October 2014

Bruno: coming to a courtroom near you?

* Let’s just be honest… if your boobs have been on Girls Gone Wild, no one really cares about your good name — apparently not even you. [Washington Post]

* The Supreme Court is more pro-business than it used to be. Did I just step out of a DeLorean? We knew this last January (or even earlier — say, 2008). [Bloomberg]

* The latest Sacha Baron Cohen litigant says he was roughed up on the set of “Bruno.” But did he have to protect himself from a dildo? [Associated Press]

* Vince McMahon dropped the Corporate Elbow on Connecticut’s Secretary of State with this smackdown of a lawsuit. I know way too many wrestling terms — thanks, boyfriend. [Hartford Courant]

* The only war that France ever won was against its own people. Maybe they’re hoping that lightning will strike twice with this new antipiracy law. [Wall Street Journal]

* Minorities in New York get stopped and frisked more often than whites. In other news, the sun is shiny, and the sky is blue. Now give me my $375 an hour. [New York Times]

At the demand of the commenters, I’ve spent most of my afternoon becoming familiar with Four Loko, the caffeinated, alcoholic beverage. Apparently I’m way too old-school. When I want a “high-octane” energy drink, I pour some Absolute Poverty out of my flask, mix it with a Red Bull, and get back to the craps tables.

But now we live in a world where you can get a premium malt beverage and an energy boost all from the same can. Who knew? Progress, baby!

Yet before I’ve even been able to get my hands on this product, there are lawmakers trying to take it away. It seems that this drink has been dropping fools like flies. There’s a story that nine (nine!) Central Washington University students were hospitalized after excessive consumption of the beverage. People would be calling Four Loko a date rape drug, except nobody can seem to stay on their feet long enough to have sex with anybody after they drink it.

As we all know, we live in a world where kids can’t be irresponsible and careless with their own well-being before the government wants to get involved. So Four Loko is now under scrutiny by the FDA…

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I hope this is what Spanish officials have in mind for their streetwalkers.

* Prostitutes in Spain are being forced to wear reflective clothing. [Telegraph]

* You think you understand what drug dealers are saying, but actually you may have no clue. [Underdog]

* In other drug-related news, George Soros is a fan of Prop 19. [Sentencing Law and Policy]

* Big malpractice verdict against Baker & McKenzie. [ABA Journal]

* If your job tries to entice you to stay after you’ve secured another job, don’t be an idiot. [Law.com]

* This beatdown administered but a Rand Paul supporter is really nuts. [Huffington Post]

* Do you just put out fires, or do you try to proactively fix things for your clients? [What About Clients?]

We hear lots of stories about screamers — the abusive partners that all associates dread getting assignments from. But what about those partners that associates seek out — the ones who are good mentors, who give younger lawyers pointers about how to become better lawyers?

This week our ATL / Lateral Link survey asks you to take a minute to nominate the partner you most like to work for — and tell us why. Don’t worry, you won’t be asked for your name, so give your honest feedback. We’ll tally the data and in the coming weeks, we will present the top partners to work for throughout the country…

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This is probably a joke. In fact, I’m almost sure this is a joke. Law school women don’t really talk like this, not on Craigslist. And law school guys are more than capable of satisfying their female classmates.

Wait a minute, that last line is false — almost entirely false. Crap, does that make this Craigslist ad real?

I don’t know. There’s a Craigslist ad, purportedly from a Seton Hall law student, that’s making the rounds among people who check out things on Craigslist and then email Above the Law.

Give it a look, then give me your true/false sensibility…

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A prudential perspective, because it appeared in Slate’s advice column, Dear Prudence (alongside an inquiry from a woman dating a wonderful man who unfortunately has a “micropenis”):

Dear Prudence,

I am just a little over a year away from becoming a lawyer, and I’m miserable because I hate it. I wasn’t forced into the profession. I just mistakenly believed that since I loved to read and debate, law was the natural progression. But I don’t like law, and I’m not applying myself to it wholeheartedly. I can’t imagine being in this field for the rest of my life or even a few years. My parents have sacrificed and spent so much on my education, and I have no idea how to tell them that I made a mistake. Worse, my mom thinks this is my dream, and I don’t have the heart to tell her that it isn’t. The only thing that really brings me joy is escaping into books that have nothing to do with law. Please help me.


So what did Prudence say to “Inadmissible”?

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A couple of weeks ago, we reported on the public interest stipend Georgetown Law offered its recent graduates. Georgetown University Law Center gave a three month stipend of $4,000 to its recent graduates who are working for a public interest organization.

Today, we have news that GULC is extending the fellowship for an additional three months. That’s great news for GULC grads. But it’s terrible news for administrators at UCLA Law and UT Law, two schools which are hoping to knock Georgetown out of its vaunted #14 spot in next year’s U.S. News Law School Rankings. Consider GULC’s employment stats sufficiently juked.

Potentially, it’s also terrible news for part-time night students attending Georgetown. This money has to come from somewhere, and right now it looks like part-time students are helping Georgetown cover the budget…

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Outsourcing; you might have heard of it. It’s the trend whereby law firms send high man hours/low brain effort work overseas to workers who can complete the tasks at a fraction of the cost. Clients love it, consultants are pushing it, and law firms are struggling to add this new efficiency opportunity into their overall business model.

Well, not all law firms. Peter Kalis, managing partner of K&L Gates, gave a quote to the Legal Intelligencer where he called outsourcing “a gnat in an elephant’s ear.” Evidently, K&L Gates is the elephant, LPO’s are the gnats, and I’m not sure who the clients are supposed to be. Perhaps Peter “Aesop” Kalis can let us know in a future fable.

It’s not that Kalis has his head in the sand when it comes to cost savings that can be generated by moving work out of places like New York and Washington. It’s just that in his world he doesn’t view Mumbai as all that different from Pittsburgh.

Maybe he’s right about that?

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I wasn’t able to catch Larry King’s interview with Clarence Thomas’s ex-girlfriend, Lillian McEwen. I had prior commitments (how ’bout them Cowboys). But after reading reports all morning, I can see why her memoirs are stuck in the “manuscript” stage. There doesn’t seem to be any “there” there.

Perhaps the most interesting thing we learned is that Lillian McEwen would rather date a raving, porn-obsessed alcoholic than an angry, black conservative. Don’t get me wrong, I feel precisely the same way. But if this is all the “dirt” she’s got on Thomas, then it’s difficult to see how this materially impacts our understanding of the man.

And that’s assuming that everything she said is true….

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Think back to the long gone days of 2006. In the pleasing sepia-tones of your memories, you can see a booming job market, Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley, and a time when Barack Obama was a random black dude who made a good speech that one time.

This is the world of Tom “The Hammer” DeLay. A world where a “tea party” was a game for little girls. A world where corporations were not allowed to openly buy Congressional elections.

That was a long time ago: before allegations of campaign finance shenanigans brought DeLay down and turned him into an extra on Dancing with the Stars.

The days of DeLay’s political relevance might be over, but the slow pace of the justice system is now putting DeLay back in the spotlight. His long awaited trial starts today…

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