Pls Hndle Thx: An Offer You Can’t Refuse
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
ATL,
After busting my ass this summer, I received an offer from my firm which was later rescinded because my firm rescinded everyone’s offer. How should I note this on my resume, if it all?
Resume Roadkill
Dear Resume Roadkill,
Picture it: Sicily Philadelphia, 2003. Penn Law OCI. A sprightly blonde law student walks into one of the interview rooms and hands an O’Melveny& Myers attorney her resume. Under “Interests,” her resume lists “historical disasters.” The interviewer asks her what she means by that.
“You know, things like the Titanic, the Hindenburg, the Challenger,” the student explains. “I LOVE that stuff.”
“Oh, so did you ‘love’ 9/11?” the interviewer snaps.
In the distance, a seal is clubbed.
END SCENE
That law student, dear readers, was me.
As the above example demonstrates, jobs are won or lost in the details of a resume. Writing “Offer Retracted” sounds harsh, and implies that they took the offer back because they discovered something horrifying about you, like you don’t wash your hands after using the bathroom or are in a book club. You need to phrase it in a way that succinctly conveys the facts of the situation while blaming the firm and completely exonerating yourself. Since many ATL readers are in similar resume predicaments, I’ve compiled a list of suggested positive resume spins for the bad news:
Offer Received Then Later Revoked Through No Fault of Own
Invalid Offer Received
Don’t Ask
Srsly Don’t Ask
Offer Retracted, Outrageously
Offer Rescission Statement from Firm Attached as Annex A
Offer Redeemable in Narnia
Flaked
Offer Exchanged for Store Credit
Why Do You Think You Have My Resume
Long Story
Do Not Get Me Started
Offer*
Offer Refunded for 2 Cent Deposit in CA, MA, NY & PA
I hope this helps.
Your friend,
Marin
*Valid while supplies last
Worst. Advice. EVER. after the jump.
I’m not going to lie, you are in a really difficult spot. You want to indicate that you did receive an offer so as to distinguish yourself from summers at other firms that were no offered outright. You also need to avoid the implication you weren’t really deserving of an offer in the first place. You can’t look like you were fired. But you can’t crap all over the old firm in the process, lest you look like a bitter, angry, self-entitled associate that nobody wants. And you only have one line on a résumé to make all of this happen.“Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon.”
Leave off your summer experience entirely. Don’t put in an entry for your 2L summer associate year. Don’t mention that you almost got a job. Think about it, there are probably lots of jobs that you almost had, but I bet those jobs aren’t on your résumé. You’re not one of those dudes that brags to his friends about women he almost had sex with, are you? Coulda, woulda, shoulda … nobody cares. Pictures or it didn’t happen.
If people want to know what you did with your 2L summer, I guess they’ll have to call you in and ask you about it to your face. At that point, you’ll have ample opportunity to explain the obvious. But you’ll also show that you think your credentials are strong enough that you don’t need a superfluous summer program to make you look better. I’d walk in there and be like “I got an offer, then they revoked it, obviously there are management issues going on over there that I was not aware of. I’ve moved on.”
There’s no prize for second place, don’t act like you need one.
Trust me,
Axel Foley
Great idea - leave off your summer entirely. Did you get C in Torts? White that shit out, too. And while you’re at it, change that pesky “Howard” to “Harvard.” Perfect. Resume looks great.
Do you have a question for next week’s Pls Hndle Thx? Send it to advice@abovethelaw.com.
(87) 
Comments
Foist?
This is all horrible advice. Do people even put on their resumes the reason why they don't work at previous employers? Normally you would just put the employer and the dates you were there. Just put that you summered at firm x and explain when they ask at the interview.
Mystal just puts African American Walrus on his applications and resumes and he automatically gets selected.
'Historical disasters' under 'Interests'? I would have no-offered you on the spot.
Seriously, you people are overthinking this entirely.
Solution: Put down you summered there AND received an offer. End of story. Why? Because you did summer there and you did get an offer. Just because they later tell you that your offer isn't worth the paper it's printed on doesn't mean that you didn't get an offer.
Marin, your attempts at humor are always vulgar.
This post is addressed to commenter no. 4:
I'm sorry you feel that way about historical disasters. I love a good interview filled with discussions about a disaster. It's a very nice lead in to me explaining to the candidate why they are a disaster.
Marin - you f-ing hilarious. If I wasn't already happily married, I would totally entertain the fantasy of rescuing you from Jewy neurosis.
Historical disasters? I would have preferred that you listed "autoerotic asphyxiation" as an interest since it shows a candid edge about you.
On the subject, I would have to say that the advice seeker has been checkmated. There is no way around the offer rescinded event, which in my eyes is on par with a no offer. Let's face it, many of you will never practice law. It is a reality made harder by the ineffective economic policies that are being carried out by Commissar Obama. The dream is dead kids.
Ever since I lost my job I find myself watching a lot of TV and compulsively masturbating to Erin Burnett. Am I the only one?
PE's in the zone.
why would you even bother updating your resume? who exactly do you think is going to hire you?
Learn to love Ramen and living at home
Just say "Offer Extended."
If they subsequently revoked all of the offers, and not just some of it, it's a perfectly fair way to phrase it.
Just say "Offer Extended."
If they subsequently revoked all of the offers, and not just some, it's a perfectly fair way to phrase it.
More Golden Girls references please.
5 is dead on correct.
Seriously, how was any other answer even a possibility?!
"Summered at X Firm. Offer received." Easy. If it comes up in the interview, you state that the firm cancelled its incoming class (should be obvious to the interviewer). Then you get to talk about the kind of work you did and how much you just LOVED that research and shitty doc review, which is all we really want to hear.
As an interviewer at an Amlaw 50 firm, let me tell you that leaving it off is the worst thing you can possibly do. Didn't have any experience worth noting your 2L summer (which is what a glaring blank space says to me)? Instant filing in the handly recycle bin I keep under my desk.
5 is correct. This is not brain surgery.
My offer got rescinded too. I simply added "received permanent offer at end of summer" to my accomplishments under that firm's entry on my resume. If anyone asks why I am not working there, I'll explain it then.
17 = law student who knows nothing.
5 for the win
5 for the win
Don't underestimate Contessa Brewer.
Partner Emeritus: Please send me your wire instructions, as I have finally sold your hemoccult sample collection on eBay. As a reminder, please fast for 12 hours before coming in for your next screening. As a further reminder, fasting means you must not swallow ANYTHING.
Really hope the editors update this artcile with a reference to 5, 17; their advice is just utterly awful, and if people rely on it... well, bad on them for a number of reasons.
-17
If the eighth word that you utter in any on-campus interview is "Hindenburg," you're headed in the wrong direction--say, toward life as a blogger.
22
Very true. She is my No. 2, but she is no Erin.
10
Marin,
Should have told the asshole that 9/11 was a contemporary disaster. Then started discussing the Battle of the Teutoburg Forest which started the downfall of the Roman Empire.
-History Nerd
27 - call me.
25/22
Becky Quick? She's still single to boot from what I understand.
Marin,
Need your number.
-27
5 and 17's advice makes me wonder how many people who got no-offered are going to make this move? "Offer extended" will the interviewing firm actually assess the truth of this? I doubt it. I see things getting ugly from here on. The clerkship dream is winding down, and now most people realize what they have left: dreams, and little more.
Disagree with number 5, do as number 2 says.
I like the "Historical Disaster" bit, especially since that's about all I read (Donner Party, Raft of the Medusa, Whaleship Essex,). But if you're dissing the advice in the post, what is your "real" advice Marin?
Wow. I wonder what moniker Marin uses on AutoAdmit. She is clearly a poster.
33
Those aren't really disasters more shitty things that happen to people.
-27
i now know why you are all out of work. this is loserland usa.
31:
Sure, people who get no-offered could try this. People lie on their resumes every day, and some get away with it. Although it is a pretty simple matter for an employer to call a previous employer to verify that they made an offer.
32:
The problem with 2's advice is that employers will assume you got no-offered. Getting rescinded carries at least a little less stigma. Why not list it?
18
I just had a lunch/interview for a lateral position with 2 partners. Do I send a thank you note?
I second Contessa Brewer over Erin Burnett.
WHAT ABOUT BECKY QUICK??? ANYONE!
39
You are crazy. Contessa does those hidden camera shows where she wears a trenchcoat. Creepy. She also made a quip the other day about having group sex. Erin is like the wholesome girl next door who is smart as hell and gets freaky, but only in the privacy of her home sort of thing.
Why does getting an offer rescinded carry any stigma
if everyone's offer was rescinded?? Doesn't make sense. I was no-offered and am happy to explain that my
firm made 40% offers and I was not one of them even though my reviews were very good. If an interviewer holds that against me strongly, I wouldn't want to work at that place.
PE,
I'm sorry for the loss of your son Jake. I heard he died in a heroin overdose at a frat party with the girls at the Playboy mansion. Haven't seen him in a few days, so the rumors must be true.
As a side note, the dow jones is back up over 10,000 at the moment, and there was a piece this morning indicating that 70+ metro areas are officially out of the recession.
Obama's been cleaning up your messes, slowly but surely.
See you at Jake's funeral.
PE: WHAT "ineffective economic policies that are being carried out by Commissar Obama"?
"Workers at 23 top investment banks, hedge funds, asset managers and stock and commodities exchanges can expect to earn even more than they did the peak year of 2007, according to an analysis of securities filings for the first half of 2009 and revenue estimates through year-end by The Wall Street Journal."
Sorry you're stuck in the BigLaw ghetto.
@ 9: "The dream is dead kids."
Either you need a comma in that sentence, or you're even more horrible than I previously imagined.
Any truth to the rumors that a V50 firm is having a late evening meeting tonight to vote on dissolution?
There is some type of a balloon thing flying at 10,000 feet over fort collins colorado with a child trapped inside. Fox is covering it live.
46, it is true of Venable.
Shockingly 47 is true.
PE,
Would you allow me the honor of pleasuring myself with your mouth and anus?
Shafeef
can someone, ANYONE, get on the #46+48 posts? Or should we just read more dribble about how Marin is socially awkward and puts asinine things on her resume.
http://ozabd.com.au/news/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/girlscnbc2.jpg
Its Venable.
2 is right.
Venable is not V50. Is this really true otherwise?
51:
Sure, the WSJ Law Blog is certain to have a story - considering that is actually news concerning a law firm. ATL will follow up a few days later so PE can say Venable is "not a peer firm." You must be new here.
Also: poor choice of words re changing "Howard" to "Harvard." Next time, choose a school to slam that doesn't happen to be a HBU. Thx.
@36 - I thought the Loserland USA spot was reserved for Texas?
Marin: YDI
@48 and 53 - please provide something to back up your claims. This would be a huge story in the DC/Baltimore area.
@29 I think she got married about a year ago -- to a CNBC producer of all people.
Nobody has heard of, nor cares about a Venable.
Skadden Secure
What are the legal ramifications when your six year old steals your flying saucer, causing Denver airport to close? Colorado attys- you dont have to wait for the ambulance this time. Defense- get to that kids house. Those parents will need representation. Plaintiff's attys- get to the airport. There is lost revenue.
In the absence of DOJ Secure, let it be said: We should bomb Venable back to the stoneage.
Agree with 5, 17, 18. Any other advice is simply overthinking the situation. The truth is the truth, you got an offer, and that's an accomplishment in this legal economy. No reason to hide from it.
If you are serious about the "historical disasters" line, you are an f-ing idiot. You love when lots of people die?
I would have just told you to leave right then.
More specifics re rumors that a V50 firm is having a late evening meeting tonight to vote on dissolution.
How come no one bashing the 5,17, et al advice offers any kind of alternative? I'm going with that option.
Please tell me the rumors about Venable aren't true. DC has enough unemployed attorneys looking for work as it is (no, the federal government cannot absorb all of the unemployed attorneys here). Having an entire firm collapse in this area would only make things much, much worse.
63 -- Kid not found in balloon. Parents featured on Wife Swap! LOL I hope Social Services is on way:
"The Heene family from Colorado live life on the edge. Wife Mayumi (43) and storm scientist Richard (45) take their three kids, Bradford (8), Ryo (7) and Falcon (5), out of school to go on storm chasing missions to prove Richard's theories about magnetic fields and gravity. If conditions are right, Mayumi wakes her family by shouting "Storm Approaching, Storm Approaching!" into a bullhorn. The family sleep in their clothes so they can leap out of bed and into the storm-mobile. Richard calls Mayumi his 'ninja wife'; she maintains equipment, drives the storm-mobile, films tornadoes and waits with the kids while Richard jumps on his motorbike, heads into the eye of the storm and launches rockets to measure magnetic forces. At home the family are as chaotic as a twister: the kids have no table manners and throw themselves around the house, and while Richard devotes every moment to his research, he expects Mayumi to cook, clean and run the house without any help."
Oh and 9/11 was an orchestrated attack, not a disaster.
@42: It's a good thing that you don't want to work anywhere that the hiring committee is smart enough to avoid the bottom 60% (i.e., law firms). The feeling is mutual.
Do you have any ideas for your post-law career?
I agree with 57. Marin's attempt at alliterative fun falls flat with "pesky" poised in front.
As an alum of Howard, I get the pun. It's not all that funny and it doesn't work in this context. Leaving something on or taking it off a resume is not the same thing as being outright deceptive.
I agree with 57. Marin's attempt at alliterative fun falls flat with "pesky" poised in front.
As an alum of Howard, I get the pun. It's not all that funny and it doesn't work in this context. Leaving something on or taking it off a resume is not the same thing as being outright deceptive.
I am sure it was not intended but there's no need to pick on Howard.
-Howard Alum
70 - That's what you get for naming your kid Falcon
I think there were 3 Venable partners in that balloon trying to escape.
Shafeef FTW!
Seriously, Elie, is that your advice? Pretend like that real-world (okay, that might be stretching it) egal experience never happend? Agree with 5, 17, etc.'s obvious advice.
Seriously, Elie, is that your advice? Pretend like that real-world (okay, that might be stretching it) egal experience never happend? Agree with 5, 17, etc.'s obvious advice.
Here's why 5/17 is the best route:
1) You need to show your relevant legal experience. You're a more attractive candidate if another firm out there vetted you enough to give you an internship offer.
2) It's extremely important to say that the other firm wanted you. It shows you did good enough work that, at least at one point in the past, that firm wanted you back.
As another poster mentioned, you don't need to talk about WHY you aren't going back until the interview. It is, however, CRUCIAL that you state on your resume that an offer was made, or the assumption will be that for whatever reason you didn't cut it for that firm. Leaving off the summer altogether is ... I just don't get how someone could say that with a straight face. It truly is the worst possible advice other than including a line in small print on your resume that says, "FUCK YOU ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS?".
Why couldn't you just write on your resume something like: "Offer received, and then rescinded along with all other offers made by firm to 2009 summer associates." Don't mislead.
57 -
Howard is TTT. Not because it's an HBU - it just happens to be poorly ranked by US News. Ergo, like it or not, it's a rancid TTT. Your race does not exempt you from the same mockery to which everyone else is subject - thicken up that skin.
"Offer Extended" is perfectly fair, assuming there was one to start with. Biglaw interviews this year should be on constructive notice of widespread retractions and revocations of offers.
82,
Do you ejaculate on US News' book once or twice a day? I go for four times.
84 comments and no love for the Golden Girls reference? What a bunch of uncultured heathens.
Sophia = wisdom
I prefer to lick the pages of U.S. News... since that is how I define the value of my existence on earth.
DON'T JUDGE ME!