Associate Advice, Cellphones, pls hndle thx, Technology

Pls Hndle Thx: No Service in the Club

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Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

ATL,

Can you please offer your insight into proper etiquette for ring tones in the workplace?  I understand someone may have an affinity for The Jitterbug in their personal life, but when did it become acceptable to leave your cell phone on full volume while in the office knowing that it will go off at least three times each day? I work next to a law clerk whose phone sounds like it’s Mario eating a magic mushroom whenever he receives a message. I’ve asked him to put his phone on vibrate or silent when he comes to work, but it hasn’t sunk in — do I need to pull a Bluto from Animal House and smash his phone to stop the madness?

Gallagher

Dear Gallagher, this question is disturbing on many levels….

The most troubling part of your question is not that someone doesn’t have the decency to turn their ringer off, it’s that this person  a) has a “cell phone” and  b) is using it to place and receive “telephone calls” like some sort of cave man. That’s like sending three faxes a day and backing up work on diskettes. Before you even get into the ringer discussion with this person, you should probably pull him aside and explain that carrying around a Razr is absolutely preposterous, and that he also needs to get rid of his car phone, Palm Pilot, Prodigy membership and whatever other 1860s technology he has.

In any event, I agree with you: nobody wants to hear Mario eating a mushroom a zillion times a day. But making this person (or anybody) keep a phone on vibrate or silent could have devastating consequences for his social life. He’ll end up sending delayed responses to texts and his friends will assume that he’s playing games and the friendship is over because everybody knows that everybody else is at their phone and computer 24/7.

The solution here is to tell this dude that if he‘s serious about his career, he can’t do things like use Nintendo ring tones or  text 45363 to have a Joke of the Day sent to his phone. If he’s gonna work in Biglaw, he’s gotta have a respectable ring, like the opening saxophone from Rump Shaker or the theme from Perfect Strangers. If he refuses to upgrade, you have my permission to go Bluto on his Nokia.

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Your friend,
Marin

Sorry, this theme is stuck in my head now, and I don’t intend to bear this cross alone:

Ahh, that’s the good stuff… and reason number 4,927 why Marin and I will never hook up.

Anyway, was there a question here? Oh yeah, apparently some associate tight-ass can’t get over the fact that a fellow colleague has added a little flair to his telephonic life. Look buddy, you work in an office, not on a golf course. Maybe there is some monastery out there where people can pursue their work free from all noise pollution. But out here in the real world, noise happens. Sirens blare, secretaries moan, and occasionally people receive calls on their cell phones. Learn to block it out like a professional or buy some earplugs, but please don’t enforce your monkish noise standards on a younger generation.

I have a high tolerance for other people ringing and beeping while I’m trying to get work done. Is it because I’m deaf? Is it because I’m even-tempered? Is it because I am so full of the milk of freaking human kindness that I allow each his own? No, no, and absolutely not. I tolerate others because I’m sitting around all the time looking for some excuse for why I can’t get something done.

Get your work done. Let the ring tone police focus their efforts in movie theaters and church.

Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.

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