'Cleavage-Crazed' Judge Resigns After Porn Found on His Work Computer

If you’ve ever tried to write a lead paragraph for a story, you’ll know that the New York Daily News staff writers deserve drinks on the house for this impressive opening:

A cleavage-crazed criminal court judge — who fathered a son with a young Legal Aid lawyer — quit after officials found a massive porn stash on his work computer, sources said Thursday.

Bang. Erato herself couldn’t have been more titillating. So I’m assuming you’re going to want some details about Judge Jerks-A-Lot…

Let’s set up the key players:

The Judge: James Gibbons, 47, criminal court judge in Manhattan.
The Baby Mamma: Jeanne Emhoff, 31, legal aid lawyer.
The Baby: Boy, a few weeks old. God willing, he’ll never know anything about this.
The Porn Stash: Massive. And actually what made the judge resign, not the affair.

“There was a lot of porn on his computer — all young women,” an investigator told the Daily News. “Lots of crotch and cleavage shots.”

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Investigators found the porn on Judge Gibbons’s computer while the judge was out on paternity leave. Not that anybody will really notice this part of the story, but we should chalk this up as another example of how society really doesn’t respect men who take paternity leave. Can you imagine if somebody went sleuthing around on a woman’s computer while she was out of the office on maternity leave? I’m not saying it wouldn’t happen, but if it did, people would be pissed, and rightly so. But a guy is away from the office for a few weeks to spend time with his newborn baby, and we get all up in his grill?

And what do we find? Porn. Ooohh shocking, guys like looking at pictures of naked women? I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. How vile and disgusting for this man, with his dangling penis, to be looking at pictures of naked women in the sanctity of a public office!

Sorry, I’m just not so quick to crucify a man for having porn on his computer. Maybe he should have to step down for being a freaking idiot. Why do people insist on keeping porn on their work computers? The external hard drive was invented for porn, much like the internet itself.

But aside from giant stupidity, I don’t have an inherent problem with a judge bringing some porn into his chambers. It’s better than hiring a prostitute, it’s better than sexually harassing counsel or criminal defendants (or staff), it’s better than cheating on your cancer-stricken wife.

Assuming of course that it was legal porn. Which might be a pretty big assumption:

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The Manhattan district attorney’s office is scouring the vile files to determine if criminal charges are warranted — and are checking whether any of the women are underage.

People who know Judge Gibbons would be surprised if he is guilty of anything more than bad judgment:

“He was a very careful judge on the law,” lawyer Adam Freedman said. “If he was using his state-issued computer for illegal activities, it would be uncharacteristic, considering how careful he is on the law.”

Not careful enough, evidently. But whatever, Gibbons will now have some more time to spend with his kid and, one assumes, he’ll one day teach that kid about the proper place for a porn stash — which is, of course, inside a brightly labeled boxed set of “SPORTS” DVDs.

Manhattan Judge James Gibbons quits after massive porn cache is found on work computer
[New York Daily News]