My mother wouldn't buy this for me because it was "too violent." I bet she feels silly now.
From an ideological standpoint, today’s Supreme Court decision in the case of Brown (formerly Schwarzenegger) v. Entertainment Merchants Association is fascinating.
You’ve got Antonin Scalia writing the majority opinion in a 7 – 2 case. You’ve got Scalia throwing a barb at the merely concurring Samuel Alito. You’ve got Clarence Thomas dissenting from an opinion Scalia wrote. (Can somebody tell me how many times that’s happened? What if I put the over/under at 9 times, ever?) And you’ve got Justice Breyer arguing against First Amendment Protections in a barely safe for work way.
And all of this happens to defend my right to walk into a Russian airport and gun down my enemies. I really hope I live long enough to see a Supreme Court with nine people who have all at least fired the Duck Hunt gun before they’re asked to rule on violent video games…
Continue reading “Let’s See How They Like It When We’re Playing ‘Grand Theft First Street’”
In March, we ran a story about how the justices on the Wisconsin Supreme Court had basically devolved into caricatures of themselves worthy of MTV reality show fame.
Apparently, in the midst of a heated debate, Justice David Prosser fell into the role of the hothead. He called a female justice a “bitch” “total bitch,” and threatened to “destroy” her. I guess this is what happens when members of the judiciary stop being polite, and start getting real –- The Real Prize World.
Anyway, you know what usually happens on the next episode of the show. We find out that the hothead isn’t just abusive with his words, but also with his fists. And that is exactly what allegedly happened earlier this month behind closed doors.
Did Prosser need to choke a bitch?
Continue reading “Does a Wisconsin Judge Have to Choke a Bitch?”
I came of age in the law in the late 1980s. At the time, arbitration was viewed as a big deal and a possible threat to the judicial system. Many corporations were adding arbitration clauses to their contracts; companies were agreeing to arbitrate, rather than litigate, disputes; and pundits feared that the judicial system would suffer.
What were the perceived benefits of arbitration?
It’s private. Companies wouldn’t have to share their dirty corporate laundry with the world.
You get to pick your own decision-maker. If you fear generalist judges, you can select an industry specialist as your arbitrator.
Arbitration is cheaper. Limited (or no) document production; no depositions; no silly, time-consuming motion practice. No serious appellate review, and thus relatively few time-consuming appeals.
This was perceived as being not just good, but great! Parties could design their own processes to have private judges resolve disputes quickly and efficiently, and corporations would spare themselves the expense and indignity of appearing in court.
Indeed, a couple of decades ago pundits feared that arbitration would soon threaten the judicial system. Parties with means would plainly prefer arbitration to litigation, so there would be ample demand for arbitrators’ services. Arbitrators are often paid at the rate of private practice lawyers, rather than public servants, so good judges would leave the bench in droves to accept more lucrative jobs as private arbitrators. The quality of judges would decline, and America would be left with a two-tiered system of justice: High-quality, private arbitration for the rich, and low-quality, public courts for the poor.
Or that was what the pundits said….
Continue reading “Inside Straight: On Choosing To Arbitrate”
* In case you’ve been hiding in a homophobe haven, New York legalized gay marriage. Maybe the actress behind one of my favorite fictional lawyers can finally get married. [New York Times]
* Apparently foreigners who are in the habit of handling money are also in the habit of allegedly handling hotel maids. Walking like an Egyptian might cost this banker $5M. [New York Daily News]
* In this country, we deserve freedom of choice for light bulbs, but not for abortions. That makes sense. Sometimes, I have absolutely no idea why I like the Republican party. [Daily Mail]
* Florida schools are worried about minority enrollment. Why worry when diversity doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of rankings? Isn’t that what law schools care about the most? [Orlando Sentinel]
* Lady Gaga is facing class action RICO charges from an 800-number law firm. 
Not sure which is more upsetting: that such a firm exists, or that she’s being called “Shady Gaga.” [FOX Detroit]
* The best way to ignore a problem is to drown it out. Memo for all prisoners out there: you may not have the right to heat in the winter, but you do have the right to freeze your ass off. [Morning Call]
* In the melting pot that is America, you can still be fired for looking un-American in trendy tween stores. I guess Hollister isn’t familiar with the très chic Muslim surfer look. [Daily Mail]
* New York could finally have its gay marriage compromise, but it’ll be voided if in future a court decides that the “protections” for religious institutions are unconstitutional. [Poliglot]
* Could New York Law School be about to go the way of Thomas Jefferson Law School and get sued? [Craigslist]
* Remember that bit in the Social Network were that one Winklevoss twin was too proud to stoop to the level of a lawsuit? Yeah, I guess that part was total BS. [WSJ Law Blog]
* One billion dollars just doesn’t last as long as it used to. [ABA Journal]
* Here’s something fun for you language nazis to ponder this weekend while I’m busying playing L.A. Noire. [The Volokh Conspiracy]
* Don’t forget to vote for your favorite fictional lawyers this weekend. Voting from home counts too, and some of the races are very close. [Above the Law]
Don't you hate it when the guy you happen to be sleeping with touches your junk and you have to go all octagon on him?
An MMA fighter and sometimes bouncer awakens to find a gay guy sleeping in his bed with his hands down his pants. Naturally, the fighter removes the gay guy’s hand and beats him to a pulp. At trial, the fighter claims the brutal assault was in self defense.
Man, if I had a dollar for every time I woke up with some dude’s hand down my pants and had to nearly beat him to death just to get out of the room I’d have… zero dollars because that never freaking happens.
But that’s the story Dale Edward Cutler told a Michigan appeals court. Yet, even assuming Cutler’s facts to be true, the appeals court still ruled that his use of force was too excessive to claim self defense….
Continue reading “‘Gay Panic’ Isn’t The Same As Self Defense”
Why don't you ask Kay Adams what she thinks about father's rights.
I’m all for father’s rights. I think they should be co-equal with mother’s rights just as soon as the child is born.
Before the child is born? When we’re just talking about cells that are parasitically living off of the mother in an invasive way as they mangle the woman’s organs, while the father says things like “you want ice cream and pickles, jeeze” then I think it’s okay to have the mother’s rights supersede the father’s.
Of course, there are tough cases. When the mother wants to get an abortion while the father wants her to bring the child to term, the situation calls for a reasoned and compassionate solution. As we think through what to do in these situations, we need calm and respectful discourse.
You know, the kind of things that work great on a giant billboard in the center of town…
Continue reading “Pro-Life Billboard or Harassing Invasion of Privacy?”
Welcome to the new and improved Above the Law Caption Contest. This time, we won’t just be voting on the most creative captions, we’ll be giving out prizes to the top finishers.
And prizes are exactly what the father of one recent law school graduate needs…
Continue reading “Caption Contest: Living in a Van, Down By The River”
Earlier this week, Hughes Hubbard & Reed finally got around to issuing spring bonuses. Oh, we can’t call them “spring” bonuses, because Hughes Hubbard is calling them “special” bonuses. But make no mistake, this is a spring bonus HHR has just taken a long time to get around to.
Unlike Cahill, which just gave their associates more money because they could, HHR is playing catch up to the 2010 bonus market. I can prove it: Hughes Hubbard’s special bonus is tied to 2010 performance and hours marks, not 2011.
I think if you are rewarding people for what they did in 2010, it’s pretty obvious that you are still trying to catch up to the 2010 compensation market…
Continue reading “Associate Bonus Watch: Hughes Hubbard Makes ‘Special Bonuses,’ As It Would Have Been Stupid To Call Them Spring Bonuses”
For attorneys, missing deadlines is a big no-no. BIG no-no. A Goodyear blimp-sized no-no. People have literally died because of blown deadlines. Cases worth millions of dollars get tossed out because of missed deadlines, even if someone has a decent excuse.
That being so, I do not envy the lawyer who had to tell his client that the 4th Circuit shut down their lawsuit because he didn’t know how to use his Microsoft calendar.
More about the difference between “excusable neglect” and this run-of-the-mill bonehead mistakes after the jump…
Continue reading “How to Lose a Case With Simple Computer Cluelessness”
Personally, I take a Quinn Emanuel approach to my sartorial choices. I try to not be overly concerned with one’s superficial appearance, and that starts at home.
But I’ve come to learn that people who spend a lot of time with their face up their own ass in front of a mirror are also deeply concerned with how other people look. Whatever, some people care about the character of a man, others care about the starch in his collar.
And if you want this job in Philadelphia, you better be in the latter category…
Continue reading “Being a ‘Sharp Dresser’ Could Help You Get This Job”
* Anna Anna Anna Anna Anna Nicole! I guess the ladies of the Supreme Court loved her show, because they all dissented when the majority took $400M away from her estate. [New York Post]
* Lindsay Lohan avoids jail again, because “poor judgment” is not a violation of her probation. I guess she now has the judge’s blessing to film I Know Who Killed Me 2. [CNN Entertainment]
* “Need clients, will litigate for moonshine.” A lawyer in Virginia is suing to protect the panhandling rights of the homeless. [The Hook]
* P. Diddy settled a multi-million dollar suit out of his own pocket. It’s all about the benjamins, baby, we can look forward to stupid reality shows so he can recoup the cash. [Daily Mail]
* Professional responsibility fail: a New York lawyer may inherit $500K from a recluse millionairess. Did I mention he drafted the will himself? [New York Times]
* Jews and Muslims hold hands to block a ballot initiative because nobody likes an anteater. Stay tuned for more news from the Circumcision Law desk, a cut above the rest. [Wall Street Journal]
At this stage in our Fictional Lawyer Madness bracket, the very, very young ATL summer intern has a perfect bracket so far, and mine is tanking. I picked based on who I thought you crazy readers would vote for. The fetus picked based on the lawyers he had actually heard of.
The lesson, as always, is that Millennials are really the worst generation ever and I can only hope to be dead before they take control of the government.
In case you missed it, here is part one of the sweet sixteen.
In any event, on to part two of the sweet sixteen.
Continue reading “Fictional Lawyer Madness: Sweet Sixteen Part Two”
* Robert Wone’s wrongful death case settled out of court, but no details have been released. I guess that’s the end of several years of legal drama. [Who Murdered Robert Wone?]
* Mobster Whitey Bulger was on the run for more than 15 years, but was finally arrested last night. I hope we get a movie out of this, because The Departed was awesome. [WSJ Law Blog]
* A lawyer in Texas killed a 900 pound alligator. That’s probably a cool achievement as a hunter, but all I’m thinking about is the billions of cute accessories that could’ve been made. [ABA Journal]
* I don’t know how it would’ve been possible for me to juggle law school and a family, but Keith Lee has some suggestions. Plus, I can’t juggle, so I probably would’ve dropped some balls, or a baby. [An Associate's Mind]
* The ABA will continue to defend liberty and pursue justice, but will not advance lawyers. Good call — don’t want any false advertising lawsuits on your hands. [Constitutional Daily]
* A quick primer on how criminal defense counsel can turn it around on the police if they refuse to speak with you. The key is using their own backwards logic. [Underdog]
* Not so much legal as it is disgusting. I guess they call it Bed Bath and Beyond for a reason, because 35 pounds of biohazard vomit definitely falls under “beyond.” [NBC Philadelphia]
Are flip-flops part of the new uniform for lawyers?
At Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan, no shoes, no shirt, no problem! Well, actually you’ll need the shoes, but the rest can be sacrificed if you need to for your own creativity.
When thinking of how lawyers are supposed to look, most people conjure visions of sharply-dressed men and women in suits, carrying designer leather briefcases. Back in the day, most, if not all lawyers, dressed the part. There’s a good reason for that; looking professional makes it seem as if a lawyer’s services are going to be equally as professional.
The majority of Biglaw firms have tried to keep the old school status quo in terms of dress codes (take Jones Day’s nanny-state dress code, for example). But for firms who like to think outside the blouse box, well, CHECK YOU FLIP-FLOPS.
That’s right, litigation powerhouse Quinn Emanuel cares more about your briefs than whether or not you are wearing underwear…
Continue reading “Quinn Emanuel: Shoes Needed, Class Optional”
Oh, to be a newborn babe. A bright Cherub of innocence and hope who opens his eyes for the first time to look upon the world as if it were new. Oh, to be a administrator at John Marshall Law School in Atlanta and see a brave new world with such people in it.
Yes people, today is the day that John Marshall Law School set up its very own Facebook page for prospective students. Yes, yes, we are dealing with veritable scions of forward thinking. Early adopters all!
Just listen to the glory of having a school Facebook profile, as explained by those same innovators at John Marshall…
Continue reading “John Marshall Law School Figures Out What ‘A Facebook’ Is”
Before I sat down to write this column, I thought I knew what trolls were. Answer: they are the men who I dated in law school. Apparently, that is only partially true. Trolls are also a potential revenue source for small firms.
The term “patent trolls” is a controversial term with multiple meanings. According to Wikipedia, the definition includes a party that does one or more of the following:
• Purchases a patent, often from a bankrupt firm, and then sues another company by claiming that one of its products infringes on the purchased patent;
• Enforces patents against purported infringers without itself intending to manufacture the patented product or supply the patented service;
• Enforces patents but has no manufacturing or research base;
• Focuses its efforts solely on enforcing patent rights; or
• Asserts patent infringement claims against non-copiers or against a large industry that is composed of non-copiers.
The controversy can be seen by comparing the views of those considered the trolls (the non-practicing entities with patent rights) to those who are sued by the trolls (often big companies). For instance, compare this to this. The former considers the notion of a patent troll to be a myth, while the latter describes patent trolls as “reprehensible.” For those of you looking for a side gig, you may consider talking to the silk-screeners of the Team Aniston and Team Jolie t-shirts during the Brangolina saga.
Regardless of where you fall on the Team Trolls versus Team Troll-Haters debate, a recent article suggests that patent trolls can mean big money for small firms….
Continue reading “Size Matters: Trolls Could Save Your Business”
In case you might have forgotten, a summer clerkship at a law firm is a job. You are expected to be at work during normal business hours, to follow instructions, and to complete assignments. The fact that the firm may take you to concerts and fancy restaurants should not control how you perceive the summer clerkship experience. You must determine your priorities and plan accordingly. By far, the most frequent problems encountered by summer associates are the challenges presented by handling multiple assignments or meeting tough deadlines. This week’s Career Center Summer Associate Tips Series features advice on managing your assignments and deadlines from Lateral Link’s Frank Kimball, an expert recruiter and former Biglaw hiring partner.
Lawyers live in a world of deadlines — depositions must be taken, briefs must be filed, statutes of limitation will run, deals must be closed, and client presentations may be made. Some deadlines change unexpectedly. Others are immutable. Before tackling any assignment, you must understand the relevant deadlines….
Continue reading “Career Center: Blown Deadlines & Mismanaged Assignments (Or Things to Do to Not Get a Permanent Offer)”
