Old people are so cute. From the way they don’t understand how to use modern technology, to the way they cringe at the music of our times, it just makes you want to squeeze their wrinkly, little cheeks.
And old people in love? Well, that’s even cuter. So when we heard about a British couple in their mid-70s who had finally decided to tie the knot, it was a total cuteness overload. But all of the cuteness screeched to a halt when we found out that the loving couple’s special day had been ruined by allegedly over-amplified versions of ABBA songs.
This bride had no desire to be a “Dancing Queen,” and it wasn’t because she might’ve had to use a walker….
Virginia and Alan Lynch (76- and 75-years old, respectively) had been lifelong opera fans. And that’s apparently the reason why they decided to hire Soprano Bella to perform for 30 minutes at their wedding in September 2010. Mrs. Lynch assumed that when she asked that only operatic classics be performed, the group would follow her wishes.
Little did the Lynch family know that they would be saying “I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do,” while their wedding singers wailed out some of ABBA’s most famous hits at the top of the decibel range. And worse yet, they certainly didn’t know that the group’s performance would be vomit-inducing.
So, like any pissed off bride, Virginia Lynch decided to sue (and her husband fell in line, because that’s what husbands do). The Telegraph has more information on the couple’s allegations, and why the pair didn’t want to say “Thank You for the Music”:
To my dismay, the performance of the singers was ruined by the amplification which was so loud as to be painful. . . .
Soprano Bella’s performance can only be described as a disaster. One of my guests, who had come all the way from Germany, was so appalled that he stuck both fingers in his ears.
My sister-in-law . . . who is a devoted opera fan . . . left the room because the over-amplified sound made her feel physically sick.
It was more than just an embarrassment, it spoilt what should have been a very happy occasion for me and all my guests.
Our first suggestion for the Lynches and their elderly guests would have been to turn down the volume on their hearing aids. (Come on, you know that at least half of them had hearing aids.)
Our second suggestion would have been not to accept an offer of settlement from the wedding singers, and then decide to sue for more. Oh, old people, so cute and so forgetful. The Daily Mail has the details:
Mr. and Mrs. Lynch attended Hertford County Court [on October 18], supported by her brother, renowned journalist Adam Raphael. District judge David Eynon ruled that the parties had already reached a compromise in December.
Mr. and Mrs. Lynch later decided the apology was not sufficient and continued with a claim for the full cost. But the judge said it was clear they had accepted it at the time.
He told Shaun Turner, a co-director of Soprano Bella, to pay the couple £1,500, as agreed in December, plus £285 costs, and he duly gave the couple a cheque for the full amount there and then.
In the end, Virginia and Alan Lynch got back £1785 ($2,843.45) on their £2500 ($3,982.09) investment. For a half hour performance, that’s about $132 a minute, which is, of course, absolutely insane.
It just goes to show that all people really care about is “Money, Money, Money.”
Wedding opera singers ‘made guests physically sick’ [The Telegraph]
Bride and groom sue opera trio for ‘disastrous performance that left guests with fingers in their ears’ [Daily Mail]
How ABBA ruined one couple’s wedding (and made guests physically ill) [Shine / Yahoo!]