing, before veering into oncoming traffic on the left side of the street.
The workers said that the motorist repeatedly mounted the sidewalk and drove near lampposts in what seemed to be an attempt to brush off the man hanging onto the side.
One of the workers said the driver was “yelling pretty loud and he sounded very, very angry.” The other worker said, “He meant to knock him off.”
Several witnesses said that the clinging man flew off of the car after striking a mailbox.
Sheppard — the bike messenger — did not survive the incident, and Bryant is now charged with criminal negligence in his death. Many media outlets have pointed out that as attorney general, Bryant championed laws making Canadian roads safer, namely banning street racing.
But what they don’t point out is that sometimes bike messengers are really crazy and scary. But that doesn’t justify slamming them up against things on the road and killing them. Just punch annoying cyclists in the face. It’s okay to do in New York.
Canadian Politician Charged in Death [New York Times]
Former attorney general says he’s innocent [Associated Press]
Driver Punches Cyclist in the Face After Blocking Bike Lane [Gothamist]
Sources at Skadden report that Robert S. Bennett, the legendary litigator, will be leaving Skadden for Hogan & Hartson. Skadden partners were informed yesterday; Skadden associates are being told right now.
Bob Bennett is one of the most famous trial lawyers in the world. His client list reads like a CNN promo: Enron, Bill Clinton, Judith Miller, Caspar Weinberger! That’s right, I kicked that list with the Cold War winning, Contra-loving SecDef.
Carl Rauh will also join Bennett at Hogan. Rauh has worked with Bennett on many of his high-profile cases, so that’s of little surprise.
But tipsters report that the two will not be taking any other Skadden – D.C. personnel with them.
Bennett started his private practice at Hogan & Hartson. So the move is a bit of a homecoming.
The associates’ meeting is about to kick off. We hope to have official confirmation from the firm and more news after the associates are informed.
The top brass at Hogan are surely excited about the Bennett acquisition — but might he be to blame for their missing out on the opportunity to meet Sex and the City stars?
Continue reading “Breaking: Bob Bennett Leaving Skadden for Hogan & Hartson”
* Legal hiring binge? We like the sound of that! [Washington Post via ABA Journal]
* What were the odds? The Third Circuit upholds the U.S. ban on Internet gambling. [Wall Street Journal (subscription) and Las Vegas Review-Journal]
* Marijuana can make you do dumb things. [Gothamist]
* …But Maryland is kind of okay with it. [Washington Post]
* This guy looks like the type to slap a stranger’s child. He looks like Tom Wilkinson’s evil doppelganger. [CNN]
* Maine voters will get to weigh in on same-sex marriage. [Associated Press]
* Polls close tonight in the ATL Douche Madness Final Four. [Above The Law]
It’s not really a “black Wednesday,” but it is certainly very dark. After a day full of layoffs, the firm of Kirkland & Ellis decided to get in on the action. The WSJ Law Blog reports:
Kirkland & Ellis earlier today laid off more than 20 associates in its New York office, according to a person familiar with the matter. Associate layoffs also hit the firm’s Washington, D.C. office.
The layoffs came at the end of the firm’s annual associate-review process. Associates deemed to have not been on track to make either equity partner or non-equity partner were asked to leave, the person familiar with the matter said.
We don’t know how many D.C. associates were let go. But earlier this summer, we reported that the associate review process at Kirkland had been moved up this year. By the end of July, associates were already buzzing that the “layoff list” had been circulated around to Kirkland’s partners.
So we hope that the associates let go today didn’t work that hard during August.
We can also report that the laid off associates will be given a four-month severance package.
The only problem in Kirkland’s performance review logic is this quote from one of our sources:
[Layoffs at Kirkland] are happening today. First years and second years hit hard in the corporate group.
Is it normal for Kirkland to make partner track decisions after just one or two years of work? We’ve heard about “up or out” policies, but that seems harsh.
But we take Kirkland at its word. Nothing to see here, just the normal review process for first years who were not going to make partner.
Good luck, Kirkland friends.
After the jump, an update from San Francisco.
Continue reading “Nationwide Layoff Watch: Kirkland Closes Down 20 NY Associates”
We’re now into the back half of the brand new Vault law firm rankings. Just like last year, we worry about a proliferation of “TTT” accusations in the comment threads. But such terms of art can miss the positives of many of the firms in this section of the Vault rankings. Here’s the list:
51. Fulbright & Jaworski
52. Wilson Sonsini Goodrich & Rosati
53. Morgan Lewis & Bockius
54. McDermott Will & Emery
55. Alston & Bird
56. Bingham McCutchen
57. Fish & Richardson
58. Dechert
59. Greenberg Traurig
60. Cadwalader Wickersham & Taft
We have already extensively talked about the Morgan Lewis situation. Let’s move on to other firms after the jump.
Continue reading “Fall Recruiting Open Thread: Vault 51 – 60 (2010)”
* Alberto Gonzales the opera. No, that is not a joke. [Gonzales Cantata]
* Have you ever wondered if your career would be going better if you were a lawyer in Korea? If so … you can stop worrying now. [The Chosun Ilbo]
* A lot of you have emailed me asking whether I hate immigrants. I do not. [True/Slant]
* California lawyers have a symposium where they can bitch about discuss the changing nature of the legal market. [University of San Francisco]
* “Your job, as a father, is to keep your daughter off the pole.” — Chris Rock. [Topix]
* Stop. Going. To law school. Please! [Dealbook]
It seems that many of our friends in the upper Midwest are preparing for a long hard winter back on the 3L recruiting circuit. Above the Law has confirmed that Dorsey & Whitney made offers to only 56% of its 2009 summer associates. A Dorsey & Whitney spokesperson broke the news to Above the Law:
Firmwide, Dorsey made 28 offers of employment to the 50 2Ls who were with us this summer, including offers of employment to 16 2Ls in Minneapolis.
The competition was so tough this year that even the 1Ls summering with the firm felt the pinch:
Dorsey also made offers to return for Summer 2010 to 3 of the 8 1L candidates who were with us.
Those 3 1Ls are very lucky. In August, the firm announced that it was canceling its 2010 summer program in offices outside of Minneapolis.
After the jump, the firm and Above the Law tipsters say that economics caused the low offer rate.
Continue reading “Nationwide No Offer Watch: Dorsey & Whitney Brings More News From the Upper Midwest”
Hey 2Ls! Looking for more insight on which firms to consider this fall? Want to know which firms still offer 14-week summer programs and which ones are canceling their summer programs entirely? Curious about who provides a $15 lunch budget and who subsidizes $75 lunches? Check out the summer associate program snapshots at the ATL Career Center, powered by Lateral Link. It gives you the inside track on summer associate programs at major law firms across the country. Follow the links below to find out:
- Which firm has a "professor in residence" to assist summer associates with legal research and writing questions? Click here.
- Which firm’s summer program kicks off with a "fantastic" and "truly exceptional" weekend at a seaside resort in California? Click here.
- Which firm provides a $65 lunch budget and allows summer associates to attend an unlimited number of lunches each week? Click here.
- Which firm’s summer associates report being “treated like associates and expected (for the most part) to work like associates,” and say that they were “busy and challenged” by the “intense work expectations”? Click here.
- Which firm takes its promise to give summer associates a "hands-on" experience literally and invited summer associates to visit a client’s wind farm and climb to the top of "a 55-meter turbine"? Click here.
More guessing games, after the jump.
Continue reading “Career Center: News You Can Use, for Fall Recruiting”
A few weeks ago, we were emailing with one of our sources about an interesting fact we noticed, based on Above the Law’s real-time coverage of Supreme Court clerk hiring. The fact: thus far, Justice John Paul Stevens has hired just one law clerk for October Term 2010 (Sam Erman (Michigan 2007 / Garland)).
We didn’t write about it at the time, because OT 2010 is still a year away, and it seemed a bit speculative to make much of it so far in advance. But others noticed this fact too — and were faster on the trigger about it. Like the AP:
Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens has hired fewer law clerks than usual, generating speculation that the leader of the court’s liberals will retire next year.
If Stevens does step down, he would give President Barack Obama his second high court opening in two years. Obama chose Justice Sonia Sotomayor for the court when Justice David Souter announced his retirement in May.
Souter’s failure to hire clerks was the first signal that he was contemplating leaving the court….
Indeed. We started the speculation about Justice Souter’s retirement back in April 2009, over at Underneath Their Robes, based in part on his lack of law clerk hiring (and based in part on a sighting of him with Senator Pat Leahy).
But back to Justice Stevens:
In response to a question from The Associated Press, Stevens confirmed through a court spokeswoman Tuesday that he has hired only one clerk for the term that begins in October 2010. He is among several justices who typically have hired all four clerks for the following year by now. Information about this advance hiring is not released by the court but is regularly published by some legal blogs.
Cough cough — like Above the Law?
Commentary from expert observers, plus a reader poll, after the jump.
Continue reading “Supreme Court Retirement Watch: Justice Stevens?”
Already today, news broke loose about layoffs at Cooley Godward and Quarles & Brady. Without the summer associate “human-shields” around, it looks like Biglaw associates could be in for a rough September.
The latest news comes from Sonnenschein. A firm spokesperson gave Above the Law the following statement:
Throughout 2009, despite the year’s business challenges for our clients in many sectors, Sonnenschein has continued to grow both in people and in new business. Like every firm, we have practice areas that are strong, and those that have weaker client demand than anticipated. As every business is doing, we continue to review ways to align our capacity with demand in these weaker areas. Where we can, we transfer resources. When we cannot, we must make prudent business decisions that unfortunately affect some very good people. While we are not alone in our professional services industry in so doing, it is never easy to make these calls. However, we are optimistic that these necessary actions will continue to place us on sound footing as we move forward aggressively into 2010.
After the jump, tipsters weigh in on the number of associates let go and their reaction to the decision.
Continue reading “Nationwide Layoff Watch: Sonnenschein Continues the September Push”
Now that summers are gone, is it time for associates to start worrying about their job security again? The latest information comes from the Milwaukee-based, Am Law 200 firm Quarles & Brady. Tipsters report that the firm laid off a number of associates in August.
Here is the statement about the cuts from a Quarles & Brady spokesperson:
While we have not engaged in any firm-wide staff reductions, we did – as we have done in years past – dismiss a small number of associates in early August as a direct result of our annual performance review process. These decisions were made on an individual basis and not influenced by the current economic climate. In addition, several attorneys resigned during this period.
Separately, a small number of administrative positions were eliminated this past March as we reorganized the support staff in response to the firm’s Strategic Plan for streamlining operations in administrative areas where we believe greater efficiencies can be achieved.
Despite the difficult market conditions facing law firms, it is important to again note that none of our decisions were motivated by those dynamics. The Firm is actively recruiting in certain practice areas and we will welcome 23 new associates this January.
The firm declined to say just how many associates were let go, but they did say the numbers from one of our sources were incorrect.
Is Quarles & Brady just giving us a little layoff appetizer as firms prepare to slim down for the end of the year? We’ll keep you posted.
Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of law firm layoffs
First the good news. Cooley Godward has hired three IP litigators away from White & Case. Cooley’s press release explains that the three new partners will bolster Cooley’s Palo Alto office:
Cooley Godward Kronish LLP announced today that Heidi Keefe, Mark Weinstein and Mark Lambert, previously partners with White & Case LLP, have joined the firm’s national IP litigation practice. The three partners will be resident in the Palo Alto office.
“We are delighted to welcome such an accomplished and respected team of litigators to Cooley’s IP litigation practice,” said Frank Pietrantonio, head of Cooley’s IP litigation practice. “Their experience in the technology and life science sectors complements Cooley’s established platform in these areas and will enhance our ability to meet the growing demands of our clients.”
The situation at White & Case has been well-documented. So the partner defections are not totally shocking.
For Cooley, it doesn’t look like the good partnership news translated into positive associate outcomes. Details after the jump.
Continue reading “Partners In, Associates Out At Cooley Godward”
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Kinney Recruiting
Lateral Link
Law.com
Mestel
The New York Times
OCI Advantage
If you’re interested in advertising on Above the Law or any other site in the Breaking Media network, download our media kits, or email advertising@breakingmedia.com. Thanks!
It has not been a great offer season for firms in Philadelphia. Yesterday, we learned that Morgan Lewis & Bockius offered only 27.5% of its summer class.
The news coming out of Pepper Hamilton isn’t quite as bad. But it is not great. Multiple tipsters report that Pepper Hamilton made offers to seven summers, out of 13 people its summer program.
Last year, the firm brought on 38 summers and made offers to 30. Some of our tipsters expressed concern that Pepper significantly reduced the size of its summer program, but still couldn’t find offers for everybody:
There were only a dozen of us. If they didn’t need all of us, why bring us on for the summer? You’d think a major law firm would have better counting skills.
It’s a cautionary tale for 2Ls interviewing with law firms now. Just because firms are reducing the size of their summer programs, it doesn’t mean that the firms are planning on giving offers to all of their 2010 summer associates.
Earlier: Nationwide No Offer Watch: Rocky Balboa Division Blank Rome and Pepper Hamilton
Morgan Lewis No Offer Follow Up
We thought something was off about the discussion of the recruiting situation at Yale Law School in last week’s big New York Times article about the tough legal job market.
It turns out we were right. Check out this correction, which appeared in yesterday’s paper:
An article on Wednesday about a cutback in hiring by law firms misstated several firms’ recruitment decisions involving Yale Law School. Two firms — Baker & McKenzie and Milbank, Tweed, Hadley & McCloy — did not register for the program in 2009; another, White & Case, registered but dropped its registration before scheduling any interviews. None of the firms “canceled interviews in New Haven.”
The errors were brought to the attention of the Times by a YLS spokesperson, who explained that the school was never contacted by the reporter and had no idea as to where he obtained his information.
“No students were ‘stunned’ by the canceling of any interviews,” the spokesperson explained to ATL. “That just simply did not happen.”
Downturn Dims Prospects Even at Top Law Schools [New York Times]
Earlier: All the News That’s Fit to Recycle
