We have done a series of posts about the terrible jobs being offered to attorneys and law students during the recession. There will be a contest to crown the Worst Job of the Year — please send us your tips on jobs we might have missed. To make the finals, we need something more than an employer looking for vastly overqualified people to do menial work for little pay. That’s almost standard in this market.
No, to be a contender for worst job of the year, you need to have something special. You need a particularly onerous requirement, or you need to show a real flair for being unreasonably cheap with your new potential employee.
This job has both. A law firm in
Houston Texas is looking for a licensed attorney to do low-level file management. The pay is craptastic, the benefits are insulting, and there’s a special requirement:
• Non-smokers only
Really? Non-smokers only? I swear smokers are being positively discriminated against in this country. We should be a protected class. You shouldn’t be able to discriminate against people just because they might get lung cancer and don’t really care.
But maybe smokers would self-select out of the applicant pool for this job anyway. After all, smokers know that life is way too short (their lives particularly) to waste doing file management, for $25K, while hoping to one day be eligible for a vacation.
The other job details and an update after the jump.
Assuming you are a non-smoker, the qualifications for this job are not that difficult to meet:
• Must be licensed by the State Bar Association of Texas to practice law
• 4+ years total work experience (legal or otherwise)
• Strong proofreading and editing skills
• High level of accuracy and attention to detail in written communication
• Outstanding organizational abilities, including the ability to multi-task and handle multiple clients in a fast-paced environment
• Excellent interpersonal communication skills, both on the telephone and in person
• Proficiency in a PC environment, with experience in both word processing and spreadsheet software
• Non-smokers only
So what will this dazzling J.D. with attention to detail be required to do?
Title:Attorney/Special Projects Associate
• Assists estate planning and administration attorneys with special projects
• Maintains file organization for all assigned clients
• Manages client communication including mailings, telephone calls, and emails
• Drafts and edits correspondence to clients and courts as needed
• Ensures assigned files progress towards completion in a timely manner
• Assists with reception duties as needed
• Completes other assigned tasks as required
• Spends time outside regular office hours learning about and keeping abreast of estate planning laws, regulations, and techniques
You have to love how most of the “law” in this law job (“keeping abreast of estate planning laws, regulations, and techniques”) is to be done “outside of regular office hours.” The regular part of the job involves being a file monkey.
How much did you spend/do you owe on your J.D. again?
The job pays $25K – $35K. But check out these benefits:
The Greening Law Firm, P.C. is dedicated to helping people make informed decisions about the management of their assets and health care. We strive to provide a work environment that enables every Team Member to reach the highest possible level of professional and personal fulfillment. After one-year initial trial period, Team Members will receive paid vacation, sick leave, limited dental and health insurance, and a 401K retirement plan.
You catch that? You have to work for a full year, as part of a “trial period,” before you get any vacation or sick days?
Maybe that’s why they need non-smokers? They need to make sure their new lawyer is as strong as an ox to do this donkey work for at least year without a break.
Update: Some Above the Law readers have apparently had dealings with Ronald Greening — of the Greening Law Firm — before. Here’s a nice little tidbit about Greening that you might want think about before you apply for the job. From a tipster:
I could never quite swallow applying [to the Greening Law Firm] and was glad I didn’t after asking around about the guy. Apparently one of his more obnoxious habits is to use green pen… b/c his name is Greening.