I hate the ATL editors.

There are no girls with good personalities!

Kash,

Money will never be an issue for you again if you make the sexy sexy with me. please maybe yes thank you

ShaFeef

I love the ATL editors.

Another related question: Say my bonus was $10,000. What should I do then? ATL = Mad Money?

I would gladly help Mr. Warbucks decide what to do with his bonus, for a fee of course.

$7,000 is not a bonus. It is an accounting adjustment.

Katten is calling peeps today... some offers being rescinded others delayed. Friend was sketchy on details though. Dunno about severance.

Your point is a good one: if the bonus for a bigfirm lifestyle doesn't amount to a seriously nice vacation (to the extent you can take it), most of a new Audi convertible for the Mrs., or a kitchen remodel, it seriously isn't going to be worth the crap of padding... err.. working to get those last 150 hours which are pure gravy for the partnership...

booze and drugs

3,850?

Personally, I would spend an hour fucking Ashley Dupree.

This brings up an interesting point.

I have never understood why people decide to go into the legal profession if their sole goal in life is to make as much money as possible. If money is your objective, then trying to work for an investment bank, hedge fund, trading company, or hell, even a commercial bank, offers much more opportunity to reach that objective. Even a mediocre investment banker at a boutique firm makes more than most biglaw attorneys (exception being the top rainmakers at the top firms).

The only people who should go into the legal profession are those that enjoy the practice of law (and yes, there are people who do) and are satisfied making a comfortable living with an annual income in the low to mid-six figures range.

In other words, if you want to be a millioniare many times over and went into the legal profession, you most likely made a mistake.

Since most attorneys I know have the social grace and skills of a sloth, I recommend you use your bonus and invest in a Realdoll. I realize the paltry bonus for 1st and 2nd years may not be sufficient to purchase a Realdoll outright, however, I believe layaway plans are available.

12,
I would only need two minutes. Efficiency rules.

Shafeef believes that Kash "walks in beauty like the night."

@12 - wow, an hour? Damn, I wouldn't last that long. I'd beat it up for a good 2-3 minutes and then negotiate the price down since I didn't use up all my time. Wonder if prostitutes negotiate like that?

12 FTW

16 -- I assume you don't negotiate with the prostitue, you're probably negotiating with Huggy Bear.

Donate the money to your local food shelf, without telling anyone.

Well put, 13.

13 is right, but the answer to his question as to why people go into the legal profession to make money instead of going to work for an investment bank is that they are pussies and after college still need the comfort of 3 more years of school and on-campus interviews.

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In the immortal words of Chi Chi from the movie Scarface, "You got a job man!"

I hope this question isn't real. It couldn't be more obnoxious, given that lawyers are still losing their jobs left and right.

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Hey guys, I read your notes and, ad hominem attacks aside, I took them to heart in my next piece, which is an adaptation on a famous comic hero (because I'm a a girl who lieks boy things lol)

BATMAN: NEMESIS FIGHT

The Joker was Batman's evli nemisis and tehy foughts too many times so now Batman was tired.
"Morning Alfred" he said as he took off his bat suit.
"I made yuo teh eggs." And Bruce Wayne ate the eggs. But too bad becaus Joker knew what Batmans scret idenity was Bruce Wayne and came to combat him.
"No! You can not hurt the master Wayne" said Alferd and he was killed by the Joker's men.
"Good shoot!" shouted Joker at the gun man.
Batman wsa very angary for the kill of hsi frend so he shouted "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" and shoot a big fireball like on Dragonball Z.
Joker was exploded over all the place and turned into a ghost. So Batman needed to fight with gohst powars to fight Joker's ghost.
Hsi magic baterang flew and cut Joker head off.
"I safed the day!" Batman shouted..

Later he wsa having sex with Catwoman becuas she was good now. But after tehy wer done she laufhed.
"Hah." seh said "taht was a trick. I am not good lkie I sad. I am alyaws evil!!" and she teird to kill him with a knife.
Batman had too use his refelxes to sotp the knife and kciked her.
Robin ran into to see what was noise and saw that it was naked Catwoman.
"Oh no, is Catwoman!"
Catwomna tried now to kill Robin but she msised and Robin pncuhed her to go threw the window and she fel down and died.
"Batamn" Robin said and he was sad "I dont want to fight criem any more. I am tired of kiling." and he left.
"No! Robin!" But it was teh end. Adn he nevr saw Robin afetr that.

That's $7500 more than my bonus, dick.

Please moderate 22. I'm a Muslim American and comments like 22 are scary and offensive. It's bad enough that I fear for my life simply traveling to and from work.

26, not nearly as good as 133 on Susanna's post. Misspellings make it burdensome. Good try, though.

"'I safed the day!' Batman shouted.." & "'Oh no, is Catwoman!'" = My quotes of the day.

29, I have a big house, two kids, and a great life. Therefore, your argument has no merit

PE, vos también la tenés adentro.

32 = PE's gardener.

I have no sympathy for you. People are losing their homes. Experts estimate 1 of 6 people are unemployed. People that had "your job" will face bankruptcy after they blow through their savings and cannot get rid of their high mortgage payments, and eventually have to short-sell their home or just walk away.

Be thankful. Donate something to charity.

bonus goes toward downpayment for a Lexis!!1!

13 and 21: The other answer is that a lot of biglaw attorneys simply wouldn't be good at it. Different skill set required.

Save half, donate a quarter and spend a quarter on yourself.

36- 21 here, true dat.

Save half, donate a quarter and spend a quarter on yourself.

Save half, donate a quarter and spend a quarter on yourself.

13 - Most of us decided to go into the legal profession for the job security.

excellent ASSARA ad. Referencing the Half Skadden!

I love how Partner Emeritus knows what a Real Doll is.

If Cravath is $7,500, how low are the vast majority of non V100 (or even V50?) firms going to go? If you still have a job, is it even financially worth working in BigLaw anymore? I know more than a few 1st year government attorneys who collected $3k in bonuses at the end of FY2009 (i.e. in September). Although they probably pulled down half a 1st year associate's salary, they did get a cool, pleather-bound certificate, too!

41 --

Thanks for the thought, although I find it a little unpersuasive for two reasons. First, is there any evidence, even back when the economy was booming, that lawyers have better job security than people who work at banks, hedge funds, or any white-collar profession? I could be mistaken, but I haven't seen any.

Second, and more important, is that job security -- in BIGLAW anyway -- has never been great. The vast majority of associates who start at a firm won't be there after 5 years. And of those that are there after 5 years, only a VERY small percentage will make equity partner, which means there is still a decent chance you could be laid off.

13

10% to charity, 10% for something fun and 80% in the bank in case of layoff next year.

10% to charity, 10% for something fun and 80% in the bank in case of layoff next year.

PE has a number of Real Dolls, as any sentient female human would refuse to spend five minutes in the same room with that blowhard. DIAF, dickweed, your schtick is old, tired and not funny. Go back to Sudoku or whatever tired games your little brain likes to play.

Put it all in the SH etf, so when the the economy craters next year, you'll have twice as much money.

41- you're a moron. You want job security, work at the post office. Perhaps become a teacher.

FYI. Goldman people don't ride the train. That's for commoners.

Best,
Lloyd

Biglaw associates and I-Bankers are antisocial douchebags who have to pay for sex because they have nothing going for them other than their incomes.

can anybody summarize what 22 and 25 said?

Med school applications or civil service exam. (Which might not be so different in a few years. Hope and change!!!)

Save it. All of it. Lord knows you might need it if you find yourself unemployed.

I wish I had saved my bonus from last year...

52 - true but they still get laid, unlike u

I was Lathamed. I'd kill just to have gone to a firm that didn't Latham all the first years, nevermind the bonus.

Congratulations. Your bonus is half a year's salary for an unemployed Latham associate.

I suggest spending it to reinforce your doors and windows. A gun would also be a good investment in this economy.

58=Roxana

59

You got me!

-58

44 - The bonus for non-V50 firms is now going to be that you pay them (cash only please).

booze, dope and ( . )( . )

Daddy Warbucks,

For now, your wife is safe. As 51 astutely pointed out, Goldman employees wouldn't touch a subway with a 10-foot pole. For most, the last time they rode system was from 116th St. to Lincoln Center, back when they were but middle-class strivers with a Music Humanities assignment.

That being said, you may want to keep an eye out for laid-off Lehman employees living off their parachutes. A few have been spotted serenading commuters with soulful renditions of "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay," followed by impassioned pleas for new sources of capital to take advantage of the unique investment opportunities presented by current market conditions. The two minutes such silver-tongued charlattans may spend with your wife might be enough to sweep her off her feet, seeing as how you work at Cravath and probably haven't seen the sun since the Blackout of '03 forced you to open a window for ambient light.

PING!