Lawyer of the Day, Or ATL Commenter?
Have you ever wondered what would happen if some of our Above the Law commenters had one of their classic diatribes in open court? I do.
I don’t know if Raphael Scotto posts anonymous comments on ATL. But it wouldn’t shock me if he does. The New York Post reports:
A defense lawyer was fined $2,500 and barred from city administrative court after throwing tantrums and cracking fat jokes about an overweight prosecutor during a sexual-harassment hearing. …He even made wisecracks about portly prosecutor Victor Muallem.
When Muallem squeezed between two desks, Scotto joked, “Tough fit, there, huh?”
Actually, I’m not being fair. ATL commenters are much more funny:
Elie - When you first read the phrase “friable issue of fact” did you get hungry?
But maybe Scotto doesn’t have a lot of experience making fat jokes. Apparently that is not his go-to move.
Everybody needs a signature move, and Scotto apparently has one:
Raphael Scotto, 62, screamed at a city administrative judge, abused witnesses and, when handed a subpoena, crumpled it and tossed it in the trash, according to a court ruling issued last month.“This dramatic use of the trash bin to signify his scorn would become a signature move for him,” Judge Joan Salzman wrote.
Yes! And it counts!
I wonder how often Scotto uses this trick? Does he go up and grab the prosecution’s exhibits, squish them, and then unleash a high arcing jumper towards the trash can? Or is he more of a Shaq-like dunk master — crumpling up motions to dismiss and Rule 11 sanctions and ferociously powering them down into the garbage?
Frankly, we need more lawyers who act like frustrated NBA players.
Joke’s on fat-crack attorney [New York Post]
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Comments
first
Fantastic! How come I don't ever see any of these assclowns in court?? I would be laughing for weeks
he's not fat - he's big boned!
Whateva! Whateva! I'll do what I want!
"Apparently that is not is go to move."
I think you need an "h" there, champ.
Also, "funnier" is a word, somewhat negating the need for strained constructions like "more funny."
Also, you're fat.
"But maybe Scotto doesn’t have a lot of experience making fat jokes. Apparently that is not IS go to move."
Come on... Do you even read over things ONCE before you post them?
2--you don't see these assclowns in court because many of them are A) law students who have not yet been admitted to the bar or B) xoxohth crossover losers who live in their parents' basements.
PE,
How far did we have to read up to for Commercial Transactions today?
TIA.
5/6 - It was fixed fast. It says "his go-to move" for me.
What the hell does "is go to move" mean?
"Apparently that is not is go to move."
Elie's signature move is incomprehensible writing.
I was in court just yesterday and opposing counsel stood up and said, "MYSTAL'S A FAT RACIST WALRUS!!!" The jury was quite impressed.
Gosh how fascinating the comments are today. Please, tell me more about the missing "h"! I'm transfixed.
10 - clearly you should is go to move
@13 - if written in cockney, or quebecois french, the 'h' is silent.
12 was actually funny. 7, what is xoxo?!?!?
ATL is reporting that there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that Elie typed and proofread the complaint of Miami Professor D. Marvin Jones.
If I write a post in wich the letter "h" is missing, will that post generate additional comments as well?
I also heard that he CHECK HE EMAILS in open court too
Is Kash's "go-to move" showing a rotted beaver?
Seriously, Elie, how do you fuck-up your spelling and grammar so often! Really, don't you ever feel ashamed to promote the fact that your JOB is to write (or plagiarize) and you still consistently screw up?
P.S. Can someone please upload the Kash beaver-shot on a free pic sharing site and paste the link here?
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-My fellow xoers will know what I mean. Elie>>>PWNED.
I apologize.
In the local Eskimo dialect, the natives tend to drop the "h."
Oh, and my go-to move is race-baiting. Works every time.
* eats Klondike bar *
I always yell "first!" immediantly after the clerk announces my case at motion call.
I stopped riding the NYC subways in the mid '70s as a result of obese people. Back in those days, the subway cars did not have air conditioning. During the summer, obese people would perspire like a cooked hog in a sauna. I found the putrid odors emanating from their bodies to be quite offensive. Nowadays, I have a 200lbs. limit on who gets to sit next to, or ride with me.
I think I saw ShaFeef in court once. He had a long dark beard and was constantly referring to Kash's magic beaver.
23 for comment of the year!
@22 - do you find it difficult to eat Klondike Bars? I would think flippers and tusks would make things more complex...
What is this I hear about Kash's pussy shot? Someone pl upload it - it will be great jerking off material!
Can someone please explain why people on this site refer to Elie as a walrus?
Thanks,
Hastings 3L (yes, I know, my school is not accredited by the ABA)
What's with the random autoadmit link?
I have hunted walrus for many many moons, but one has always evaded me over the years. The Mystical Walrus. One day, this walrus too shall feel the bite of my spear.
The Most Interesting Eskimo in the World
31,
Lest you forget, I'm an Affirmative Walrus, and your threatening words against a protected group such as mine constitute a hate crime.
Long live hate-crime laws and their protection for everybody except white-heterosexual-Christian-males. Get 'em, Eskimos!
what the hell is "more funny"...
@32 - You look delicious.
31
I think that Mrs. Lat should debate the walrus.
Mrs. Lat, are you out there?
31 FTW for sure.
In my country, they do not have this creature you call, Walrus. They have camels, which I have many of and would be willing to part with for one night of sexy making with Kash's magical beaver. Thank you, yes please.
ShaFeef
PE - cooked hogs can't perspire. They're dead. Just like your libido.
My life is finally complete. I thought that the day one of my comments was selected for a caption contest was the best day of my life (It was soundly defeated in the poll.) But now my comment about friable issues of fact has been featured in an actual post. What a great day for me.
Well played anonymous me, well played.
#23 stole my line.
1. What do walruses taste like?
2. Do walruses fart?
3. What noise do walruses make?
4. Is an affirmative walrus ("AW") the same thing as a mystical walrus ("MW")?
5. If yes to 4, how much does the average AW/MW weigh?
6. If no to 4, how much does the average AW weigh? And the average MW?
7. Are walruses entitled to U.S. citizenship? To vote (assuming their not convicted felons, of course)? To serve in the armed services?
8. Is it true that Elie ate Lat?
9. Finish the following: Elie is to Walrus as Lat is to ________.
10. Why did Hastings lose ABA accredidation?
lol 23
38 -- pigs dead or alive don't sweat, hence the need for mud
PE -- you should have used something like "sweating more than a blind faggot at a weeny roast." That way you offend not only fat people but homosexuals.
27,
Initially, it was difficult. But I've learned that when the going gets tough, the tough sue for discrimination.
So I sued Klondike under the Americans with Disabilities Act and forced them to come up with walrus-friendly packaging. Then I sued for workers' compensation as a result of my distress. Then I demanded Medicaid cover Klondike Bars.
Now? I don't have to work and get to eat free Klondike Bars with flipper-and-tusk-compatible packaging.
Justice has been served.
34,
Hands off my blubber!
35,
Seeing as how Asians can't even muster playing the victim sufficiently well to be granted the fruits of Affirmative Action, a debate with Mrs. Lat would be a welcomed pwnding.
This comment is addressed to post no. 43.
Duly noted you sweathog.
This comment is addressed to post no. 43.
Duly noted you sweathog.
More funny? Really?
41 -- you pose some difficult questions. i'd be suprised, however, if elie ate lat: walruses tend not to eat filipinos.
SHAFEEF!
23 - Awesome.
Actually laughed out loud @ 41.
Where are the relevant pictures?
Upload Kash beaver pics to Flickr!
Reporter: "Do you think Chris Christie is fat?"
Corzine: "Hah, am I bald?"
My-stall I'll bet your ass looks like 150 lbs of chewed bubble gum!
I'm becoming a fan of Elie's posts. The writing is getting much better and his politics less shrill-fully anti-enlightenment, anti-individualistic and pro-collectivist. It appears that instead of going the black Maureen Dowd / Paul Krugman route he's headed in the black David Brooks direction. Shocking, I know.
41,
1. I'm no cannibal, sir. We walruses prey on the wealth of the rich.
2. Yes, we do. Something fierce I might add.
3. How can I possibly demonstrate this to you? Al Gore's invention didn't come with telephonic capabilities, I'm afraid.
4. A MW is a rare breed of AW who leverages affirmative action into being admitted to HLS, but then fails the bar, thus ruining his spot in BigLaw to which all MWs are entitled.
5. I don't know. I can't see the scale over my blubber bulge. I wrote about this in the Defective Underwear post.
6. N/A
7.
a. Yes. And we walruses believe that undocumented walruses deserve suffrage rights as well. No walrus is illegal.
b. Yes again. ACORN has our backs * looks around nervously *
c. We don't believe in American imperialism. Bush lied, people died. (I also hear that they require soldiers to stay in shape, which surely is discriminatory)
8. Not true. Lat is a homosexual. And Asian-y. Those groups are protected classes and off-limits.
9. Elie:Walrus::Lat:Lat
10. Racism. Needed moar affirmative action.
"Land of the greed, home of the slave."
EQUALITY SECURE
Affirmative Walrus is the best schtick this site has seen in a long time.
AF : Re 7(b) - If ACORN has your back, might I suggest carrying a high-powered rifle to protect yourself from polar bears.
See, for ex, http://www.pc.gc.ca/eng/pn-np/nu/auyuittuq/visit/visit6/d/main2.aspx
I would have posted the rather incongruous link on polar bear safety from ucla.edu, but since I'm reasonably sure that the polar bear's range doesn't include SoCal, I shall refrain.
- 27
Err.. AF should read AW, as in Affirmative Walrus.
- 59/27
57 -- thanks.
/s/ 41
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