IRAC Your World: Or, a female law student’s ‘compelling brief’ in support of sex.
Think back to taking law school exams as a 1L. Remember the IRAC method — Issue, Rule, Application, Conclusion?
One horny creative female law student in Los Angeles has decided to deploy IRAC towards carnal ends. Via craigslist, she recently filed a brief in the matter of You & Me Doing It v. You & Me Not Doing It (2009).
Read her brief, an eloquent attempt to get inside a classmate’s briefs, after the jump.
According to stereotypical gender roles, men want sex and women want romance. But that’s not the case for the author of this brief, a sex-hungry female law student who sounds a lot like a “do-me feminist” (i.e., “attractive, prosex feminists of the Naomi Wolf genus”).
We present the “I want your sex” brief without comment (although feel free to add your own two cents below). Res ipsa loquitur.
I submit this brief in support of why we TOTALLY should get it on. - w4m
Using that IRAC method we’ve been learning about, a compelling brief on why we should hump each other’s brains out.
FACTS:
You’re in my class at law school. You are tall, dark and very masculine. I find you quite attractive and it’s really distracting. I find reasons to look in your direction during class and I blatantly stare at you whenever we pass by one another. You seem to be returning the looks but I can’t figure out if you’re eye-raping me back, or if it’s more of a “what the fuck is this girl staring at” kind of look. I’m not Megan Fox, but if I was a guy, I don’t think I’d kick me out of bed, so I dare to hope it’s the former?
Anyway, we’re expected to absorb class material sufficiently enough to one day pass the bar exam, and this is difficult when I’m more focused on what’s behind your zipper. It’s probably distracting to you as well for some chick to be gawking at you while you’re trying to cram massive amounts of information into your brain. (And I’m thinking about cramming appendages of yours into orifices of mine.)
ISSUE:
Should we have wild, crazy, meaningless animal sex?
RULE:
Distractions can be very detrimental to success in law school, and should be eliminated whenever possible.
ANALYSIS:
As detailed above in the facts, my desire to be plowed by you is a major distraction from my studies. It’s got to be a distraction to you as well since it’s probably unnerving to be stared at by a predatory sex-starved woman as if she wants to take a bite out of you. Per the above rule, this distraction to both of us needs to be eliminated for us to graduate from law school and pass the bar exam.
Solution? We get it on! I get it out of my system. You not only get laid, but you get the added benefit of not feeling my eyes burning into the side of your head (or your crotch) all through class. We move happily along with our legal education unimpeded by the distraction of sexual tension.
Afraid of possible disadvantages? I’ll address any potential concerns here. The quotes are you, and my response follows.
“Will I catch any diseases?” Nope. Clean as a whistle. Just got out of a long-term relationship and have only been with one person for the past 3 years. Got tested anyway though, and all is well in My-Vagina Land. (Except for its burning desire to be filled with your throbbing manhood.)
“Will you stalk me, or expect a relationship or commitment in return?” NO. You get free NSA sex. As mentioned above, I’m recently out of a long-term relationship. I’m not ready for another one nor do I have the time.
“What if it’s really bad, and we end up having to awkwardly avoid one another in class for the next 4 years?” I don’t plan on it being bad, at least on my end. Hopefully our encounter (or encounters, if it was so crazy awesome we decided to make it an ongoing FB arrangement) would go as follows: We leave class after our respective long days of work and school, both cranky, irritable and in desperate need of blowing off some steam. We go to your place or mine, whichever is closer. Maybe we engage in various acts of foreplay, or maybe we’re both ready to get to the main attraction so fuck it. You look like you would be HUGE, but I will still bravely tackle that monster and try my best to deep throat the whole thing. You then throw me down on the bed, floor, or any available surface, and have your way with me. This would ideally involve some spanking, hair pulling, and/or explicit dirty talk.
“What if a lot of women in the class stare at me, and I’m not sure which one you are? What if you’re one of the old or fat chicks, or really ugly?” I’m not going to describe my exact appearance because I will die of embarrassment if someone else in the class sees this and even speculates as to who I am. (Particularly a man I have dubbed Leery McPervert who stares at me the way I probably stare at you. I don’t want that dirty old man getting a boner knowing I’m all juiced up in class.) Yes I know I haven’t even identified the law school, but I’m paranoid so bite me. (I mean that in the vernacular sense. But if you want to take it literally, I’d enjoy that too.) Anyway, I’m close to your age (twentysomething). When I look at myself I see “cute” but I get told I’m “pretty,” “beautiful” even. I’m not perfect, but I get hit on, catcalled and sexually harassed frequently enough to assume I must be at least somewhat doable. I even think I’ve seen you giving me a look or two. Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking.
CONCLUSION:
For both of us to succeed in law school and ultimately pass the bar exam (and for me to not end up on the Megan’s Law website for losing all self-restraint, walking across the room in the middle of class, and mounting you), we will need to have sex ASAP. Sexual proposition affirmed.
I submit this brief in support of why we TOTALLY should get it on. - w4m [craigslist - Los Angeles]
(129) 
Comments
This woman is a nymphomaniac.
And: FIRST!
Firsty!
This site has gotten pretty desperate it seems...
Lat shouldn't test his romance novel skills with ATL.
3 - Actually there have been some great posts lately, like these two:
http://abovethelaw.com/2009/10/jonathan_eakman_smu.php
http://abovethelaw.com/2009/10/quinn_emanuel_wants_associates.php
I'm flattered, but Rebbecca and I are committed.
lame rip off of the other one. This sucks.
I came.
cert. denied
6 - Nice catch! This probably is Jerry O'Connell. Southwestern Law is in Los Angeles.
http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/jerry_oconnell_law_school.php
Legalize it! (prostitution)
This is surprisingly well-written (for a CL posting). It was getting me a little hot.
it isn't a law student... just some undergrad (at best) that probably took a pathetic pre-law class and now hangs out in the law library to get her "Mrs." degree.
seriously, since when was law school 4 years?
This girl obviously has some type of personality disorder, and should probably be on anti-depressants
Where the fuck were the girls like this when I was in school?
Comment removed by moderator.
best post ever. I don't care whether its fake or not.
This was written by a dude. htfh
13
Part time law school goof
Ban 16.
I didn't get past "my desire to be plowed by you."
If anyone, and I mean *anyone* believes this is real, they have the IQ of a turnip.
Chicks just don't talk (or write) like that.
I'm kind of disappointed that ATL is stupid enough to fall for this clear hoax. The Craigslist poster probably did it and sent the link to ATL himself.
WE NEED ELIE BACK
Oh 21, but we do. The right guy will bring out the inner slut every time. That guy, however, is rarely found in the law school populace.
There are now women on CL. Only trannies and gay guys trolling for dick pics.
Trust me on this.
No, I'm pretty sure I can confirm who this chick is. She doesn't have a "personality disorder," she's just a little star-struck, I think. You should see how many girls want to be in my group in my Laws 1 class. The prof has to break them up. Lolz.
Were is Elie?
ELIE is away at fat camp. Haven't you seen the photo?
http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/9/collegehumor.b71fb6acea76b13e695264e90e5d621c.jpg
Lat called Mystal a Walrus on Twitter.
Plowing through your bean field
Poking your hay
QUINN REMAINS dead last in finding out about these easy women. Another good reason to keep your Blackberry on you at all times.
With a libido like that, this girl should obviously be working as an escort on the side to pay for her law school education. The Stanford girl proved that it's best to do so before graduating and getting on the IRS' radar.
why 14, because, god forbid, she has a sex drive? Double standards make me ill.
yes, "chicks" do write and think like this. A lot of women like sex, folks. And I love that she has the balls, so to speak, to ask for what she wants.
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This girl is most likely fugly. If she was any sort of decent looking they would've drunkenly hooked up after bar review already.
21- 160k virgin? What girls don't talk like that?
OK, can we please ban 34 now? What is it with this revolting bigotry and homophobia.??? Jesus.
@ 21: 23 is right, women do talk that way. I'm male and have had the pleasurable experience of having many a proper lady let loose in the bedroom. Don't be so naive to assume that only men like sex and that women are just there as means to facilitate our enjoyment. Just be kind, and masculine, and women will behave in ways about which you have only dreamed. And good luck!
we love you, too, 38!! (not sarcasm)
We need more girls like this at my law school!
@40: You have plenty of girls like that in your law school. You just haven't adequately attempted to tap those seemingly hidden reserves.
( . )( . )
I hope she gets it. Those of us working don't have a pool of candidates to chose from...
Disease free? NSA? deepthroating? Orifices? Good for her. I hope that guy isn't completely clueless and takes her up on it.
34 WTF?
1L. No one else would write an "IRAC" memo. Note to all first-years: IRAC is for taking law school exams; in the real world, your research memos are: (1) Issue; (2) Short Answer; and (3) Analysis.
Besides, the relief requested will only be awarded in response to some kind of motion (your best bet is to file a stipulated motion and proposed order).
Lawyers are lame.
I got hit on all through law school by hot chicks, but I never received a message like this. They usually asked me out for a drink, then took me home for a long and pleasant fuck, with no strings attached. Heck, I even did two at once on several occasions. Some of the chicks were less hot than others, but none were worthy of being bagged first. It's hard being me, what with all the babes wanting to get in my pants all the time.
Thanks 39. I love you too!
- 38
@38 -- Right on. In fact, I had just that kind of experience this past weekend. Looking forward to the next time.
This turned out to be the perfect post for comment 6's shtick.
Well timed, 6. Well timed.
We need to bomb Iraq back to the stoneage!
-DOJ Secure
can someone PLEASE ban or delete 34. That is just way over the line.
Can we ban 37? I mean this is ridiculous, revolting, repugnant.
She can meet me in the van down by the river anytime.
- MaTTTFoley (lost login, ugh!)
hey 52, have you looked at 34? Or are you just being an ass?
54
52 is 34
52=Roxy
How many law schools near Los Angeles provide a 4 year JD program? I know Southwestern does. Not sure about Loyola. Definitely not UCLA or USC or Irvine.
57.
There are some unaccredited ones too, I started looking, but got caught with actual work nonsense.
14- Yes, girls with a sex drive have deep-seated psychological issues.
Whatever you need to tell yourself...
This post was from September 6.
How about an update on whether or not you closed the deal? You know you're reading ATL.
Heck, girls that want it this bad are just the type to have sex then yell rape. "You beat me, then fucked me." "You got me drunk, then fucked me." "I was on drugs, and you fucked me." "I have mental issues, and you fucked me." "I asked for it, and you should have known not to fuck me." What the fuck ever.
Is having sex with a Walrus illegal if it is consensual?
This chick sounds hotter and dirtier than the chicks I have banged in law school. *Sigh*
-CLS 3L Stud
62: Linda Eastman McCartney should be able to sleep with whomever she wants. Particularly now that she's dead.
61- wow, you have some issues
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I second 63. Can we please get a post on how ugly the girls at CLS are?
Hello Lat,
WE both have so much in common. I see we both love to take short cuts, you on your work to validate rumors, and me via the subway on way to winning the Boston Marathon. You were caught out by a memo that did not support your story, and I was caught with a token in my sock. I think you rock. IRAC, Your RAC, any rack is good for me.
Rozie Ruiz,
Boston Marathon Champion (for 15 minutes)
This post is useless without pics.
Ok. I'll start: BAN or DELETE number 66
I'm guessing PE wrote that brief.
1) The lady knows what she wants.
2) All you ridiculous trolls who believe that "real women don't talk like this" and "they are just teasing"; some day, when you actually have sex with another human being, you will understand. In the meantime, please continue to type your little male-dominated fantasies, and keep whacking. That's all the fun you'll ever get...
72
Bitter female much?
4 years? WTF?
68 - WTF are you talking about?
Notice how PE is not posting when Lat is posting articles. PE = Lat.
No one likes a loose, slatternly, forward woman.
No one likes female lawyers.
Loyola or Southwestern - both have 4-year evening programs. Good for her!
you pathetic lamers think this was written by a woman? epic lulz
Many years ago I sent something rather similar to this to a hot (law school hot) guy in my 1L section and he totally put his defeasible interest in my fee simple as a result. Glad to see I'm not the only one who was driven insane in a variety of ways by law school.
63, that is why I deferred for a year. Hopefully there will be more potential in the class of '13
Clearly this is Article 3 Groupie juvenilia.
33 - That's kind of the point, isn't it? She doesn't have the...ahem...balls, to ask for what she wants. She just posts some anonymous wanna-be Dear Penthouse letter on craigslist. I have no idea how craigslist works (other than that people post stuff on it). I assume there's a way to contact the people that post stuff, but does this "woman" (I'm convinced it's a guy - not because women don't think like that, but because they generally have the class not to say things like that out loud) really have an expectation that her classmate will (i) see this (ii) know it's her referring to him and (iii) call her?
If she really had any gumption, she'd just ask the guy to have a cup of coffee with her. As is, she's just like the many 30-something single women I work with, who complain incessantly about how they can't meet men, but won't even bother going up to a guy they find attractive in a bar to say hi.
i'd bang her
21 nailed it. You had me until you used the word "plowed," then I knew you were some dude trying to get himself off.
And why Craigslist? Only creepy weird people post there.
Richard Heene is a creative fellow - I gotta hand it to him. Well-played once again, sir.
21 and 85: Exactly. The word "plowed", reference to Megan Fox (ew -she's guy hot, not girl hot) and "I will still bravely tackle that monster and try my best to deep thr0at the whole thing" are tip offs. Also, I'm not sure I'd ever use the word "eye-raping" -- the word "rape", even when used in a completely different phrase, is not sexy to a woman.
So, well played, sir, but you have not yet mastered your craft.
Do I have to check my blackberry every hour when having sex?
Quinn Emmanuel associate
38 is dead on. Take the time to actually make your partner feel special and important and she may let loose on you. I have also been lucky enough for this to happen. Some of the most proper ladies (as he put it) are the ones that want to let it out the most but feel like they should be embarassed (which of course they should not). Take the time to let them feel comfortable and they will make it worth your time and effort.
Memo too wordy and not sexy at all. Instead of droning on about whether she's "cute" or "sexy" and other boring stuff, she should have included hot stuff in the analysis section. Examples of what she'd do to him (licking his balls, pinky finger in his butt while sucking him) and some kind of disarming admission that she plays with herself thinking about him (told with some detail).
Without the above, it's boring. Saying "I want you to plow me" followed with a long diatribe about whether he *might* think she's fat or someone else in the class....is not hot. I will fax you my edits; please check your blackberry.
Just an illustration of what toolboxes most lawyers/aspiring lawyers are, whether male or female. If you want to get it on with someone, go and do it the normal way and spare us all the nauseating details.
90 here. I read a few comments that speculated the writer is male. No way. Men (as well as some women...like me) would be graphic in that memo. This chick goes on and on and on and on about non-sexual things. She's definitely a law student and definitely a woman.
-Over 35 and knows how to write about my slippery slope.
86 wins the thread.
90/92 = male.
94=based on his pathetic love life, assumes women aren't capable of good dirty talking.
95 - oh i've heard women talk dirty, but none used phrases like slippery slope. only a pimply male virgin would find that funny or sexy.
Back when I was fratting it up in Ithaca, I used to get notes like this from the young fratrats of DG and Kappa all the time. It was no big deal.
CORNELL FRAT STUD
Something tells me this sloot watches a healthy amount of porn.
Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires.
86 = EPIC FTW.
BS on it not being a woman. My wife thinks, talks, AND writes like that. Why do you think I married her?
101 - your wife propositioned you in a legal memo format?
So I want to know what other schools have these types of girls.
Does Harvard?
Yale?
University of Chicago?
Georgetown?
I propose a new discussion - which school has the horniest women?
So I want to know what other schools have these types of girls.
Does Harvard?
Yale?
University of Chicago?
Georgetown?
I propose a new discussion - which school has the horniest women?
Good post #104. I am a 3L at HLS, and I will say the girls are nothing like this. They are not wild at all. I have been with 3 of them, and all I have to say is plain vanilla. Hair pulling, deep throating, sweaty sex is out if the question. So many up tight chicks.
Good post #104. I am a 3L at HLS, and I will say the girls are nothing like this. They are not wild at all. I have been with 3 of them, and all I have to say is plain vanilla. Hair pulling, deep throating, sweaty sex is out of the question. So many up tight chicks.
Someone should tell this girl that law school is not 4 years long. Thank. God.
Fake. Everyone knows women don't have sex drives.
First: Post references "4 years" of school together... either the person writing is a fake OR they are in a night/evening program.
Second: Posting is in Los Angeles, so must be a Los Angeles law school. OC has their own CL territory, so if the person was at an OC law school they could easily post to that territory.
Third: Person seems to feel good about their self, so they must be at a top 100 school. I'm going to guess Evening Student at Loyola in Los Angeles for the win...
Insert gratuitous "purging the taint" joke here.
Uh 105 if you've only been with three of them chances are the really freaky broads heard from the "plain vanilla" chicks you weren't that great. Better luck next time, stud.
Female BigLaw Dirty Talker
PROOF she attends a TTT-- her concern that not paying attention in law school = failing the bar. BOOM, game over. Only toilet schools teach you anything about the bar. Enjoy your TTT, your impending life-failure, and your inability to make a respectable, biglaw market salary. That goes for everyone else to whom it may apply.
-Foggy Bottom Dreaming (xoxohth)
As an IRAC exam answer, this was a C, maybe a C+. Pretty good issue spotting within the analysis (won't hold form against 'her'), but no oscillating analysis of counterpoints. Tell us why the rule might lead to the opposite conclusion. Get to maybe.
I think this brief was written by Kash. She's clearly in a law school night program - the LA posting was a feint.
Kash, no need to look elsewhere, I'll take care of you.
Can't speak for the others, but Duke Law has a lot of ugly chicks, but they love to fuck dirty. In fact, they'll do almost anything in order to get a good fucking at least once a week.
God male lawyers are tiresome.
sounds like it was written by a guy
....like maybe Lat
The girls at Northwestern aren't freaky at all. Very boring - and ugly!
88 - don't worry, you'll likely be finished before your BB updates.
99 - marry me!
118 - Uh, I don't think Lat gets turned on by the idea of horny women.
I had a law school FB and it was quite rewarding! I strongly recommend having one. More power to girls who recognize and acknowledge that we have needs too.
this young lady may have a future at kinky spalding - if she can channel her lust towards clients and potential clients, she should submit her resume
I had a FB in law school and she was wild. I miss her. She was willing to try anything, even group sex. Best part is that we went to a school that has a reputation for being really uptight and nerdy.
122 I wish I could meet more girls like you.
Instead, I hit on a girl in Evidence today who turned out to be a newlywed. Goddamn I hate law school.
Loved the originality. And btw, I "met" about five women like this in my first year at law school. Everybody, including women, needs a release from the stress.
Hey 125, I had the same problem. She was a newlywed too, but it turned out not to be a problem for her. She ended up with a bunch of other guys during law school and still managed to stay married! I should have taken her hints.
105:
You've been sleeping with the wrong women my friend. There are freaky ones here, and givers at that; you just gotta bring it out of them.
although the writing style is quite masculine this could definitely be based on a woman's true needs. stress can make people frustrated sexually and women love sex just as men do. i posted something similar to this (not as wordy) and man! the responses i received. btw, judging from the fact that she wants "a law student", she wants a bf or future husband material despite her beguiling NSA proposition.