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How Much Is a Quinnipiac Law Student Worth?

Friday, October 2, 2009 4:35 PM - By Elie Mystal

Soul for Sale law student.JPGBack in the day, young lawyers would complain that they were “selling their souls” for $160K a year. But now we are in a recession and the price of a fresh soul has come down considerably. From Craigslist:

1 Soul of Healthy Young Man - $100000 (Hamden, CT)

For sale:
The gently used soul of a healthy, Roman Catholic, young twenties, quinnipiac law student.

So, let me give you some background on the product and the reasons for selling:

My student loans are piling up and I’ve realized I really don’t give a shit what type of law I practice, I’m really only in this thing to further myself economically. Problem is, my student loans are outrageous and by the time I pay them off I’ll be spending the rest of my money on Cialis and colonoscopies. I don’t want that, I don’t need that. So let’s make a fucking deal.

In exchange for the payment of my student loans you will get my soul. This is a la motherfucking carte. No organs included. No skin, no vas differens, and certainly no homunculus.

Dude, you go to Quinnipiac, can’t you get a job as a pollster?

Just the other day, we told you about a law firm that was looking for free labor from an attorney who had already graduated from law school and passed the bar. Here, this law student wants somebody to purchase his soul for $100,000 bucks. When inflated expectation meets free market capitalism the fields are soaked with the tears of the martyrs.

Read more of the ad after the jump.

The Quinnipiac law student tries his best to make the hard sell:

Now, as I’ve stated before this soul is gently used, and to be honest it’s not in the best shape. But, I think in terms of soul prices, it’s a fair one. We’re talking $300 for a 1989 Ford F150 with a little fire damage. It’s a Ford, it’ll run forever and it’ll get you where you’re going. For a little more detail, this soul works out regularly, is healthy, and has only had 12 sexual partners. But, for the sake of full disclosure, I’ll be honest - I am a Catholic, so no i don’t use condoms. That’s how God wanted it. Also, this soul is rather well-endowed, for a soul anyway.

It is kind of funny that this law student is actively trying to sell his soul. It’s like he doesn’t even know that this profession will rip it from him like MacDuff was untimely ripped from his mother’s womb.

But the kid does his best to give potential buyers full information:

This soul is also smart enough to go to law school, but just not quite smart enough to go to med. school. So look if you’re in the market for a bottle of grey goose and you buy a bottle of dubra, don’t be dissapointed. I’m saving you $30 and most importantly it’ll get you drunk either way.

For any questions or further inquiries please feel free to e-mail me. Considering the state of the economy and the likelihood that my loans are being taken out through banks in China, I would prefer Remnimbi, but i will also accept the Euro. Also, if in last resort the US dollar will suffice.

Disclaimer;
This soul has not been tested for AIDS and in no way shape or form believes in an after life. All sales are final and are a la motherfucking carte.

The kid isn’t going to get $100,000, but how much would you pay? I’ll start the bidding at $3. I’m always in the market for a cheap butler.

1 Soul of Healthy Young Man - $100000 (Hamden, CT) [Craigslist]

Earlier: It’s Come to This: Unpaid Internships For Lawyers With One - Three Years Experience

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Posted in: Craigslist, Job Searches, Law Schools, Money, Student Loans

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