Crime, pls hndle thx

Pls Hndle Thx: To Catch a Thief

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Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

ATL,
“I’m a law student with a record. Larceny by trick, we’ll call it. It happened a while ago. I have reasonable assurances from bar members in my state and my law school that if I disclose and explain (and obviously, don’t mess up again) that I will pass the character & fitness exam.
But does it matter? When I got to law school, I thought I’d be able to get a job. Almost three years later, there are no jobs. Is there any point for a guy in my position to even apply to Biglaw firms? My grades are good enough to get Biglaw, but will they just ignore me because of my past?”
Been Caught Stealing

Dear Been Caught Stealing,
I always wondered what became of the cool rich kids from my high school who smashed in people’s mailboxes and raced away in their Jettas to funnel beer in their parents’ basements. If Facebook is to be believed, they’ve traded in terrorizing friendless ninth grade transfer students with clear braces and an unfortunate Sun-In situation for wildly successful careers and loving relationships. And evidently, some of them become lawyers.
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: the market for lawyers is a piece of garbage. But as long as you pass character and fitness, you’re in the same position as hordes of other unemployed recent grads. People usually don’t list “criminal” under their resume work experience; they wait until they’re filling out forms at the interview or they’re accepting the job to reveal their checkered past. It’s called “bait and switch,” which you’re probably familiar with. Because you’re a criminal. And that’s how you roll.
I think the world of Biglaw is closed to you for the moment. There is no reason that a swank firm would take someone with a record when they can easily get 300 other people without one to fill the spot. You’ll have better luck in smaller firms where the people are kinder and went to worse schools. Or try PI, where you’ll work amongst your brethren.
I hope this helps.
Your friend,
Marin

Just make sure you are not interviewed by Chris Hansen and you’ll be fine. Well, not “fine” (see Marin above re: garbage). But for every firm that rejects you because of your youthful indiscretions, there will be countless firms that don’t consider your record when they are rejecting you.
But I don’t think the halls of Biglaw are any more closed to you than they are to the squares that have never run afoul of the law. The last three Presidents have wild drug and alcohol stories. So you got drunk one night and stole some garden gnomes. That makes you Hurley from Lost, and everyone loves Hurley.
You say you have the grades to get into Biglaw. If that is true, then a past misstep should be no bar to your future success — once the economy turns around of course.
Learn the phrase: “I was young, and I was stupid.” It’s what the pros use,
Probation Officer Elie
PS: This is all assuming of course that you are white. If you’re a black or Latino man with a record you are totally screwed. It’s government work all the way. But, if you are a minority I’m sure you already know that.

[Braces self for commenter barrage following Elie’s PS.]
Do you have a question for next week’s Pls Hndle Thx? Send it to advice@abovethelaw.com.

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