Last week, we covered an unsettling rash of lunch thefts at UCLA School of Law. The problem was sending hungry students into a tizzy. Now, like a way less deadly version of the Motaba virus, the outbreak has spread to Washburn University School of Law.
Several tipsters have forwarded us an all-school email sent yesterday to address the problem. Tipsters also sent us a fantastic listserv response from a student who identified some potential suspects.
We’ve got both emails after the jump. You’ll never guess the “monster” suspected of stealing student lunches….
From our first tipster:
Apparently, stealing lunches is against our student honor code. This changes everything. Additionally, I would rather have my lunch stolen every day for the rest of the year than to have to continue receiving all school emails like this.
Another Washburn student chimes in:
We are the reason why people hate lawyers. Please add us to the list of jackassery / national conspiracy of disappearing law lunches.
Here’s the original alert, sent by Washburn’s SBA president:
There have been student lunches disappearing on a daily basis from the refrigerators WSBA provided for student use. As a reminder, the law school doors are open to the public and we would like to assume that it is not a student taking the lunches. If you see any suspicious behavior or a person not known to the school in that area, please report it to Dean Lowry or myself so it can be taken care of. As I noted above, the law school and law library are open to the public and we cannot assume that only students are in the school so please do not leave valuables (laptops, purses) unattended.
If a student is the person removing lunches, Dean Lowry and I would remind students that the Honor Code is based on the fundamental principles of mutual trust and respect. We pride ourselves on the conducive environment of Washburn School of Law. While some competitive atmosphere is healthy, we want to have a supportive environment for all students. Part I(A)(5)(a) of the Honor Code provides: “taking without lawful authorization any property belonging to other persons or the University” is a violation of the code.
On a “daily basis”? The humanity!
In the fall, a Washburn law student ran for Student Bar Association section representative under a “destroy the gunners” platform. He did not win. But if he had, I imagine the school would not be facing these security issues, what with the threat of annihilation hanging over everyone’s heads.
Alas, ’tis not so. But one student has a completely sarcastic, interesting theory about who is responsible:
Thank you for your interest in keeping each student and his property safe. I am not sure if there is a formal investigation into the disappearing lunches underway, but I think I may have a lead: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5bVrHiPSzw. Hopefully the perpetrator(s) can be quickly determined and justice swiftly served. Please let me know if I can be of any further assistance. Thanks again for being such a caring and committed government, these important issues would not be resolved without you!
[Concerned Law Student]
For those who can’t watch the YouTube link at work, it is a clip from Billy Madison. (Apologies in advance, my explanation will obviously be less funny than the clip.) A women wonders sadly, “Who would steal 30 bag lunches?” — and then the camera cuts to Chris Farley (R.I.P.) and Norm MacDonald, laughing maniacally and scarfing down stolen PB&Js. The clip concludes with an old lady in pilgrim clothing saying, “I’ll tell you who took those lunches: that damn Sasquatch.”
To all the students who must face their afternoon classes sans nourishment, my heart goes out to you. But for the time being, you might want to just avoid the communal fridge.