Biglaw, Blind Item, Nauseating Things, Paralegals, Partner Issues

A Biglaw Bathroom Blind Item

We know how you love blind items. And we know how you enjoy potty humor. So let’s mash up these two categories, to generate a Biglaw bathroom blind item.

If you dislike frivolous fare or if you have delicate sensibilities, please stop reading here. Otherwise, you may proceed….

Our tipster did not want her firm to be identified. We’ll just say that it’s a top 15 firm according to the Vault rankings and the Am Law 100.

The item was submitted in response to our prior post, The Race to the Courthouse (Bathroom), which reminded our tipster of a similar situation in her former workplace. Here it is:

At [this top law firm], there was a handicapped bathroom on the 38th floor, where I sat. Since there were no handicapped people at the firm, it became the de facto #2 bathroom (for men, of course).

There wasn’t a time-spent issue because there were apparently plenty of stalls, plus urinals, in the men’s rooms, so I’m guessing the goal of those who used this bathroom was privacy. The problem was that because (1) this room was along a hallway where paralegals sat in low cubes, (2) the handicapped restroom wasn’t a big huge room, and (3) IT HAD A VENTING PANEL IN THE DOOR THAT ESSENTIALLY ALLOWED UNFETTERED EGRESS OF BOTH NOISE AND STENCH, the paralegals were treated to a lovely, not-very-private review of the toileting habits of the male litigators on the floor, on a daily basis.

Most of the paralegals were women, and none of the male paralegals said anything to the male partners about the problem. Eventually, someone put up a sign on the inside of the handicapped restroom door that said, “We know that what you are doing is a natural process in human beings, but it is not acceptable in our society to inflict it upon your co-workers who sit nearby. Please use the regular men’s room, which is larger, better-ventilated, and provided for this purpose.”

What happened next? The handicapped bathroom door vent was sealed up and replaced with an internal air filter. Such is the power of the partner wanting a private bathroom experience.

These partners could have used lessons in restroom etiquette. To quote one firm’s popular bathroom manners memo, “Restroom noises are sometimes hard to avoid and can be embarrassing. Turning on the tap or fan or running the automated hand drier can help mask them.”

So remember, partners: just because you earn seven figures doesn’t mean your s**t don’t stink.

Earlier: The Race to the Courthouse (Bathroom)
San Francisco Firm Sends Awesome Officewide ‘Restroom Etiquette’ Email

(hidden for your protection)

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