Food, Jury Duty

New Way To Get Out of Jury Duty: Order Lots and Lots of Food

Mmm... breakfast.

Yes, they have laws in tropical paradises in the Caribbean. And trials. And sometimes those trials requires a jury of peers to sit in judgment.

But it turns out that island jurors are no more happy to be locked inside in a boring courtroom than we are here on the mainland. Apparently, one jury in the Virgin Islands decided that they were going to treat jury duty as if it was a wonderful vacation. They demanded that they be fed like kings!

And three of them even wiggled out of the service due to their dietary concerns….

The story comes from the Virgin Island Daily News:

The jury panel serving on the infamous murder trial of victims Marvis Chamaro and Jack Deihl have certainly shown us that they are bona fida members of the Breakfast Club of the Virgin Islands.

Wasting precious court time, highly expensive time, they begin the trial by presenting the judge with a list of foods they deem necessary to survive. The judge had to read into the record a letter that asked for a huge variety of foods that they wanted in addition to doubling the usual stipend that is paid to a juror. Everything from dumb bread to turkey bacon, boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, subway sandwiches, and dozens of other food choices was on their embarrassing list.

And all 16 jurors signed this letter. Wasn’t there one juror willing to take a stand and say “this is ridiculous”?

Look, the report is from the Virgin Islands so we’re going to forgive the totally mangled Breakfast Club reference. And I’m confident my grandmother’s dumb bread would beat the bag out of anything you could find in a Virgin Island courthouse.

But I digress. The island author was clearly outraged by the jury’s request:

What is amazing is the utter lack of consideration shown by these jurors in their selfish requests and the absurdity of this whole fiasco. Did it ever occur to these jurors that they have a serious job to do? That their big food discussion in front of the relatives of murder victims goes beyond good taste and decorum? Do they think this is all about them? Spectators watching this must have been horrified.

Sitting in a court of law is serious business. Murder trials are at the top of the scale when it comes to listening and examining and deciding.

Murder means people are dead, and lives are at stake in these decisions. This jury should have given this situation the most serious of thought when they entered that court of law.

Okay, all right, let’s all take a deep breath and chill. [Insert vaguely racist joke about island peoples being chill.]

Yes, murder is serious business. Maybe these jurors didn’t want to make these important decisions on an empty stomach?

In any event, the judge dismissed three of the jurors after listening to their concerns.

Would that work here on the mainland? Lord knows, I make better decisions after a lunch at Peter Luger.

The verdict is in: Potter jury is guilty of behaving ridiculously [Virgin Island Daily News]

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