California, Crime, Drugs, Marijuana

The Governator Terminates Misdemeanor Criminal Charges for an Ounce of Pot Possession

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It’s Friday, many of you ain’t got no job, and California is going to let you get high!

Don’t let the somewhat tepid headline fool you. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger took a major step towards decriminalizing marijuana possession today.

If you don’t smoke up, the news can seem kind of minor. Schwarzenegger signed a bill that reduces possession of an ounce or less of weed from a misdemeanor to an infraction. That doesn’t make recreational use of marijuana legal or anything — and that’s too bad, because that means broke-ass California can’t slap a sin tax on pot and thereby get its financial house in order.

But the ramifications of the legislation are still significant for recreational pot users…

The L.A. Times blog PolitiCal explains the upshot of today’s news:

SB 1449 was written by state Sen. Mark Leno (D-San Francisco), who said it will keep marijuana-related cases from going to court-clogging jury trials, although the penalty would remain a fine of up to $100 but no jail time…

[Schwarzenegger said] “In this time of drastic budget cuts, prosecutors, defense attorneys, law enforcement, and the courts cannot afford to expend limited resources prosecuting a crime that carries the same punishment as a traffic ticket.”

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I’ve been waiting all day so I could write this at a time when pot smokers might be around to back me up: Do you have any idea how high you can get on an ounce of weed? Do you have any idea how high you and your friends can get on an ounce of weed?

That’s a lot of mellow fun, punctuated only by the paranoia of getting a $100 ticket. To extend Schwarzenegger’s traffic analogy: Have you ever driven 80 mph in a 55 mph zone because you needed to get to where you were going really fast? Have you been willing to risk getting a speeding ticket if you were caught? Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket but then later — later that very day, even — gone right back to speeding?

Of course you have; most people have. And you know what? Speeding isn’t even all that fun. And it’s considerably more dangerous than getting high. So Schwarzenegger just made something that is more fun and more safe than speeding punishable by the equivalent of a speeding ticket. Why isn’t everybody in California getting high right now?

Criminal judges in California should in particular be taking a huge rip from a bong. You guys hated the old laws, right? You didn’t really enjoy the endless parade of victimless criminals walking through your courtrooms, did you?

California hemp heads, I don’t want to hear your bitching: “Whaaa… but why is it an infraction?” and “Man… why is it only an ounce?” You now live in the state with the most lax marijuana laws in the country. The rest of the country — the part that is still living under draconian possession laws for a drug that is significantly safer than a beer — are way too uptight and stressed out to deal with any “this is just the first step” rhetoric from you. Here in New York, our next governor will either be a pompous princeling or an unhinged racist. You think we’re getting off with a fine and no court record for having an eighth any time soon? Pot smokers in CA got a victory today. Just shut up and enjoy it.

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Of course, the best part of all this is watching the reaction of the painfully out-of-touch “just say no” crowd:

The governor’s action was denounced by Randy Thomasson, president of saveCalifornia.com.

“This virtual legalization of marijuana definitely sends the wrong message to teenagers and young adults,” Thomasson said. “It invites youth to become addicted to mind-altering pot because there’s not much hassle and no public stigma and no rehab if they’re caught.”

Don’t be a disingenuous a**hole, Randy Thomasson. You know damn well that “hassle,” “public stigma,” and the threat of rehab have nothing to do with keeping kids off of pot. The only things that might have discouraged a few teenagers from smoking up were the threat of jail, stories about anal rape in jail, and the stigma of having been anally raped in jail.

And you know what, Randy? Parents are still free to tell their kids that Tiny the Tossed Salad Man will come and rape them in the night if they smoke pot. My parents used to tell me that a big fat white man would ruin Christmas if I didn’t do as I was told. And I believed them (for way, way too long). Kids will continue to be gullible, and parents will continue to overreact. The new law won’t change any of that.

But that doesn’t mean the justice system needs to codify such silly overreactions. Until a person like Randy Thomasson is able to take his stick out of his colon, this seems like a good compromise. You can get as high as you need to on an ounce of weed. California can keep up appearances because pot is still “illegal.” And Republicans can continue to scare middle American voters about what “Hollywood liberals” are doing to the fabric of our society. Everybody wins.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go… s**t, I still live in New York. And it’s freaking freezing. I guess I’ll just go to a bar, clog my arteries with a giant burger, cause long term damage to my liver with a few rounds of scotch, ruin my lungs and increase my risks of cancer with cigarettes, and then head down to Ground Zero and pay some unfortunate woman to grind her ass against my crotch. You know, a perfectly legal Friday evening.

Schwarzenegger signs bill reducing offense for marijuana possession [PolitiCal]

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