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Lawsuit of the Day: Friendless Man Sues Nintendo

Monday, November 23, 2009 2:28 PM - By Elie Mystal

Rosalina Wii lawsuit.JPGHere we have another lawsuit that is based on Nintendo’s Wii, the wildly popular gaming system for children that adults are strangely not embarrassed to love.

Sadly, this lawsuit doesn’t involve a grown woman making herself sick by refusing to urinate. Instead, we have a guy who needs to play as a space traveling princess in order to enjoy himself. Game Spot has the report (gavel bang: Overlawyered):

In the suit, the San Jose, California, gamer takes exception to a recent Nintendo Wii system update that disables access to unauthorized third-party programs like the Homebrew Channel. Specifically, the plaintiff is upset about losing the ability to use a program that would unlock the character Rosalina in Mario Kart Wii. Ordinarily, a player would need to have a Super Mario Galaxy save file on the system in order to unlock that character.

Cause of action? The gamer — and I use that term very generously, considering we’re talking about somebody who loves the Wii — says that Nintendo is ruining his pursuit of happiness.

Details after the jump.

Maybe if they made Wii: Constitutional Convention, lawsuits like this wouldn’t happen:

“In federal terms, the plaintiff who relies heavily on video games for happiness, would like the federal court to decide if Nintendo is interfering with certain player’s pursuit of happiness, which is stated in the United States Declaration of Independence,” the suit states, “where Benjamin Franklin was in agreement with Thomas Jefferson in downplaying the protection of ‘property’ as a goal of government, replacing the idea with ‘happiness.’”

What grown-ass man sits around playing the Wii by himself? Does he sit around masturbating to episodes of Sailor Moon as well?

This guy is also suing Xbox because his system is broken and he can’t afford a replacement. Previously, this same plaintiff sued Sony when he got kicked off the Playstation network.

It seems to me that the thing preventing this guy from pursuing happiness is his evident lack of friends. Playing the Wii is only appropriate (if at all) when you are in a large group of friends. Just this weekend, I had a little Mario-Kart action. I kept falling into some kind of water trap under a moving bridge and was about to go Happy Gilmore (“You’re gonna die, clown!”) on the entire system. But I was playing with friends, and one of my friends (call him “Shooter”) refused to finish the race — forcing me to extricate myself from the water hazard three times. Now, clearly Shooter is a giant dick, but everybody had a good time at my soggy expense.

Friends = pursuing happiness. No friends = inappropriately pursuing a fantasy relationship with Rosalina. I’m sure Ben and Tom would have put this caveat into the Declaration, but they were too busy hanging out, banging French women and slaves, to imagine a world in which people forget the value of interpersonal interaction.

Banned PSN player takes aim at Microsoft, Nintendo [Game Spot]
Gamer appeals Sony dismissal, sues Nintendo and Microsoft [Overlawyered]

Earlier: Lawsuit of the Day: ‘Hold Your Wee for a Wii’

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