We’re not in the business of filing pleadings at Above the Law, but there were five motions in 2009 that were outrageous enough to justify posting here.
We’re not sure how the judges felt about these, but we were moved:
5. Motion to Compel State’s Attorney to Drop His Accent: Being a New Yorker in a Texas court is rough, but being a British prosecutor might be worse. This motion is at the bottom of our list because it was not actually filed. It just made the rounds via Internet thanks to this bloke.
The rest of the motions on our list were actually filed though. Unbelievably.
4. A Surprisingly Smutty Motion to Dismiss: An excerpt from this motion filed in the Southern District of Florida: “Not wanting to push her too fast, he rode her easy…. She got hot and wet, but too wet.” Defense attorney Jack Kallen channeled Danielle Steele for this motion about a defective sailboat.
3. Motion to Compel Defense Counsel to Wear Appropriate Shoes at Trial: Motions from Flori-duh courts grace this list twice. This pleading has less smut and more sole.
2. Plaintiffs’ Motion for a [sic] Honest and Honorable Court System: You don’t have to sweet talk your judge, but it’s good practice not to refer to her as a “brainless coward.” Arizona attorney Taj Oladiran ended his highly unusual motion by telling Judge Susan Bolton they would “meet again you know where,” followed by a smiley face. With further reporting, we discovered that Taj supposedly meant court, not hell.
1. Best. Motion to Continue. Ever.: In Alabama, Lady Justice may wear a cheerleader’s uniform. Crimson Tide-loving defense attorneys asked for a time delay on their trial due to a BCS Championship Game. The judge granted it. Even though he’s an Auburn fan.
We hope for more amusement from the attorneys of the Sunbelt states in 2010.
Earlier: Don’t Mess With Texas Blokes
A Surprisingly Smutty Motion to Dismiss
‘Holier’ Than Thou: Motion to Compel Defense Counsel to Wear Appropriate Shoes at Trial
Motion of the Day: “We shall meet again you know where.” and Taj Lives! (And He’s Pissed)
Best. Motion to Continue. Ever. and Every Alabama Lawyer Should Try the ‘BCS Defense’