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Pls Hndle Thx: The Haunting of Facebook

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Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

Dear ATL,
Should I be paranoid about pictures from Halloween being posted on Facebook? Some people don’t have their profiles set to private, and I’m worried it will come up in a Facebook or Google search (eek!). Maybe I’m being too paranoid? I don’t know.
Planning on Going as a Slutty Nurse

Dear Planning on Going as a Slutty Nurse,
What’s so amazing about Halloween is that it’s the one day a year when you get a glimpse into the inner workings of other peoples’ minds. Everyone has an inner costume, and Halloween Purim is when it’s socially acceptable to wear it outwardly. There is a kernel of truth behind every disguise, which is why Prince Harry’s Nazi costume a few years ago was so disturbing. You can’t possibly wear a Nazi costume unless you’re at least 1/4th Nazi. In Halloween, Veritas.
Your fear of Halloween pictures showing up on Facebook really sounds as if you’re afraid of others seeing the real, slutty nurse you. A vixen. A healer. An unoriginal. This year, I considered going as Sheryl Weinstein or Blanket. Surely those costumes speak volumes.
As I’ve said repeatedly in these Pls Hndle posts (we’ve been at this for over a year, btw!), you have to be yourself, no matter what the cost. That’s why I left the law. That’s why I subscribe to Dog Fancy. If you want to be a slutty nurse, be one, Facebook and Google footprint be damned. Live free or die hard.
Happy Halloween!
Your friend,
Marin

I’ve shared my traumatic childhood experiences with Halloween on these pages before. As an adult, my experience of this dumbest of “holidays” has not been much better.
Look, I like seeing scantily clad women bounce around drunkenly acting out as much as the next guy. I enjoy it even more than the next guy depending on who the next guy is. But I’m a married man. And trust me, when you are married, Halloween has no upside whatsoever. All that flesh leads to impure thoughts, and God forbid your wife is joining in on the act. Then you just spend the whole night trying to fend off potential threats. Halloween truly is a night of earthly hell.
But the worst thing on this night of horrors is when some normally sane co-worker gets in on the act. I work closely with the nice women who edit Fashionista. Do I need to see them dressed as horny paparazzi photographers? Kashmir Kama Sutra? Do I need to see Marin access her inner nice Nazi nurse fantasy? No I do not. What good could possibly come of that? You want a good costume that is workplace appropriate? Go as a beekeeper.
And while we’re here, nobody needs to see me in my Shaka Zulu loincloth and beads outfit. My svelte depiction of power and pride is too much for the average woman. Some images once seen cannot be unseen.
So to answer your question, YES, you should be worried about Halloween costume pictures ending up on Facebook and causing you all kinds of workplace pain and embarrassment. You can never be too paranoid when the question is should you, or should you not, charge your workplace environment with sexual energy.
Not for nothing, but if you don’t spend 364 days a year repressing yourself sexually, you’ll agree with me that there is no need to dress up as Booberella on the 365th day.
Sincerely,
Guy who doesn’t need to wear a mask to get laid.

Kash here — Marin is currently caught up in a riveting issue of Dog Fancy. I was considering dressing up as a sexy prosecutor and posting the photos here at Above The Law, but the threat of Elie donning a Shaka Zulu loincloth has convinced me otherwise. Thanks, Elie!
Do you have a question for next week’s Pls Hndle Thx? Send it to advice@abovethelaw.com.

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