The New York Post just gave me the key to making millions of dollars. All I have to do is convince Breaking Media to fire me. Then I can say that I was fired for being an overweight African-American, and use all of the derisive comments I’ve received as evidence.
Hey, I’d just be following the strategy laid out by Earl Brown, a former AIG lawyer who claims he was discriminated against because his boss kept making Fat Albert jokes about him.
Would that the worst I heard in a given day was “hey, hey, hey”….
The Post reports on the harsh treatment Brown allegedly had to endure during his days at AIG:
Earl Brown, 43, an Ivy league-educated lawyer, claimed in the civil-rights suit that the ex-boss, John Hornbostel, 49, peppered him with racist remarks and cruel jokes about his weight for years before he was canned without cause.
“Make sure you grab a bite to eat before this one does! He’s been known to clean out a Danish platter,” Hornbostel yelled about Brown during a meeting in April 2008, the suit claims.
The full suit isn’t available online yet, but the Post also reports that Hornbostel was fond of humming the Fat Albert theme when Brown was in the room.
I want to see the full complaint, because honestly, if all that happened were some pastry jokes and an ancient Bill Cosby reference, I think somebody should give Earl Brown a pacifier dipped in chocolate sauce. Maybe I could be convinced to sentence his boss to two hours of sensitivity training with the Klumps.
I’m just saying, our people did not break free from bondage and go to the mountaintop so that one day a fat black man could never again be called Fat Albert. Do you know how many times I’ve been called Al Roker? Do you know how many times I’ve been called “pre-op Al Roker”? Christ in a Cinnabon. It’s a joke. Do what most big people do, and cry about it while eating your personal pan pizza that happens to be the size of a large pan pizza.
If Fat Albert were here, I’m sure he’d say, “Don’t cry about your race, stuff this pudding pop into your face.” There are honest to God battles that black people still have to fight for racial equality in this country. Let’s keep our eyes on the prize, and not sweat the big-boned stuff.