The other day, I became aware of the term “Yolo,” the hip new teen abbreviation for “you only live once.” It seemed to me the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a long time, and the most recent indication that I’m quickly becoming a curmudgeon who grumbles things like “hurr, hurr, kids these days,” right before I hobble off to use my typewriter and abacus.

Unfortunately, it took less than a week before I found out about an even stupider “trend” that bored suburbanites in the flyover states have taken a fancy to. If you thought planking was bad, you’ve clearly never heard of “Urban Skittles.”

Sounds tasty, right? WRONG. Think more along the lines of Dog Day Afternoon….

KWCH gives us the lowdown on the hot potentially illegal, and at the least, incredibly obnoxious trend taking Wichita, Kansas, by storm. (Well, technically it only seems to be one instance, but I swear it’s only a matter of time until Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil start freaking out about how this trend is ruining our entire nation.)

Originating in England, a dangerous game called “Urban Skittles” has recently occurred in a local place of business in Wichita. The “game” is played by an individual or group of youths that run into a random business and yell for everyone to get down on the floor as if they are going to perpetrate an armed robbery. The “players” then count the number of individuals who “hit the deck”, hence the name, Urban Skittles.

What is this I don’t even…

That description comes from the local district attorney, who is investigating a group of teenagers who pulled this stunt in a Wichita sandwich shop:

The Sedgwick County District Attorney’s office says a recent “prank” at a Wichita Subway is similiar to a game called “Urban Skittles.”

Three teens from Heights High School could face charges after police say they walked into the restaurant on N. Rock Road Monday morning and told everyone to get on the floor. The teens counted the customers and then left.

“We don’t believe they were trying to commit an actual robbery,” Wichita police Lt. Doug Nolte said Tuesday. “However, their actions very clearly mimicked that of a robbery.”

How exactly is this “similar” to Urban Skittles? It sounds like the exact same thing. Either way, what a stupid game.

I am curious as to how the group came to the decision to do this. Were they inspired by a BBC sitcom? Did they spend much time planning their fake robbery? Actually, never mind. I’m not curious at all. The only truly feasible origin story here would be significant amounts of cheap booze and maybe some meth.

Oh, to go back to the days of my youth, when everything was simpler. When causing trouble just meant throwing trash out of your car into oncoming traffic or covering your neighbor’s front yard in toilet paper. How you’ve changed, America.

District Attorney: Urban Skittles players will be prosecuted [KWCH]


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