As a denizen of New York City, I find that I have to deal with people who could be cast members on The Jersey Shore all the time. They clog up my 4 train when the Yankees are playing. They bounce at bars and clubs. Here in the city, you can even see them in their natural habitat, Gold’s Gym.
That’s why I was surprised when students at NYU Law School offered $2,000 in an unsuccessful attempt to get Snooki to come out and party with them. Why buy the landfill when you can get trash for free?
But in the hearty Midwest, it’s a little easier to understand why the cast from Jersey Shore can be so compelling. I mean, from the perspective of a Midwesterner, the cast of Jersey Shore must look like an alien species. I bet a Midwesterner would look at J-WOWW with the same level of fascination I’d regard Michele Bachmann. “What does it eat?” “Can I pet it?” “If I use a sentence comprised entirely of polysyllabic words, will its head explode?”
So, I have a modicum of understanding for the underground movement happening at the University of Wisconsin Law School. Here’s part of a letter that Above the Law received yesterday:
I am a third-year law student at the University of Wisconsin Law School. My graduation is fast approaching and so far we (my classmates and I) have not heard who is going to be our guest speaker. However, the last thing I want to hear during my graduation is how great we are for becoming young lawyers, and that we have such a promising future ahead, especially considering our employment options currently. Instead a couple of classmates and I have come up with this great idea. If our futures are going to dissolve following graduation, we want to go down “guns blazing.” We want to raise money in order to bring the cast of Jersey Shore to come as our guest speakers.
Wasn’t this the setup for The Simple Life?
Are the Wisconsin students serious? More details after the jump.
Now, you know that people like Mike “The Situation” would do this. I mean, did you see the finale? I won’t spoil it, suffice it to say that if you are going to hit that in a hot tub, you’re willing to do just about anything.
The Wisconsin students are accepting donations “from all over the nation” in order to bring the cast to Wisconsin. We know that will be expensive. Appearance fees for some of the individual cast members run as high as $10,000.
I am, of course, dodging the 800 pound gorilla in the room here. The obvious question is: What — the F*** — can the cast of Jersey Shore possibly have to say at a law school graduation that is relevant in ANY WAY? I’ll allow that most commencement speakers don’t have particularly useful things to say. But Wisconsin law students would be better served getting a chimp to get up there and throw feces at them. At least the chimp would prepare them for life as a junior associate.
Maybe this is all a clever attempt by Wisconsin students to get dibs on the all of the legal business these people are sure to generate over the course of their lives. Especially after they crash and burn. If you don’t think there is a steroids bust waiting in Ronnie’s legal future, you just haven’t been paying attention.
Sorry Wisconsinites. I understand your fascination with these people, but there have to be more appropriate commencement speakers for you. I’ll bet that Mayor McCheese is not only available, but can provide some quality advice on what to do with your law degree.
Don’t forget to tell us who is speaking at your law school graduation: email@example.com, subject “Commencement.”
Earlier: Jersey Shore at NYU Law?