Lat’s away and I’m recovering from Halloween. But here’s a little news for our friends in New England.
Approximately 1,800 people have informed us that the MA bar results are arriving in the mail this weekend. Most of you who took the MA bar should know if you’ve passed by now. Congratulations.
If you didn’t pass, fear not. It’s Halloween, you should take out your frustrations on neighborhood kids:
“Trick or treat? Bring it on. I just pissed away $100,000 and three years of my life for the opportunity to take an amazingly stressful test which I just bombed. That’s a freaking trick. There’s not enough toilet paper in all of Star Market for you play a worse trick on me than I’ve already done to myself.
In short, no, you’re not getting any damn candy. Better you learn sooner rather than later that nobody gives you anything in this world.”
We’ve been keeping an eye on Andrew Shirvell, the Michigan attorney who has been conducting a personal crusade against Chris Armstrong, the University of Michigan student body president who happens to be gay. At the beginning of this month, we learned that Shirvell was taking a leave of absence from his day job in the Michigan Attorney General’s office. We also know that Armstrong has sought a restraining order against Shirvell.
Today, we’ve received word that Armstrong is requesting that Shirvell be brought before the bar on ethics charges. Finally. There’s got to be some kind of ethical rule that prohibits lawyers from gay bashing college kids, right?
You know what scares me? There’s a version of my career where I end up as the bizzaro version of Tucker Max. The “fat, black, and married” version of Tucker Max. The “other guy” who used douchebag behavior to get through elite institutions, just like Tucker Max.
It’s like, if I everything goes wrong for me but I end up with a book and a movie deal, I’ll be a Tucker Max clone. It’s not likely, but the mere possibility of it keeps me up at night. I’m a nice guy, really, I am. I’m not nice to, like, people or anything, but I have a good soul. I don’t want to be the black Tucker Max! And I’m not.
But then I read things like Max’s latest tweet, and I think “Dear God, is that what I could become?”…
The 2L won’t speak to reporters, but school officials claim they caught him during a “sting” operation. The kid would resell the library books online, so school officials order a book from him, and place a hidden camera in the stacks next to the book. When he went to retrieve the requested copy: bang, busted.
To put the crime in context, the $10K this kid allegedly made off of reselling library books is less than a quarter of the expected budget one Ohio resident is expected to pay for the right to attend Moritz College of Law. Just throwing that out there as something for people to think about…
I’m being embezzled by this monstrous ring of accountants, estate planners and lawyers who are mercilessly slandering me and trying to kill my career and, I believe, murder me in order to gain control of my royalties.
I hate this holiday. I hated this holiday as a kid for personal safety reasons. As an adult, it’s pretty clear that Halloween has devolved into nothing more than an excuse for girls to dress up as sluts and guys to be racist. That’s what it is, the one day where everybody can get away with their inappropriate or insensitive fantasies (unless you are Prince Harry).
The problem is, not everybody is on the same page. For instance, if I see a person dressed up as a “tribal chieftain” in some kind of get up that would be offensive on any other day of the year, I laugh it off. In exchange for my restraint, when I see a girl dressed up as “Booberella” I’m going to make lecherous comments I’d normally save for when she was out of ear shot. Quid pro quo, mofos; I’ll put my cards away if you lay down yours.
But not everybody thinks like me. So be careful out there this Halloween. For you edification, the Connecticut Employment Law Blog has compiled a list of horrors from Halloween past….
This week’s Job of the Week is for people who want of the NYC Biglaw grind. Sure the money, the excitement, the smells(!) are to die for, but at some point you’d actually like to be able to buy a house right….maybe even have a yard?
Lateral Link employs recruiters throughout the U.S. who specialize in helping NYC associates find greener pastures. Today’s Job of the Week is calling for NYC corporate associates to come to the Nation’s Capital. We know, we know, it’s not that much cheaper, but you could have a yard.
Position: M&A/ Private Equity Associate
Description: Top D.C. corporate practice combines high-end deals with a social, collegial atmosphere. Practice has an opening for an M&A attorney with 4+ years of experience. Experience with mergers and private equity desired. Candidates must have excellent academic credentials and top law firm experience.
If you are currently a Lateral Link member please see position #6510 on the Lateral Link site. If you are not a Lateral Link member, you can sign up for free at www.laterallink.com. If you are interested in this position, please contact Jordan Abshire at jabshire@laterallink.com.
I already mentioned this in Morning Docket, but the issue deserves a full post. A little girl of 4-years-old barreled her bike into an old lady on a Manhattan sidewalk.
The 87-year-old woman broke her hip, and subsequently died.
Despite being just four-years-old at the time of the accident, State Supreme Court judge Paul Wooten ruled that a negligence suit could go forward against the child. Apparently, children under four are presumed to be incapable of negligence, but if you are over four you are capable of being an idiot.
So we’ve got a 4-year-old, an 87-year-old, a bike with training wheels, and the sidewalks of New York. Where do your sympathies lie?
* Haliburton — already responsible for a cartoonish level of evil — knew the cement used in the BP Deepwater Horizon well was flawed. [American Lawyer]
* Four-year-old girl can be sued for racing her bike — and killing an elderly woman. [ABA Journal]
One unintended consequence of the terrible legal job market is that we’ve got law students running around with a lot of time on their hands. They’re not preparing for callback interviews, they’re not eagerly anticipating new legal challenges. Instead they’re sitting around, bored and terrified, and lashing out at whatever they can.
Mostly, they lash out at each other. Sometimes, it’s their Student Bar Association or their faculty. Occasionally they’ll even take shots at their own law school.
But now they’ve gone too far. A group of law students at Suffolk University Law School put together a guide on how to sue Santa Claus. Here’s the note one of the law students sent me:
At our law school (like so many others), we have been chilled by the lack of employment in the legal industry, potential clients and lucrative future prospects. So we figured: f*** it. If we’re going down, we’re bringing everyone down with us. First on our list is the fattest, jolliest figure we could find: Kris F***** Kringle.
Some of you will find this funny, but you are bastards who will be getting nothing but coal in your stockings. Me, I’ve been a good boy and I full expect to collect my PRO-guitar this holiday season. So I wash my hands of this tomfoolery.
As the immortal Herkermer Homolka would say: “Have your laughing, and I will have mine”…
I see London, I see France, I see Christine's sexual past.
* For all of you fantasizing about hooking up with Christine O’Donnell, here’s how it would go down. [Gawker]
* I’m not sure how you follow up a link which includes a story about Christine O’Donnell’s… carpet. But here’s a very funny pleading that went down this summer. [Lowering the Bar]
* She-Hulk is #3 on the list of greatest cartoon lawyers. But if ladies are looking for a last minute Halloween costume, I still think “ladybug” is going to be the winning idea. Just get really drunk and hit on people you’ve known for five minutes. [California Law Report]
* How to tell if you are a beta associate at your law firm. Well, for starters you’re probably getting your roommate’s sloppy-seconds in the form of Christine O’Donnell. [Last Day at the Office Emails]
* Larry Tribe takes a shot at Sonia Sotomayor. You see, one night Sonia came over to Larry’s house and asked him out to a Halloween party… [WSJ Law Blog]
* The Government is set to require “career colleges” to disclose graduation and job placement rates, but not law schools? What the hell is going on here? It’s like the government is taking off its panties, but declaring it intends to stay a virgin. Who pulls that crap? [New York Times]
To quote The Bard, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” So I’ll make this vacation memo witty. (Elie writes greatvacationmemos, but I don’t aspire to his standards.)
I’m going on vacation, from today until Monday, November 8. And unlike my usual “vacations,” which involve constant checking of the Crackberry, this time I’m going “off the grid”: no email, voicemail, Facebook, or Twitter (but feel free to friend me or follow me, and I’ll respond when I return).
Please send all tips, questions, corrections, and typo alerts to tips@abovethelaw.com. All emails sent to tips get forwarded to Elie, who will keep you enlightened and entertained while I’m away, and to me. (So in theory I’ll see your email when I return — but my track record dealing with emails that come in while I’m on vacation is spotty, to be honest.)
Thanks for reading Above the Law, and thanks for sharing your knowledge and insights with us. See you in November.
You think making pop culture references is something only bloggers do? Well think again. Because it seems judges on the Maryland Court of Appeals are getting into the game.
A reader dug up a case from this summer involving whether or not the state met the burden of proof necessary to show that a pot smoker “possessed” a blunt he wasn’t physically holding at the time.
The court ruled that he did, and analogized the situation to a Cheech and Chong movie.
I’m not sure if it was the decision or the dated reference which enraged the other side, but the dissenting judge pulled out South Park….
This week, after boring myself to death listening to Lillian McEwen discuss Clarence Thomas’s “activities” on Larry King, I knocked back a couple cans of Four Loko to ease the pain and got right to work on this week’s Rundown.
Lots of free stuff available after the jump, including a free e-book on legal productivity, a newsletter on social media and the law, and a whitepaper on law practice management. There’s also a website that covers the entire history of social media from way back in the day when we had Usernets and BBS, and another article on how dubious discovery could land you in the slammer.
So let’s get on with it. Here is this week’s Rundown…
Today is a big day here at Above the Law. It’s our first day in new offices. Above the Law is now coming to you live from 611 Broadway, Suite 907D, New York, NY 10012. That’s penthouse floor in the Crate and Barrel building on Broadway and Houston. It’s the kind of space that would make a fine executive bathroom for Biglaw partners, but for us humble bloggers, it’s very nice.
Today also marks the day where Above the Law’s parent company, Breaking Media, officially switches over to a MAC based operation. Since Lat and I have been the only two editors in the stable stubbornly sticking with their PC’s, this changes affects us the most. What can I say, we fear change (and like having two buttons that do different things, Steve Jobs).
In fairness, it’s not unusual for jorno-types to be working from MACS. I mean, they work. In the two weeks I’ve been test driving my ATL-MAC (which is really Kash’s ATL-MAC which I only got after they got rid of all of her totally inappropriate pictures) the thing has never once crashed. It’s never just randomly refused to start. It’s never taken 16 hours to de-frag after being attacked by a virus. It just works.
But the PC is still king at law firms, right? I mean why even have all those IT guys if things just worked when you turned them on? Well, there’s a group trying to figure out if that’s still the case. Are you guys using a PC at work, or are MACs gaining a foothold in a profession notoriously slow to change?
Even in the economic heyday of a few years ago, making partner at a law firm was never a guaranteed outcome for every associate. But at large law firms today, partnership prospects look worse than ever. Whether you want to pursue that elusive partnership goal or opt out to work in-house, one thing is certain: you can’t just expect everything to fall into place; you have to take control of your career.
Last month, the Career Center’s Miami Professional Development Panel provided insider perspectives on how associates can increase their chances at making partner or landing an in-house job. Panelists included:
Adolfo Jimenez – Partner, Holland & Knight
Tiffani Lee – Partner, Holland & Knight
Albert Dotson, Jr. – Partner, Bilzin Sumberg
Jonathan Jaffe – Director & Associate Counsel, Royal Caribbean Cruises, Ltd.
Something like this happens every year. Students at major New York law schools get too hot or too cold because the facilitates managers at their law schools turned on the heat too early or too late.
And when law students are made to feel uncomfortable, they bitch. To us, to their friends, to their deans. If law students really are hothouse flowers, then we know that changing their environment can have disastrous consequences.
Thanks to our new Google voice account (646-820-TIPS), people have been telling us just how hot it is at Columbia and NYU. 100 degrees, 1000 degrees, “it feels like I’ve been sent to the Mustafar system” (that was from a friend at NYU who doesn’t ever get laid).
But I’m asking why. This happens every year. It already happened this year at Cardozo. How many New York lawyers does it take to turn off the heat?
Apparently, the process is more complicated than I can possibly imagine…
Okay, so you’re not socially inept. I’d offer my congratulations, but being socially adept and willing to mingle is only part of the battle for a small firm attorney. It’s a necessary but not sufficient component of long-term success. (Remember all that necessary/sufficient crap from the LSAT? Yeah, me neither. It doesn’t matter.)
What does matter is that you find a way to deploy whatever level of social skill that you have. Even Bobby Boucher figured that out. You have to find something to fill in this blank:
Step One: Be a reasonably competent lawyer who’s not socially inept.
Step Two: ??
Step Three: Profit.
So what’s the meat in the Step Sandwich here? I’ll share some of my own experiences, along with some insightful comments from the readers….
F. Murray Abraham could be a producer of Two and a Half Men.
While bedbugs continued their silent attack on the Waldorf Astoria, this Tuesday morning, The Plaza hotel also came under assault by a creature equally insidious: Insectus Charliesheenus.
The police found the “star” of Two and a Half Men three and a half sheets to the wind, naked in his trashed suite at the Plaza, after the woman he was with felt threatened and called the front desk…
In 2009, a small group of Harvard Law School students noticed an absurd monopoly in the bar prep space, held by an unchallenged leader with a non-evolving product. In response, these students teamed up with Harvard Law alumni to launch BarMax on January 14, 2010.
The mission: democratize bar prep by embracing new technologies to provide the very best bar exam review courses at a fraction of the cost normally associated with these courses.
Since then, with the encouragement of thousands of students and an unwavering commitment to their success, BarMax has established itself as a comprehensive alternative to the stagnant, over-priced status quo.
As we continue to expand, we do not want to lose sight of the basic premises that led us to create BarMax in the first place. If you are a law student who believes that there is something fundamentally wrong with being forced to take out yet another loan to pay for a $4,000 bar exam prep course, you are not alone.
Ed. note: This post is authored by Evan Jowers and Robert Kinney of Kinney Recruiting, sponsor of the Asia Chronicles. Kinney has made more placements of U.S. associates and partners in Asia than any other firm in the past five years. You can reach them by email: asia@kinneyrecruiting.com
Happy Chinese New Year! We were extremely busy the past few months, including most of our US based team working from our Hong Kong offices during November and December.
As a follow up from our recent post, which listed our 62 US associate and counsel placements in Asia last year (vast majority in HK / China), please note that thus far in January ’12, we have already made seven US associate and counsel placements in Asia. This is an especially impressive number, considering the biglaw lateral hiring market in Asia is down right now (see state of the market brief overview below). These new placements are of new hires in Hong Kong, Beijing and Shanghai, who were interviewing with their new firm for a month or more and they are spread out among different practice areas, including project finance, litigation, fund formation, M&A and cap markets. We are close on four additional new associate placements, in Hong Kong, Tokyo and Shanghai, that we expect to close soon. We do not discuss partner placements in these articles, but the pace of partner recruitment in Asia (a large part of our business) has continued.
Hedge Fund In-House Openings in Hong Kong
We are seeing a small run of new in-house openings in Hong Kong at hedge funds. We are currently filling three different in-house positions at three different hedge funds in Hong Kong, two of these searches we are handling on an exclusive basis. All three will most likely be filled by a US associate, with about 4 to 6 years of experience. Mandarin not required. Candidates from NYC and London will be considered, but at one of these funds the new hire will likely come from Hong Kong / China or Singapore (with HK being the strong preference).
Please feel free to reach out to us at asia@kinneyrecruiting.com if you are interested in these hedge fund openings. As you probably would expect, the competition for these spots will be fierce and the funds will be very selective when choosing which candidates to interview.
Lat’s away and I’m recovering from Halloween. But here’s a little news for our friends in New England.
Continue reading “It’s About Time: Disciplinary Action Sought Against Andrew Shirvell”
