Among the fairer sex - severe cases of Bitchitis.

I have health problems, but they have nothing to do with work -- I would have my health issues if I worked 70 hours a week or was a trophy wife. Doesn't matter. Your poll didn't include this option.

and among the males - severe cases of Douche. Although this Douche can afflict both males and females.

I've known plenty of associates who've had ulcers as a result. One thing you should do at the very least--eat regular healthy meals at a set time of day, everyday. Don't skip meals, and don't over-eat at certain meals to make up for a skipped meal.

Your system likes it regular, routine.

It bothers me that after 2 years in a V10 I've developed an overwhelming urge to take dumps in the urinals. This urge, which is now bordering near an irresistible impulse, is really disturbing because I'm a fairly attractive female and otherwise completely normal.

I've known plenty of associates who've had ulcers as a result of work and stress. One thing you should do at the very least--eat regular healthy meals at set times of the day, everyday.

Don't skip meals, and don't over-eat at certain meals to make up for a skipped meal.

Your system likes it regular, routine. No changes allowed.

Premature baldness and potbellies are rampant at my ip bigtique (guilty as charged)

fortunately ladies love balding pot-bellied engineers!

Don't turn this into a joke people, both Bitchitis and Douche are serious maladies. They don't have ribbons-for-a-cure yet, but with more and more unemployed associates out and about in the general population I am sure they will soon.

How could you have left vision problems off the list? I am steadily going blind from staring at the computer 14 hours a day. My eye dr said he won't do lasik on attorneys in their first five years of practice because he expects to see a continuous decline in vision during that time.

Ladies, question for you:

Would you rather have a bald guy with great body, or a pudgy guy with nice hair?

Or a fat, bald, rich guy.

6 - I am most assuredly aroused.

11-

I believe that's the question in New Jersey. Corzine seems to think the bald guy gets the edge.

Other - chronic lower back pain. Never had this problem until I started sitting at a desk for hours on end. Not working out as regularly probably contributes as well. Biglaw to blame for both!

I'm having vivid sexual fantasies about Firsty McFirsterson. Is that a work-related illness?

10, have you tried wearing Gunnars? They work for me.

Chest pains that put me in the hospital less than one month after starting at Skadden Arps. At the age of 30, previously fit as a fiddle. Got in trouble for missing work that day, too.

13 (with an assist from 11) wins political commentary comment of the day.
--Elie

Neck aches. Constantly. I think it is from the desk chair.

5 - I never miss any of my five square meals a day.

- -Elie

Miscarriage x 2.

Your dr said you got an ulcer from stress? Either that story is bs or the doctor is a quack bc two guys won a freaking noble (a real one for medicine not the crap they give out to anybody like the O-man) for proving ulcers are caused by bacteria.

I became a cutter after 2 years at a major Chi firm.

I tend to develop serious respiratory problems (lots of mucous, coughing, etc) when stressed at work. I work in a shitty downtown NYC building without central air though--not sure if that contributes.

I tend to develop serious respiratory problems (lots of mucous, coughing, etc) when stressed at work. I work in a shitty downtown NYC building without central air though--not sure if that contributes.

toothaches (courtesy of a permanently clenched jaw)

What this have do with law anyway? It slow news day I guess.

An irresistible urge to kill, Kill, KILL!

Shingles.

+1 for 26, I grind my teeth at night and clench during the day. Had to get a mouthguard for sleep.

Stress, strings of 12-13 hour days, and lack of exercise on account of same turns into a sinus infection. It happens once or twice a year.

i don't have time to be sick .. i have to return some video tapes

out on disability for 2+ months with repetitive stress injuries.

Frigidity, obesity. Wrkng on alcoholism.

1. Clenched Jaw (now rocking the mouthguard every night)

2. Eyesight! My prescription doubled after my first year of law school, and it's only gotten worse from there.

3. Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (scar tissue on muscles impinging on the nerves) due to an old injury that flared up after sitting at my desk or in front of my laptop at home for 14 hours/day.

constant, inescapable anxiety

haven't yet worked up the courage to ask the doc for lorazepam

Claustrophobia and resultant flatulance.

What kind of loser gets that stressed as an associate? What's the worst that can happen to you? Some asshole partner whose life you'd probably hate to have bitches you out for subpar work or cutting out early? Yeah, that's some rough stuff.

If you're stressed because you don't want to lose your job in this economy, fine. But everyone's going through that right now. Lawyers shouldn't be unusually stressed just because of their job responsibilities. Our jobs aren't physically dangerous, and the quality of our performance rarely has that much of an effect on anyone's life.

The problem is that law tends to attract gigantic pussies who would get stressed working at Best Buy.

Dreaded semen buildup.

also had shingles, and bells palsy.

Jaw tic leading to partial tongue amputation.

1. Fatness (no need to explaiin).

2. Sore joints & back (from reaching over my keyboard all day).

3. Bad eyes.

4. Hair falling out. This one's stress for sure. Hair starts to come out in clumps after about 13 billables in a day, or any time my senior associate comes in to jump me.

5. Sleep issues. After three straight days of billing until 4:00am, I get home at midnight and feel like partying 'til at least 2:00- can't catch up on the lost sleep.

Nighttime teeth grinding. Need the mouthguard.

Seat sores 'n hemorrhoids r us!

Elie, that took pills to tell that story. I'm not even going to rip on you this time.

i've broken a few teeth due to nighttime teeth grinding. Word of wisdom: go to your dentist and pay the $700 for a custom mouthguard. If you use the cheap $25 variety from Duane Reade you'll get headaches.

- Anxiety
- Teeth-grinding
- Hair loss
- Insomnia
- Smoking
- Hate-everyone-itis

I chose the last option and then saw the results. I feel really bad for what it seems most of you are going through. Work's annoying, but I just let it roll off my back for the most part. I also know how to say no. It's just not worth my health.

Erectile dysfunction. Only legal maxims get me hard now.

My tastes in porn have devolved from run-of-the-mill to somewhat disconcerting. I, uh, really hope that's attributable to work related stress.

I like the Adderall these days.

My poop chute feels like it's been pounded since I graduated from law school. The condition is called icantbelieveimwastingmylifelikethisitis.

Premature balding has nothing to do with your occupation. Sorry dooders/ettes, its just in the cards for certain people.

On the other hand, if your hair is falling out in clumps, it could be from stress or nutritional deficiencies. Don't forget to eat, mofos.

Nobel

Wow. This is a sobering thread. Glad to know I'm not alone (headaches and a pinched nerve here) and am thankful I'm not a teeth grinder, ulcer developer, or worse.

Ps. Thanks to Elie for sharing his story. That took guts.

tips of fingers are bloody stumps
use prosthetic finger caps in client meetings

If this is all truly work related, most of you could reduce your stress tomorrow. But because it would also mean reducing your pay, you won't do it. Blame yourselves for your own choices in life.

Dont you think you would get the same answer if you asked dentists, accountants, bankers, teachers...

Everything is stressful because we have to deal with other people that do lame things.

51 - source? Primary care or psychiatrist?

You left out herniated disc. Often suffered by people who sit in a chair all day, or by people who have to move boxes of documents. I can't be the only one here.

You also left out declining eyesight due to squinting at a screen all day.

Weak. All of you. Especially the men. Do your women even want to fuck you anymore?

--Lawyer married to a cop

I've been an associate for 3 years now.... in that time I've gained 50 pounds from stress, lack of sleep and eating crap they throw at you to keep you going past midnight... with that my cholesterol skyrocketed and I now have hypertension in my early thirties... been grinding my teeth at night and have a weird rash on my scalp with psoriasis-like dandruff that won't go away... haven't had sex in 4 months.. but I have a job, ergo I have health-care for my daughter and an apartment in an area where kids aren't being shot seemingly randomly. So I'm lucky by modern american standards. Yet, every day I go to work and wonder if this is the period when my reviews suddenly go south... or will I reach the average 5 year career lifespan of an associate? and if so what will I do next and how much of me will be left by then?

miscarriage

59 - psychiatrist. I told him the truth, which is that it makes it much easier to focus and that I wouldn't take it unless doing brain-intensive work (which, frankly, is not every day). I also don't take it when I expect social situations, That being said, nothing is better for drafting/reviewing types of work.

The problem is that when work shits on your head, you idiots say thanks for the hat. Grow a pair, and your life will improve. Dramatically.

Man oh man, this thread is scary.

-3L

The hours and accordant lack of sleep led me to start blacking out in the middle of the day-- one minute I'd be typing, the next minute would be... seven minutes later. My officemate said I kept falling asleep, sometimes in the middle of saying things to her.

I get serious lulz out of all the losers who have to wear mouthguards at night. Probably the same geeks who wore headgear as kids.

Worked at big law for several years. Managed to eat healthy and work out almost every day.

The entire time I was there, my CRP (c-reactive protein) and cortisol levels (indicators of stress) were found to be markedly elevated during each of my annual physicals.

Left for in house about 2 years ago. My CRP and cortisol levels were normal within 3 months, and have stayed normal ever since.

61 -- Of course not.

38 -- Sorry about your undiagnosed pig-asshole-for-a-face syndrome.

36 - Ah yes, anxiety is probably the most common. Lorazepam (or any other -pam drug) works wonders, and pretty much cures all of the other stress-related problems people are having here.

The problem is, I'm finding out a year later, is that it is addictive as hell. Not like crack or heroin gotta-get-high addictive, but once you've used them for a year for therapeutic reasons, then stop, it's absolute hell. Anxiety comes back 5x worse than it was, and it's impossible to concentrate on anything.

So basically you have to keep taking them, which I assume can't be that bad, until a doctor refuses to prescribe them, then you're F'd.

When you're working with 1-5 partners or senior associates, you de-stress by telling your S.O. the daily story about how unfairly this or that one acted that day. But as a third year, I was working for like 20 partners. Understandably, my S.O. didn't want to hear my tales of woe. I was too drained to find a new job. Ended up losing so much weight (eating "Power Bars" from all night stands) I hit 90 lbs on a 5'6 frame and my parents forced me to see a (useless) shrink. Now at a new job now & am health and happy (ironically going from Small Law to Biglaw). I still take Klonopin to unwind and sleep. Thanks to Elie for telling his story.

So far no symptoms personally, but the "Chairman" of my firm has a striking facial deformity - an elongated nose that becomes more so each time that his lips move.

like 26, 30, 35, 43, 47, 62 have a mouthguard for the hardcore jaw clenching. and no, 68, had perfect teeth as a kid and never even needed braces.

also totally allergic to the dust that comes out of our air vents, but the firm provided me with a hepa filter so that was nice of them. not really work-specific i guess-

Herpes

I'm a bit worries i'm going to have a mental breakdown one of these days. Luckily at least Chrometa is helping me hit my hours, so it won't be over that. Now if I could stop eating this Chipotle and lose some weight...

my left eye twitches.

does that ever happen to you?

62 - actually the career life span for an associate is now 3.9 years. Maybe we need a thread for what these lawyers did after they realized that the practice was miserable and stopped practicing, and another for how they explained the career change successfully to some idiot HR person.

77 - yes. It's actually pretty common.

chronic diarrhea - losing vision - situational anxiety (from the diarrhea) - friend who is a lawyer had shingles.

Bully partners led to depression, eye twitch, crying, digestive problems. I quit with no job to go to (no school loans). Don't care what happens, just know I couldn't stay there.

Those of you with neck pain should make sure your monitor is at the right height.

sponaneous combustion

spontaneous combustion

Me: junior associate, developing symptoms (clenched jaw, anxiety, etc).

My father: worked at a firm for 20 years, looked at least 15 years older than he actually was from so much stress; went in-house about 8 years ago, and I couldn't believe how much better he is now.

And to think he told me NOT to go into Big Law. Why did I have to be that asshole kid that NEVER listened?!

pussy farts

79,

at what point do i consult an optometrist?

i've managed 28 years without eye problems.

- 77

Nobody has been in the biz for 28 years w/o eye problems.

86 - Optometrist wouldn't be the go-to guy in that case. I would first consult a shrink - it's most likely an anxiety thing. See an optometrist if the shrink sends you to one. Just make sure that your shrink is good. If you are in New York, I can recommend some I know to be good (not my own).

To illustrate, I had eye twitch symptoms twice: once when I was billing 200+ per month and before that when I was in the air assault infantry. That should tell you a bit about what causes these things.

- 88/77

Stress acne

to clarify, my 28 years timeline is from birth to present.

to further clarify, at the risk of embarassing myself, i'm a 1st year associate in my 2nd month on the job.

so i suppose i've managed 6 weeks "in the biz" without eye problems.

is this a bad sign?

-86/77

32-- SWEET AMERICAN PSYCHO REFERENCE

what about aids? Isn't it rampant among the fags thta populate this crap profession?

Dude (91) -

You are supposed to be scared shitless, especially in these times. That being said, take solace in knowing that every single partner you've met was a first-year. Just do your honest best, know your limitations, but know also that you are no worse than those who've gone before you. Confidence is key - you just need to get some feet under you.

Your goal should be to develop a health problem that is protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Otherwise, you're just as disposable as a non-kosher pizza at Cardozo.
Alternatively if you get end stage renal failure you can get social security and medicare at quite an early age.

Thanks, Elie, for sharing your story. That took balls and I really respect you for your honesty (especially on this forum).

When I was at a big firm, I used to get major anxiety every time one of the partners I used to work for would criticize my work in any way (even if it was constructive). I would focus on the negative comment and in my mind I would create this parade of horribles--I am going to get fired; I won't be able to get another job; when I won't be able to get another job I will slip into a depression and it will be harder to get another job; I will lose my house and won't be able to afford anything and will end up broke and homeless. (I think I had major OCD as well, which is a common ailment of many good attorneys who are hyper-vigilant.)

My rational side thought, "What the f*ck is wrong with you, man? Why are you thinking this? This is nuts" but the other side of me felt like it was a very realistic and possible outcome.

What helped? I read tons of books to learn how to take control of my life. I read a book called "When Panic Attacks"; I studied buddhist meditation and progressive muscle relaxation; I bought the StressEraser and the EmWave; and the book "The Happiness Trap" is really good. There are tons of other books and resources that help.

It would be an exaggeration to say I *never* get anxiety anymore, but I feel like I have a lot more control over stress than I used to have. With the exception of a few people who know me very well, nobody would ever think that I used to suffer like this. But as soon as I opened up to some people (who I knew would not rip on me ... too bad, at least), almost all of them could relate.

If anybody wants more advice or tips, feel free to email me (confidentially) at stressedattorney@yahoo.com. When I was going through that crap I was very grateful for the few people who guided me in the right direction, so helping somebody else it's the least I can do to give back.

For the haters who will call me a whiney puss, kiss my hairy (and relaxed) ass.

77 - My left eye twitched from May through August, and I was only a summer.

I lost a lot of hair in a year.

Endoscopy, echocardiogram, EKG, and stress test all by age 31. Turned out to be heartburn -- and stress.

Half an hour on the treadmill twice a week does wonders. Find the time.

Was suicidal. Went to the psych ward for a week.

Alcoholism and chronic cough from smoking ganja to unwind when I finally get home at 10:00 p.m. Fortunately, skipping meals and lack of sunlight give my figure that gaunt pasty look that associates tend to have. However, eating more snacks and less full meals has allowed me to avoid a beer belly

I can taste blood in my mouth and have dreams of pump action rifles but I'm not stressed

I used to have high BP, male pattern baldness, anxiety attacks and a severe alchohol and gack addiction but I have cured most of my health problems through weekly high colonics and prostate massage.

At least Big Law lawyers have good health insurance!

is 'feeling jewish, physically' a disease?

96, I'm sure your problem was serious and I'm glad you addressed it. But one question: are you one of those naturally worried types? The kind of dude who stressed out constantly during law school exams, spewed venom at "slackers," obsessed over the firm you would work at, etc.? Just askin.

sex addiction

61 - yes, all of them

A ton of my law school friends and I grind our teeth.

SIng Somethings Missing by John Mayer:

neck pain - check;

lower back pain - check;

declining eyesight - check

the biglaw 20 (as in lbs) - check;

always tired - check;

too frequent silent anger/irritability when I have clean up other people's messes - check;

occasional sleepless nights after a day when people on the same "team" act horribly to each other, lie, blame, etc. - check;

106, yes, as much as I hate to admit it, I was one of those naturally worried types.

Type 1 diabetes - combination of stress and fatigue from two weeks of 18-19 hour days (we did get the week end off) on a horrible deal caused my immune system to go hay wire. At least I lost 40 pounds in the few months before I was diagnosed.

There may be a selection bias problem with the poll, but even so, those numbers are DEPRESSING.

My administration is proposing that the practice of law be banned as part of healthcare reform. Apart from wrecking the health of numerous young people and driving up health costs, law is a tool of greedy capitalists to aggregate wealth at the expense of those with shovel ready jobs.

In summation, get ready to trade your pens for shovels.

Barack x.

Post 111. You mean Type 2 Diabetes. Type 1 Diabetes is genetic.

Post 111. You mean Type 2 Diabetes. Type 1 Diabetes is genetic.

teethgrinding!

chronic anxiety; tooth-grinding; premature aging.

thanks for sharing, Elie! Glad you got out.

62,

I had the exact same rash with dandruff-like stuff - it kept showing up behind my ears. Its called Seborrheic Dermatitis and stress tends to make it worse. I went to the dermatologist and she gave me topical steroids - went away in a week and if it starts coming back I just use it again for a night or two.

Significant weight gain because no matter how many restaurants are on SeamlessWeb no dinner at your desk at 8 or 9 pm is healthy.

Very bad case of psoriasis brought on, almost certainly, by stress according to dermatologist. Weight gain also doesn't help.

Headaches/eyestrain/backaches.

I feel fortunate I don't think I grind my teeth at night.

After a month of doc review, I developed blepharitis, an eye condition manifesting as swelling of the eyelid due to fluid drainage into the eyelid. This is a result of staring at one spot for hours on end without moving the eyes sufficiently for them to self-hydrate or produce enough of their own tears. Have to use artificial tears ALL the time now for the rest of my life. Contact lenses only make it worse, I had to wear my glasses for weeks while doing doc review. Luckily, for my health anyway, my job just ended.

After a month of doc review, I developed blepharitis, an eye condition manifesting as swelling of the eyelid due to fluid drainage into the eyelid. This is a result of staring at one spot for hours on end without moving the eyes sufficiently for them to self-hydrate or produce enough of their own tears. Have to use artificial tears ALL the time now for the rest of my life. Contact lenses only make it worse, I had to wear my glasses for weeks while doing doc review. Luckily, for my health anyway, my job just ended. By the way, I had to go to the Eye & Ear Infirmary to find out this diagnosis, an EMERGENCY room on a SATURDAY. Ugh!

63 - me too, i'm so sorry for your loss.

11 - pudgy with nice hair definitely wins that contest!

Some of these ailments are avoidable.

every 20 minutes or so, focus on something that is across the room for a few second

every hour or so, stand up and do a lap around the office, or get a drink of water, or pee..

surprising that law firms don't take the "ounce of prevention" approach and warn associates about these issues and how to avoid them

124 - the law firms don't care enough about their employees to admit how challenging it is to be healthy and do this kind of work and put up with the crap. And most of the crap, really, is from people in our own offices, not from opposing counsel, clients, etc.

Surprised no one has brought up carpal tunnel. Many lawyers I know have developed that or a similar overuse chronic injury like tendinitis of the wrist (my ailment), tennis elbow, or repetitive stress syndrome. It's a bitch, because when it gets really bad you can't use your hands to type. Then you're screwed.

6th year associate here. Pretty sure I'm developing a bi-polar condition. Feel on top of the world when I'm busy running a deal and billing 12+ hour days for weeks on end.

But if work gets slow for more than a day or two with nothing new in the pipeline, paranoia, anxiety and depression take hold.

I can't believe I am going to do this to myself.

--Starting BigLaw in <1month.

@127 - I felt the same way after about 6 years. Unfortunately, it seems to be a permanent condition. Stayed with me and even got worse (more slow time with nothing in the pipeline) after I became a partner at a small firm. The recession has been hell. If you figure out how to beat it, let me know. Good luck.

114/115 - Incorrect, see http://www.diabetes.org/genetics.jsp.

For me the life-saver is exercise. When I started in law I was single and could easily make time for working out 4-5 times a week. I used to go out on jogs right after pulling off all-nighters.
Now with a wife and kids I only have time for a couple of workouts a week, but it seems to be sufficient as I work out hard.
Plus, absolutely no junk/fast food.
Admittedly, I do need a beer or glass of wine (and occasionally something stronger...) almost every night to relax and get my mind off work...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry b/c most of these (with the exception of "miscarriage") are relatable.

127- If you are a 6th year, you would have "developed" bipolar in your early 20s (you're born with it). Highs and lows are normal, paranoia is not.

I feel better when I don't drink a glass of wine every night and when I get up at 5 to go to the gym!

the PAM drugs work wonders before a meeting

Blood clot at 32. Lexapro at 38.

125 had it right--the biggest assholes to deal with have always been in my own firm. When I disabused myself of the notion that we're on the same side, going to work was easier. Not pleasant, but easier.

22: Ulcers *can* be caused by a bacteria, and it's true that they are not caused by stress, but if you drink enough coffee and take enough aspirin (say, for stress-induced headaches), and throw the occasional alcoholic beverages into the mix, it's pretty easy to burn holes in your stomach (I know this from personal experience, and took proton pump inhibitors - ie acid reducers - rather than antibiotics for it).

114/115. I'm not 111, but I also developed Type I diabetes (not Type II, which is developed from being overweight) in my late 20's (an unusual age for that disease). My endocrinologist told me Type I diabetes is often "triggered" by a viral infection, and asked me if I'd had any sort of viral infection before my symptoms started. A few months before I’d had viral pneumonia, and my primary care doctor had told me to rest in bed for a few days, but I had a deal to close so I went straight back to work. I'll never know if I could have avoided this life-long chronic illness by taking better care of myself, but at least I know better now. My advice to everyone - always, always take time to take care of yourself. The deal will still be there for you to finish if you eat lunch, exercise for 20 minutes, see a doctor, etc. - but your health might not be if you don't.

I had the neck pain, back pain, and my shoulders were hard as rocks, from stress. Nothing worked to relieve it.

teeth grinder. 1L. sounds like I should enjoy this being my only ailment.....

Recurrent major depression. Generalized anxiety. Overall poor mental health from all the stress. Finally got out of law practice entirely after 17 years and am much healthier/happier now. Make a lot less money, but I don't care, being a lawyer was a miserable existence. My significant other concurs.

I became accident prone, threw out my back, and am going prematurely gray.

The stress of billing long hours and struggling to predict and meet partners' demands used to trigger the worst cold sores.

I'm also pretty sure that one night, during a particularly tedious document review, I nearly spontaneously combusted.

Father - Major irregular heartbeat problems in his 50s, damn near fatal. Had to take him to the hospital myself when I was in college and he had an episode over dinner at a restaurant. He quit for a much slower-paced existence and he's in better health now than he was ten years ago.

Me - Depression, OCD, occasionaly mind-racing paranoia. This shit is all chronic but doesn't interfere with my work. Physical health is fine because I make time for it.

Other people - Lots of depression all around, generally bad physical condition all around, and we canned someone for either bipolar or substance abuse. Not sure which, but literally wasn't doing work and wasn't providing an explanation or requesting accomedation. Sorry.

I got bit by a rat in the Paul Weiss basement.

Don't forget back problems and carpal tunnel. I used to have really violent dreams as well.

I'll bet people are underreporting on the addiction thing.

when i was at a Boston Biglaw --- teeth grinder, hair turned gray and eye twitching. Constant intense anxiety. Used to have panic about things like, did I leave the stove on? And felt compelled to go back home and check even though I'd be close to work.

Now I'm sitting pretty in a cushy fed government job. Life is so stress-free it's almost boring. :) No more anxiety.

138- That's great that you are doing something that is better for your mental health. What a great change it can be to make a switch!

The only thing my secretary has ever really complained of is that she has an unusually loose anus.

I had to stop wearing contact lenses due to eye strain and I've got some carpal tunnel flaring up in my mouse finger . . . and I'm in gov't work.

I started getting an ulcer within months of working at a regional firm after graduation. Then, i moved on to a very large, international firm and developed IBS and gained about 25 lbs. After 7ish years I walked away, and my health has dramatically improved. Plus, I was very depressed, smoked, and probably drank more than I should have.... I am much happier now that I no longer work in big law.

I started getting an ulcer within months of working at a regional firm after graduation. Then, i moved on to a very large, international firm and developed IBS and gained about 25 lbs. After 7ish years I walked away, and my health has dramatically improved. Plus, I was very depressed, smoked, and probably drank more than I should have.... I am much happier now that I no longer work in big law.

138 here, thank you 146. I also want to applaud Elie for sharing his experience. Unfortunately, there is a lot of stigma associated with mental illness in our society, making it difficult for sufferers to share their experiences even though it might be very helpful for others to hear. The legal profession, demanding insane levels of attention to detail and a critical mind, also seems to attract those most vulnerable to mental illness -- overachievers who are prone to thinking negatively and get down on themselves. Add in the regular conflict with other lawyers that is part of the job and it can be a pretty toxic mixture if you are prone to mental illness. Not saying the law is a bad profession, but it ends up being unhealthy for many who choose to enter it.

132, you are probably right that most bipolar manifests itself in one's 20s. But although I had depression by then, I didn't have my first manic episode until my early 40s, and it was one of the last straws that led to me to say enough is enough. One can be born with bipolar disorder but it might be dormant until a major stressor triggers it.

Oh, eye twitches and a regular tightening of my chest muscles. After a decade or so, I decided "anxious to please" and BIGLAW was not a good fit. It was worth the pay cut to lose all those bosses.

Meant to comment on this thread last night, but it's only just in the past 15 minutes that I sent out the docs we've been working on all night. I'm going home to take a shower, change, and come right back in. Usually, I get home around 4 am and take shots until I can fall asleep.

drinks every night and hair falling out

What might help with some of these problems:

1) For men - join a nice gym and lift heavy weights. No joke. This is something that takes 30 to 45 minutes three times a week and will improve your life SUBSTANTIALLY. Screw the cardio stuff. If you don't have a workout routine already, you're never going to commit to a cardio routine with this kind of job. Weights offer the advantages of increased endorphins, and increased muscle mass, both of which make you want to go back for more. Also, nice gyms will have a "spa-like" feel to them - that's fairly relaxing. And don't tell me that you don't have 30 to 45 minutes three days a week. That's BS. I've consistently billed over 70 hours a week for months at a time, have kids and a family, and STILL found time to do it. It's possible. Furthermore, for me, it's necessary.

2) For women - have sex. I don't need to tell men this. Find a partner with whom you are compatible and have sex. Frequently. Don't let a week go by without a good romp. This is especially true for you married women out there. If you're married to a biglaw type, tell him to go and do number 1 above. This will make number 2 more fun for both of you.

3) For everyone - find 12 straight hours each week where you don't have to work and spend at least part of it doing something you enjoy with someone you enjoy. This can be hard for procrastinators, but it's worth putting in the effort. For me, I come in early and stay late monday through thursday so that I can make sure to get my 12 hours on saturday or sunday. I usually wind up with more than 12 hours (typically I don't have to do a thing for work on one of those two days, other than randomly check the BB).

I can't tell everyone not to sweat the partner BS, because everyone handles that differently. This is a stressful job. Unfortunately, many of us do little to alleviate the stress. Following these three steps can change most people from stressed out zombies to stressed out, but functional human beings.

Also - and this is something I haven't done, but plan on doing - if you're ambitious, try to start a "de-stressing" program at work. Part of the problem we have is that partners fail to do any of the above. They are stressed out. Getting the firm to adopt a "de-stressing" program where gym memberships (and participation), family time, etc. are prioritized can improve the lives of the people that make your lives miserable. If Partner X can make it to the gym and bang his wife or her husband on a regular basis, Partner X will be a more pleasant person.

1. Vision has gone from bad to worse. I now need reading glasses on top of my normal contact lense prescription. (I'm not even 30 years old yet.)

2. I've become a fat f*#&. I'm not one of those slobbering piles, but I should be 15% less than what I currently am.

3. Because I sit at a desk all day with no physical activity, I do not sleep great because being overweight I snore and wake up multiple times in the night. It's all a viscious cycle.

I'm depressed and was researching yesterday how much of various medicines it would take to overdose.

Does that count?

137: Check out this site and see if any of it sounds familiar. Bipolar spectrum disorders are underdiagnosed. http://www.psycheducation.org/

I've got BPII, but well controlled. Major depression (age 38) was triggered by being laid off. Still in biglaw but in much better situation. Still drink too much, still suffer from anxiety, but it's all much more under control.

My experience is that lawyers are on average far more likely to suffer from mental disorders. BPII and other BP spectrum disorders are common, in particular, because hypomania (the persistent high energy level that is characteristic of people on the BP spectrum) is a fantastic way to get tons of work done. If it weren't for those occasional month or so long pitches into the depths, I wouldn't medicate it.

Good luck and blessings on us all. And if you find you've got that black dog following you around, take it to the vet pronto. You don't need to suffer. Ask your doctor for a referral. Make sure you pick someone who deals with basket case professional-types.

Oh, and exercise.

Oh, and thanks, usual jackasses, for giving us a little bit of a break on dumb-ass comments. This stuff is serious business. Depression and anxiety kill people - from heart disease to suicide, it isn't pretty.

Developed anxiety that caused me to become physically ill, throwing up at work all the time, etc. Had to get on medication for depression and anxiety. Started taking smoke breaks to de-stress, which thankfully I've stopped. Gained about 20 pounds from inactivity (before I started throwing up). Started breaking out on my palms - doctor says it's stress-related. Sleep problems, teeth grinding, etc.

3rd year associate here. Working at Biglaw was one of the darkest times of my life, only rivaling the years after my parents' divorce when my drunken dad regularly beat my ass. No joke. If you're having these problems, find a way to get out. You only live once.

Got a mini-stroke at 35 due to stress induced hypertension.

I worked in biglaw my first two years after law school. I had a horrible time dealing with the toxicity, the hours, and the pressure. I developed bad migraines and was constantly tortured by my anxieties. I left for a government position that had less hours but the same toxic environment of pettiness and malice. My migraines went away but not my anxiety. I read a few self-help books that helped. The concept of courage helped me a lot. I decided that I could face the worst with self-possession and resolution. Courage is the natural counterweight to the fears our lizard brains constantly have. I also live by the concept of amor fati (love your fate). I'm not here to make sure that everything turns out the way I want it to. I'm here to be a kind, generous, loving person no matter what. And to do that you have to let yourself be vulnerable. Finally, the birth of my son helped me a lot. If my son is safe (and I don't need a 165k job to keep my son safe) then I'm cool. I have the same government job (as fate would have it, the toxic people left!) and go home every evening without one single thought of the office.

The two books that helped me the most are What Happy People Know and The Five Things We Cannot Change

I got laid off from a big firm last year and, initially, I was crushed. After working part time for about 6 months (and using free time to hang out with my family and work out), I had an opportunity to go to another big firm. I turned it down. I just don't want that shit again (and yeah, maybe that's why I got laid off in the first place). Small-law corporate work is much, much better for your well-being than its biglaw counterpart (obviously).

21, 63, and 122 - same here. Miscarriage x 2. It is double terrible in my opinion because you have to deal with the event and with telling your superiors (who are inevitably men).

I developed pig-asshole-for-a-face syndrome.

H. Pylori FTW, nitwits. Anyway, you evolved to deal with far greater stresses than being overpaid for easy work. Stop blaming others for your failings and maybe you'll get somewhere in life.

166 - Way to air out your sense of awesomeness right after a comment by a chick who had two stress-caused miscarriages.

By the way, we all got somewhere in life already. We just don't like it here. If you are happy, take a fucking lollipop.

To those of you who think you have bipolar. I have a family member who was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder after having a severe mental breakdown, so I know a little bit about it. It is a permanent condition (a chemical imbalance) that will require life-long medication to regulate it. It is very important to get diagnosed and start taking medication because without medication, the condition can get worse and increased levels of cortisol can eventually cause brain or heart damage. The earlier you are diagnosed the better. There is no cure for bipolar disorder, but it is treatable and manageable - my family member is doing very well with treatment and is living a normal, healthy life with few side-effects from medicine. Just make sure you get a good diagnostician.

Elie - once in a blue moon ABL does a thread that is a service to the legal community. This thread is one of those. Hopefully the partners are reading this and understand that they can build a healthier and more productive workplace by addressing some of these issues.

When I first started my big-law job, I was staffed on a team with two of the evilest attorneys I have ever met in my life. The kind of people that make you say, "Wow--You are the reason that everyone hates our profession." The kind of people that are first on line to get into Hell.

I quickly developed stress-induced eczema, an inability to sleep through the night, and marital problems.

164 - 63 here. So sorry for your losses. It happened Monday and I didn't tell any of the partners. I just told them I had to have emergency surgery and am hoping they don't ask any questions. At my firm, you definitely don't want to be in the "possibly getting pregnant" category, especially because you are only legally protected if you actually are pregnant, not if you want to be. I'm seriously contemplating switching jobs because of this. If it happens again, I'm definitely out of here.

168 -

Glad to hear your loved one is doing well. Though it does not appear to be the case in your relative's situation, folks here should note that bipolar disorder is presently overdiagnosed. It is, to many shrinks, the new catch-all. 168 is right - see a good diagnostician. Just because you have mood swings, even severe ones, does not mean you have bipolar disorder, in its traditional definition.

Mood cycling can be a symptom of some depression-type disorder that does not give rise to the sorts of severe complications people associate with bipolar.

I would bet that most of you who read this thread and think, "shit, I'm bipolar, I'm going to end up in a straight-jacket," are just anxiously freaking about mood swing symptoms that are not as serious as you think

The main thing I can say to anyone here suffering from mental problems is - GO AND SEE A GOOD SHRINK. If you are in New York or Boston, I can give some names.

If you have anxiety and mood swings etc ask your doc to get your thyroid hormone levels checked

Alcoholism and sex addiction.

Pretty sure it's an effort to mediate the severe-but not quite bipolar-mood swings.

Elie~ I join the others who have said thank you for sharing. I can't imagine how difficult that was.

I work at a midsize national firm for one partner and was lucky enough to be 2nd chair in a trial in my first year. I was also doing all of the discovery (including depos, etc.). I had a severe anxiety attack two days before trial. I couldn't breathe and felt like I was having a heart attack. It burned in my chest just trying to take a breath. My girlfriend found me in our bedroom curled up in our bed gasping for air. I managed to calm down and made it through trial fine. Now I make a point of going to the driving range at least 3 times a week. Often my better half will join me and sometimes her kids or my kids join us and just play.

166 is a dumbass.

Hear hear 169. Elie, this is a terrific thread.

63/171 - 164 here. I am sorry for your loss also. I didn't say anything with #1 several years ago (didn't need the awful surgery), but I did with the most recent one and had to say emergency surgery. For some reason he felt compelled to follow up with questions, so had to be more specific. I had a baby in between, so they know I harbor a functioning uterus and I am already a target.

I plan on exiting after #2. Good luck to you.

Teeth grinding here as well; I too had to get the $700 mouth guard, which was not covered by my firm at the time's shitty dental plan. Insomnia. Frozen neck. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Never was a nervous nelly before.

Changed firms to better "quality of life" firm now though and much better.

172 -- "I would bet that most of you who read this thread and think, "shit, I'm bipolar, I'm going to end up in a straight-jacket," are just anxiously freaking about mood swing symptoms that are not as serious as you think."

Actually, BPII is underdiagnosed -- it takes a lot of recorrent depressives a decade to finally get the right diagnosis. The problem is comments like yours -- being bipolar doesn't at all mean you're going to freak out and end up institutionalized. There's a whole spectrum from unipolar depression to bipolar depression and most people fall somewhere in between.

But I agree about getting a good diagnostician. Just mood swings won't get you a bipolar diagnosis -- there's a lot more to it.

Just to clarify, though -- BPII is a separate illness from BPI. It isn't about having mood swings -- indeed, that's a common misunderstanding based on an outdated idea of what bipolar is. It's really about repeat, intractable depressions that do not respond to treatment for ordinary depression. BPI - or classic manic-depressive disorder - is what most people think about -- that's really a different kettle of fish to the rest of the bipolar spectrum. But BPII is real, believe me. Do a little research and you'll see what I mean.

But bipolar disorders are not brought on by work -- they exist separately from that but are exacerbated, like most things, by stress.

38's words were harsh, but true and I wish I had realized they were true earlier in my (short 2.5 year) BIGLAW stint. Honestly, most of these people who are tormenting you have mental issues of their own. If it wasn't you, it'd be somebody else and there's little you can do to control the criticism, passive-aggression, and back-stabbing that is legion in BIGLAW. You're made to believe when you walk into that job that the weight of the world is on your shoulders - it's not. Public defenders? Yeah, there's a lot at stake for them. Junior commercial litigators? Sorry, but it's just not that big a deal at that level. It's one thing to be nervous about losing your job, it's another to permit yourself to be legitimately stressed about margins on a filing (and partners WILL try to stress you out about that nonsense). People survive wartime without miscarrying or having their hair go prematurely grey - seriously, get some perspective and calm down (or get help to calm down).

Just take your paycheck, bank it and understand that you're just one of many, many associates who have gone through the same thing and will go through the same thing. If they need to fire people, they'll find a way to do it - there's not much you can do about it. You're fungible. Act that way.

Another vote for miscarriage. Actually a vote for too busy to keep track of my cycle followed by unexpected pregnancy that I was too busy to notice for several weeks followed by throwing up followed by miscarriage followed by needing to tell a bunch of male superiors about needing to just go home and not deal with the crap for a few days.

169 is right....ATL is in a unique position to give something valuable back to the profession stemming from this thread and the poll. obviously, it's not scientific, but the pulse of the responses makes it seem like there's something out there eating away at the health of a lot of otherwise healthy individuals, shortening lives.

as someone who entered law school w/ pre-existing anxiety problems, i've been especially attentive to the ups and downs in myself and others. my number one reaction is disbelief at seeing how many people seem to start using so much more and more types of drugs. closely followed by bad decisions, slowly ruined lives, etc. that, more than anything law school or a firm could ever dish out, is the worst part of it....watching your colleagues wilt.

Try chronic back and neck pain.

181 - you just don't get it. When someone has anxiety, the problem itself is that you just can't "let it go." Anxiety is an involuntary reaction to stress, the same way a heart attack is an involuntary reaction to plaque clogging one's arteries. Both require treatment from a doctor, and understanding and kindness toward sufferers. You wouldn't tell someone who had a medical disease to "get over it and remember others have the same issue" would you?

This is why so many people suffering from mental health issues avoid treatment or sharing with others about it.

38 and 181, you haven't the slighest understanding of mental illness. Worry and nervousness cannot just be reasoned away by someone who is suffering from a mental illness. Educate yourselves please.

176 is right that 166 is just a dumbass.

I hope this article will lead to future articles/commentary that will get leaders to take notice of what's going on with associates.
The following article by Martin Seligman is pretty much spot on:
http://www.lawyerswithdepression.com/lawyersunhappy.asp
The recommendations contained therein are pretty solid ideas, if only someone would implement them...

BP is serious. Of the two people I know who have/had it, one is dead and the other has tried suicide several times.

On the miscarriages...I am completely sympathetic, but miscarriages are extremely common regardless of your stress level...so it would be tough to blame them completely on your job.

Thank you for this thread, Elie, and your story. As terrible as it is to say, it helps to know other people in Biglaw experience(d) the same mental health issues.

3 years in Biglaw, and what do I have to show for it?

Anxiety and depression. Diagnosis of PTSD by therapist due to ongoing work with several abusive partners.

Several cases of shingles.

Elevated c-reactive protein.

Last winter, 5 bouts of stomach flu and twice as many colds. After I got a flu shot.

Weight gain.

Major hair loss with no other medical explanation--and I'm a woman.

Everyday I wonder if the misery is worth it. But until I find another job (even at less than half my salary), I have no other options, due to loans, mortgage, etc.

I take more shits at the office than I do at home.

184 is right - chronic neck and back pain, spasms, etc. The human body is not meant to sit at a desk for 12-16 hours a day on a consistent basis with few breaks.

Three years in Biglaw gave me constant hives, carpal tunnel syndrome and depression. I left two years ago and it was the best thing that I've ever done. The carpal tunnel is a lasting reminder of my time in Biglaw but the hives and depression have lifted.

When I see people from my former firm who are still there, they often comment that I seem so much happier now but its always in an underhanded fashion, as if they are insinuating that I couldn't quite hack it there. I just tell them to get out and they'll see their lives improve as well!

These are serious issues, none of which were taken seriously by my former employer. Thanks for shining some light on them.

189 - I am right there with you.

1) Extreme depression, including PTSD after working with an abusive partner.

2) Insomnia - worrying about crazy partner

3) Smoking (quit after leaving)

4) Alcoholism - I spent a month at Hazelden in Minnesota

5) Tension and Migraine Headaches - I used to close my door and curl up on a blanket in my office

6) Weight loss - I looked like a skeleton at one point

7) I tried to commit suicide twice

8) Possible cause of miscarriage

Ever since I left (and reached settlement) most of my problems are gone, even though I am making very little money. I still struggle with depression, but I just lost a close family member and I feel more normal than I did when I worked for the miserable assholes at my old firm. I stuck it to them in the end, especially the psycho partners. That alone improved my health.

193 Again

Wow, working for my old firm was worse than losing my grandmother that practically raised me and was one of the most important people in my life.

That is fucking sad. I should have just burned the firm down when I left, screw the settlement. LOL - that was a joke.

Ulcers are caused by bacteria and not stress. They may be aggravated by stress, diet, etc., but they are not the cause.

Stress and illness: Stress can allow you to show symptoms of illnesses you would otherwise have but not necessarily react to. Stress can cause allergic or anaphylactic type reactions, can permit illnesses that hang out in your body like shingles, herpes, mono, various hpvs including non-sexual ones (meaning warts on your fingers), to reoccur or to show symptoms (most people who have those viruses are asymptomatic, or asymptomatic after an initial infection). Stress, poor eating, and lack of sleep can depress your immune system and lead to more infections with illnesses you would otherwise not get. Stress can cause your hair to fall out (it did to me, and I'm female, I got away from the toxic boss and even though I'm still not sleeping nearly as much as I should, my hair has grown back).

Don't underestimate stress. And for those of you who say "don't let it bother you, your work is not important" you have a point but it only goes so far. Yes, people should do their best to develop coping strategies so that they don't take things too seriously. But if you are constantly sleep deprived, you lose that perspective. and yes, if that starts happening, you should move on. Because it is not worth it.

PS--To all the women out there having miscarriages, I am so sorry for your losses. I had one too, it was due to a genetic defect (XO) I got the testing and paid for it myself because most docs. won't order tests for first or second miscarriages. It was worth it for the peace of mind. For those naysayers out there, yes, women in the law do have higher miscarriage rates than other professionals. In some cases, higher stress levels probably make it difficult for the body to sustain the pregnancy. But most of the time, miscarriages are due to a nonviable zygote/embryo/fetus, so do not blame yourselves. Even all that caffeine stuff may not be measuring causation properly--many healthily pregnant women feel so nauseous that coffee (which, like chocolate, relaxes the throat and makes reflux more possible) is anathema, so it may be that many of the women who continue drinking coffee are able to do so becaues their pregnancies were already problematic. (That said, there are plenty of women with healthy pregnancies that have no nausea at all, so please don't freak out over that either. There's a word for those women, lucky bitches.)

31, ditto for me, 6 sinus infections a year.

chest pain, sleep disorder, mouthguard, stomach aches, chronic fatigue, nightmares...

I feel fortunate that all I have are recurrent cluster tension headaches (which last for 3-5 days) from sitting at a desk for way too many hours a day, and an occasionally twitchy eyelid. Biglaw + 2 little kids at home doesn't allow me the time to sleep enough, exercise very much, or eat properly. And I don't even put in as hellish hours as some of my colleagues do.

I have a friend who had a blood clot (133, is that you?) while an associate at a biglaw firm.

Trichotillomania. Actually got my hair a little patchy until I managed to calm it down. Having my lack of hours blamed on me rather than on the true cause of people not giving me any pretty much was the definition of work related stress.

Major Depressive Disorder -- foolishly tried to work thru it, only to get 6 month reviewed, and even getting into treatment, finding a good anti-depressant, got stealth laid off at said review where the entire basis for the decision was stuff that happened and was discussed at the year-end review (and was mostly attributable to the complete inability to concentrate for any stretch of time due to crying jags and lack of sleep).

Chest pain, anxiety, panic attacks, allergy attacks, acne, dizziness, muscle twitches, charlie horses, back stiffness and pain, severe headaches, memory loss.

I'm not in BigLaw but have friends who are. All of them have anxiety and problems sleeping, then there is hypertension and stress-induced heart issues, chronic conditions that have become unmanageable, and two were laid off while pregnant. Oh, and all of them are under 30.

Wait, what? I thought Biglaw was "prestigious."

The heartbreak of psoriasis!

Couldn't keep food down for a couple of insanely stressful months. Insomnia lasting for weeks, cruelly denying me those precious few hours of sleep. Sinus infections that wouldn't go away. Paralyzing depression. Neck and shoulder tension that my masseuse couldn't get out in a 90 minute deep tissue massage. Vision degeneration after 2 LASIK procedures, making me wonder how many times you can get the procedure before they run out of eyes to laser. I've been out a year, and all of the above are gone. Even my vision is back to perfect.

"For those naysayers out there, yes, women in the law do have higher miscarriage rates than other professionals."

Source, please.

185: 181 here. Yes, I do "get" that one can' t just get over mental illnesses. The thread concerns illness attributed to BIGLAW that would, presumably, disappear or lessen considerably once somebody leaves BIGLAW. I do think there are lawyers who suffer from mental distress, but they'd suffer from it to some extent regardless of whether they were in BIGLAW. I also think there are far more lawyers who lose sight enirely of what's at stake and whose stress is largely self-imposed.

"I am completely sympathetic, but miscarriages are extremely common regardless of your stress level...so it would be tough to blame them completely on your job."

Thank you. I hate the baseless "if you weren't so stressed, you wouldn't have miscarried" arguments out there that are way too unquestioned. In truth, women have little control over whether they miscarry.

207 - not a source, but at my last apt. my OB did tell me that she sees a higher rate of miscarriages in her lawyer patients than other female professionals, so that if I wanted to have kids she would recommend that I start sooner, rather than later.

Terrible anxiety mixed with bouts of depression. I thought moving from one big law firm to another would fix things, but it didn't. I grew up religious, and am turning back to my religion, which is helping.

A typical comment thread on this site is filled mostly with racist, sexist, or otherwise vile garbage, but this one is somehow chock full of seemingly genuine confessions of mental illnesses or otherwise really terrible problems. Coincidence?

What a happy bunch we are!! Like my dad said when I came home for my grandmother's funeral in the middle of an impossible deadline superficially imposed..."it's only money".

I don't know one person at work who doesn't rely on some sort of anti-anxiety medication.

I'm surprised to see so much discussion with little mention of eating disorders. After several years of struggling with one (along with the underlying anxiety and depression which factored into it), and a period of relative health, I started BigLaw. It's a coping mechanism that has pros and cons as compared to alcoholism/drug abuse/cutting, and I'm sure there are more than a few women at my firm who fall back on anorexia/bulimia, not to mention compulsive over-eating. I've kept the eating disorder fairly at bay, but find myself relying more on the alcohol/drug/cutting side. Easier to conceal, and they allow me a functional workday. But man am I a wreck when I get home. All throughout my recovery period, I was told how much better life can be on the other side. Turns out, I got here, and it's still shit. At least I know that dropping 20 pounds won't solve any of my problems - no one here would give a shit and nothing would change. Honestly, being dead looks pretty damn good.

The davis women lawyer's study talks about higher rates of miscarriages among lawyers who work 45 hours or more per week: http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/news/medicalnews/womenlawyers.html

214 - You already know this, but you really need to talk to someone and get help. And at a minimum, get a new job.

Hyperthyroidism

208 -- it's true that biglaw may not cause depression, but the working environment is singularly bad for trying to work through it.

I was always stressed and had IBS at Biglaw, plus suffered from constant anxiety attacks trying to please a crazy partner. Asked to leave and thrown into what I now know was a major depressive episode. Now a partner in Small law but still miss the prestige of Biglaw even though life is much better Iand I know Biglaw was bad for my health.

relapsed with eating disorder and developed a drinking problem when I joined biglaw.

For all of you suffering with any kind of anxiety, depression, eating disorder or other mental illlness, please, please get help. Don't suffer alone. There is help. It may not be the first drug or the first therapist, but there is something out there that will help.
I've definitely have depressive and anxiety issues, but a few years of therapy have made it manageable. If you're suffering, don't discount talk therapy. I used it in conjunction with medication, but I was eventually able to ditch the meds (not saying everyone can /should do this, but it was nice to get off of the stuff). I think doctors tend to just rely on meds because they are a quicker fix, but learning how to manage your emotions can be a huge help. And frankly, it's easier to just pop a pill than confront what's eating you. But combo therapy is key. I still have moments of anxiety and periods of depression, but I can handle it. I know it will pass.

Second all the comments about shelling out for the custom mouth guard. Expensive, but so very worth it. My TMJ was out of control before I got that -- affecting my vision, making my face look lopsided.

Am hoping my recent miscarriage was just a fluk and not work-related. My sympathies with everyone who's gone through this. It freaking sucks.

and finally, others have already said this, but the comments on here are almost shocking in their lack of nastiness. Maybe this group has a collective heart after all? Who knew?

Great topic. Multiple Miscarriages. Repetitive strain. Random eye twitch one weekend, likely due to lack of sleep. Notable illogical paranoia after 45 days without a day off.
no joke. but paying down loans.

Great topic. Multiple Miscarriages. Repetitive strain. Random eye twitch one weekend, likely due to lack of sleep. Notable illogical paranoia after 45 days without a day off.
no joke. but paying down loans.

Great topic. Multiple Miscarriages. Repetitive strain. Random eye twitch one weekend, likely due to lack of sleep. Notable illogical paranoia after 45 days without a day off.
no joke. but paying down loans.

Great topic. Multiple Miscarriages. Repetitive strain. Random eye twitch one weekend, likely due to lack of sleep. Notable illogical paranoia after 45 days without a day off.
no joke. but paying down loans.

Great topic. Multiple Miscarriages. Repetitive strain. Random eye twitch one weekend, likely due to lack of sleep. Notable illogical paranoia after 45 days without a day off.
no joke. but paying down loans.

Cathartic to read about miscarriages. Me too, times two. Both times returning to weekend work in between doctors appointments just waiting it out while meeting the deadlines. No real time to cry and no good way to explain to coworkers/partners, so you just buck up and keep going and no one ever knows--except for you and your S.O. So friggin' disfunctional.

ATL needs to follow up on this topic. I doubt much in our offices will change, but, like the incessant talk about salaries and layoffs, the serious health issues either exacerbated or caused by our chosen profession (there's the quagmire, it was a choice, then a trap) demand the same kind of coverage.

Wow. I really wonder why there aren't more BigLaw workplace murders.

gout

teeth grinding -> cracked and infected fillings -> root canals

231 here -- got custom mouth guard for a fortune, but still cheaper than the thousands I spent on root canals and crowns....

I actually didn't realize how much I was suffering until I left Biglaw. So far, I've dropped 50 pounds, sleep like a baby, and my doctor tells me I'm very healthy for my age. Its amazing to think about all those things that I thought was normal. You know, waking up every morning with a headache, starving yourself during long meetings/conf. calls/drafting only to chow down later on takeout food, never sleeping well, aching joints, tight shoulders, etc. Its just part of the job so you can't really do much about it but man, does it feel better when it all goes away.

3 years in biglaw. Have suffered from anxiety and depression throughout my whole life but it was under control with meds prior to biglaw. Had major anxiety attacks during a sustained period and had to take a leave of absence from my firm. When I returned from leave (FMLA), partner harassed me and retaliated against me for taking the leave when I When I told HR about it, they covered for the partner of course. I had to hire a lawyer to write to the firm that what they were doing was discrimination under various federal and state laws. Then the firm backed off and controlled partner.

Shortly thereafter, I found a new job at another biglaw firm. Much better b/c partners and associates I work with are generally much better people. Still deal with anxiety and depression, however, meds, therapy and new firm not being toxic have kept things under control.

Before I left my first firm I thought about leaving law completely. I was devasted. But I have made a great comeback. And while it's sad to see so many people suffering, I think this is the most worthwhile post I have seen on this site. It's good for all of us to know that we are not alone. I wish I could send the link to this post to partner who harrassed/retaliated against me so that he could see that I am not some kind of freak for having these problems. Currently reading a biography of JP Morgan. Obviously one of the greatest bankers/financial minds of all time. He suffered from chronic depression and anxiety and frequently took leaves of absence from his duties at the various firms he worked at prior to founding JPM & Co. It is inspiring to see that someone who suffered so badly was so successful in such a stressful business.

Just a quick comment about ulcers: although the vast majority of ulcers are caused by h. pylori, there are a few out there that aren't. I had one that almost killed me, and after taking a biopsy when I got scoped, I came up negative for the bacteria. For about two weeks before the ulcer, I was a bigger ball of stress than normal because of a project I had been assigned. I'd sit there, angry and frustrated, and get myself worked up. In retrospect, over the weekend I started to have a low-grade bleed. But then I took some aspirin (an NSAID), and that pretty much made me bleed like a fountain.

I expected to see higher reports of hypertension, then realized that the average ATL reader is somewhat (maybe a lot) younger than I am ('82). You all have more problems to look forward to as you age.

I expected to see higher reports of hypertension, then realized that the average ATL reader is somewhat (maybe a lot) younger than I am ('82). You all have more problems to look forward to as you age.

172,

168 here. I agree that bipolar can be overdiagnosed - so see a good diagnositcian and get a second opinion. But definitely get it checked out. The earlier it is diagnosed the better for your health. My loved one probably developed BP in early adulthood like most people, but because she had it under control and was functional, she just seemed moody and kind of eccentric - until she had a manic episode at age 30 and completely lost the script and had to be hospitalized for a week. So, if you suspect that you might have it - please take it seriously and seek help. Medications and therapy do wonders.

Also, having BP does not mean you will be put in a straight-jacket. You will get treatment and have a great chance of living a normal life. Like I said, my family-member is doing very well and her life is greatly improved from what it was before she had her episode. Also, for some reason BP is more common among people with high IQs and creative types. Many of the world's greatest achievers throughout history have had BP. So, if you do have it, please don't be ashamed - just learn how to manage it.

High Blood Pressure not caused by BigLaw job, but my last year in BigLaw I ended up in the hospital twice due to problems related to HBP. Basically my pressure was so high and my potassium levels were so out a wack I was close to ending up in a coma. Partner was e-mailing me while I was in the hospital (which was a weekend, I waited until after a Friday depo to go to the hospital) about a deposition on Monday. The doctor treating me in the hospital took away my blackberry and gave it to my husband to take home. Yes, after I was released from the hospital I was at the office late on Sunday preparing for the Mon. depo.

Left BigLaw for MidLaw, still stressed, work long hours, but a million times happier away from BigLaw and crazy boss.

Thanks for the post Elie. I was diagnosed as bipolar II in my early 30's. Working in Biglaw triggered the mood swings. After a few bad experiences and then being stuck with a partner that would actually spend the rest of her life trying to get me fired, I got out. I was a complete nutjob - days without sleep and the other awesome symptoms.

I am broke, but at least I can enjoy my family and friends. I am happier than ever.

Also, I think that people are in denial and not claiming to have alcohol problems. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. HAHA

I bet the alcoholism rate is about 50%.

239 again. Like others, when I see partners and associates from my old firm (I work around the corner) they always mention how happy, how good I look. I lost that perpetual scowl, jumpiness, I sleep much better now, squeeze in a little exercise and it adds up.

Last time I went in for a routine doctor's appointment, and he found that my BP had raised significantly, and my bloodwork was off, he asked me if there was a lot of stress in my life. I told him briefly about Biglaw, layoffs, stealth layoffs, crazy partners (in about 2 minutes), etc. He looked at me for several moments without saying anything and then said (and I quote) "If I were you, I would get the hell out of there." I haven't yet, but I know he's right.

168/238: 180 here. You said it better than I did. BP is manageable and is often associated with high intelligence and creativity. But it can be and needs to be treated. And stress during year 5-7 of biglaw was what sent me manic then crashingly depressive. If it hadn't been for my husband and my best friend (also a lawyer) I would not be writing this today. Please get help, whatever sort of brain interestingness you are suffering from.

The hx of my ulcer:
1. Stress causes TMJ.
2. To ease TMJ pain, took Motrin.
3. Took a lot of Motrin.
4. Too much Motrin causes ulcers.
5. Stress can complicate the healing of ulcers.

-- Tooth grinding. I once managed to chip off a brand new filling within a month...had to go back for a (stronger, more expensive) ceramic inlay.

-- Constant fatigue. After multiple blood tests, I had two different doctors tell me to get a new job.

-- Thoracic outlet syndrome. Unlike 35, I had no pre-existing injury; it began within 6 months of starting at biglaw. I had extreme coldness in my hands, and no (discernable) pulse in my wrist of my-mouse-clicking arm. Physical therapy 3x a week for months (THAT was fun to fit in) did almost nothing. My remaining option was surgical removal of the 1st rib. (Seriously.) I declined...although I was tempted since the 10-15% chance of a collapsed lung sounded like a great break from work. Now I just stretch (a lot) at my desk, and it is (usually) not too bad...

-- Depression. In fairness, I have struggled with this before, but that was as a teenage girl with an eating disorder. I've been happily off meds for a decade. But in honor of my two-year biglaw anniversary (that I never wanted), I've seriously contemplated a doctor's visit. I just wish every unemployed lawyer that wanted to be in biglaw could be here, so that I wouldn't have so much competition in the gov't job market.

212 SAYS IT ALL, YES THIS IN ALL CAPS, JUST SO YOU READ IT

Intracranial hypertension (pseudotumor cerebri)--docs aren't entirely sure why. I'm slightly overweight, but not really obese. My shiteous eating habits, stress, lack of sleep, and no exercise due to work have made it worse.

It's my own damn fault I feel like shit, though. I've got to get my life in balance. I'm slowly learning how to manage it all.

Alcoholism, a few heart attacks, and a case of the clap that just won't go away.

For anyone with alcohol and/or drug issues, I recommend Hazelden. Years later, I am not perfect, but that place breaks you down and puts you back together. Everyone told me to quit my job, but I didn't for two years. Big mistake. My identity was tied to my status and salary. I think that I changed my outlook on life when a close family member died. I thought, why the f^&*k am I living a miserable life when I could die any day. Would I love living in a sweet place in Glencove with a lovely yard? Yes. Is it worth hating every moment of my life? NO.

Believe me, I am somewhat a feminist, but it is too difficult to have a family and meet the demands of a law firm lifestyle.

I am very lucky to have a significant other that has a stable job. Otherwise, I would be dead by now. I hated every moment of my life. Now, I don't have to worry about being responsible for all living expenses and my loans.

The cost of law school is horrible. People that go into public service should at least receive a tuition repayment bonus (I know some do) but it should be standard.

All I know is, I went from helping billionaires save tax dollars and protect their assets. Now, I do consumer bankruptcy work. I enjoy helping families plan their estates that will help survivors feel loved and important. However, I really like helping people manage the economic storm. I make people's lives better and I don't charge most of them. All I know is, at one point I wanted to die because I hated working like a slave. Now, I am helping people that are contemplating suicide. If I can save those people, I will feel good when I am randomly hit by a bus some day.

188 I had to skip the rest of the amazing comments just to tell you what a fucking asshole you are. Get a clue dude. be sensitive. as if somebody said, oh people commit suicide all the time BP could have nothing todo with it. and that's from a chick with a BP BF. fuck off.

189, check your parathyroid, it could be the cause of your hairloss.

189, check your parathyroid, it could be the cause of your hairloss.

I am surprised more people haven't mentioned relationship problems, I see that as an extension of mental health bc it's usually OUR mental issues causing the problems. My BF of 8 years told me I have completely changed in the time I started pursuing a big law job. And once I got one, well, I was impossible during that summer. Not to mention all the stress I put on our relationship crying over my start date push back and my fear of losing my identity (which co-incidentally became tied to my role as the "big time lawyer, girl who made it out of the trailer park."

I am a person who RARELY drank-- I'd been drunk 3 times in my life before my SA position. After? Well lets say I was a vodka/cran girl. I am a regular pot smoker, have been since UG, but that was more of a natural anti-d and stress reliever. I smoked and bought more than ever during that summer. The drinking stopped/pot leveled off as soon as I went back to school. Mostly it was at work functions (not the pot ha) but also I found myself drinking with friends more, much to their delight.

After the bar, while waiting to start my job, I started drinking again and smoking alot again. I didn't understand why until a friend told me they were depressed and lost their sense of purpose and it clicked--I had too. I harbored so much anger about not starting I became so depressed. I've quit the booze and committed to decreasing the pot, but I've already caused major damage. Let's not go in to how at 23 all of a sudden I was told I NEEDED ritilan. 1st semester -the bar and I will NEVER go back. All those on stimulants you should really consider getting off and finding another way. I say this as somebody who wasn't "addicted" but found that even at my prescribed dosage I was nuts. I feared if I told my doc she would take me off it so I just smiled and told her it was working well with no symptoms.

I haven't even started at my firm but it's already given me such anxiety and stress. Flash back to last summer when I was a SA. Sleeping on hard tables in the conference room from 2-3am, working all night and sneaking out at 7 am and sleeping in my car for an hour only to come back and do it again & feel bad when I left before 7pm. I started grinding my teeth when I was first submitting my apps to law school. Before law school I ran 6 miles a day and hit the gym 3-4 times a week. LMAO at the concept of that in law school or while working as a SA. I will have to make the time if I start.

I just want 5 years to pay off loans and save for a house with the BF (who would have been husband if not for me going nutso--literally had the ring and rethought it bc this would be my profession and this is how i dealt with it). I want my money and all, but after reading this thread I am really scared. My BF is about to leave me after my crazy ritilian fraught bar exam experience of not sleeping, nearly having an affair and screaming at him all the time--things the old me would never do. I doubt I can get another if this is the shit I look forward to.

I too have turned back to my religious upbringing. I hope I haven't pushed away ALL who love me, but it's pretty damn close.

I think for all of us it's about remembering that you must separate what you do from who you are. I never understood that until I got my push back. Who you are (including health bodies, minds and relationships) is soooo much more important than what you do.

I am pulling for all of you.

Serious depression, alcohol, headaches, weight gain, etc.

As the market took a dive, I began to work out and try to find out what I should really do with my law degree because it is definitely not working at BigLaw. I still have law school loans and a mortgage to pay but I really understand that my happiness means so much more to me. I wish that I knew that working at a firm would be like this because I would have never started.

I can now add disc degeneration in my neck from bad posture and neck muscle tension from trying extremely hard to not punch some asshole partners in the face.

Elie and Lat -- Thanks so much for this post. I've been suffering a number of the same afflictions as many here, and finally decided that i'm done with life in biglaw. gave my notice, and although i'm scared, i can't wait for the future, which is a big change from how i've been feeling the past few months. to any others that may be feeling extremely depressed... just get out. you'll figure it out, i promise.