Archive for February 2011

Next-Level Law & Order Analysis

By Elie Mystal

In the blogosphere the people are divided into two seperate yet equally important groups: the producers who research new content, and the commentators who analyze and talk about it. This is a story of what happens when it all comes together.

[ding ding]

DET. GREEN: We’ve got a man here, a single man, who has endeavored to watch every single episode of the now canceled Law & Order. He’s taking copious notes about conviction rates, plea bargains, and other outcomes, on a season-by-season basis.

Now this other guy is crunching all of that data, cross-referencing it against real New York City crime rates, and making some intelligent conclusions based on the comparisons. It all comes together at Overthinking It. It’s pretty sick stuff.

DET. BRISCOE: I liked TV better when only boobs watched it…

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Announcing the New Above the Law Job Board

By Above the Law

We previously mentioned it in passing, but in case you missed it, here’s the news: Above the Law has launched a new jobs board.

This is a feature that readers and advertisers have been requesting for a while, and we’re delighted to roll it out. Right now the job board is in its infancy; it will grow more robust over time, as more positions are added. Please note that we accept listings for any type of legal job, not just attorney positions. For example, we welcome job postings for secretaries, paralegals, and other support staff.

If you’re looking for a job, now is a good time to be looking. Layoffs are down, hiring is up, and law firms are once again competing on bonuses.

If you’re looking to fill a position, now is also a good time to be in the hunt. There’s a huge amount of talent on the market. And Above the Law enjoyed record traffic last month (January 2011), so now is a great time to list your position with us.

Please email winnie@breakingmedia.com if you’d like to learn more. Thanks!

Above the Law Job Board

Howrey Going to Survive the Storm? Board the Winston Lifeboats, Leaders Urge

By David Lat

Accept your offers. It’s wise advice for 2Ls going through fall recruiting, and it’s wise advice for partners of the rapidly unraveling Howrey law firm, most of whom have offers to join Winston & Strawn. Last weekend, Winston made offers to a little over 75 percent of Howrey partners, with responses requested in 21 days.

Yesterday we mentioned that a Howrey partnership conference call took place on Tuesday. During that meeting, firm chairman Robert Ruyak and Winston & Strawn managing partner Thomas Fitzgerald apparently urged Howrey partners with Winston offers to accept them as soon as possible, according to The Recorder.

Many Howrey partners have already left for other firms, as chronicled in these pages. A group of eleven attorneys recently departed for Morgan Lewis, for example.

Of the 200 to 230 Howrey partners who remain, how many are likely to go with Winston?

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Inside Straight: The Illusion of Perfection

By Mark Herrmann

Ed. note: This is the latest installment of Inside Straight, Above the Law’s new column for in-house counsel, written by Mark Herrmann.

When you write for as large an audience as reads “Above the Law,” you get a huge variety of responses to your posts. But two recent posts illustrated that point in a remarkable way.

Last month, I published one post about the care with which I edited bills (that is, daily time entries) that I sent to clients when I was in private practice. And I later published a post about how lawyers could improve communications by taking a moment to reflect on the “subject” lines of e-mails before hitting the “send” icon.

The response to those posts was fierce and immediate. Folks who published “comments” to those posts overwhelmingly reacted negatively: “What kind of idiot spends several hours a month editing time entries to ease a client’s life? This guy was a typical big firm drudge!” (I’m paraphrasing here, because some of our readers may be minors.) And, “He’s writing about the ‘subject’ lines of e-mails? What comes next — a post about the quality of the office staplers or the tissue in the restrooms?”

Simultaneously, I was receiving a host of e-mails — not anonymous comments, but signed e-mails — from folks saying that they were sharing the posts with other lawyers in their offices or asking permission to reprint the posts in internal newsletters.

This caused me to wonder: Why the divide?

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Dan Snyder, Owner of a Team Named After an Ethnic Slur, Sues Over Perceived Anti-Semitism

By Elie Mystal

This is rich. The owner of the Washington Redskins, Dan Snyder, has sued the Washington City Paper for a column he claims defamed him and used anti-Semitic imagery. That’s right, the man who has famously defended his right to name an entire football team after an ethnic slur is playing the ethnic card because a columnist made fun of him.

The kicker is that on top of this amazing execution of rank hypocrisy, Snyder manages to insult all Jews who have actually dealt with anti-Semitism by coming up with an ethnic offense where none existed. The columnist wasn’t making Jewish jokes or playing off of Jewish stereotypes. He was calling Dan Snyder a terrible owner and a shady dude. Saying he was a victim of anti-Semitism degrades the term and make this entire lawsuit look like the petulant reaction of a narcissistic millionaire.

As Dennis Green might say: Daniel Snyder is who we thought he was….

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Quote of the Day: Is that the right cutoff? Discuss.

By David Lat

U.S. News & World Report issues rankings of law schools. The most prestigious law firms recruit from only the top-ranked schools. I am not endorsing this; it is just a fact of life. If you are good enough to get admitted to one of the schools ranked in the Top 50, and you are in the top 15-25 percent of your class, you stand a chance of getting one of those $160,000-a-year jobs with a big law firm. If you don’t fall into these categories, the chances are that you won’t get one of these jobs.

— Bill Hebert, president of the State Bar of California, in an essay entitled “What is the value of a law degree?”

K&L Gates Still Cares About Your LSAT Score

By Elie Mystal

Whether or not you think that the LSAT should be important, we all know that it is important. Scoring well on the LSAT is absolutely crucial to getting into a good law school.

But usually the power of the LSAT fades after you matriculate to a law school. Usually people who are concerned about your LSAT score are the people who consider their own LSAT score their greatest achievement in life. Pathetic, I know, but I’ve met these people in real life. They really think that scoring well on a standardized test means something more than being able to score well on a standardized test.

We accept that law schools need to be focused on the LSAT — they need some way to compare people from different schools and programs. But should employers still care about your LSAT score? Should legal employers really be concerned about a test that you took years ago, before you had any legal training?

At K&L Gates, the answer appears to be yes…

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Morning Docket: 02.03.11

By Morning Dockette

* When it comes to Obamacare, Senate Democrats have broken it down MC Hammer style for Republicans: you can’t repeal this. [Bloomberg]

* How dare this woman sue Nutella! What kind of an evil human being would do that? That stuff is like spreadable crack! Who cares if it’s actually healthy? [Top Class Actions]

* Guys in my high school forgot to mention in their law school applications that they sold LSD to undercover cops all the time. It was no big deal. [New York Post]

* Leniency for sex? Sounds like my student loan repayment plan. But, in Tennessee, it’s probably for some redneck crime, like stealing clothes from the laundromat. [Kingsport Times-News]

* Can you constitutionally force someone to eat their vegetables? No, but a Harvard Law professor thinks you can be forced to buy your vegetables and then eat them. Ah, semantics. [The Apothecary / Forbes]

* Arm & Hammer, you may have dropped your kitty litter lawsuit, but you got your facts wrong. As a crazy cat lady in training, I know that cats do talk. [Reuters]

* Jimmy Carter is getting sued for $5M because people don’t like what he wrote about Israel in his $27 book. Did they pick $5M in damages out of a hat? [Political Bookworm / Washington Post]

Lawyer of the Month: January Reader Poll

By Elie Mystal

As many of you know, one of our running features here at Above the Law is Lawyer of the Day. We don’t literally name one every day, but we like to keep you informed of the famous and infamous lawyers of the world. At the end of the year, we give you guys an opportunity to vote for a Lawyer of the Year.

Apparently you guys like to vote on lawyers, so why limit the experience to once a year? Above the Law has decided to let you crown a lawyer every month. We’ll pick the nominees (going forward, feel free to submit nominees to us at tips@abovethelaw.com, and you’ll vote for the most deserving. There are no specific criteria — just vote for the lawyer or lawyers you think most deserve the title.

Let’s get to this month’s nominees…

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Non-Sequiturs: 02.02.11

By David Lat

* I’m doing Non-Sequiturs today, since Elie is too busy marching on City Hall. [Reuters]

* A round-up of lawyer moves inside the Beltway — including another defection from Howrey (patent litigatrix Jennifer Dzwonczyk, to Venable). [Capital Comment / Washingtonian]

* Speaking of Howrey, Professor Larry Ribstein, a partnership law guru, has some questions about the handling of Howrey liabilities. [Truth on the Market]

* Apparently Cardozo Law ladies need sex as well as walking instructions. [Cardozo Jurist]

* RICO suave: Chevon turns the tables on those Ecuadorian environmental plaintiffs. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Congratulations to Orrick’s eight new partners. [Orrick]

* Larry Bodine offers some marketing advice to United Airlines — after a rather unpleasant interaction at LaGuardia Airport. [Larry Bodine's Law Marketing Blog]

* This week in A Round Tuit: the latest Obamacare ruling, the Egyptian uprising, and the shortcomings of the British legal media. [Infamy or Praise]

Protip: Do Not Buy A Vibrator For Any Lady At Your Office

By Elie Mystal

Here are some instructions.

Valentine’s Day is coming up. Married men are looking forward to their annual opportunity to have oral sex (don’t act like I’m the only one). Single guys are wondering what kind of depressed and ovulating women will show up at their local bar, alone. And ladies are just hoping for something that will turn all of their girlfriends into jealous bitches. As always, the day promises to be a massacre.

But regardless of your Valentine’s Day motives, please note that there are some intimate gifts that are inappropriate in all situations: gifts like vibrators. Not as a Valentine’s Day present, not as a Christmas present, not as a birthday present. Women can’t show it off to their friends, and it works against you as a sexually suggestive gift. Vibrators should only be given to women you’ve already had sex with, preferably right before the first Thursday of the NCAA tournament so they have something to do with themselves.

Sadly, a New York man was not familiar with this rule, and he bought one of his co-workers a vibrator for her birthday. He was her boss. Now, he’s getting sued — because that’s what happens when you are the idiot who buys a vibrator for a woman you work with…

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Thanks to This Week’s Advertisers

By Above the Law

A quick word of thanks to this week’s advertisers on Above the Law:

If you’re interested in advertising on Above the Law or any other site in the Breaking Media network, please download our media kits, or email advertising@breakingmedia.com. Thanks!

Health Care Costs: Open Thread

By David Lat

Health care is a hot topic these days, especially in the wake of yet another federal judge striking down Obamacare.

So let’s talk about health care, shall we?

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What’s More Embarrassing Than Farting? Being the Country That Criminalizes Farting.

By Elie Mystal

Malawi, where the sphincters aren't free.

I don’t know much about Malawi. I know they had a fuel shortage recently. So when I heard they were banning gas, I thought, “Well, that’s an elegant solution.”

But Malawi isn’t banning gas, it’s going to criminalize passing gas. Yeah, because of all the things going on in Malawi, I’m sure farting is a primary concern. I’m sure the Malawian ambassador to the U.N. is going to love hearing fart jokes in 50 different languages. (And yes, the French guy is going to be obligated under international law to say: “I fart in your general direction.”)

In any event, let’s all point and laugh at another example of terrible sub-Saharan leadership…

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Howrey Going to Hold On to Partners? Eleven Lawyers Leave for Morgan Lewis

By David Lat

The troubled law firm of Howrey has previously been compared to a ship. If the comparison is accurate, then one has to wonder whether the ship be sinking.

Look at how many sailors — officers, even — are abandoning ship. The latest news: eleven Howrey lawyers have left for Morgan Lewis & Bockius, in Chicago and California.

A look at the departing attorneys — plus reports about recent and upcoming Howrey conference calls, and questions about the fate of those holding offers from the firm — after the jump….

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Cardozo Students Need Walking Instructions

By Elie Mystal

You know, I get it. It’s snowing. It sucks. Trust me, I hate it more than you. Every winter I feel racism boiling inside me as I think of the white people who forcibly removed my ancestors from their tropical paradise (“paradise” in my mind’s eye, of course), setting in motion the series of events that led me to having to purchase a pair of “boots” just to walk out my door.

But people really need to stop freaking out. It’s winter. This is what happens in winter. Deal. Go to work. Or don’t go to work. Wear layers, drive slowly, settle for a sub-par relationship so you don’t have to go out on a date in this weather.

Apparently, at Cardozo normal life functions have broken down to the point that the administration needs to remind students how to walk. I’m being serious. Cardozo sent around walking instructions to its law students.

UPDATE: A reader points out that the email — although received by all Cardozo law students, several of whom shared it with us — actually went out to everyone at Yeshiva University, from an official at the medical school (the Albert Einstein College of Medicine).

And you wonder why law students graduate without knowing how to wipe their own behinds…

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You Do Law. No, YOU Do Law.

By The People's Therapist

My client is in the horns of an uncomfortable dilemma. Here’s the scenario:

He and his wife are both in law, and both want out. Resources exist to permit one to escape. The other must remain behind to pay loans.

Who makes it to freedom? Who gets left behind?

Arriving at that decision can wreak hell on a marriage.

A successful partnership requires an alliance, which depends upon shared goals. If the primary shared goal was being wealthy, powerful lawyers, and that goal cartwheels in flames into the tarmac at three hundred feet per second… the alliance fractures. Sometimes the alliance transforms into opposition.

You do law. No, YOU do law.

That kind of opposition…

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Morning Docket: 02.02.11

By Morning Dockette

David J. Stern

* A Florida lawyer says he’s a psychic who can commune with the dead. Maybe he’ll be having a chat with his legal career soon. [WFTV Orlando]

* How can crazy cabbies avoid lawsuits from crazier passengers in New York? “Cabs shouldn’t pick up women.” Duh. [New York Daily News]

* Obamacare might be dead to Virginia and Wisconsin, but it’s still alive and kicking in their state budgets. [Bloomberg]

* Lawyers say that the drug Requip turned a man with Parkinson’s into a gay sex addict. [Healthland / Time]

* What do you get when you bet on the foreclosure boom caused by your own company’s alleged fraud? Fifty-cent stock shares. Have fun with that, David J. Stern. [New York Times]

* Scheiße! A German porn company was forced to drop a lawsuit against creepers who downloaded “The Good Uncle.” Ugh, I don’t even want to know what kind of porn that is. [Digital Media Wire]

* A personal injury firm is trying to stop people from slipping and falling. They may want to reevaluate their marketing campaign. [Proof and Hearsay / Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel]

Law School Grading Controversies: Open Thread

By David Lat

We have a message for law school deans and administrators everywhere. To paraphrase Chris Crocker, “Leave… the grades… alone!”

Stories about changes to law school grading schemes aren’t much fun for us to write. But every time you deans tinker ever so slightly with your law school’s curve, we here at Above the Law get flooded by angry emails from law student readers, demanding that we call attention to whatever completely inscrutable change (or non-change) you have made (or not made) to your grading policy. In order to save us from having to write these stories, please cease and desist immediately from further amendment of your grading schemes.

Notwithstanding the views of the guy who posted his grades on Facebook, law school grades aren’t very interesting (except to their recipients). We’d much rather immerse ourselves in the law firm bonus horse race, for example. Compared to law school grading stories, the associate bonus watch is as riveting as the Oscars competition (or the Super Bowl, if you’re into that sort of thing).

Honestly, and with all due respect to our law student readers, we don’t particularly care about law school grades — and neither will you, in just a few short years. Right now you might be obsessed with your grades. And yes, they matter more than before, thanks to the tough legal job market. But you will forget your law school GPA sooner than you think. In the words of Professor Orin Kerr, “[o]nce you’re out of school for a bit, people care whether you are a good attorney, not your law school GPA.”

In this post, we’re going to cover controversies over grading at three law schools: the University of Chicago Law School, Cornell Law School, and the University of Buffalo Law School.

And then, God willing, we hope to avoid writing another story about law school grades until May or June (when the spring semester ends and students start talking about transfer applications)….

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Non-Sequiturs: 02.01.11

By Elie Mystal

If Mr. Met owned the Mets would things really be any worse?

* Is anybody really surprised that the Wilpons are having trouble finding people to buy a minority stake in the Mets? It’s an awful franchise that is poorly run that plays home games in Queens — why would you want a minority stake in that? Why… why didn’t God make me a Yankee fan? [Dealbreaker]

* American Express never leaves home with manners. [What About Clients?]

* How much of a beating do you have to take while being raped before Republican men will let you have control over your own body? [Gawker]

* Dear federal government, we New Yorkers could really use any ideas you have about dealing with bed bugs. [NY1]

Mark Antony

* February is Black History Month and National Condom Month. Great, two things brothers don’t like, snow and condoms. [Ross's Law Marketing Blog]

* Dude, if pimps can’t get advice from authorized counsel, they’re just going to go to the strip clubs. [Instapundit]

* Egyptian politics hasn’t been this interesting since Mark Antony got his ass kicked. [Huffington Post]

* Is a prospective employer making you take a personality test as part of the job application process? Vivia Chen has some tips for “passing.” [The Careerist]