Attack of the Stack Whacker at American University - Washington College of Law
A female law student at American University - Washington College of Law had an unpleasant Yom Kippur. First, she was at the library at 11 p.m. on a Monday night. Second, she had some unexpected company.
From an e-mail that went out to WCL students earlier this week:
TO ALL STUDENTS, FACULTY & STAFF
INCIDENT REPORTIncident:
On Monday, September 28, at approximately 11:00 pm, a male visitor to the Pence Library exposed himself to a WCL female student while in the quiet reading room of the library. The male then ran out of the library and although chased by WCL students across Mass Ave was able to avoid getting caught. During the chase he dropped a bag containing personal papers possible indicating his name but no address.
They say hell has no fury like a women scorned. But the fury of Jezebel over bloggerly treatment of female harassment might be worse. So when one of my male co-editors responded to this tip with, “This is AWESOME. Who wants to do the honors?”, I realized I better handle this one.
At Duke, masturbatory attacks on unsuspecting female students in the Perkins Library stacks happened with some regularity. I thought this was the case at university libraries across the land, but my co-editors tell me such incidents did not occur at their alma maters. Apparently Duke has more in common with AU than with Harvard and Yale.
More on the Attack of the Stack Whacker, after the jump.
More details from the police report:
A WCL female student observed a male sitting two carrels next to her with his pants open gratifying himself while watching the student. When the male noticed her he got up and started running towards the library exit. The student ran after him telling and yelling to stop him. As they ran by the Security desk, a WCL Security Officer chased the male offender across Mass Ave in the direction of 49th Street where the male offender was able to get way.Description of Suspect:
Caucasian male, 5’9” tall large build, approximate age 46 with dark thinning hair line dressed in red shirt and dark pants.
A forty-something male — a non-traditional law student, or a D.C. resident with a thing for female lawyers in training?
In any event, consider this a PSA: avoid the WCL library late at night. You might run into the Stack Whacker — or these two horny kids.
Earlier: Kids These Days: Or, Why You Should Always Sign Out of a Public Computer
(91) 
Comments
heh.
First!
Dammit.
-2
Nobody ever did this at my high school.
Dear:
Oh, the shame of being 2nd when you call "First."
Love,
1
4, You lie!
-Enjoying watching you, undetected
Notice the error in the last sentence. How TTT!
It was me!!
What what? In the butt.
it's no big deal
rumor has it he goes to Howard Law
It was probably a GW student.
GULC1L
Why would you want to masturbate to female law students? Go somewhere with attractive women if you want to masturbate.
"Why would you want to masturbate to female law students? Go somewhere with attractive women if you want to masturbate."
AMEN.
I went to WCL. I wonder if he lives in the neighborhood. There's not a lot of places to go at 11 pm in that neighborhood. Nothing is open and there aren't cabs or anything around. It doesn't sound like they saw him drive off.
There are always some attractive 1Ls, they just don't hold up real well over the next couple years.
What was Mystttal doing at American University?
Kash, if it was you in the library, I'd expose myself to you even if the library were full. You're so hot!
10, he def goes to Howard Law
14 - I doubt he lives in the neighborhood. AU is in a very nice area!
This is why AU is TTT:
"The student ran after him telling and yelling to stop him." ???
"approximate age 46" How does one determine this "approximate age" so seemingly precisely?
Was it a black yogurt slinging trouser snake?
How many caucasian males go to Howard Law? Are you allowed to take Reparations Law 101 there?
16 - The suspect was Caucasian, i.e., white.
46 is not an "approximate age."
Can I once again raise the eternal question: what's wrong with being sexy?
I think this guy was quite learned of hand, you know what I mean. . . .
19--He was a middle-aged white dude--why don't you think we would be from the neighborhood surrounding AU?
Mitch: This is god. From now on, stop playing with yourself!
23--Thank you for letting me know that Caucasian means white. I thought it referred to some subpopulation of Asians.
I am black from the waste up.
Elie Mystal
"It Wasn't Me".
--Shaggy (2000)
28 - Are you 16? The comment was directed at 16.
Wats Howard Law?
A law student fetish??? I wouldn't wish that on anybody. It's a good illustration of Rule 36, though: If you've thought of it, there's somebody out there with a fetish for it.
Was it just like Silence of the Lambs?
Definitley a BigLaw partner stopping off on the way home to Chevy Chase for his standard evening recreation.
The Ol' Dirty Bastard couldn't possibly have committed this crime.
Coolio did some of this shit.
HU grad here. We do have Caucasian men at Howard, but they're required to fit the stereotype - at least from the waste down. Sounds like this guy doesn't make the cut; no reports of jaw-dropping (take that any way you want).
What what? In the butt.
Are black people always huger in the crotch area place?
Rod Coggington III
David, you and I disagree on this one. That bloke should have kept the armadillo in his trousers while in the law library. Nigel
37 = freud.
They already know who it is if you have to swipe into the library. That's how they got the Yale guy.
It would have been sooo much better if, instead of whip out the schlong, he squatted bare ass on her desk and shat on her case book.
"approximate age 46"?
@43 - Why not both?
But was there any balm in the bag?
19 - perverts are hardly limited to one socioeconomic class.
30,
You made me laugh. Only an attorney would throw the date in there.
It probably was a Howard Law professor.
security in the wcl library is an absolute joke. we routinely have homeless people and other random individuals who are clearly not students loitering about.
maybe this school will actually get serious about doing something for its students now that safety appears to be an issue.
A guy at my college used to do this all the time. He was known at UMD as the "McKeldin Masturbater".
It was no big deal.
You IDIOT. Yom Kippur ended at sunset Monday. 11pm = after sunset.
Is this school in Adams Morgan?
@51 I was in undergrad at Maryland when they caught that guy! Hilarious.
And it really was no big deal.
42, that would work, but you don't have to swipe into the AU library. The NIMBY Spring Valley residents demanded public access to the library and a total ban on neighborhood parking in exchange for the school's placement there.
I used to do this while sitting in the back row of my torts class. I called it the "sizzler."
Kash, admit it. You would be turned on if this was you. You would be. Don't lie.
One more reason to hate Duke.
-Duke 3L
This WCL female should consider herself lucky she didn't get the Polanski treatment right there in the library.
What exactly did this guy do wrong again?
The WCL Security Officer couldn't chase down a 46-year old guy? How TTT!
When a girl says "NO," does she really mean it?
Sex Panther
61--They would have caught him had the student yelled, "He stole my donuts." She gave the officers no motivation. You are so correct that this is TTT.
Sex Panther - Yes, unless you are Roman Polanski.
64--Were you out of the office on Monday? Your humor is soooo original and refined.
"Apparently Duke has more in common with AU than with Harvard and Yale." What kind of an idiotic comment is that--suggesting that "elite" universities should have less or no incidents of indecent exposure? Get over yourself Kash (not to mention that you didn't exactly go to an elite school anyway).
In college, my roommate used to jerk off into is hand and then slap someone in the face with it who he didn't like.
He dropped a bag containing personal papers? I think this is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Look, man...
Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Just ask him about the car.
Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: Is that your car out front?
Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?
The Dude: We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?
Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...
Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.
The Dude: And the fucking money.
Walter Sobchak: And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.
The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.
Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!
It takes a lot of spunk to pull off something like that.
Awesome, this post has 69 comments!
Good one, 69! And were you just waiting for the right moment so you can be the 69th comment? Like a stalking burglar, you!
That chick should have taken it as a compliment instead of getting all mad.
-CLS 2L Stud
68 - It's "They're going to cut your dick off, Larry." You're killing your father with the misquote.
@72, I agree. She should have felt flattered. I know if I was in the library and I saw some chick pleasuring herself while looking at me, I would not chase her out "telling and yelling".
-71
This would make for a great law review article. A library, especially a university library, is often held up as a bastion of thought and learning. And yet here we have a blatant case of some library users and library personnel attempting to circumscribe another user's First Amendment rights, namely the right of expression. If you can't so express yourself in the stacks, then where? Are there alternate channels for this message of whacking?
Seriously, this article writes itself.
i just masturbated
Ohhhhhhh - a flasherrrr. Did he flash ya a smile?
"Spring Valley" - cute. Did AU and the Army Corps pof Engineers ever finish remediating the WWI ordinance - imcluding mustard gas - that was disclovered ont he north side of the campus, especially under the playing fields? They were still working oin it 4 years ago.
If I were a MIMBY neighbor on the west side of Mass Ave, I wouldn't be planting trees or a garden. But there are always sweet young things in the Law Library...
I tried this same stunt on some black chicks in my high school. They laughed me out of the library and told everyone about my inadequacies.
This law school chick needs thicker skin and possibly a jizz-proof coat. She'll never survive at PE's firm otherwise.
This is undoubtedly a hate crime at the hands (or hand) of this white offender.
I can categorically state that it was not me.
I was in the first floor men's room at Howard U Law Library.
...with a young buck named Tyrone.
I suppose that I should know the answer to this, but is American University - Washington College of Law accredited by the American Bar Association and a member in good standing of the Association of American Law Schools?
83: I'll do the groundwork for you.
http://www.abanet.org/legaled/approvedlawschools/alpha.html
http://www.aals.org/about_memberschools.php
It comes at no surprise that the out of shape lawyers could not catch the speedy masturbater. The guy outran them with a hard on.
Other approximates: The masturbator ran "approximately" a 4.3 40 yard dash, and had "approximately" a 8.5 inch flagstaff. No approximate pole vault height at this time.
Can anyone confirm/disconfirm that in addition to being Yom Kippur, Monday was also Whacking Day? That could explain a lot AND provide an affirmative defense.
Interesting Elie. For someone who holds rather feminist views, were you sad when Jezebel called you out for the "girl on girl" post? I sense some lingering bitterness.
Is it true that you can't rub one out until sundown?
They couldnt catch-up to a 46 year old? Oh the shame.
78 - No, they've made zero progress in several years. The whole school is built on top of a chemical weapons disposal site. Every few weeks there is an email giong around saying "O HAI DERE, WE WUZ DIGGIN AND HIT MORE MUSTARD GAS! SO WATCH OUTS! -<3 The Provost"
83- you're a moron.