As a denizen of New York City, I find that I have to deal with people who could be cast members on The Jersey Shore all the time. They clog up my 4 train when the Yankees are playing. They bounce at bars and clubs. Here in the city, you can even see them in their natural habitat, Gold’s Gym.
That’s why I was surprised when students at NYU Law School offered $2,000 in an unsuccessful attempt to get Snooki to come out and party with them. Why buy the landfill when you can get trash for free?
But in the hearty Midwest, it’s a little easier to understand why the cast from Jersey Shore can be so compelling. I mean, from the perspective of a Midwesterner, the cast of Jersey Shore must look like an alien species. I bet a Midwesterner would look at J-WOWW with the same level of fascination I’d regard Michele Bachmann. “What does it eat?” “Can I pet it?” “If I use a sentence comprised entirely of polysyllabic words, will its head explode?”
So, I have a modicum of understanding for the underground movement happening at the University of Wisconsin Law School. Here’s part of a letter that Above the Law received yesterday:
Dear AbovetheLaw,
I am a third-year law student at the University of Wisconsin Law School. My graduation is fast approaching and so far we (my classmates and I) have not heard who is going to be our guest speaker. However, the last thing I want to hear during my graduation is how great we are for becoming young lawyers, and that we have such a promising future ahead, especially considering our employment options currently. Instead a couple of classmates and I have come up with this great idea. If our futures are going to dissolve following graduation, we want to go down “guns blazing.” We want to raise money in order to bring the cast of Jersey Shore to come as our guest speakers.
Wasn’t this the setup for The Simple Life?
Are the Wisconsin students serious? More details after the jump.
Now, you know that people like Mike “The Situation” would do this. I mean, did you see the finale? I won’t spoil it, suffice it to say that if you are going to hit that in a hot tub, you’re willing to do just about anything.
The Wisconsin students are accepting donations “from all over the nation” in order to bring the cast to Wisconsin. We know that will be expensive. Appearance fees for some of the individual cast members run as high as $10,000.
I am, of course, dodging the 800 pound gorilla in the room here. The obvious question is: What — the F*** — can the cast of Jersey Shore possibly have to say at a law school graduation that is relevant in ANY WAY? I’ll allow that most commencement speakers don’t have particularly useful things to say. But Wisconsin law students would be better served getting a chimp to get up there and throw feces at them. At least the chimp would prepare them for life as a junior associate.
Maybe this is all a clever attempt by Wisconsin students to get dibs on the all of the legal business these people are sure to generate over the course of their lives. Especially after they crash and burn. If you don’t think there is a steroids bust waiting in Ronnie’s legal future, you just haven’t been paying attention.
Sorry Wisconsinites. I understand your fascination with these people, but there have to be more appropriate commencement speakers for you. I’ll bet that Mayor McCheese is not only available, but can provide some quality advice on what to do with your law degree.
Don’t forget to tell us who is speaking at your law school graduation: tips@abovethelaw.com, subject “Commencement.”
Earlier: Jersey Shore at NYU Law?
Zeroth
Good post Elie!
Elie, are you really a NYer? The 5 train doesn’t go to Yankee Stadium.
If you really want to immerse yourself in jersey shore, take the 9pm friday evening Long Island Railroad train from Hempstead.
Dear god she’s fucking hideous.
Please moderate the snooki photo. It’s offensive to men and women.
Dear god she’s fucking hideous.
Cue anti-Italian bigotry comments in 3…2…1…
Somebody should punch her in the face for looking like that.
The whole state of Wisconsin is a joke.
Practitioner’s tip for U. of Wisconsin Law grads:
I have been to your state twice in my life. I would rather be marooned without food in Tierra del Fuego than set foot in your state again. No honorarium fee, 5 or 6 figures, would convince me to speak to your kind. Save your money for your life has seen the end game…yesterday.
She looks like a Cabbage Patch whore.
She looks like a Cabbage Patch whore.
More articles about partner suicides please.
Wasn’t she the one who was shot in Philly last week?
Jersey Shore is awful. They should have done the show about some place nice, like Montauk and made me the star of the show.
By the way, did anyone notice that the Jets made it to the AFC championship game with a rookie QB? Sanchez will win 5 Super Bowls. Get on the bandwagon now. If I’m not mistaken, Elie said before the season started that the Jets would be good, yet the haters still continue to bash him.
At my law school, they almost always picked some tort-lawyer alumnus who made a lot of money (and gave a lot of it to the school) and then told everyone that the students had selected the speaker. It was a riot.
Vinny wanted to go to an IVY law school:
http://perezhilton.com/2010-01-26-jersey-shores-vinny-heading-to-yale-or-harvard-law
But did this instead.
If you want to feel better about yourself and proud of your achievements, even if you haven’t done anything you think is worthy lately, you absolutely need the cast of the Jersey Shore around you.
I wonder if she does anal?
-guy who wonders things
“If I use a sentence comprised entirely of polysyllabic words, will its head explode?”
Oh, the ironing!
22-
It’s an extra 20
Snooki has a greater propensity to be gainfully employed over the next year than most 3L’s could hope for (and she didn’t waste three years of her life and burn through 200K either).
And, if this Jersey Shore gig ends, Snooki could be hired as PE’s secretary or firm receptionist.
Vlad
I would probably pound her in the ass and then punch her in the face, or vice versa, whatever.
-guy who likes to pound things
Elie, this is a great post. The first paragraph was really funny and very true.
“I’ll bet that Mayor McCheese is not only available, but can provide some quality advice on what to do with your law degree. ”
This is the single funniest and most insightful thing that Elie has ever written. Granted that it is a low bar, but still, good show big guy.
Compared to the Spring 2007 Graduation Speech, she will likely appear well spoken!
PE, Tierra del Fuego has been inhabited for ten thousand years, and Ushuaia – the capital – is home to more than 64,000 people. Why don’t you stop being an ignorant troll and start studying once in a while, you fucking troll student monkeyfuck retarded vaginal discharge. Maybe you can even get a job in the NJ public defender’s office when Seton Hall finally shits you out.
How would I ever survive in this wilderness without food? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ushuaia6a_(js).jpg
This is untrue. WI governor Jim Doyle is our Graduation Speaker. – UW 3L
Elie, you are the one clogging up the 4 train, you svelte bastard
That’s one shot, kid, that’s one shot!
The last thing UW needs is another orange goat-eating troll running around. We have more than enough coasties as it is.
Please do a real article on Wisconsin Law–one that highlights how money is handed out at that school….
Talk about a “money under the table” scheme…I’m sure this is how a lot of schools operate, but at Wisconsin it was/is egregious. I have friends (minorities) who went into the law school admissions office/financial aide office, basically threatened to transfer out of state, and walked out with $10K no questions asked. Scholarships were made up on the spot for some students. DIVERSITY AT ALL COSTS! Laughable, considering people trying to leave definitely came from money.
I’m happy to be out of there for a few years now. I wish there was an opt out box you could check on the “please send us money” letters that come every 3 months. Oh Wisconsin Law School, you will never see a dime from the alumni you did next to nothing for while we were there….hope those $10K scholarships come back to you some day…me thinks they will not.
I am reading that intro paragraph and thinking that if we replaced Jersey Shore with the ghetto analogues it would be quite a racist paragraph. But that would be real funny too, wouldnt it Elie?
Compared to Jersey Shore cast members, the QoL of law students and lawyers is seriously deficient. Think about it, which is really a better way to live: billing endless hours, or G.T.L?
she looks like one of those puppets you make out of a dried-out and wrinkled potato.
I am reading that intro paragraph and thinking that if we replaced Jersey Shore with the ghetto analogues it would be quite a racist paragraph. But that would be real funny too, wouldnt it Elie?
Elie, I think YOU missed the 800-lb gorilla in the room (no, not going to say THAT), i.e., the “coastie” phenomenon at Big Ten schools in the Midwest like UW. Privileged & wealthy east coasters and kids from Chicagoland/burbs descend upon collegetowns and immediately chafe against their surroundings. I think this is a play on that. Google “coastie song.”
Other than that, the school deserves the bad publicity for failing to land decent graduation speakers and settling at the last minute… par the course.
But yes, the other story would be the DIVERSITY conspiracies (as noted above), though I doubt UW is unique in this respect for law schools outside the T14.
Good post.
Great Post Elie!
Hell no, keep those mutant scum out of my state.
Three fifths of Elie is still a fatass.
30 -
I don’t think PE considers any of those 64,000 to be “people.”
Wisconsin is a joke of a state. If you graduate from a Wisconsin law school, then you don’t have to sit for the Wisconsin bar to practice in the state. You are automatically admitted:
4.6 Wisconsin Diploma Privilege Requirements
Years ago, many states had a “diploma privilege,” a set of course and grade requirements which, if fulfilled, allowed one to be admitted to practice without taking a bar exam. Wisconsin is now alone in retaining this privilege, by rule of the Wisconsin Supreme Court: http://www.wicourts.gov/supreme/sc_rules.jsp (see Chapter 40).
Sorry – I think Snooki’s hot. Not as hot as Kash, but she is most definitely hot.
I empathize. When Snooki got punched by that guido, it reminded me of my arguments with Nino.
GTL baby, GTL.
47 – you have obviously been blinded by her hair poof
Those of you new yorkers trashing WI as a “joke of a state” might want to take a look in the mirror at the cess pool you live in.
46- why is that a joke? seems like a pretty good deal to me. one less ting to worry about.
What’s wrong with being Jersey?
First of all, we want Mike “the Situation”, not Snookie.
Second of all, this is the great idea of all time.
I fucking hate my classmates because of things like this.
Wisco 3L.
45, stop referring to PE as a person. It’s just some undersexed law student somewhere projecting his insecurities via a picture of the actor who played the president in the Harrison Ford vehicle “Clear and Present Danger.”
First of all, we want Mike “the Situation”, not Snookie.
Second of all, this is the greatest idea of all time and you are all just jealous that your graduation speakers were limp-wristed politicians and fat ambulance-chasers. That’s the situation.
I’ll front an extra 50 if one of the girls will make out with Dean Dickey. 100 for one of the alleged males.
53 – Because the Isle of Man is where its at
Tucker Max would be much better commencement speaker, same level of douchbaggery, more intelligence + a law degree
Tucker Max would be much better commencement speaker, same level of douchbaggery, more intelligence + a law degree
This website typically has useful information, humorous anecdotes, and even some interesting articles from time to time. While I do enjoy the reading most of the time, giving so much attention to this stupidity really shows that Elie Mystal is a moron.
This website typically has useful information, humorous anecdotes, and even some interesting articles from time to time. While I do enjoy the reading most of the time, giving so much attention to this stupidity really shows that Elie Mystal is a moron.
Cool Michele Bachmann reference. She is one of the people who is ruining America? How does a mentally ill right-wing weirdo wackjob get elected? The people in her district must be literally retarded.
Damn you biglaw wannabes are gullible. An obvious fake story. Wisconsin does not have a law school.
This is an embarrassment for Wisconsin Law. That said, don’t hate on Wisco too much. Just a couple years out, paid just over $10k/year in-state tuition. Loans are already paid off. Making six figures. Wisconsin firms are so laid back compared to other states or even other offices of the same firm. Lower hours requirements. We actually get vacation. Really short commutes. Oh yeah… and I never had to take a Bar exam.
61-62: I think the whole point is that having a law degree = LESS intelligence in today’s market. On the other hand, an awesome tan and chiselled abs are always worthwhile and comparatively inexpensive to acquire.
East coast types are extremely common and loved at UW. Just Google “coastie” and you’ll understand. The Jersey Shore cast will blend in with the crowd.
NEWS FLASH:
PHJW NY is shit-canning 5 partners as of Friday. You heard it here first.
67 – you live in Wisconsin. Wisconsin. Please let that sink in before posting again.
Michelle Bachman is from Minnesota. Wisconsonites hate Minnesota. See Brett Favre.
Snooki reminds me of the creepy clown on the “Saw” movies.
Usually you guys have really good information but the only underground movement at Wisconsin is a hope that spring gets here quickly. This is a joke. Do you even know if the sender of the email actually goes to UW? Maybe it’s time to do some homework before posting jokes on a typically respectable site.
71 – We subsist on beer, cheese, fried cheese, and beer-cheese soup. Am I missing something?
70: I heard these partners are all in PH NY’s real estate department. All were de-equitized last year. Let the new season of PH Survivor begin!
74- you are wrong. I am a 3L here, it’s happening.
I know for a fact that the email was written by a 3L at UW who sits in a big black leather chair with a fat white cat and is laughing uncontrollably like he’s dr. evil because he knows ppl are taking this way too seriously (way too seriously)
77, your individual efforts do not constitute an “underground movement.” Underground? Sure. Movement? No. I’m sorry you’re bitter about your lack of employment, but you certainly don’t speak for our class or our school. Thank you for singlehandedly embarassing our school.
-UW 3L
77, your individual efforts do not constitute an “underground movement.” Underground? Sure. Movement? No. I’m sorry you’re bitter about your lack of employment, but you certainly don’t speak for our class or our school. Thank you for singlehandedly embarassing our school.
-UW 3L
TTT to the max
18 – you are the biggest dbag ever. Go to sleep.
#46, you are definitely right. Taking three years of classes in Wisconsin, most of which deal at least partially in Wisconsin law, clearly makes someone less qualified to practice law in Wisconsin than someone who crammed for a month and took the bar exam.
Why do i think of motorboats every time i see that pic?
- another guy who wonders things
79, I agree. I’m also a 3L at Wisconsin and this is embarrassing. Hmmm, let’s guess, which clique is behind this one? One can only guess. Good to see that Wisconsin Law finally gets mentioned on ATL. Oh wait, it’s for something stupid like this.
79, I agree. I’m also a 3L at Wisconsin and this is embarrassing. Hmmm, let’s guess, which clique is behind this one? One can only guess. Good to see that Wisconsin Law finally gets mentioned on ATL. Oh wait, it’s for something stupid like this.
82- I bet that many Wisconsin law school graduates (both schools) could not pass the bar exam merely because of taking courses that deal a bit with WI law.
82- I bet that many Wisconsin law school graduates (both schools) could not pass the bar exam merely because of taking courses that deal a bit with WI law.
Wow – what is the matter with all of you? Get a sense of humor… it’s a joke.
If the current classes are anything like my class was, some SBA super-douche is probably wasting their time with this instead of studying like his/her dumb ass should be.
This is going to happen. We contacted MTV and they have offered a discount if we get two or more cast members. Please other UW 3L’s vote for the two you would most like to see, who will have the most insightful things to tell us as we enter the legal world and we will tally your votes. -UW 3L
“we will tally your votes” = 90 just confirmed my suspicions.
- 89
Further proof that ATL prints anything and everything that people send it, no matter how inaccurate. Governor Doyle is doing graduation, and a call to UW would have confirmed that.
If you’re going to insult someone else’s literacy, you should avoid misusing a word such as “comprise.” A sentence can’t be “comprised of” certain words. A sentence can, however, “comprise” certain words. You’re looking for “composed of,” “containing,” etc.
Love you Snookers!!!
35 = bitter white kid with a 156 LSAT who is sad that he didn’t get any scholarship money.
me = white female who got $4K a year.
Newsflash: the money for minority scholarships comes from donors who earmark that money in that way. And lots of donations have come in that way. Bitter whities that don’t donate are only causing more of the issue they whine about.
Quit being so hateful and open your wallet. The reason why UW struggles money-wise is tightwad idiots who can’t look at the big picture. More donations = better facilities = better caliber students = better USNWR rankings = more opportunities for grads. Man up!
I want to play the bongos on Snooki’s and Elie’s asses.
- guy who likes to play the bongos on non-bongo things.
In the words of the immortal George Takei “Dry Oatmeal”
This is so ridiculous. First, to all those who shit on Wisconsin, we don’t fucking want you here. Second, to all those who are up in arms about this article, who cares what people thing? At least we know how to have fun. And if anyone comments on that and says that having fun won’t get you a career or some stupid elitist shit like that, you can take your prestigious career and shove it up your ass. I don’t want to be uptight like the rest of the legal community anyway.
I love the veiled racist comments, Elie. “They” clog up “your” 4 train? Try staying on the 4/5/6 train aboove 96th Street and see who clogs up that train, dickhead. Trust me, it ain’t guidos.
hunnerdth
Commenter 35 is so true. Good luck getting admitted if you’re an in-state white kid and not a legacy.
90-
Be comprised of is an idiom for be composed of. I guess so many people used it incorrectly that it is now correct.
UW, I no longer consider you to be my top-tier peer.
UC Davis 2L Secure
typical post from a clown that is not from NYC, moves here (specifically, Manhattan or Bklyn Heights) and thinks he is NYC.
71 – You are a faggot. Faggot. Please let that big black jungle snake sink back into your anal canal before posting again.
- Not 67
You’d be better off just paying J-Woww to stand there topless.
Just imagine what the legal community would be like having lawyers who had cast of the Jersey Shore their graduation guest speakers.
Much much better than the shit show that it is now.