Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 06.07.11

* DSK pleaded not guilty. In more interesting news, hotel maids are lobbying for panic buttons. Help, I’ve fallen onto a foreigner’s penis and I can’t get up? [Bloomberg]

* The Supreme Court confirms that it isn’t cool to give a guy blue balls, especially when it’s on tape. A ten second rub ‘n tug just doesn’t cut it, ladies. [CNN Justice]

* Paying a disputed bill with 2,500 pennies is douchey conduct for sure, but not disorderly. [News Feed / TIME]

* The Maine Senate rejected a bill outlawing violence against fetuses. What’s aggravated assault against a fetus, anyway? Most people probably hope that procreating while ugly doesn’t count. [Associated Press]

* How can you get in-state tuition if you’re here illegally? Doesn’t that kind of not make any sense, like, at all? [Los Angeles Times]

* The Supreme Court refused to hear Wesley Snipes’s tax case simply because they’re hoping that the actor will consider filming the prequel to Blade while in jail: Shank. [Reuters]

* Are you ready for some football? YEAH! Well, too bad. You’re not going to get any because of the NFL’s Hail Mary motion. [CBS Sports]

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